Note: The main part of the "resolution" that was planned for the Danganronpa crossover. Also the place where Lang put her foot down for my mental health. Even when looking back on the memories of writing/planning, I don't blame her. Writing this made me cry. Many times.
The song that Tomoko sings in the story is Everything is Alright from To The Moon. I think that says something.
Trigger Warnings again for Suicide Ideation and possible Stockholm Syndrome. Also, lots of angst.
Sparkle 26: Stockholm, Where Art Thou
When it came to hospital recovery trends, Kei expected at least 2-3 days for Tomoko to be awake again. After all, bleeding from both arms, some of the legs, and the head was one huge mess. Actively nursing a broken wrist and what could only be chakra exhaustion was another thing.
Also, Tomoko fainted in Obito's arms as soon as the danger was over. That said something.
Kei honestly wasn't expecting the civilian to be sitting up in bed on the first afternoon after coming back from what could essentially be called the "Danger Zone." Because fuck all other titles, there were two teenagers about to kill her best friend with smiles on their faces, and Kei did not regret slicing their heads off.
Trauma like that should've taken at most a week for any other civilian to wake up. And yet there she was.
Despite her messy long black hair, which definitely grew out in the time she was gone, Tomoko looked almost calm while staring out the hospital window. Her right hand was still in the splint Rin had made for her since coming back to Konoha, but her fingers were wiggling against a small white stress ball sitting along the folds of the hospital blanket. Probably to make sense of the sensations and not lose feeling in her fingers, no doubt. The blue hospital gown was somewhat wrinkled on her person thanks to sleeping, but to Kei, it just served as an extra, gruesome reminder that it was Tomoko sitting in the hospital bed and not the other way around.
For once, Kei wished it was the other way around.
Tomoko wasn't supposed to get hurt. She wasn't supposed to be kidnapped, be gone for a year, and then be rediscovered in a dungeon about to get her neck sliced by a sadist blondie.
Kei had only taken a few steps into the room, and Tomoko still didn't move. Hell, it looked like she was out in space with how she was staring towards the window. All that indicated her living status was her chest heaving softly with breath and her fingers clutching at the stress ball.
Squish, squish, it seemed to say.
It was only when Kei had walked over to Tomoko's bedside that she registered the soft whisper of her friend's voice. Hoarse, sad, but singing.
"Short steps, deep breath, everything is alright.
Chin up, I can't step into the spotlight.
She said, 'I'm sad,' somehow without any words.
I just stood there, searching for an answer."
Kei couldn't shake off the feeling that the song was about her. Her and everything that happened before this year.
Sorayama, the Chinatsugumi, the depression. All of it. It explained the hint of loneliness. It explained the faint rippling of that chakra rainbow, a rainbow that was barely shining with any color now.
"When this world is no more,
The moon is all we'll see.
I'll ask you to fly away with me.
Until the stars all fall down,
They empty from the sky,
But I don't mind.
If you're with me, then everything's alright."
Tomoko's voice cracked, but she kept going.
"Why do my words
Always lose their meaning?
What I feel, and what I say,
There's such a rift between them.
He said, 'I can't really seem to read you.'
I just stood there,
Never know what I should do."
The stress ball continued to be squished in-between Tomoko's fingers and her limp right palm.
"When this world is no more,
The moon is all we'll see.
I'll ask you to fly away with me.
Until the stars all fall down,
They empty from the sky,
But I don't mind.
If you're with me, then everything's alright.
If you're with me, then everything's alright."
Something small and wet proceeded to hit the blankets the second the last verse was said, and Tomoko shuddered. She only moved her free left hand up to wipe at her cheeks as a response, and Kei already knew what it was.
It had only been a year, and Kei already knew her friend was crying again.
Shit, this was difficult.
Isobu nudged her with a tail. Don't just stand here.
Fuck it. She decided to cut to the chase and sat in the nearest chair at Tomoko's bedside.
The little screech made from the chair moving against the tiles of the hospital floor was enough to get the civilian's attention, and she finally turned her head to meet Kei's stare. Her right eye was covered in a medical eyepatch, probably to prevent any blood contamination after the whole execution mess, but the blue color in her left eye was still the same. The sparkles weren't there, but Tomoko's gaze was still the same.
