A/N: Bet you weren't expecting this! Now, I know, what a terrible time in the story to start goofing off! Who does this guy think he is!? But oh, how I've been excited for this chapter! Surely by now, you know I couldn't let an opportunity like this pass me by. Also, like I said on Twitter, it's my birthday so YANNO WHAT? DEAL WITH IT. Lol, okay, I'm done being silly. Next "real" chapter should be out within a week or so. Keep your eyes peeled!
One Max: Ugh, do you guys have any spare film?
Two Max: Nope, all out. Used the last of it on a cute doggo.
Red Max: I have tons! I can lend you both some. Got it all on sale, too.
Blue Max: Da ba dee da ba daa~
Victorian Victoria: I must say, Maxine has been thoroughly batty-fanged throughout this tale.
Puritan Kate: Serves her right! She's a witch!
Max: Guys what the fuck
Samuel: The squirrels talk to me but how can you?
Samuel: Samuel has no phone.
Max: That's not even true! I saw your phone number earlier in that episode!
Samuel: It's a landline.
Lisa: no it's fine I love being waterboarded
Max: I'm sorry, okay!? I forgot I already did it!
Dana: GIVE ME A D!
Dana: GIVE ME AN E!
Dana: GIVE ME AN A!
Dana: GIVE ME A T!
Dana: GIVE ME AN H!
Dana: WHAT'S THAT SPELL?!
Max: Is this your new cheer? It could use some...fine-tuning.
Dana: DEATHDEATHDEATHDEATHDEATH
Max: Or not, that's okay too.
Kate: Hi Max, wanted to let you know Vic and I are getting married!
Max: WHAT OH MY GOD
Kate: You're not allowed at the wedding.
Max: what oh my god
Max: Please don't do this to me
Dad: Max, you know your mother and I love you very much.
Dad: That being said, we're very disappointed in you.
Dad: Killing us? Really? You're grounded, young lady.
Max: What are you going to do? Send me to my room that doesn't exist anymore?
Max: So what's your deal?
James: I'm the DA and I love my daughter very much.
Max: But you were like...pudgy and bald in chapter 5?
James: I'm the DA and I love my daughter very much.
Max: ...you sound like a creepy robot.
Max: I just can't figure out what's going on!
Max: It's like everyone's fake! Like they're...they're...
Holden: A bunch of phonies?
Max: YES EXACTLY!
Max: I really feel like we get each other.
Max 1: So what did you guys pick at the end?
Max 2: Saved Chloe, obviously. It's what the whole game was about!
Max 3: Sacrificed her! The ending was tragic, but beautiful.
Max 2: I don't see anything "beautiful" about letting a troubled, sad girl die all alone.
Max 4: I totally sacrificed her too. I prefer Warren as a romance option, anyway.
Max 1: I thought we blocked your number?
Jefferson: Would you believe me if I told you I truly did love you, Max?
Max: NOPE
Max: Nopenopenopenopenopenopenopenope
Max: Not today, Satan
Warren: Let's go ape! Ape ape ape!
Max: Okay you know what
Max: What does that mean Warren
Max: What does go ape even mean
Warren: I...
Warren: Actually, I don't know
Warren: It was just part of the script
Nathan: tumblrina little bitch
Max: I had a XANGA Nathan
Max: You uncultured asshole
Max: Vic, you there? I really need your help.
Victoria: Go
Victoria: Fuck
Max: Don't.
Victoria: ...me-selfie? ;)
Max: I... Wait, which Victoria am I talking to?
David: Up and at 'em, Pvt Caulfield! We've got company!
Max: I'm a pacifist so like...no, thanks.
David: I won't have any deserters in my platoon!
David: Drop and give me ∞!
Max: Alright Full Metal Jacket, you need to calm down.
Louis: Ah, a fellow photographer! How splendid! I've just come up with a brilliant new process and I'd love to get your opinion.
Max: Sorry but no go fuck yourself.
Max: Seriously, go die.
Principal Wells: your a gret studdent max
Principal Wells: blackwel is luckky to have somene like u
Max: Principal Wells, are you drunk?
