Note: Because I finally watched the infamous Episode 16 of Fate/Zero, well, let's just all agree Diarmuid deserves better. Rewatching some of his final moments is so hard and I had to remedy that. So, I'm writing again. Originally posted on Tumblr first, and now for Small Sparkles. Inspired by one raspberryusagi's art once more, plus a story she wrote way back when. This is for you, Usagi-san. I hope you'll like this. :) A sequel to my previous Diarmuid writings.

The theme for this small thing is actually the song featured in the first Fate AMV I watched, being The Beginning from Against The Current. The AMV in question featured scenes from almost everything in the various Fate continuities, and considering how the lyrics seem to speak to all the Servants I've seen… it fit.

Go ahead and enjoy. Warnings for Servant angst and calls for much-needed therapy talks. Seriously, where are the therapists for these people…?

Sparkle 35: Friendship over Chivalry

"Tomoko?"

A soft call of my name was the start of the day. In any other situation, I would've responded with a normal greeting befitting of my occupation of cafe pianist, more so since I was still at work. Something like, "Yes, what can I do to help you?" would've been fitting.

But this time?

My nerves all tensed and my heart jumped.

There was something about this call that made things different.

The name was already on my tongue when I turned around and made eye contact with yellow eyes. The mole underneath the right eye confirmed everything else. I couldn't help but beam. The lances strapped to his back weren't an issue in the slightest. Heck, even if I was at work, there was no way I couldn't be happy at seeing a friend. "Dia!"

"My lady," he said softly, the smile honest and wide on his face as he bowed his head, one arm tucked towards his chest. "Apologies for the intrusion and the use of such of a title, but I had to come to see you. May I partake in a bit of your time?"

I blinked before holding back a fond sigh. This was definitely Diarmuid Ua Duibhne, first spear of the Knights of Fionna and Lancer Servant I came to call as a friend in dreams. He was still being that regal Knight, even when it had been so long since we solidified friendship to begin with. Considering the fact that he wasn't wearing his armor and instead partaking in a suit a la a certain Saber I grew to love… Heh. Instead of sighing, I reached over and lightly poked the top of Diarmuid's head. "Boop. Dia, you silly Knight, you should know my answer."

He jolted, the two spears on his back clinking against one another with the motion. Then he raised his head, yellow eyes shining with uncertainty as he opened his mouth. "Should I take that as a 'yes'?" he tried quietly.

"It's definitely a 'yes', you silly Lancer." I couldn't help but giggle because the face he was wearing was so fish-like. He needed more nice things. "Why wouldn't it be?"

Something shined in Diarmuid's yellow eyes as he opened his mouth again. "Perhaps if…" he shook his head. "No, it is nothing." He put on another smile, and I decided not to mention how fake it looked in spite of the relief in his eyes, instead noting it in my head for later. "Thank you, Tomoko."

I inclined my head and smiled back. Usako-san wasn't with him, so considering he was alone… There was no denying all of the worry bells going off in my head. "I can get my break from Mama and Papa, so then we can talk at the piano? Or do you want to talk outside?"

Diarmuid bowed his head again, the smile on his face turning a bit more genuine with the gesture. "The piano is sufficient, Tomoko. As long as there is privacy—"

I couldn't help the high-pitched glee filling my voice as my mouth moved for me. "Got it!" The privacy seal was already on my fingertips once I reached into my kimono sleeve for the thing. So, once it was in my hands to brandish like a trophy to my Lancer of a friend, Diarmuid blinked. "No need to worry!"

"Ah…" Diarmuid stared at me for another second or so before covering his mouth with one of his gauntlet-covered hands, his eyebrows furrowing on his head. His shoulders were shaking just like Saber's when she laughed. Awww. "Pft, my word, milady," he snickered quietly, "you have not changed in the time of my absence, have you?"

I could feel my smile turn a bit more solemn. "I try not to," I confessed, my voice quieting with the emotion. "I hope it convinces you to keep coming back like this."

The thought was kept to the back of my mind instead of being voiced aloud.

I get lonely too, y'know.

I couldn't stop my ninja friends from taking missions. I never could.

Even then, there was no way I could voice that, especially to Dia.

Still, those yellow eyes of Diarmuid's focused on me again with a wide look before softening. "Of course, Tomoko. Serving you — no," Diarmuid shook his head, his eyes a bit more sad looking before he tucked a hand towards his chest, "being your friend has been a surprisingly pleasant experience. Please do not assume I feel discontent towards you. This brutish warrior has…" I was not expecting him to blush. "I admit it is informal, but the platonic affection in this shrewd heart of mine is real when I think of you."

