Chapter 4: When Lips Never Moved

Chapter Text

Waking in warm, strong arms, Harry felt more at peace than he had in ages. Lips curled up appreciatively, nuzzling into the bony chest of his pillow. Elegant fingers brushed through his hair, tracing the lightning bolt scar, the backs trailing down his cheek, thumb ghosting across parted lips. Unthinkingly he gave it a soft kiss, tip of his tongue peeking out for a taste. Hearing a sharp intake of breath, he blinked up lazily at the sallow face hovering above his.

Perhaps it was his half-asleep state that attributed to his thoughtless actions. Perhaps it was the look of reverence softening sharp features. Instead of the scalding flames of passion, or the sharp ice of hatred, there was warmth in Severus's unguarded expression. Unable to resist, he pressed a kiss to lips that had been tempting him for so long.

Severus froze in surprise. Harry stroked down the man's spine, lips softly prompting until hesitantly Severus kissed him back. Harry sighed into his mouth as Severus rolled him onto his back, cold hand cupping his neck. Tender caresses turned urgent as Harry draped his arms loosely around his lover, letting Severus take what he wanted from him, sleepily enjoying the ride. The man's erection pressed eagerly into his stomach and Harry could feel his own manhood responding to the feel of it. Severus shifted his hips to press their members together and Harry groaned, clutching at him tightly, bucking up into the contact.

He was wide awake by the time Severus's mouth latched onto his neck, rutting fervently against him. "Oh," Harry gasped as the older wizard sucked at the sensitive area beneath his ear. Pleasure he'd never known with his wife raked through him. They were already here, caught in the tide, and Harry wanted nothing more than to let it carry him away. Why not see it through, what had already begun? Why not strip away the fabric that separated them, to feel the silken heat of his lover bare against him?

"Stop," Harry gasped, pushing halfheartedly at the man. "Please, stop."

Severus stilled on top of him, breath hot against his flesh, hips still flush against his own. Harry squeezed his eyes shut against the urge to squirm against him. Seconds ticked by until Severus finally punched the mattress on either side of him angrily, shoving himself away. Harry rolled onto his side away from him, willing his erection away. He felt the shift of the mattress as Severus stood.

"I'm sorry," Harry whispered, pressing a shaky hand to his face. "Why are we in bed together?"

"We were drunk," Severus said irritably. "Even I cannot explain my actions whilst inebriated."

Not a lie, really, but not the full truth. Harry didn't remember much about last night, only drinking and lamenting the distance between them. He had the sneaking suspicion that Severus had intentionally put him in bed with him. But why? They hadn't shagged, that he could tell. Why else? For a cuddle? Harry smiled at the thought, half amused, half touched. Somehow he doubted that was the case.

"I need a shower," he said, sitting up. A cold one, preferably.

Severus nodded. "Breakfast?"

"Yes, please."

Harry took his time showering to settle his nerves. What was a little kissing and rubbing compared to past betrayals? He hadn't been in his right mind, he assured himself, and he'd stopped before things could progress further. It was shameful, how so much of him regretted it.

By the time he made it downstairs, breakfast was in full swing. Severus normally ate a light breakfast, but he had a full spread this morning. Harry generally preferred a larger breakfast, and was pleased to see it. Without a word he set himself to task, helping finish the sausage and brewing the coffee.

Harry recalled the first night they cooked together, wine drunk and as they attempted pasta. His face heated at the memory of licking sauce from Severus's mouth. Of wine spilling to the floor as he was pushed against the counter. He'd grinned when Severus cast a charm to keep the food fresh for them before returning to where Harry sat waiting on the counter top. Calloused fingers brushing his cheek.

"I hear you've won Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile again," Severus teased. The Lockhart comparison went unsaid, but was noted.

Harry laughed, poking his ribs. "Do you find me charming?"

Sober eyes bore into his own as Severus whispered, "I find you exquisite."

Heart full to bursting, he'd slipped off of the counter and pushed Severus back, intending to get them to the couch in the living room. Instead, they had drunkenly fallen to the floor. Wasting no more time, Harry pressed his mouth to his lover's, fumbling with his trousers. They used yogurt from the fridge as lube to hastily prepare him before he sank onto his lover's cock.

That was the night they'd conceived Albus.