Principal Wells: no im no u r!
Brooke: For today's book club, we're going to be starting Max's biography, 'I Fucked Everything Up.'
Max: I thought we were going to read Good Omens?
Brooke: Toe-may-toe, toe-mah-toe. They're both about the apocalypse.
Max: That was unnecessary.
Mrs. Grant: Everything can be explained with science, Max.
Max: Okay, then can you explain what the hell is going on?
Mrs. Grant: Alright maybe not everything, but most things!
Max: COOL thank you for you help.
Max: Please! Can anyone tell me what's going on?!
Vortex Club Max: Um, isn't it obvious? You fucked up biiiig time! Nice work, loser.
Spanish Max: Jajajajajajaja ella es una perdedora
Rhinoceros Max: T$WSHT#$GAETH
Able To Talk To Animals Max: LOL oh shit ROASTED
Nightmare!Max: You know, you would've seen this all coming if you just used your Twitter account.
Nightmare!Max: Seriously, I'm a goldmine of foreshadowing.
Nightmare!Max: You don't even follow me back.
Nightmare!Max: I follow you!
Nightmare!Max: I REALLY follow you :)
Nightmare!Max: Why aren't you responding
Nightmare!Max: Hey, listen. I'm sorry about that knock knock joke. It was mean.
Max: What? What knock knock joke?
Nightmare!Max: lulz shit sorry, this isn't linear. Just remember I apologized!
Justin: yo maybe I'm too high but like
Justin: you ever notice how Chloe sounds just like that girl
Justin: what's her name again? Shit...
Justin: She had that internet show.
Max: Uh...do you mean Hey Ash, Whatcha Playin'?
Justin: That's it! Thanks Hannah!
Max: What? Who's Hannah?
Rule 63 Max: This is so weird. How do guys even sit down? It's just...in the way.
Rule 34 Max: Don't even start with me.
Rule 34 Max: Do not even fucking start.
AU!Chloe: I can't imagine how hard it was to make this alternate reality
AU!Chloe: I bet you really had to put your back into it
AU!Chloe: Or my back, anyway
Max: We're getting so close to the end of the year.
Max: Just a few more months.
Max: I'm going to be graduated!
Max: It's a little scary but...I'm so excited.
Chloe: im so excited for you babe
Chloe: then, idk, its like...the future
Chloe: just a reminder, the future that you gave me
Max: You're...so goddamn amazing.
Chloe: not as muuuuch as u!
Max: You're...so goddam amazing.
Max: AGH my phone keeps double sending messages.
Chloe: lolthats okay.
Chloe: just means i get double the max
Nightmare!Max: Oh, I remember this one!
Nightmare!Max: They didn't notice the typo on the second message, tsk tsk.
Nightmare!Max: I swear these girls are blind as bats.
Max: Dork.
Chloe: Nerd.
Max: Freak.
Chloe: Weirdo.
Max: Beautiful.
Chloe: Perfect.
Nightmare!Max: Yegh, I'm gonna vom.
Hawt Dawg Man: Well howdy there, Max! Seems like you're in a bit of a pickle!
Max: Omg Hawt Dawg Man?! I'm such a big fan!
Hawt Dawg Man: Great! I love getting to talk to my fans!
Hawt Dawg Man: But you know what I love even more?
Max: What!?
Hawt Dawg Man: Fans that BUYMYMERCH
Hayden: ayy max just hittin you up 2 see if you wanna get chronic
Max: Nobody says that anymore, Hayden.
Hayden: girl you need to relax for once and shloop this skib
Max: Nobody says that...uh, ever?
Hayden: dank OG bud in this piece shit'll get you litty af fr fr
Max: Oh my god I'm hemorrhaging brain cells.
Juliet: O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?
Max: Yeah we don't need to do this.
Juliet: Give me my Romeo, and when I shall die, take him and cut him out in little stars!
Max: We really don't need to.
Frank: I kiss the wall's hole, not your lips at all.
Max: gross wth
Bongo: Is it too hard to model a cat, I mean really
Bongo: All the other pets get to be in the game!