The waning smile on my face was already growing back to be a beam I couldn't hide thanks to those words from the Lancer. Diarmuid. No, Dia. Still a Knight even in a new life with a new lord. Or perhaps "savior" would be the better term. Usako-san, even from the few times Diarmuid mentioned her, did so many things that made him happier. To see him actually admit to something "informal" like that — all I could say to describe the feeling was that it was definitely a warmth I liked.

"Thankie, Dia," I allowed myself to say, trying not to grin like a goof. "Now, come on. There's a chair near the piano for you."

Diarmuid smiled back at me, and in that moment, the sunlight probably could've become twice as bright.

I probably shouldn't have been so surprised considering Diarmuid did want to be alone and without the supervision of Saber, but still.

"You knew Arturia-san?" The question came off feeling foreign and wrong in my mouth, and once Diarmuid flinched, I tried to backtrack. "I mean, if you don't want to say anymore, I understand, Dia! I won't pry if you don't want me to! So… I'm sorry for interrupting. You can get back to your story."

Yeeeep. Those gold eyes staring at me didn't help much, so the last bit came out far too high-pitched for my liking. Sure, I could give myself a little slack because of how I wasn't expecting that, but still. Even if Arturia-san shared personal things at her own discretion, which was rare, that did not warrant a surprised reaction towards Diarmuid sharing something himself.

I forced myself to take a breath to calm myself. "S-Sorry, Dia. Really."

"Milady — no, Tomoko — there is nothing to apologize for," Diarmuid said immediately, and the apparent callused hand covering the top of both of my own made it obvious he was trying to comfort me in some way. "I should have explained more properly had I known you would be so shocked. So," he squeezed my hands, "may I?"

I met his eyes and nodded. "Whatever you need me to do, I'll do. I'll try to stay calm."

He smiled softly. "Thank you, Tomoko." There was no missing the gratitude in his voice. It was then his turn to take a breath, and then Dia bowed his head, never retracting his grip on my hands. "I… I would like your advice on how to apologize to her."

"Eh?" I blinked. The first question of "What did you do wrong" immediately graced my head, but I pushed it back so that it wouldn't fall onto my tongue. There was no way I could ask that. His grip on my hands was desperate enough as is. Instead, I took another breath and said quietly, "Could I ask why you feel that way, Diarmuid?"

Dia raised his head just slightly to show the tops of his eyelids, but he still didn't meet my eyes. "…Alright, Tomoko," he allowed, before taking a breath. "In the past, when I had a different Lord than Lady Usako, I met Saber — Arturia Pendragon — in combat over the Holy Grail." The shrewd and fond smile on his face was such a tiny gesture, but spoke volumes of something I knew he was just barely covering the iceberg on. "She was a brilliant warrior, even back then, and I had always hoped to have one last battle with her before the end. With both of our honors as Knights on the line, to the death."

I nodded, trying to give what was an understanding hum for him to continue. Even if a part of me wasn't sure of what I was doing, even when another part of me was scared at just hearing the "to the death" part, I turned my right hand over so I could grip his left hand.

Through the handhold, I could feel Diarmuid jolt just slightly before relaxing, and his thumb immediately rubbed the side of my pointer finger. "Thank you for the comfort, Milady," he said quietly before loosening his grip, "but I do not believe I deserve such a thing. I… I cursed Saber in my last moments before meeting you."

Oh god.

Cold dread washed over me first, but I held it down with everything I had, keeping my voice plaintive and soft while never letting go of his limp fingers. "Why did you think you did that, Dia?" There was no way I could reject him. Even if I didn't know Dia as long as I did Art-san, he was still a Servant I could call a friend. Family even, if I could go that far with the number of times we met in dreams. So for him to pull away like this, no. "There's a difference between 'deserve' and 'want,' Dia. And I want to comfort you and hear you out."

Diarmuid raised his head to look at me, and the molten gold of his eyes had me stop for a moment. In that instant, it felt like the mole under his right eye was glowing, and I rubbed my eyes with my left hand. The rubbing helped since the glowing stopped once I pulled my hand back, but was it just me…? "Thank you, Milady," he said again, but he shook his head. "But I am not sure. I said many horrible things I wish I could take back. So many vile words a Knight of my caliber should not have uttered. And fate was cruel to both of us then. I served a Master that did not deserve my spears. I bewitched my Master's beloved with this curse of mine without meaning to."

