Chapter Six

Nell sat on a pew inside St. Mary's church with Bub cradled in her arms. It was Sunday afternoon and she'd come here to pray, but she couldn't find the words. Everything she wanted to say to God was in her heart. Surely he knew. She heard Father Brown approaching and opened her eyes.

"I don't mean to disturb you." he whispered.

"You aren't." she smiled, "God and I were just having a... silent conversation."

"I see. Well, I wanted to invite you to dinner tonight at the prespretary. Sid will be there, and Mrs. McCarthy."

"I wouldn't want to intrude,"

"You can't intrude where you're invited," he told her.

"Oh, all right," she agreed with a smile.

"I'm afraid I've heard about the bakery transfer. I'm truly sorry. I don't think it's right."

"I understand why they're blocking it. I really do, it just...breaks my heart." she whispered.

"God hears even our silent prayers." he patted her shoulder turned to go, "I'll see you at seven." he called over his shoulder.

"Yes, Father."

That evening after dinner Bub was sleeping in a laundry basket provided by Mrs. McCarthy, and the adults were sitting around the kitchen table drinking coffee. All except Sid who was sipping on a whiskey neat. Nell had purchased a lovely scented candle as a gift for Father Brown and he proudly lit it and had it displayed on the center of the table.

The ambiance was warm and welcoming as the group sat conversing. Mrs. McCarthy was bound to bring up what she'd heard about the halt of the bakery transfer. Nell had already prepared herself for the well-meaning older woman's opinions.

"I heard that if you marry they'll allow the transfer, and even into your name!" Mrs. M said, as if it was all so simple.

"Yes, that is what Mr. Elliott told me." Nell shook her head.

"God will make a way," Father Brown told her.

"I know." she was still shaking her head, "I doubt, however that the solution will be marriage."

Sid was uncharacteristically silent. In fact, he'd barely spoken all evening. Bub started to fuss and Mrs. McCarthy picked him up and patted his back.

"Well, you never know." she said kindly.

Nell shrugged her shoulders, "I'm happy as I am."

Mrs. M gave her a scandalized look as if to say "How could you possibly be happy?"

Nell looked at the clock, "Oh! I should be going now. Thank you, Father for inviting me."

Sid and Father Brown stood as Nell left the table, with Sid following close behind her. He helped her into her coat while Mrs. M held Bub. His knuckles brushed gently across her cheek, and to her surprise the sensation left her curious. Curious of Sidney Carter. Nell knew not all men were bad. Father Brown for instance, although that was different. He was a celibate priest who devoted his life to God. A truly virtuous man.

In her experience sex, or the desire for it made most men change. For the worst. The scars of her past were present with her everyday. The memories. The nightmares. The fear, shame, and heartbreak. When she looked at Sid, with his crooked smile and magnetic charm she wished...she prayed he could be different. She needed him to be because after all, she was already falling for him.

Mrs. M handed Bub to Nell with a kiss on the head. Sid placed his hand on the small of her back and guided her from the room to the door. Her cheeks flushed and once again she felt her traitorous heart being pulled further and further from its cage.

Sid was unusually quiet on the way back to the caravan. His face was stoic. Nell was paying too much attention to him, and didn't see the small hole in the road. She stepped directly into it causing her ankle to twist. She yelped in pain and stumbled forward hanging onto Bub with all her might. Sid's arm reached out and caught her around the waist before she hit the dirt.

"My ankle! I think it's twisted it." she gritted out through clenched teeth.

"Can you put any pressure on it?" he asked.

Nell stood straight and attempted a step. It hurt badly, but she could walk.

"Yes, I can walk. I'll be okay. It hurts a lot though."

She fought back tears. Something wasn't right with her foot, but she didn't want to be a bother. Her act wasn't lost on Sid. He eyed her suspiciously before motioning to her,

"Here give me Bub,"

"No, I've got him."

She attempted to solider on clutching her baby tightly through the pain.

"You can barely walk. Let me have him. I won't hurt him, I promise. I'm good with kids." he smiled.

"Do you even know any children at all?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact I do." he replied.

"Who, may I ask?"

Sid thought for a moment, "Bub of course." he answered and then stepped toward her and took Bub from her arms.

"Hold his head!" Nell cautioned him.

Sid smiled and draped Bub over his shoulder, placing his hand on his back. The baby boy was fast asleep and couldn't be bothered to fuss. Nell was surprised at how big Sid's hand looked compared to Bub's head. He flashed her a proud looked and then entwined their arms and let her lean on him for support.

"I don't need to lean on you." Nell insisted as they walked.

"You're lucky I'm holdin' this baby. If not you'd be the one slung over my shoulder." Sid scolded her.

Nell wasn't quite sure how to react to his statement, but from somewhere inside her she felt laughter bubble up. She giggled at first and then the more she thought about it she laughed out loud.

"What's so funny?" Sid asked.

"Just imagining the looks we'd get." she told him.

"I'm used to funny looks."

She smiled at him coyly. "Why do you do the things you do?"

"What'd you mean?"

"The rogue stuff, steal, cheat..."

"Hey now!" he said indignantly.

"Well, a girl hears things, and she wonders if it's safe to be walking at night with such a man."

He slowed his step, "Have you ever felt unsafe around me?"

Her mind flashed to their first few meetings. "Once I got to know you, no."

That gave Sid some measurement of comfort. He sighed, "I didn't have no parents growin' up. Got used to earning a penny however I could. Odd jobs, and sometimes yeah I stole a bit."

"All that's in the past though?"

"Mostly." he winked.

They arrived at the caravan just then. Sid took Bub inside and Nell attempted to pull herself up, but wasn't able to put the weight on her ankle. Sid laid the baby down on the bed and came to the doorway.

"You want a hand?" he asked.

"Yes, please."

To her surprise Sid reached down and wrapped one arm around her waist pulling her up into the caravan and tightly against his chest. For one weak moment she thought she might swoon. Especially when he didn't let her go. He gazed down into her eyes, the eyes he once saw such sadness in, and realized that he saw something much more there now.

"I should let you go." he whispered. He was just thinking out loud, not even realizing he had spoken.

The silence stretched on, and knowing he shouldn't, but not being able to help himself Sid lowered his lips towards hers. Nothing much separating them except for Sid's will power which by reputation was not very strong.

"I can't." Nell said breathlessly, "Please, no."

Sid immediately turned her loose. "I'm sorry."

He shook his head and stepped away from her, ashamed. Nell reached out and brushed her fingers against his cheek as if to say he didn't have to apologize. He held her hand against his cheek.

"Would you let me be there for you, Nell?" he whispered.

"I'd never ask you to-"

"But I want to be," he interrupted.

"Why, Sid?"

He brought her hand down from his cheek, but didn't let it go.

"I don't know," he shrugged, "I just want to be. I know you've been through it, but I'd never hurt you. I'd do my best to be the kind of man you need."

"It's not just me, Sid. I could afford to have my heart broken again, but Bub," she gazed longingly at her baby boy, "I don't want him to feel the pain of that."

"You don't think I'm good enough." he said flatly.

"Of course I do! It isn't that. It's just...well you don't really even know me that well. We've only been friends for a short time. I don't want you to regret your decision to get involved with us."

"I know my own mind. And I don't often have regrets." he stepped towards her.

Her walls were crumbling all at once, and her longing for love was bleeding through the walls around her heart. Sid took both her hands in his and pulled her close once again.

He whispered, "Marry me."

Oh, Sidney.

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