Bongo: It's just not fair, I tell you.
Max: I'm sorry Bongo kitty, I couldn't go back that far.
Bongo: Hmph.
Cosplay Max: Ich seh sowieso viel besser aus als du, BITCH
Max: I don't know what you said but my self-esteem hurts
Frank: I've always known there was something creepy about you
Frank: Shoulda paid better attention to my gut.
Max: I'm not creepy!
Max: You think I'm creepy?
Mom: Hey sweetie! Did you get the package I sent you?
Max: Uh, yeah. Thanks for the coconut bites, but...
Max: What's with the shirt that says 'Mommy's Little Genocider' ?
Mom: I just thought it was perfect for you!
Mom: Love you!
Nightmare!Max: It's the end of the world as we know it, and we feel fine~
Max: Is there any way I can like...block you?
Nightmare!Max: Hahahahaha oh Max, you silly girl
Nightmare!Max: No.
Side character: Hey Max, how are you doing?
Max: Hey...I'm...uh, I'm here. Who's this?
Side character: Wow, seriously?
Side character: You think you can just forget about me because I'm not part of the main cast?
Side character: Unbelievable.
Side character: I expected better from you.
Max: Dude who IS this?
Neanderthal Max: ugg ugg crog mar
Max: Mhm.
Neanderthal Max: gar raug meg dar
Max: Totally, yeah.
Neanderthal Max: lumga ooku darget ?
Max: What? I am too paying attention!
Zachary: what's good, max? Wyd?
Max: Currently losing every last piece of my mind. How about you?
Zachary: Just sittin on my football.
Max: That's something you do often, then?
Zachary: every chance I get
Zachary: send nudes?
Max: Zachary I hope your football gets stuck in your intestines.
Zachary: so is that a yes or?
Maddie: Come with me, Max, to the wonderful world of ADULT CARRER PATHS!
Maddie: You'll love it here! There's never enough money, the people at your job don't appreciate you, and you'll get stuck in a routine that'll make you want to kill yourself!
Max: Can I just...not?
Max: I'll never forgive you, Sean!
Max: You started all of this! It's your fault!
Max: Fuck you!
Sean: woah jfc I was only asking if you've seen my brother...
Sean: What a fucking psycho.
Max: Oh! I'm so sorry! I had you mixed up with a different Sean!
You have been invited to the group 'Team Time Travel'
Doctor: Who?
Max: Uh...hello?
Marty: Chuck Berry, Doc! I'm telling you, you've got to give him a listen!
Hermione: Oh hello, Max. Are you our new member?
Bill: we have a new member? Wooooah!
Max: Member for what? Who are you people?
Eckels: We're all time travelers. Trunks thought it'd be good to have a support system, as dealing with time travel can be a bit...
Marty: Heavy.
Max: Wait, you can all time travel, too?
Trunks: That's right. Though our means of doing so vary quite a bit. Are you a machine or magic kind of person?
Max: A...what?
Doctor: Machine or magic. As in, do you use a device to travel or is it more of a mystical thing?
Ted: Ya like me, Bill, and the Doctor all use telephone booths.
Doctor: Well, that is...vastly oversimplifying the nature of the TARDIS.
Max: I guess I'm magic? I don't use a machine.
Trunks: Great! You're just the same as Donnie and Broxigar.
Hermione: Well, I'm a bit of a special case.
Hermione: Also Max, am I right to assume you're female?
Max: Yes, you would be.
Hermione: Oh thank goodness. Finally I'm not alone anymore. I'm so relieved.
Broxigar: welvom msx
Broxigar: CURSE THIS PITIFULLY SMALL SCREEN
Bill: So righteous that the fam is growing
Terminator: Something has come up.
Terminator: I'll be back.
Donnie: Do you have a frank, max?
Max: I know someone named Frank. Why?
Trunks: Ah, don't mind him. He's...troubled.
Max: Uh...right. Well, do you guys have any advice for me?
Eckels: Watch your step.
Max: You're such a fucking asshole. You know that, right?
TomorrowHeart: I'm sorry! I just wanted to tell a good story!