It was hard to miss how he absently touched the mole under his eye with the statement.

Yet another sign a friend of mine needed therapy and more help than I could possibly give. But I still stayed quiet to hear the rest.

"And yet," he paused, as if fighting a lump in his throat. "I… In the last moments of my previous life, of the War I fought before I met you and Lady Usako, when facing Saber that last time in combat, the only one I could honorably face as myself and not a Servant bound by Command Seals, I…" his smile dropped completely as he turned away, not meeting my eyes. "I cursed her. Bleeding at the mouth, dying. My previous Lord had commanded me to die, and it was all because of her Lord. So, I hoped she would meet a cruel end. I hoped, at the time, that her dreams would bear no fruit because of the actions her previous Master did that led to my end. The things he did, that fiend—" Dia turned his head away, and I tried not to flinch. Saber's previous Master was a man? But I thought Saber fought in the Fourth and Fifth Holy Grail Wars… "I do not know if she had any part in what her Master planned. But it…"

I gripped his hand as gently as I could. "It hurt?"

There was a pause. "Yes," Dia said finally. His voice cracked slightly too. "It did. Thinking of her, the King of Knights, assisting in such cruelty." Then, for some reason, a bit of wonder crept into his voice. Or was it contemplative quiet? I didn't know, but waited anyways. "But when I look back, when I remember that time, the look on Saber's face, Arturia's face — it all spoke of shock. As if she did not know and did not wish such a thing to happen to begin with. And I cursed her without knowing any better. And when seeing her again here, happy with you, Tomoko, I…" he gently pushed my hand away. "I do not believe I have the right to try to apologize after that. To try finding out the truth. Even if I share a friendship with you." Diarmuid hung his head, frowning bitterly. "I do not know why I even came to you about this, speaking of troubles that rest far beyond your lifetime. A brute such as myself should not have the right to be so selfish and imposing on you, Milady."

Something in me snapped.

Maybe it was the name. Maybe it was Dia not making eye contact. But still. Something snapped.

Okay, just stop. Stop there, Dia. Stop right there.

I shook my head. "Dia." I wanted to reach out to grip his hand again, but he had already clenched both of his hands into fists atop his knees, so I held back. "That last part might be because we're friends, isn't it?"

Diarmuid's head was still bowed, but I could see him startle. "Pardon?"

Another snap in my blood.

This had gone on for too long.

I reached over to poke his forehead. "First, a boop for you, because this much self-deprecating talk means I owe you a concert now to get that out of your head." The words were enough to get Diarmuid's attention to finally look up, but before he could open his mouth in what I could assume was a protest, I cut him off with a miffed, "And secondly, it's not about whether you 'have' the right or not, Dia. It's whether you're gonna give yourself that chance to apologize and make amends. Because to me," I booped him again, harder on his head. He didn't get pushed back as much as I would've liked, but the shock in his gold eyes were enough of a sign to show that he was listening. "You've already earned it back."

"…Come again?" Diarmuid gaped.

I held back a sigh, booping him again, a bit softer this time with my pointer finger so he wouldn't recoil from the force. "Dia, the simple fact that you came to me in spite of all your pain about it means you want to move forward, at least to me. You don't want to have any more regrets, so by confiding in a friend, you hoped to find a solution." I smiled and reached over to grab his left hand in my right once those gold eyes focused on me. "Or if I'm wrong, feel free to correct me."

It took another long while, but Diarmuid gripped my hand back. "Go on, Tomoko," he said dutifully. "It feels right."

"What am I, a queen? No." I laughed it off. "Dia." Out of some kind of feeling, I leaned in to bump foreheads. "You're doing fine. The fact that you asked me, I'm honored, okay? Don't feel horrible for expressing anger or hurt when it's natural to do so from us being human. Sure, you're a Servant," I gestured to the two lances still sitting strapped to his back, much to the visible chagrin of some servers passing by, "but you still have your memories. You still have your heart of a human. And it's okay to feel the way you do."

"Milady…"

I bumped his head with mine, cupping his cheek with my left hand. "Tomoko, Dia. I'm Tomoko, remember? And I'm not your lady. Your lady now is Usagi-chan, right?"