After, they finished their pasta and ate it on the floor, naked. They left their dirty dishes there to make love a second time before the hearth on a makeshift bed of pillows and blankets. Still loose and wet from earlier, his lover slid into him easily, both sighing into each other's mouths. It was slower, then, holding each other close as Severus rocked leisurely into him. Severus still held him after, the pair drifting into contented sleep.

"Stop daydreaming before you burn something," Severus snapped, breaking Harry's reverie.

"Wouldn't be the first time," Harry muttered. That had not been their only night cooking and fucking, and occasionally they forgot to spare their meals. He colored once he realized what he'd said, but Severus only smirked.

He had to get Severus out of his head, and soon. Images of their past replayed themselves over and over in his head, clinging to the memories of what must never happen again.

Food was levitated to the table once complete, Severus fixing himself a plate of plain toast while Harry fixed a heaping plate for himself. Eggs, sausage, bacon, toast, porridge, and even a side of fruit and yogurt. Harry eyed the yogurt as if it might bite him. Severus watched him with a twitch of his lips.

"Shut it," Harry grumbled, stuffing eggs into his mouth. The smirk only grew and Harry laughed around his eggs.

"I've never known a better use for yogurt," Severus said as he reached for the cup. Harry swallowed as Severus held slipped a spoonful into his mouth. Cold, yogurt slicked finger sliding inside of him. He squirmed.

"Too cold," Harry said distractedly, eying his tongue as it licked the spoon clean. Tongue probing inside of him, Harry's mouth falling open in a soundless cry, his breath and voice stolen as he was tasted and explored. Harry blinked the imagery away, only to be replaced by tongue swiping across the leaking head of his cock, watching his shaft disappear inside of the hot furnace of his lover's mouth. It took the scalding coffee burning down his throat to chase them away for good. Hot, much too hot.

"I never found it to be so." Still smugly smirking.

Harry cleared his throat. "Thanks for this, by the way."

Severus nodded, setting the yogurt aside in favor of his toast. "Happy to oblige." Difficult not to watch the way the bread slipped into his mouth, determinedly holding back ideas of what he would rather put in that mouth. Harry grabbed the yogurt for himself, hoping its coldness would ease the heat within.

"Harry?" called a voice from the next room.

Harry jumped in his chair. "Ginny?" The cold shock of her presence doused the flames far quicker than the yogurt could. He had not heard the Floo, had not expected her to step into this house.

"Sorry to interrupt," Ginny said without looking at either of them. "Harry, my appointment is today, remember? Lily shouldn't be alone right now."

"Right," Harry said. "Sure, I'll head home right away." Ginny usually saw her therapist on Mondays, not Sundays, but he wasn't going to argue with her. "Thanks for the meal, Severus."

"Of course."

Ginny swept out of the room without another word. He heard her Floo to Marietta's office. Harry paused, feeling he should say something more, but Severus was already clearing the table with a wave of his wand and walking away. "Right," Harry muttered to himself.

There he stood, for a minute longer than he should have. Where had Severus walked off to? What would have happened, had Ginny not entered when she did? Could Harry have held himself back? Did he want to hold back? So close he had come this morning, to just letting himself go. Even now he could find Severus, could prompt him into a quickie before heading home.

Lily did not need to be alone in a time like this, Ginny had said, and she was right. His daughter was waiting for him at home. His daughter was at home, upset, because of him. That was the most sobering thought of all.

Albus woke at nearly noon to the most atrocious migraine of his life. Albus groaned miserably and pulled a pillow over his face. The motion of this caused a churning of his stomach and bile to rise to his throat. Cursing the Albus of the previous night, Albus braced himself against the agony and hurtled himself through the bathroom door. He didn't quite make it to the toilet in time.

"Merlin and Morgana," cursed Scorpius, stumbling into the room. "Here, we'll have to clean it up the Muggle way so Father doesn't ask questions."

'We' was actually Scorpius, who handed Albus a hangover concoction to nurse while Scorpius cleaned up the sick. Albus wondered if it was one of his father's creations, because if it was, he had another item to hate him for. It tasted rank, like rotten eggs stuffed into sweaty socks. Albus coughed, half wanting to vomit again, but the potion coated his insides, holding everything in.

The potion made him worse before it made him better. One solid minute of his skull splitting in two, of his roiling stomach, the violent swaying of the room that had him laying out on the floor. He was sweating by the time the effects wore off, the pain and nausea sweeping out of him suddenly. Albus shot up, now energized, body urging that it could very well run a marathon and more.

