Note: A birthday fic for a Fate fanartist I met through Tumblr, and an informal sequel to Chapter 11. The song that is mentioned in the story is Let's Just Live, from RWBY. I personally recommend Goldwin Productions' Acoustic version of the song on YouTube since the strings and piano come together really well. And personally? After so much darkness from the original Fate/stay night and Fate/Zero, I felt like this song was fitting. There's only so much apathy and darkness that goes on before something has to be said.

Please enjoy. And since I know you're reading this, a happy birthday to you, Usagi-san. I wish for your happiness and joy this new year. :)

Sparkle 12: White Rose of Gratitude

In a change that was surprisingly for the better, Diarmuid Ua Duibhne was starting to become a constant companion in my dreams. Before he came around in that white space, my nights were usually split into three categories. Peaceful dreamless sleep, memories of Saber's past life as King Arthur, and flashbacks of my time as Vy. Before meeting Diarmuid, I probably would've told you that dreamless sleep was my way to go, because it was better to see nothing than to be forced to watch memories that weren't your own all over again. More so when you didn't even have a choice in the matter.

Now?

His company was a lot better than any of the previous ideas.

This night didn't change that fact, because once I closed my eyes, I found myself in that same flowing white dress again, looking out towards the white space from before. And, well? Diarmuid was still clad in green armor and wielding those two lances of his, so he stood out quite a bit against the white.

"Hello, Diarmuid!" I waved at him.

Once I got his attention, he turned to me with that same smile. "Good evening, Tomoko." He bowed his head towards me in that same Knight-ly manner once I ran over. "It is good to see you again."

I couldn't help but smile and curtsey in return. Formalities had long faded for that friendly affection that nestled in my heart for the Lancer. "It's good to see you, Diarmuid!" I stood back up and reached over to poke his nose once he straightened himself. "Boop."

"Pft," Diarmuid gently pushed my hand away to lightly poke my forehead through my bangs in return. "Boop," he echoed.

I leaned back to cover my mouth, feeling the grin stretch my cheeks. It didn't even matter that he aimed for that one spot on my head. It was just all Awww. This marked the first time he said it back. Progress! "Hee hee hee, you're catching on quick!"

"With such a spontaneous lady as my only companion, it was expected, Tomoko." Diarmuid's ash gold eyes were sparkling in return, though, and I held back the pout towards the formal title to instead sit down on the ground. "Are we to talk as always?"

"Unless you want to do something else, yes?" I answered, patting the white space while folding my dress under my legs. "I could change the background! Dream and all!"

Diarmuid chuckled but shook his head, sitting down next to me. "The white is sufficient, Tomoko. I…" He paused, and his smile dropped for a quiet frown. His shoulders tensed, along with the grip he had on his nearest lance, and from the feeling alone, I waited. "I was simply hoping to consult you for some advice. If that is alright."

"Of course it is." You've helped me out more than you know. I kept my voice soft and the farthest away from an excited high-pitch. This was already a rare moment and this wasn't the time to squeal or ramble. This was his moment. "What is it, Diarmuid?"

He turned his head away, letting me only see the back of his head and his messy black hair. "…"

He's hesitating. I tried again. "Dia?"

The nickname seemed to have done something, because Diarmuid swiftly turned around to meet my eyes, and his cheeks were tinged a slight pink. "T-Tomoko, that title—!"

"I-I mean, we've been talking together for so long, Diarmuid, so, uh, I thought a nickname like 'Dia' suited you." I pressed my fingers together while trying to keep up a smile. The blush on my face was probably really obvious to him now, because the heat was flooding my cheeks whether I liked it or not. "If that's okay? We're friends, so we can talk, y'know. If you don't want to, then that's okay too. Just take your time?"

Diarmuid blinked slowly at me, those ash-gold eyes searching and unsure before focusing. "If that makes you feel more at ease, Tomoko." He bowed his head yet again. "My apologies for not responding immediately. I was simply at a loss for words. I…" He raised his head to meet my eyes again, a small and shaky smile on his face. "I have never been called so affectionately like that aside from my own current Master. So," he lowered his head, "thank you for your kindness, my lady."

Oh my gosh.

