By Any Other Name

Chapter 7

They moved swiftly along the dark corridors until they had reached the safety of the Pink Room. Christine was shocked by how late it had grown. Her mind was filled with the events of the night.

She felt…heavy and uncomfortable suddenly, as though the weight of her lies and the character she had embodied were suddenly pulling her down. She shrugged her shoulders as though trying to dislodge a heavy cloak and she went to pour herself some water by the window. She couldn't look at the others just yet. She didn't want to look at any men or have another man look at her just yet.

It felt wrong to be using her body and her looks this way – donning this vapid and lascivious personality, which were totally out of her nature. She knew why she had to do it, but that didn't make it feel any less wrong or make her any more comfortable in the role.

And the way the men fawned and fought over her! It took every fibre of her being to force the smiles to her lips, when really, all she wanted to do was laugh out loud at the lunacy of it all.

This ridiculousness was everywhere at court, but at least as Christine, the Comtesse des Etoiles, she was free to speak out against the inanity and engage in political conversations. The Duchess however clearly just enjoyed the attention and preferred fluttering her eyelashes to offering an opinion. She didn't need to say much through dinner, only smile prettily and laugh lightly and the men ate it up. Wasn't this the mundane role of women that she had been fighting against her whole life - To be nothing more than an ornament, a smiling face and an object of desire? She felt low, like less than a person. She felt as though she had betrayed herself, betrayed all womankind by encouraging this idiocy.

The men had definitely not asked her many questions, more eager to tell their own tales to elicit her laughter. Who she was had little to do with it – it was the seductive promise of a wealthy widowed duchess, sparkling diamonds and a fine bosom.

Was this all it really took - To wield such power with the bat of an eyelash? Christine felt an overwhelming sense of pity and shame suddenly as she continued to gaze out to the darkness beyond the window and nervously wring her hands.

She was so distracted by her thoughts that she didn't even notice Aramis behind her until he gently touched her shoulder.

"Are you alright?" he asked her softly, and she felt seen for the first time all evening.

"No," she muttered and glancing over his shoulder she noticed that they were alone.

"Where are the others?" she asked.

Aramis frowned. "They just left to inform D'Artagnan of what's passed." His dark eyes found her grey ones and they mined their depths. He paused for a moment then asked, "Will you tell me what's wrong?"

He was so earnest in his concern for her that she nearly wept.

"I'm trying to be brave and strong Aramis, but this is hard for me," she whispered sadly. "To willingly objectify myself, to smile and to laugh and to flirt – to play the fool and to belittle myself so much while they quarrel like children – or him, that general, who kept undressing me with his eyes – and I encouraged it! I provoked it! What kind of a woman does that to herself?"

"A woman like my mother, you mean?" he said quietly and she was stunned.

"Aramis! I didn't mean – " she gushed, realizing what she had said in the context of his response. She had forgotten his mother was a courtesan and that he had grown up surrounded by such women as the ones she described.

He kissed her softly to halt her apology and to show her he was not upset. He poured her some more water and leading her to a bench to rest, he began to speak softly.

"My mother," he began, "My mother dealt in smiles. Night after night I watched her don this mask while men inanely tried to impress her with their limited wit. And she laughed because she had to. She listened to their terrible stories, their bawdy jokes and endured their lecherous gazes. My mother did what she had to do in order to provide for us. She knew she held the power, and if one man grew too boisterous or too crude or too aggressive, she knew she could have her pick. She held power in that knowledge, and in the knowledge that there was a reason for her to be doing what she did. I didn't understand it for a long time, but I do now. She managed to change herself for them, but it was just her work, and in that, I think she held her power. She kept her true self separate, and so was never owned," he said. "I actually felt bad for some of those men – the ones who I think truly cared for my mother, because as beautiful as she was when she smiled and laughed for them, it was noting compared to the way she looked when she truly smiled when they weren't around – to what her true laughter sounded like. That was something she saved only for me and the few others that she cared for."

"Aramis, you aren't upset with me for behaving this way?" said Christine, her lip trembling slightly as the words of her husband washed over her, soothing her fears and nerves.

"Sh…mi amor, I know how difficult this must be for you. And it has been difficult for me to witness, but most of me feels great pity," he said and she raised her eyebrows at him in surprise. He smiled softly and gently kissed her mouth.

"I have told you many times how beautiful you are Christine, and I am honoured to be dazzled by it daily. But I am more honoured to be your husband, to hear you speak your mind and prove your wit and character, which far exceed my own. Those poor fools will never know the real you Christine, not the Christine I know, the Christine I treasure," he said kissing her knuckles. "They won't know your kindness or your laugh," he said kissing the inside of her wrist. "They won't know your strength or your righteousness," he said, a slight smirk coming to his lips as he kissed the inside of her forearm. "They won't know the brilliance of your mind or the skill of your hands or the magnificence of your true smile." He kissed the crook of her arms and continued to speak as he lips followed their path up her arm along her exposed shoulder. "I feel pity for those men who will never hear the sweetness of your true voice in the early morning; who were so unprepared to handle your beauty that they will miss all the other parts of you that I value so much and am allowed to witness each day by calling myself your husband."

His lips found hers and her world was righted. Oh to be seen – and seen by this man!

oOo