"Oh," she said softly, eye looking a little wet at the edges. "Hi, Kei."
"Hey," Kei replied cluelessly, stunned all the while. For anything Tomoko was going to say, Kei was not expecting that.
"It's been a long time." Tomoko inclined her head with a small and tired puff of air, long hair framing her face in what could only be described as a sad look. "How have you been?"
Torn up because you were gone and the village could have been in chaos?
Hush, you. "I'm fine," Kei said curtly instead, but now the questions were nagging at her. How Tomoko even ended up in that "Danger Zone" in the first place — that was a good place to start. "Just worried."
Mention me.
"Isobu was, too," Kei added. Tomoko's visible eye only widened at the admission, and Kei shrugged off the shock as much as she could. "It's been a year, Tomo."
A quiet "Oh," constituted all of Tomoko's response before she lowered her head and clenched at her stress ball again. "I'm sorry."
Kei was already disturbed by how Tomoko wasn't even trying to hide the fact that she was upset. Her shoulders were shaking again, and Kei could already hear the faint hints of what sounded like, "mimble-wimble."
"Tomo." The civilian immediately froze at the sound of her name being called, so Kei made sure to tone down as much of her emotions as possible. This was an eggshell walkway, alright. "What happened?"
There was a soft mumble of, "Of course you would start with that." Then Tomoko looked up at her hesitantly between her bangs, eye still wet. "Sugar coat? Or brutally honest? I-I think I can do both."
Kei crossed her arms with a small huff of her own. "I want to hear it from you, not some incredibly neglectful student admin. I don't care about their excuses."
And whoop-de-doo, Tomoko was staring at her with a wide eye now. Fuck. "Are you referring to Principal Kirigiri and Tengan-san? What do they have to do with it?"
Kei held back any sign of agitation to sigh. "They have everything to do with it, Tomo. Especially since they kidnapped you." But Kei knew better. It wasn't the best idea to show anger now, even if it was directed at another person, because that blue eye was actually starting to flood with tears, and the walkway was becoming even more delicate. "Still, priorities. What happened?"
Tomoko shrank into herself, squeezing the exercise ball all the while. "Well," she started hesitantly, her voice almost too quiet to even be audible to anyone else but Kei. "When I was gone, I somehow got dropped into another city. Another city, or, or world, or something." Her hair proceeded to flop forward and cover the front of her left arm and shoulder, and Tomoko rolled her shoulder to get it to move. It definitely looked like a nervous gesture. "A security guard found me, took me in to see a teacher, and…well, I met with Principal Kirigiri and Tengan-san then. They enrolled me into Hope's Peak Academy, a school for talented students, as the Ultimate Pianist, and that's how I lived for a while."
Kei didn't know whether to sigh or huff in anger. Hearing the names already was bad enough, but to hear that a high school was the cause of this whole mess wasn't helping. "Go on."
The chakra rainbow shuddered, but it was starting to regain something light and familiar. To Kei, it was at least starting to feel warm. "O-Okay." Tomoko gulped, drawing the blankets in closer to herself to start looking like a caterpillar caught in the wrappings of a cocoon. Or, at least, the start of the wrappings of a blanket mummy. The only thing breaking the spell was the civilian's long black hair, still billowing out past the covers to sit on the bed like something out of a fairy tale. "And, and the year, it was okay. I made friends in my class, played the piano, and met other Ultimates, and it felt okay. I-It was only with…" she paused.
Facing near-death when we weren't looking?
Shush, let her talk. Kei folded her hands in her lap to wait.
Tomoko's gaze had officially gone to the hospital blankets as she shuddered again. "L-Let's just say things went to shit when the Student Council was almost entirely murdered in a Mutual Killing Game."
Kei's blood froze once the statement registered. Her hands immediately clenched into tight fists. "What."
Isobu was just as aghast. What.