Max: Fuck you. How's that for a story?
TomorrowHeart: I mean... I guess that's fair.
Max: You thought you could just throw a couple subjects around and expect a cohesive style or theme? It makes NO sense. Your tone and pacing are more scattered than my timeline!
Courtney: Hello Maxine. Come play with us.
Taylor: Hello Maxine. Come play with us.
Courtney: Come and play with us, Maxine.
Taylor: Come and play with us, Maxine.
Courtney: Forever and ever and ever.
Taylor: Forever and ever and ever.
Max: Will you shut up!?
Max: How are you even texting at the same exact time!?
Fernando: WOW so you just forget all about us huh
Kristen: Yep, Max is just too cool for us anymore.
Max: That's not true!
Fernando: Hey, isn't this exactly what you did to Chloe?
Kristen: You sure have improved yourself as a person!
Kate: Max! Have you seen Alice anywhere!?
Max: No, I haven't. She got out?
Kate: She said something about her 'final form.'
Kate: Do you know what that could mean?
Max: Um...like in anime or?
Max: Wait, what was that rumbling?
Kawaii Max: hai everyone!
Kawaii Max: ヽ(ﾟｰﾟ*ヽ)ヽ(*ﾟｰﾟ*)ﾉ(ﾉ*ﾟｰﾟ)ﾉ
Goth Max: Fuck my life what are you doing here
Kawaii Max: well we're all maxes aren't we!? we should be BFFs!
Kawaii Max: (｡✿‿✿｡)
Goth Max: Holy shit no nuh uh
Goth Max has left the chat
Kawaii Max: did i do something wrong?
Kawaii Max: o(╥﹏╥)o
Punk Max has left the chat
Flamenco Dancer Max has left the chat
Cel-Shaded Max has left the chat
Vampire Hunter Max has left the chat
Kawaii Max: (✖╭╮✖)
Sean P: Who are you again?
Max: Max. The one who killed you.
Sean P: Ah yes. I always thought that if I were killed, it'd be by someone more...memorable.
Max: Tough shit.
Max: You don't deserve to remember me.
Abigail: Max I just wanted to thank you.
Abigail: Because of you I now welcome the flames of hell!
Max: What? Are you alright?
Abigail: I'm gaaaaaay!
Max: Oh, uh, congrats? But maybe you should cool it with the hell talk.
Abigail: I AM YOURS SATAN! BURN ME AND REND MY FLESH!
Max: Wow okay we need to have a sit down, little missy.
AU!William: So many bills.
AU!William: How am I ever going to afford these?
AU!William: ...eh, fuck it. Just pull the cord.
AU!William: VACAY TO CABO HERE WE COME!
Max: First of all, what the fuck. Second of all, why are you even texting me this!?
Wolf: remember me! remember me!?
Max: The wolf who helped us at Pan Estates?
Wolf: yes! yes! I was good doggy!
Max: You were, thank you.
Wolf: why you hate animals?
Max: Because...because you tried to kill Chloe!
Wolf: I did no! I like Chloe! She wanted to keep me!
Max: Okay not, like, YOU but the animals as a whole.
Wolf: you judge me just because I'm animal?
Wolf: is racist!?
Max: Um, no. No, no, no.
Max: Good doggies don't pose ethical quandaries. You're a good doggy, aren't you?
Wolf: I good doggy!
Nightmare!Max: Knock, knock!
Max: No.
Nightmare!Max: Oh come on, party pooper! Knock, knock!
Max: Ugh fine, who's there?
Nightmare!Max: Intrusive thoughts!
Max: Uh...intrusive thoughts who?
Nightmare!Max: Your teeth are too big, you'll never get into a good school, your parents were happy you moved out
Nightmare!Max: Also everyone you love is dead!
Max: Cool, thanks.
Nathan: I remember when she went limp. When that last light went out.
Max: Stop it! Shut up!
Nathan: The way her eyes glazed over.
Nathan: But hey, you know what Bob Ross says.
Nathan: There are no mistakes. Just happy accidents!
Victoria: Doesn't it just eat you alive?
