There was many an adjective that could be used to describe the current state of the Cullen Clan. But maybe the most apt would be 'disarray'. Everything was back to front, upside down, topsy turvy. Or maybe just describing them as a mess would get the idea across just nicely.

Because they were, you know. A mess that is. Let's start with Jasper. He was the catalyst and damn if he didn't feel it. It would have been impossible not to. Carlisle sending out a wave of disappointment, before abruptly reining it in. The damage had already being done. Emmett and Esme falling into sporadic bouts of sorrow. So lost in it that they did not even contemplate reigning it in. They pushed it at him, relentlessly until it screamed like an inferno inside him. Even Rose was prone to bitterness. Not a direct consequence of Bella herself, but more her own husbands sorrow at the action. Each emotion built up brick by brick until there was a world upon his shoulders.

It was made worse by his own confusion. It had not been a normal attack in his own head. He had felt the Major, yes. He had felt the other's bloodlust, varying degrees of strength but identifiable nonetheless. But his own emotions had being less identifiable. There had been a roaring anger, a fierce protectiveness. An illogical protectiveness. Was he going for Bella? It had seen so obvious back then. Bella was bleeding, he felt his own bloodlust and the other's as well. It was a foregone conclusion. Even if he had brought up his feelings to the others he was sure he would be dismissed. What reason would he have to protect the human? Especially when he had been so intent on killing her initially and had barely bonded with her since.

Maybe it would have been okay, if he'd had support on the home front. If he'd had someone to talk through his emotions, someone who was fully on his side, someone who to hold him when the guilt and confusion warred like Maria verses her enemies back in the Southern Wars. His wife, his Alice, had been drifting slowly away for years, he had known it but she'd always been present. She had not always been the best wife but she had always been his best friend. She had supported him when the rest of the family had been a whisker away from kicking him out. She wasn't now though. He felt her absence like a chasm over a river. He was one side and she was the other and no matter how far he reached he would never reach her. He felt like he was going to collapse from the weight of it. The weight of the emotions and his own impending loss.

Esme could sympathise. Though she wasn't doing a very good job of it at the moment. She was lost in herself. She remembered early on, Rose's warning to the family that befriending Bella would only end in misery. Of course this wasn't what Rose had foreshadowed but the misery had come nonetheless. Bella had left them, seen their true nature and ran for the hills, wanting to cut all contact. She couldn't blame Bella, she didn't even blame Jasper. But it hurt. She'd accepted Bella in her heart, not even as Edward's mate but a child in her own right. She had been like a final piece of a puzzle that the family had not even realised they'd been missing. Now with her piece gone, the rest of the puzzle couldn't support itself. It started to fall apart from the inside out.

Likewise, Emmett could sympathise. Bella had been his little sister in everything but blood. She held a place in his heart even more than Alice even despite only knowing her for a few short months. Sometimes he'd feel like he was moving on, the pain would subside just slightly, Rosie would distract him (Rosie was very good at distracting him). But then he'd think of something funny, something he'd usually say to Bella and he'd feel it all over again. It sucked.

The Cullen was as divided as when they first came together. More so even. At least back then there was the excuse of not knowing each other very well. Of being strangers, they had yet to learn quirks and preferences and to appreciate each others humour. But this time the separation was emotional. Being with each other reminded them of what they'd lost. It was like ripping a scab of an unhealed wound. Not only did it sting but it bled anew. Jasper secluded himself in his study. Drowning in books that held his attention but not any enjoyment. Something to focus on other than the emotions that beat at his conscience. Esme spent more time with Carlisle. Just sitting on his couch in his office. She felt protected with Carlisle and the sound proofed walls gave her a deeper sense of ignorance. If she couldn't hear the world then surely the world did not exist. Whilst Carlisle worried, he indulged her. He was glad to be in a bigger town where work was a liable excuse. It felt like living in a graveyard. Rosalie and Emmett were like limpets. They stayed close, always looking for that physical affirmation of the others presence. None of them knew how long they could continue like this before they just disintegrated on each other.

So now you know the thoughts and feelings of the majority of our esteemed clan but surely you've noticed the lack of mention of a certain duo. I wanted to save them until last. Edward was Bella's boyfriend, Alice her best friend. Surely they deserve a special mention, no?

In current Cullen terms it was a normal day. Carlisle hiding at work, Esme in his office. Rose and Emmett watching a movie together (Though watching was a loose term for all the attention they were paying the screen). Alice and Edward were missing in action. Their whereabouts unknown to the rest of the family as they were so often now.

But Jasper, he was an anomaly today. It had been a good week since he had last fed and whilst there was a lack of tempting humans the hunger burned in the back of his throat. It had been creeping up on him, first a warming heat, then a tickling irritation but by this time it was nigh on an inferno burning his throat, it's only blessing being that it shut off all knowledge of other emotions. It was only logical then, that he went out to the forest to satiate the hunger.

Until he stepped outside he didn't realise how much he had missed the sunshine, bright and warm despite not actually warming him. He had missed the breeze whistling past his ears, the pressure of it as science dictated that he should slow down, the tickle of stray branches reaching out to his marble skin, the freedom, as he ran at inhuman speed.

And then there was the hunt. Spying the target, hearing it's heartbeat thud, thud, thud. A rhythm so gentle, so lulling that you almost want to sleep rather than chase. But then as you get closer it's scent hits you. Rich and dark, though not the best, a dollar store chocolate in comparison to premium Belgian chocolate. Still tasty but paling in comparison to the true prize. Even closer still and it's instincts set in, ears dart up, eyes dilate, that lulling heartbeat almost becoming a stutter in its haste thudthudthudthud.

It leaps graceful from its spot. Legs pushing it further and further away. But never far enough. It is prey, Jasper is predator. His fangs sink deep into its hide, sucking for all he's worth. And then it's empty. Time for take two.

And there was a take two, as well as a take three, four and five. He drank until he felt passed satiated, until he felt sloshy inside, almost nauseous.

With nothing left to do, he started to make his way back. That was when he heard Edward's voice. Quiet, so clearly a fair distance away, but discernible nonetheless.

"Can we leave yet, love?"

At those words, Jaspers first instinct was that maybe the whole Bella thing was a hoax. Who else would Edward be calling love? Had she been this close this long. He almost wanted to rush in there, scream at her for destroying his family, for causing them heartache. But he listened instead. His curiosity getting the better of him.

"Soon. She's disappeared from my visions so she must be dead. Jasper is just as ignorant as before. The family is practically falling apart. We'll just be the first to go."

The second voice was like a sucker punch to Jasper's gut. All he'd heard mixed in his head as he tried to make sense of it. Alice and Edward were having an affair? They wanted Bella dead? And just what was Jasper ignorant about, because his gut told him that it wasn't just the affair they were referencing, as much as he had being ignorant about that.

*Hi guys, apologies for the long delay. It was exam season but I finished my last one yesterday so I'll be a little more active on here. Hope y'all still enjoy this.