"The…the blond girl. The one that was threatening me." Tomoko was shrinking even more into the covers now as her voice lowered. "Enoshima Junko. Ultimate Fashionista and a person I thought was a friend, turned out to be the one who orchestrated it all. Giving weapons and motives for the students to kill each other in the most brutal ways you can think of. Ch-Chainsaw, hammering spears into stomachs, things you'd see in movies. With her twin sister, the Ultimate Soldier, Ikusaba Mukuro. I-I don't know why, but it seemed fun to them. Amusing, to see people die."
This is more ludicrous than anything else this day has seen, Isobu said flatly. A teenage girl, reveling in killing. Without a fighting background or an apparent reason to do so.
What in all goddamn fuck. Any possible sympathy Kei had for the two was already drying up faster than any desert in the world. Killing them was a good choice then. She didn't regret it then, she definitely didn't regret it now. "Is that why you ended up in that dungeon?"
Tomoko shrugged weakly, her nose officially covered by the blankets now. "I-I dunno exactly. I was just trying to help people, and really figuring out with my class what happened. There was a lot of student protests over the Student Council's deaths, since the school was covering it up, and when I went to investigate with one of the teachers… Junko caught me." She then proceeded to laugh, a weak one at that, and Kei could already feel her heart cracking. Tomo wasn't supposed to sound like that. "I-I was silly enough to send the teacher away to find the police, and nearly…nearly bled out for my trouble. I would've died, but giving the biggest middle finger to Junko by doing so, since I was going to bleed out and not go out by movie spikes like she wanted, and—" there was then a sniffle. "Well, yeah. I was some kind of Hope to the school, according to Junko, and…yeah. You found me."
Kei kept her mouth shut by digging a tooth into her cheek, steadily increasing pressure as Tomoko spoke. Just when she was about to start bleeding, it was over. "…Hope, you said."
Now that is the most farfetched thing I have ever heard this entire past year.
"Hope. Yeah." Tomoko nodded slowly to herself, and that chakra rainbow flickered again, too weak to be an actual flame anymore. "Something I nearly died for. And now I'm here again." She squished the exercise ball in her hands, but it was already starting to look misshapen from the tight grip. "And I don't know why."
It was obvious Tomoko had been gone for far too long.
Kei exhaled slowly to release any tension in her shoulders. "…I have to ask. Why, in a world without widespread warfare, would they need a seventeen-year-old girl to stand as their universal symbol of peace."
In Sensei's case, it made sense if Konoha had a symbol equivalent. He was the Fourth Hokage.
Tomoko — no. She was only a civilian. A reincarnated civilian, but still a civilian. An entire world didn't need to kidnap her.
The civilian only shuddered again, rustling her hospital blanket with the motion. "I-I dunno," she said weakly, "I-I didn't even know anyone could have that title. A classmate just called me Hopeful, and Junko latched onto that. I dunno what other reason there could be…" She then covered her face with the blanket, the beginnings of a sob coming out in her muffled voice. "I just don't know anymore."
Tomoko's last few words were muffled by the blanket and her attempts at preventing tears, but Kei still heard them. The exercise ball was already lopsided on the covers, left forgotten. "I-I just wanted to help people. And make up for being useless. It almost worked. With Makoto-kun and everyone back at Hope's Peak. A-And now," her hands clenched her blanket as her voice cracked. "I'm back here and I don't know again."
Fuck, this was a mess.
If there was a time machine, Kei wanted to use it now if it meant preventing this. No one should've been left alone. Especially Tomo.
She sniffled. Then: "I-I'm sorry."
Kei raised a hand to stop any more words, taking a breath. There was nothing to apologize for. "What I'm hearing is that an aspiring mass-murderer decided you were gonna be among her victims, Tomo. That's not your fault. Almost dying is no one's fault but hers. And…" the words were bitter on her tongue, not helped with the faint tinge of metal from the inside of her cheek deciding to bleed out about now, but Kei continued, "Tomoko, what did we ever do that made you think usefulness was the only reason anyone should look twice at you? Where'd we screw up?"
The chakra rainbow lurched back as if smacked, and Tomoko flinched. She still wasn't looking up from the blanket covers.
Kei put her face in both of her hands, the shame already washing over. "Did we make you think the only reason we loved you was because you were 'useful'? Was that it?"