"Awful, innit?" Scorpius asked, setting aside filthy towels. "Better than the alternative. You'd be pitiful all day without it."

"Severus?" Albus inquired.

"Think so," agreed Scorpius. He was washing his hands now. Albus could see his very serious face in the mirror as he considered. "Best and worst hangover potion on the market. Who else could it be?"

Albus nodded thoughtfully. Was this another potion Severus "tested" on Harry? Back in the days when Harry was a lush? Vindictive pleasure at the idea of his dad going through that hellish recovery period, tasting the aftertaste of eggs and socks that lingered on Albus's tongue now.

"So," said Scorpius nervously. "He's…your father, right?"

Albus blinked owlishly at Scorpius. Newfound energy spurred his mind to action. Rifling through the memories of last night. Too many drinks, too many potions; no wonder he woke in such a state. What had he said? He hadn't meant to say a word, had he? Albus only wanted to forget, wanted distraction. Distraction, indeed, those bottles and phials. Intoxication pulling forth truths better left hidden.

Everyone would be okay, had Albus left well enough alone. Everyone had been just fine before he opened his big mouth. He could have addressed the situation with James and Teddy without bringing up the family secret. He didn't need to compare the situation; the wrongness of the liaison spoke for itself. All he'd had to do was mention Victoire and how they were hurting her. That was enough, wasn't it?

But what of his mother? What of Ginny, who had lived with her husband's adultery for so long? Didn't she deserve his defense? What could he have done there? Confronted his dad about it? Confronted Severus about it? What would he have said? Would it have mattered?

Besides, didn't they deserve to know, his siblings? This involved them, as well. James, especially. James, who didn't know of his true parentage. Did it matter that he'd been living a lie his whole life? Wasn't it better to have the truth out there? Wasn't it owed to them, the people it affected the most?

"I told you?" Albus asked, lowering his head in shame. He shouldn't feel such guilt, he told himself. This was his secret to share. What did it matter, how it affected his fathers? They were the ones in the wrong. Any backlash either received was no less than they deserved.

"Yeah," Scorpius nodded, still washing his hands, as if he didn't know what else to do. "Dad was always surprised they were friends. Says they loathed each other back in your dad's schooldays. Well, Harry your dad, not Severus your dad. Anyway. Yeah. He'd die of shock if he knew they were…well…that." His rambling died off lamely. "Um…I don't…Well, it's not your fault, what happened. You know? You…You're still Albus. You're still my best friend. If…you know…if you were worried."

Albus hadn't spared it much thought, as he never really intended to tell anyone. If he had, would he have worried? Yes, probably. Hard enough being Harry Potter's son without such a scandal being thrown into the mix. Would anyone view him differently, were the world to know? Mabel? His teachers? His peers? Tears blurred his vision without his realizing. What of his numerous cousins, aunts, and uncles? His grandparents? They weren't really his family, were they? Scorpius was at his side as the tears fell, Albus rubbing them harshly away. They were his family, whether his mum birthed him or not. Weren't they? Would they so easily brush him and James aside if they knew?

"You're still Albus," Scorpius assured him. "Severus being your dad doesn't change that. No one who matters is going to care."

"You don't know that," Albus sniffled.

"Yeah, I do," Scorpius said. "You can stay here as long as you need. I already told Dad you might need to. But…Well. I think you need to talk to your parents." Albus snorted derisively and shook his head. "No, really, you should. You're clever, Al, but you don't know everything. There may be more to the story, things you don't know. And we both know how much you like knowing things, Al." Albus glared at him, the effect ruined by his sniffling. "Besides. They love you. You should let remind you of that."

Lily was hiding in her room when Harry came home, and he didn't have the heart to disturb her. Not until he knew what to say and do. He'd been so concerned with how James and Albus would take it, he hadn't really considered what it would mean to Lily.

It was hours before she crept downstairs. Harry was fixing lunch for them both. Her eyes and face were still red from crying. Harry clutched the spatula in his hand, wanting to protect her from harm. Sadly the only one harming her was Harry himself. Setting aside his spatula, holding his own anguish back with a breath, he opened his arms to her. Tall, skinny Lily threw herself into them, trembling against him.

"You still love me, right, Daddy?"

"Of course, Lils. I'll always love you," Harry assured her, voice tight. "This…everything that happened is in the past. And…the past is between your mother and I. It has nothing to do with you or your brothers. You know that? I love you all, and so does your mother."