A hand was gripping the one I was using to hold Lancer's face. "…Yes," he admitted. "You are correct, Tomoko. But… but I—"

"There are no 'buts' here, Dia." I bumped his head again while closing my eyes, absently starting to wonder when the numbing feeling would come in to replace the slight bits of pain running through my nervous system. "It's not about what you did in the past that decides things. It's how you are in this very moment. So, how do you feel now?"

Diarmuid paused, his breath gently brushing my nose from the close contact we were sharing. "Unsure," he said quietly. "But I want to be a better Knight. I want to reconcile."

"With Arturia-san?" I tried.

"…With Saber," Dia agreed. I did not miss how he squeezed both my hands.

"And that's the first step, Dia," I opened my eyes to stare into his gold eyes, smiling. "You know what you have to do. You got the chance a lot of others probably wish they could've had." Like me with Ty, maybe. Instead of voicing that, I kept smiling. "What matters now is when and where you want to go. What you want to do to accomplish what you want." I pulled back, never letting go of his hands, instead shrugging my shoulders towards the cafe entrance. "Saber gets her break in a few minutes, so if you want, Dia, I can call her over?"

"Eh?" Diarmuid looked positively baffled now, his gaze shifting between me and the cafe around us. "But, Tomoko, I believe Saber is still working until sundown—"

I let go of his cheek to point towards my own head with a grin. "You underestimate me, Dia. And besides." I patted his hand. "I said it before. 'Whatever you need me to do, I'll do.' It's what friends do. So, Dia," I toned down the grin to what was hopefully a warm smile as Diarmuid met my eyes again, "do you want me to call Arturia-san over?"

Yet again, those gold eyes flickered. Diarmuid glanced between his lap, me, and the piano in quick succession before going back to focus on me. Slowly but surely, a smile grew on his face too. A more Dia-like smile. "Then, if it is alright, Tomoko, please." He hung his head. "Nothing would be more helpful than that."

Keeping the happy juice to myself, I reached over to wrap my arms around his neck in a hug before thinking the words. Art-san?

Yes, Milady?

Hee hee. You're attentive. Enough about that though. There's someone here that would like to talk to you. I let go of Dia with a single pat to his shoulder with my free hand before getting up from my piano bench. They're at the piano, so come back in to take your break, okay?

A pause. Should I be worried, Tomoko? You sound more excited than usual…

No. The smile on my face was definitely real. I couldn't help but hum. Not at all. I'll take your shift out the door while you talk. I'm fine, Art-san.

If you are sure…

Once I walked off the stage, I could see my Knight walk back through the red cafe doors, much to the visible surprise of my Lancer friend. Once those emerald green eyes focused on me, I winked at her. Don't worry, Saber. Leave the worrying to me.

For once, I could walk out and be the host I always wanted to be.

It wasn't my place to listen in.

"Lancer? You… You were here?"

Diarmuid took a breath. "Hello, Arturia. It has been a while." I have another chance to repent. "I… I meant to apologize."

The former King of Knights took a seat next to him before smiling sadly. "I meant to say the same too. Our last bout, it did not end the way I wanted it to. You…" Arturia hung her head. "You deserved better. Kiritsugu was a fiend, and if I had known what he was planning, I would have stopped him. With all my might, all my power, if it meant making a difference." The words were inadequate, but she bowed her head and said them. "I'm sorry."

"Saber, I…" Diarmuid shook his head. "I'm sorry too. For all I said. For cursing you. May I… May I explain myself? If it is not a bother?"

Arturia shook her head too, catching a glimpse of a familiar paper square on the piano nearby. "It could never be a bother." She paused. "I missed you."

A hand cupped her chin to guide her gaze upwards, and Saber looked up to see Diarmuid's gold eyes. "I missed you too."

Neither Servant could miss Tomoko smiling to herself outside the Cafe doors, but they decided not to comment on it, sharing a smile between themselves.

"Hi, Usagi-chan!"

"Hello, Tomoko-san. I'm here for Diarmuid…? Got another mission to fight on."

There was a pointing of a finger. "Inside of the cafe, near the piano, having a heart-to-heart, I think you'll have to wait a while…?"

"Oh." The saying was accentuated by the wag of a wolf tail and the twitch of wolf ears. "Is it working out?"

"I think so!"

"Hee hee."

"So… want a cup of tea?"

"That'd be nice!"

The two girls shared a giggle. It was all good.