There was a soft sniffle. "I-I don't know what to tell you, Kei... I don't. All I see are my own screw-ups. My own mistakes. All I know is that I failed you when you came home, I couldn't do anything when Miyako-bachan died, and wh-what kind of use did I have when everyone was scrambling trying to save you? Hope's Peak…was different. I got to be different."
Even through her hands, Kei could hear the soft change in Tomoko's voice. Almost hopeful, but otherwise still foreboding. Saying that now would be far too tasteless of a comment considering the situation.
Tomoko shivered enough in the covers to the point of Kei feeling the vibration in the blankets. "And, and then, just when things were changing, I nearly died on my own suicide mission just wishing I could see you again when it honestly felt like I didn't deserve it."
Kei shook her head, biting the inside of her cheek again. This wasn't a mess, this was a shitstorm and therapy should've come in sooner. "I didn't blame you for any of that. God dammit Tomoko, you can't swing back and forth between saying you're powerless and blaming yourself for what S-class fuckwads do while we're just trying to live our lives." There was no blame to be found anywhere. "That's not how this works. You put blame on the people who keep trying to kill you for trying to kill you."
Tomoko finally moved, raising her head with a small, "But—"
Kei leaned back in her chair to sigh deeply, shaking her head. Snapping wouldn't help. Making eye contact wouldn't help either. This anxiety thing sucked from both ends of the situation, and Kei had to say something now because she unwittingly played a part in all of it. She would've said it sooner if it meant preventing this entire past year. If it meant making a friend feel safe for once. "I blame Orochimaru for Sorayama. I blame Madara for Mom's death. It's not, and never has been, on you. I don't remember you picking up the knife and stabbing Mom. You didn't slap a curse seal on me or hire a fucking vampire either."
Tomoko, even when crying, heard everything and jolted with a soft gasp. Her mouth opened, then closed hesitantly, and she ducked her head. Her chakra was shaking too much to really pinpoint whether the reaction was from the information dump or the weight of Kei's words.
In the end, it was still her. Just Tomoko. The only person Kei couldn't truly predict outside of her family, because she was another reincarnation.
The stress ball had fallen to the floor nearby in the duration of conversation time, and Kei reached over to pick it up, gently depositing it near Tomoko's free hands. "Hope's Peak may not have been the kind of place a shinobi problem would land on. That's fine. But you can't take the problems of places like this on yourself either." She gently nudged the ball towards the civilian's fingers, shaking her head. Kei couldn't hug her, not now. "Tomo, I've never seen you do a single thing bad enough to deserve how much weight you keep piling on your shoulders."
Why do it? Why put it all on yourself? You could've asked for help. You didn't have to go alone.
It was still the one thing Kei didn't understand. Or, she did, but didn't want to say. The questions were left unsaid because for once, she wasn't sure if she wanted to hear the answer. Kei wasn't one to talk either.
You have improved, Isobu said softly.
Kei patted the top of his shelled head.
Tomoko glanced at the ball, blue eye red-rimmed before her lip quivered. "But— But I—" the tears were coming yet again, and she hid in her blankets, shuddering. What now— "I ran, Kei. Even if I didn't mean to leave, I left. And I was going to die because I felt like I deserved it. Then, then—" She shook her head, whimpering, "Why. Why do you want me back."
Something snapped.
Was she serious? Was she really serious? Were these past 18 years really nothing to her?
"…You're…" the taste of copper was strong on Kei's tongue from still biting the inside of her cheek. Tomoko didn't know. She didn't fucking know, and it fucking hurt. "Are you asking why your dad wanted you to come home? Why your mother cried for three straight fucking months over the idea of never seeing her baby again? Or Obito, who's learned two Mangekyo Sharingan techniques since you left? Kakashi, who has Kamui and trains himself into the ground. Or Sensei, who keeps telling Naruto and Tatsumaki they'll see you again soon, or Kushina who tells stories of Tomo-neechan?"
And you, who never stopped looking for her since the day she disappeared.
Kei was tempted to put a barrier between herself and Isobu all over again, just for saying that.
It wasn't right.
Tomoko was staring at her in shock again.
She really didn't know.
Fuck anxiety.
Kei finally looked into that teary blue eye, holding back the urge to scream. "Why is it so hard for you to understand that we love you?"