Victoria: He picked her over us! I'd be a much hotter corpse.
Max: Vic, you don't know what you're saying.
Victoria: It could have been me...
Victoria: I could have been famous.
Max: Wow, Joyce! That smells delicious!
Joyce: Thanks hon. Breakfast will be ready in a bit!
Max: Yum, smells like bacon! Can't wait!
Joyce: No bacon, I'm afraid. But I found a great substitute!
Max: Joyce...why did David just scream?
Jefferson: Oh, Max. If only you could see the letters Madison sends me.
Jefferson: She has vision. She has passion!
Jefferson: I can sleep well at night knowing she will continue my legacy.
Max: Maddie wouldn't do that! You're so sick in the head!
Jefferson: She likes it when her subjects scream.
Daniel: Thanks for letting me draw you earlier, Max.
Max: Huh? But I haven't seen you at all today.
Daniel: Are you making a joke? I just saw you.
Max: No, Daniel I...don't think that was me.
Daniel: What do you mean?
Nightmare!Max: Hey Danny, loved being your model!
Max: God dammit.
Nightmare!Max: You know what's really funny?
Max: What?
Nightmare!Max: I'm the one texting from Daniel's phone.
Max: What did you do to him!?
Nightmare!Max: Oh come now, m'lady. Don't fret over such trivial matters.
Nightmare!Max: *tips fedora*
Kate: I still felt it, you know?
Max: What do you mean?
Kate: It wasn't instant. It almost was, but there was a split second just before.
Kate: Just the tiniest moment before it all went black, when I could feel my bones breaking. And it was in that impossibly small space of time that I learned the truth.
Max: ...the truth?
Kate: That god doesn't care.
Samuel: There's too much of it. I don't know what to do, Max.
Max: Too much of what?
Max: Samuel?
Samuel: Blood...
Bae!Max: So I heard you were stomping around on my turf.
Max: It wasn't on purpose! It just happened!
Bae!Max: Chloe told me everything. How your life turned out perfect.
Max: I am sorry. Really, I am. And it's not...it's not perfect.
Bae!Max: Wow, you have some nerve. Don't even appreciate what you have.
Max: I do. I promise, I do.
Warren: It's a little funny, right?
Warren: Feeling so lonely, you'd do anything to have some friends.
Warren: Even let them take advantage of you. Let them tear apart your mind.
Max: Warren, that's not how it is at all. You know that.
Warren: And in the end, we all just ended up lonelier than before.
Nightmare!Max: Are you curious about what it was like?
Max: What what was like?
Nightmare!Max: The end. What it was like for all your friends.
Nightmare!Max: It was painful. They screamed and screamed as they were pulled apart.
Nightmare!Max: They were shredded and broken at a molecular level.
Max: Stop. Right now.
Nightmare!Max: Scientists say matter cannot be created or destroyed. Not by anyone. Not by any thing.
Nightmare!Max: But they've never met you, have they?
Death: Great job, kid. You put me out of a job.
Death: How am I supposed to provide for my family?
Death: Kidding, I don't have a family. Just gallows humor.
Max: I don't want your stupid job, you can have it.
Death: It's a little late for that, isn't it?
Death: But I'll admit, it was impressive.
Death: You cut quite the figure up there with a knife pressed against reality's throat.
Max: Can you...can you fix this?
Death: Ha! That's cute.
Death: I'm afraid I can't help you, dear.
Max: Why not!?
Death: Because you killed me, too.
Chloe: You got this, Max. I believe in you.
Max: Chloe? Is that you?
Max: I'm so scared and lost without you.
Max: I ruined it. I ruined everything.
Chloe: Hey, listen to me.
Chloe: You're Maxine fucking Caulfield.
Chloe: And I know you'll figure this out.
Max: Chloe, I love you so much.
Max: Chloe?
Nightmare!Max: Oops, looks like the line's been disconnected...
Max: ...hello?
Max: I know you're there.
Max: I...don't know how I know, but I do.
Max: Who... What are you?
Arcadia: ꈚꀪꆰꉉꍈꂸꌛ ꀪꀪꋪꀆꍈꌛ