Lily nodded. "You don't…love me less? For being Mum's?"

Harry's eyes burned, but he willed the tears back. "Of course not." What a strange thought to occur to her. Lily was the only child he shared biologically with his wife. Harry and Ginny had always been happy and, even when not, played at it well. If anything, shouldn't he love her more for it? Unless she knew what he felt for Severus, and Harry somehow didn't think that had come up in conversation with her mother. Regardless of who the other parent was of his children, they were still his, and he loved them all. Not one more, not one less, than the others.

"Come on," Harry said gruffly. "Let me finish cooking, and we can eat. Just you and me." He swallowed. "You can ask me anything you want. No more lies." It was a promise he hoped he could keep.

James stretched luxuriously across a bed that was not his. He watched admiringly as Teddy Lupin crossed the room, naked, to nervously shut the curtains, shutting out the afternoon sunlight.

That morning, James's slumber had been broken when Victoire left for work. His cousin attempted to leave as quietly as possible, but his sleep had been been fitful all night. Just the rustling of her robes and the soft clink of her jewelry brought him back to consciousness.

"I'm sorry, Jamesy," Victoire had whispered, brushing a maternal kiss to his head. "Teddy will make you breakfast, alright? He's calling in at work today to stay with you. I would have done so myself, but deadlines." She shrugged, frowning down at him with concern. Hesitating, as if second guessing her decision, deadlines be damned.

"That's alright," James replied sleepily.

By then he was wide awake, heart racing as he listened to Victoire leave. He counted the minutes, to be sure she would not return for a forgotten purse or lipstick, then bounded off of the couch and into their bedroom. Teddy was still asleep in their bed, snoring loudly. James grinned. Teddy had always been a loud snorer. James was normally a deep sleeper, himself, so he'd always thought it meant they would suit each other well.

So James climbed into bed beside him, not in the area recently vacated by his cousin, but the much smaller area between Teddy and the edge of the bed. "Hm?" Teddy had grunted in his sleep, arm draping across James. James snuggled into Teddy's chest.

"Just don't want to be alone," James confessed, which, while not a lie, was also not the complete truth. He drifted off to sleep, the rumble of snores soothing his uneasy soul.

The pair slept until late morning. True to Victoire's word, Teddy fixed breakfast and served it to James in bed. They sat cross-legged on the mattress, munching on crepes as birds sang outside the window. Teddy was an excellent cook. Harry had taught him. Teddy's crepes were better, James thought viciously.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Teddy asked after cleaning up the dishes.

"I don't want to think at all," James said, bravely reaching out to tug Teddy forward by his belt loops. Teddy smiled uncertainly as he fell into bed with James.

"This isn't -" Teddy said, but James interrupted by kissing him. He didn't put up much of a fight after that. James wasn't sure he had much of a chance. James was relentless in getting what he wanted; and James had wanted Teddy for a very long time.

He had never gone all the way with a bloke before, and Teddy had never been with a bloke at all before him. Their lovemaking was clumsy, but sweet. It had been painful, but not for long. Teddy was very gentle with him. Teddy could never be anything but gentle.

James wasn't sure what he thought would happen, after. Maybe he'd finally tell Teddy that he loved him. Now that Teddy knew what it could be like, surely he would be more amenable. Victoire was a good witch, but she wasn't right for Teddy. She couldn't give Teddy the excitement and diversity James could. Everyday would be a new adventure for them. He knew it. He'd daydreamed of it for years.

This quiet, somber Teddy was not what James had envisioned. He'd imagined intimate laughter, loving caresses, sweet kisses until they were ready to make love again. A bittersweet thorn pierced James's heart as he hugged the pillow against himself. "Come here," James prompted.

"We shouldn't -" Teddy whispered.

"Please," James said loudly, willing away the tears that threatened to form.

Reluctantly, Teddy rejoined him in bed. As he'd wanted, Teddy held him close and stroked his back soothingly. But Teddy was sad and thoughtful, while James…James could hear his brother's accusations in his ear. "You're no better than Severus!" But it wasn't the same. James was in love with Teddy. He and Teddy belonged together. Now that Teddy had his taste of him, he would leave Victoire. They would do things right from here on out.

Crying after his first time had never been a part of his fantasies. He wasn't even sure why he was crying, only that the bundle of emotions he'd been repressing were finally unfurling within him. Teddy rocked him through them all.

Was it any wonder James loved him?