I'd seen Mrs. Forman plan for a party before, but never like this. I don't think she'd had a drink of water or even sat down since six in the morning, running herself ragged to prepare the house before Forman got back, even though Red wasn't picking him up from the airport until late in the evening. Sipping a cup of coffee at the kitchen table, I watched eight trays of brownies, two massive punch bowls, and at least half a dozen cakes and pies being whirled around the room with the help of Jackie and Donna, Kitty barking orders at them and then immediately apologizing, only to yell at them again. I hadn't been sleeping well lately, my conversation with Red still weighing heavily on my mind, and didn't notice the baking tray that Donna lightly smacked me in the back of the head with.
"What the hell?!"
"You're either helping or you're getting the hell out. If I trip over your boots again, Kitty might actually kill me." She muttered, teeth clenched but still sounding amused. I just looked at her for a moment and didn't say anything as she moved onto sifting flour at the crowded kitchen counter. Her excitement for Eric to come back practically radiated out of her, showering the kitchen in light, where I instead felt hollowed out. Tonight was my last night in Point Place, something that until a few days ago had seemed like the best solution to my problem, and now seemed like a death sentence. I didn't want to go, but I had to. I said I would, so I had to. I had half a mug of coffee left but suddenly couldn't bring myself to finish it.
"Steven, honey, move it or lose it, we need the table!" Mrs. Forman plunked a heavy plate of ribs right in front of me with a withering glance before moving onto her next giant meal, and I snapped back to reality, leaving the kitchen and my mug behind to check and re-check my bag for the umpteenth time. At ten o'clock, I was hitting the road. This was it. I had gotten used to things ending in my life, hell, I considered most things to be temporary anyway, relationships, friendships, whatever. But something about this ending tore at me. I had been so ready to leave a week ago, barely even gave it a second thought, but now everything was making feel so damn sentimental. This was the first place that ever felt like home. Was this what Forman was like when he left? I heard everyone filtering into the basement, but couldn't bring myself to join them. I unzipped my duffel, looking at all of my earthly possessions: about ten t-shirts, two pairs of jeans, an extra pair of boots, and a few shitty eight tracks. I didn't have the heart to lug my vinyl collection with me, I was going to instead leave them behind for Fez with a note detailing all the pain I would put him through if he so much as scratched any of the Zeppelin. My earthly possessions totaled less than twenty things, something about that felt wholly depressing. The cot creaked beneath my weight as I laid down forlornly, only a few hours to go before seeing Eric again.
"Hyde?"
I slowly opened an eyelid. Jackie was in the doorway of my room, light from the hallway softly wafted in. Her arms were crossed, looking at me. I'd fallen asleep, duffel half unpacked around me, blanket twisted around my legs, boots still on, glasses haphazardly hanging from one of my ears. I coughed and scrubbed a hand over my face.
"What time is it?"
"Quarter past eight." She replied shortly, not moving. "Mr. Forman asked me to come get you. Eric's here."
The two of us, it hit me, had not been alone like this in a long time. I sat up, trying to rub the sleep from my eyes, avoiding her gaze. I had loved her so much, and I guessed a part of me would probably love her forever, but being alone in the same room we had spent so much time in, where I had last felt happiest, left an uncomfortable weight in the air. un
"I'll-uh-be up in a minute, I guess." I muttered, sliding my glasses onto my face to hide the fact that I didn't know how to look at her.
"Great." Her words were clipped as she turned away, but stopped short. "He's been gone a long time. Maybe try to be excited to see him."
I said nothing, but felt a flush creep up my face, one I hoped she couldn't see. Her eyes softened for a moment, before steeling again.
"See you up there." The heels of her shoes clicked up each step above me until she was gone, and I attempted to pull myself together. It would be like a band-aid, and then I'd be free. I could hear laughter from the living room, could imagine how bright and happy it was compared to the dank of the basement, and miserably, I stood up, ran a hand through my hair, and made my ascent. Each step was wet concrete, dragging my foot down, making me go slower, and slower, until I opened the basement door with a creak, to see Eric and Donna in the driveway, their arms wrapped around each other, and my blood ran cold. I watched him kiss her, hand cupping her jaw, the pure, simple smile I always saw on his face whenever they were together in the past, and I couldn't move. I didn't feel anger to see him, like I had expected to, but instead a churning almost-sadness. Something almost like...defeat. And I didn't know why.
"There you are, Steven." Red said, lower and calmer than I was used to. "Glad you decided to finally join the party."
Startled, I spun around. He was giving me a strange look, until his eyes darted to Eric and Donna and he sighed.
"So," he coughed nervously. "I take it our deal is still on."
"Yep." I lifelessly replied. My hands were clammy and I tried to subtly wipe the palms on my jeans, hoping Red wouldn't notice.
"Well son," he reached out a hand for mine, giving it a firm shake. "I wish you the best of luck out there. Hope you find what you're looking for."
"Thanks, Red," a small smile on my face.
"Just, uh," he glanced at Eric again before back at me, "Don't forget the other part of our deal. You've gotta say goodbye."
I glanced back outside. Eric and Donna were starting to head towards the sliding door, when our gazes met and I watched Eric's face light up. "Right," I replied solemnly, as Red grabbed a beer from the fridge and walked back towards the living room.
A year had felt like a long time. So much had happened to me, that just hadn't translated well through letters or over the phone, to the point that whenever Forman called home, I made some sort of excuse not to be there to talk to him. When Kitty got pictures in the mail of pictures with his students, I always took cursory glances but had no real memory of them. I felt like an entirely different person in the year he'd been gone, to the point where sometimes when I looked in the mirror, I didn't recognize myself. I expected the same for Eric, maybe like a ponytail, or some weird scars, something that would prove to me that he wasn't the same person he was when he left either. But it was like stepping into a time machine, somehow I'd gone back to that same day, over a year ago, and no one had changed but me.
"Oh my god, Hyde!" Eric burst through the door, rushing towards me, and I was cornered like a wild animal. He looked exactly the same, save for, shockingly, some light brown travel stubble in sparse pockets on his cheeks. The piercing hazel eyes, the shaggy haircut, even down to the chukka boots, he was the Forman he was before he left, but I wasn't the Hyde he knew anymore, and a panic welled in my throat. "Holy shit, it's so good to see you, I almost forgot what you looked like!"
I knew the comment was off-hand and didn't mean anything, but it felt too much like he read my mind. He went to wrap his arms around me and I stiffened but put my arms out in response.
"Good to see you," I said, robotically. When he pulled away, the hurt was written on his face and I was hit with a pang of regret. I hated him for leaving, but I didn't want to make him feel like shit on his first night back. I coughed and slapped him on the back, giving Donna a fake smile. "Bet you kids are happy, huh?"
She grinned in response, kissing Eric's cheek, and the sour feeling I'd had earlier kicked me in the gut, just as Bob called from the living room "Eric?! How the heck are ya?" and the two left me leaning on the formica, ears ringing and head buzzing. I could still stick to the plan. I could still leave, it was getting closer to ten, I could make my exit while everyone was asleep, it could be so easy.
Why then, all of a sudden, did I want to stay?