"Dia…" I reached over to gently move his head up, booping him again, this time on the head. "That's one more boop for you, for calling me a lady." The heat was still sticking to my face, but I found myself laughing softly anyways. "I'm glad you like the name then. But enough about that." I pulled back right after patting him softly on the head. "What advice do you want? Is it about your current Master?"

To my surprise, a darker pink overcame his face as Diarmuid scratched his cheek with his free hand. "To be concise, yes," he said quietly, and the soft twinge of emotion in his voice conveyed everything. "My current Master's birthday is coming soon, and…" he took a deep breath, his fist clenching around his red lance. "I am unsure of what to give to her. My personal feelings aside, she has many other Heroic Spirits around her to care for her, and yet she takes so much of her energy to care for me." I didn't miss how his free hand reached up to lightly touch the mole under his right eye. "To even try overcoming my curse."

Oh. This was something new. Hell, this was a side I had never seen of the Lancer-class Servant until now.

Had anyone else seen him this vulnerable?

But yep. The pink on his face, the small gestures, it all came together into one thing. It reminded me of how Kakashi looked at Kei. The signs were all there, but the hesitance was obvious. I kept my voice quiet and honest, because there was no other way to properly approach such a situation but in that manner.

"…Do you love her, Dia?"

The pink turned into a soft red. "Yes," he admitted with a wry smile. "With all my heart and being as a Heroic Spirit. But," he turned away, the smile turning into a deep frown. "Th-This is merely a what-if, Tomoko, but if my king heard of this—"

Wait, what? No!

"Dia, you don't have to overthink this!" Without meaning to, I reached over and grabbed his free hand in mine. No backtracking was going to be allowed in this space! "It's not your king you should be worrying about!"

"…Huh?" Diarmuid turned back to me with wide eyes. "Then, what is it?"

I shook my head and squeezed his hand in what I hoped was the most comforting squeeze I could give, smiling. "Just let me get this straight. You love your current Master, don't you?"

The red was back. "Yes."

"And you plan to serve her with all your strength, right?"

The blush had receded for a battle-ready expression as Diarmuid nodded.

"Then, why do you worry about your past king, Diarmuid? Your current Master is your lord now, isn't she?" I squeezed his hand again, because the look on his face paralleled both Saber and Kei all at once. I couldn't deal with that. Dia deserved better. My friend deserved better. And whoever was his King in the times before needed to apologize now, or, hell, grovel in front of Dia — no, Diarmuid for whatever past transgressions happened. All thanks to the simple fact that Diarmuid, right now, was still hesitating because of that King, even with his own heart crying out.

I didn't know the full story. I don't even know if I ever will get to know that story. But still. I'd be damned to let someone I care for lose something precious before they even realize it again.

"Dia." I pulled him in by the hand to lightly bonk his head with mine. "If there's anything I know as both a civilian and a woman, I don't think your Master will reject you. If she cares for you enough to try overcoming your curse and keep being with you in spite of the other Heroic Spirits as you say, you just need to tell her how you feel. She'll be alright with you." I bonked him again. "She'll accept you and whatever you have to offer."

Kei and the others were alright with me. So, why not you and your Master?

Diarmuid gaped again, jaw so slack to the point where I reached over to lightly push it closed. "Tomoko…"

"How about this?" I let him go to lean back on my hands, looking up towards that same ceiling of white. "Find her flowers. Show her something in those blossoms that's both simple yet symbolic of your feelings for her. Simple does it better than expensive these days." I winked at him. "After all, it'll be from you, Dia, and you are the charmer."

"Tomoko, I respect your opinion, but to be brutally honest, is that…" Dia paused his current deadpan inflection, averting his eyes. "Would that really be enough?"

"It's enough, Dia," I insisted, turning back to him to poke his cheek. Were all Knights this emotionally closed off? Because really, Saber worried me enough. As well as Kei, Team Minato, and every other ninja friend I grew to love. "But if you're still worried, I can give a recommendation?"

He flushed a light pink again as he opened and then closed his mouth. "…If that is alright," he acquiesced.

I smiled, looked up towards the ceiling, and decided. Singing seemed like a better option to get my point across.

The song was fitting for a Knight that needed to learn how to value his own life alongside his new Master's. For a Knight that needed to have love returned with love for once. Platonic, romantic, or familial. Anything worked.

I just had to say it.

The lyrics came naturally.

"It used to feel like a fairy tale,
Now it seems we were just pretending
We'd fix our world
And on our way to a happy ending.

