Twenty One.
I sip my Dandelion and Burdock and watch Mum interrogate Cullen with kindness.
"So how do you two know each other?" she asks, letting her dinner go cold, too busy talking to eat. "From school?"
"Yeah, we're in the same classes," he says, which is a half truth.
"Detention," I say, dousing more vinegar on my chips, enough to sting my nose.
She ignores me. "I've not heard your name mentioned before." She gives me a look, like I've been holding out on her. "Have you just joined the Sixth Form?"
"Yeah, we moved during the summer. From Manchester."
Mum snaps her fingers. "I knew I could detect an accent." She's so pleased, her whole face glows, though it could be from the gin I know she's got in her mug. "My first ever boyfriend was from around that area. Salford, I think. You remind me of him."
I really hope not, as I'm pretty sure that 'first boyfriend' was my dad. Mum likes to twirl her memories on a thin ribbon between fairy tales and nightmares. My dad's somewhere nestled between, depending on her mood.
"Yeah? I've moved around so much, most people say I don't have much of an accent. My passport says I was born in Dublin, but I've no memories of being there."
Mum fans her reddening face. "Oh, well, what a shame. I've always wanted to go to Ireland."
He shrugs, the gesture sadder than before. "Yeah. Me too."
She's given up eating totally now, fingers tapping on the Silk Cut packet on the table. I hope she doesn't light up. She must hear my silent plea, as she slides them away from her.
"So, what do your parents do?" Her question changes his face. Nervous smiles to a pillar of salt. I slide my eyes over to her, widening them in the hope she gets the message to shut up.
"Um …" He coughs and clears his throat, ripping open a sachet of ketchup, his concentration on his plate when he answers. "I live with my aunt now."
I cringe a little while Mum says "Oh, okay", hoping she drops it, with an unkinder part of me hoping she asks what does now mean? Piggybacking on Mum's questions seems wrong, but I'll take all the insights into him I can get.
She doesn't press him. "Where did you move to around here?"
"Over at Adswood," he says, but this time he dares me to say something with a levelled stare.
"Ah," says Mum again. "I know Adswood."
If Shelton is one of the seven levels of hell, then Adswood is the sum total of them all.
"We're trying to find somewhere else," he says, "but it's hard."
"Yes, yes. I understand that completely." Mum reaches over and squeezes his hand. I appreciate her for the first time in a long while. The exception, when so many people would be horrified. "And some parts of Adswood aren't too bad, a bit like round here." She waves around our cramped home. "Are you near the Annabelle?"
"No, opposite side, at Blossoms," he says, naming the estate with a name that doesn't match its pebbledash walls, rusted doors and paint-chipped balconies.
"That's a better place to be," she says, and I feel the relief sinking into her shoulders. Annabelle's is the local scumbag pub, brawls, drugs, murders. You name it, it's the devil's lair.
I'm sure if he stays here any longer, Mum's going to suggest he move in.
I start to clear away the plates, Cullen helps. We stand side by side and do the dishes. It's so messed up. Mum chats with us for a little longer, and then makes her way out to meet her friend Janie at the pub. "Behave kids!" she yells as she disappears out of the door in her leopard print fur.
Cullen leans up against the fridge and watches me tidy away the last few things.
I feel flustered under his gaze. "So, that was interesting."
"She's nice."
"When she want's to be."
The question about his parents is on the tip of my tongue, but I let it dissolve, scared that the answer will be something too difficult for him.
But this means the loose ends of his background are weaving together tighter, creating a wall between us, and I can't see him clearly enough to pretend it's okay.
"You should probably go now," I say, putting the last of the glasses away.
He's disappointed. "I thought … maybe we could go out? Dessys or somewhere else? "
I look at him. Every mysterious inch. He's a pickpocket, taking little bits of me away with him every time we talk, but I've not got the same skills, always walking away empty-handed. I need to stop trying. "I've got some stuff to do for Cope's class. It can't be late again."
"Alright then." His eyes dart all around, he doesn't know where to look. They land on his jacket, which he grabs, and then his bag. "Guess I'll see you at school."
"Yeah, see you around." I close the door behind him, but he sticks a hand out and stops it. "Bella, I want you to understand, I just don't know how to show you."
"You'll find a way," I say, and he shifts his head, the shadow of agreement.
His smile flickers and peters out as I close the door and take back a little control.
AN: My heart belongs to Kim, Choc and Dandelion and Burdock. x