Then it turns out life
Is far less like a bedtime story
Then a tragedy with no big reveal
Of the hero's glory.
And it seems we weren't prepared
For a game that wasn't fair.
Do we just go home? Can we follow through?
When all hope is gone, there is one thing we can do…

Let's just live!
Day by day,
And not be conquered by our sorrows.
The past can't hold us down,
We must break free.
Inside we're torn apart,
But time will mend our hearts.
Move onward, not there yet,
So let's just live!"

Dia needed to hear this at least. As a Servant, he experienced death before, and if our previous conversations were any indication, he wasn't unfamiliar to the sensation of dying again. That was hard. I didn't know what his previous Masters were like, but I still sang anyways. In the hopes he could find happiness with his new Master. In the hopes that he could start valuing himself too.

There was only so much negativity that one could spread.

There was only so much self-deprecation I could see when I was still guilty of that quality myself.

"When it feels like there's nothing worth living for.
Everything is broken. The light's not there anymore.
And the story takes an unexpected turn
A friend is suddenly gone.
We can cry our lives away,
But if they were here, they'd say,
'Go forward, you must keep moving on.'

Let's just live!
Just one day,
Let's forget about our problems.
Let's fall in love with life,
And just be free.

The sun will never fade,
The night won't steal our day.
Let's dance and love and laugh and let's just live!"

Once I finished and turned my head, Diarmuid was staring at me with the warmest expression on his face. "Tomoko, that was…" he shifted, and I tried not to lurch back once he got on one knee and bowed his head in that Knight-ly way. Just like Saber. "As a proud knight, I am both humbled and happy to have heard you perform. Such a song warmed my brutish heart. I shall take your words to memory for as long as I live again."

Just in case, I opened my mouth anyways. "Are you really going to live, Dia?"

He raised his head, confusion in his eyes. "Tomoko?"

I withheld a small sigh and reached over to pull him into a hug. Of course. It hadn't stuck yet. No one had told him yet. Why were warriors not reminded of their humanity sooner? "Just promise me one last thing, Diarmuid, please?"

The space around us was moving. Either I would wake up soon, or he would. Our time tonight was coming to an end.

He tensed underneath my hold, but it lasted for a single second as a hand proceeded to gently rest atop of my head. "Anything."

"Please, Dia. Please live. With your Master, live and please be happy in your new life. It's not all about fighting, y'know." Because I've seen Kei's eyes go dark already. I've seen Obito, Rin, Kakashi all steel themselves trying to protect me. I've seen my own blood. I've had enough of bloodshed and death for an entire universe. I pulled away, deciding not to voice the last part and instead gesturing to my dress. "And try white roses. I think your Master will like that."

The last thing I saw before the white space fell apart was Diarmuid's surprised ash-gold eyes.

"—moko, Tomoko." A hand was shaking my shoulder. "It is morning. Please get up."

Saber's voice. I forced my eyes open to blink, feeling both parched and exhausted. Still, I rose up from my futon to give her a smile. "Hi, Saber."

The King of Knights smiled back before pulling me into a warm hug. "Good morning, Tomoko. Did you rest alright?"

"I-I think I did, but why?"

Saber pulled away to look at me, her green eyes searching and concerned. "You were shifting in your sleep. And, there was one more thing. I found it at your bedside when coming in today."

I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. "What is it…?"

All desire to speak words left my mouth once Saber reached from behind her back to pull out a single rose.

A white rose.

Saber gently tugged on the single tag tied to the rose's stem via red ribbon. "Do you know these people, Tomoko?"

I took the rose from her hands to read the tag.

My lady Tomoko, you have my eternal gratitude. It worked.

— Dia

Oh my god.

Thank you for everything!

— Usagi

Oh my freakin' god.

My eyes were already watering.

"T-Tomoko?! Are you feeling unwell?"

I shook my head, feeling the smile cover my face before anything else. The dorks. It was just one song, what else could I have done? Hell, how did they drop that off? That was so much better than anything else I prepared.

"I-It's nothing, Saber. I'm just happy."

"Because…?"

"I made a faraway friend happy. And that's good enough for me."

I tucked my nose in the petals and felt a laugh start to bubble up in my throat. Huh. The rose had a scent just as sweet as the wind coming in through my open window.