Emil finished his finals then drove home for Christmas break. He had stayed behind for Thanksgiving, so this was his first time returning since he moved to college. Lukas had gone to help his dad to scare the neighbor kids on Halloween, and he had assured Emil that his parents hadn't touched his room.
He almost wished they had changed something; painted, shifted things around, whatever. It was strange to come home and see everything was the same when in reality everything was different. He felt like a different person. No, like different people. As in, he had these memories from different lives inside of him. For the most part, he could repress them, but he had these wild dreams every night. And sometimes, Lukas told him, he still shone in his sleep.
He parked on the street outside his house, where Mathias used to park when he would come over. They hadn't heard from him since the night of the exorcism. Lukas had gotten sick of recounting his conversation with their ex-boyfriend after the third time, and Emil still didn't understand what was going on. There was a knot in his stomach that had been forming all day.
Like every year, it was clear that Emil's parents hadn't wanted to switch their Halloween decorations for Christmas décor. They put up multi-colored lights and a "Happy Holidays" sign, but they left up most of the Halloween inflatables, having adorned them with Santa hats.
His parents smothered him and Lukas as soon as they got in the door, which was quite a feat for his father, who couldn't even see the ghost.
"It's good to see you, sweetie," cooed Emil's mom as he wiggled out of their arms.
"Is the car running alright?" asked his dad.
"Yeah, it's fine."
"And how is my future ghost-in-law?"
"Dad..."
It was strange how easily they had accepted his relationship with Lukas. Emil's mom had suspected they were more than friends, and Emil's dad thought it was the coolest (if not the most complicated) thing ever. It had been harder to explain the polyamorous relationship between him, Lukas, and Mathias, and Emil still shuddered when he remembered that conversation.
It was Christmas Eve when the knot in his stomach became justified.
"Emil, look who just pulled up," Lukas said.
Emil looked out the window and saw Mathias's car parked outside his house.
"Shit," he groaned. "He's just gonna show up out of the blue like that?"
"We could just ignore him."
"No, I don't want my parents to see him and start asking questions." Knowing his parents, they'd pick and pick and pick until he told them every little detail of Mathias's silence.
"Then we'd better go talk to him." Lukas slipped his hand into Emil's and squeezed it reassuringly.
They quietly snuck downstairs and out the front door before their ex-boyfriend could ring the bell.
"Oh, hey you two!" Mathias greeted them, smiling nervously.
"Mathias," Emil answered, still holding onto Lukas's hand tightly. "It's been a while."
"Yeah, it has."
"Since the night Emil almost died saving you," Lukas added. Mathias flinched slightly.
"Yeah, I thought I'd see you guys over Thanksgiving break, but you didn't come home."
"I had a lot of classwork to catch up on," Emil replied coolly.
"And we thought we'd hear from you first."
"I didn't know what to say." Mathias looked down at his feet.
"Then why are you here?"
"I wanted to see you both."
Emil looked at Lukas, and the ghost shrugged noncommittally.
"Okay, but you can't come inside. My parents..."
"Yeah, I understand. Wanna go for a drive?"
Emil looked at the car. That was where he had been dumped. He squeezed Lukas's hand tighter.
"Let's go for a walk," suggested the ghost.
Emil ran inside to grab his coat and boots, and they set off in silence.
"It's cold," he grumbled as he crunched through the freshly fallen snow.
"I can—" Mathias cut himself off. They continued in silence for a bit. It was already getting dark, and the Christmas lights on the houses were turning on. It would have been romantic, if they weren't broken up.
"My parents know everything," Emil said. "About me and Lukas, the three of us, everything."
"You told them?" Mathias asked.
"I didn't really have a choice. They promised not to say anything to your parents."
"I see..."
"I don't understand why you never told your parents you can see spirits. Our dads are really into ghost hunting."
"I don't know, I guess because it freaks my mom out so much." Emil huffed, but he didn't have a good response to that. Mathias's mom could sense ghosts but not see them, and it had always made her uncomfortable. She never took off an amulet she had bought from the Väinämöinens.
"It's a part of who you are."
"Maybe one day I'll tell them, but these things always take me a while."
"I don't understand why you never even texted to check up on Emil," Lukas hissed. "Weren't you at all concerned for him, or did the severity of the situation not get through your thick skull?"
Mathias frowned "I've been getting updates from Tino..."
"From Tino? We haven't seen him in months. He found a job and moved to a different city with Berwald."
"I know, but—Oh, Emil, you're not shining anymore!"
"Of course not, you idiot, do you think he could just walk around glowing like that all the time?"
"Lukas," Emil said quietly, "let him talk."
Mathias took a deep breath, looking down at his feet. "I don't have any good excuses, I'm sorry I haven't been in touch. I thought you two would want some space, and I needed some time for myself. I think you understand how scared I was of that...thing, and I still have nightmares about it."
"And Emil has nightmares about its murder victims."
"You do? Tino didn't mention that."
"I haven't told anyone other than Lukas," Emil answered.
"Shit, I'm sorry." The taller boy rubbed his hand down his face. "I've been really out of touch with everything. Between school and football and processing everything…"
Emil grimaced. Mathias was balancing a sports team and pre-med, and he couldn't even complete his homework without Lukas's help. Even more so now that he had so many other memories swirling in his head, and none of them related to his classes.
"I understand, that thing stalked you for a year."
"It wouldn't have if you had just talked to us about it," Lukas grumbled.
"What is it that you want, Mathias?"
"I want…I want to get back together. I miss you two so much."
"You have a funny way of showing it..." Lukas sneered.
"I know, I'm really, really sorry. I love you both, and I'll do anything to make things better."
Emil took a slow breath in and out. "Then tell your parents," he said.
"What?"
"Tell your parents about Lukas, and maybe we can start to repair things between us. It was really weird to explain everything to my parents, but now I'm glad they know everything. I'm not going back to hiding him."
"But you're planning to bring him back, right?"
"When I'm ready, but I don't know how much longer that will take. But this relationship shouldn't depend on that, and it would be strange if your parents thought he just popped up out of nowhere."
"I guess you're right, but my mom..."
"I'm sorry, Mathias, but I don't care if your mom gets the heebie jeebies from ghosts. You and I both survived a murderous malevolent spirit, I think she can deal with the fact that you've been making out with the friendly neighborhood ghost."
"Hey, I'm not that friendly," Lukas interjected.
"Emil, that's kind of asking a lot from me," Mathias said slowly.
"And you're asking a lot from us. If you don't want to tell them that badly, then we'll just...leave things as they are."
He turned around and started walking back to his house, taking slow, careful breaths. He realized he was still holding tightly to Lukas, who walked next to him and gave his hand another squeeze.
"Lukas, Emil, wait!" Mathias called, running after them. He pulled them both into a tight hug and planted a kiss on top of each of their heads. "I'll think about it, okay? I can't promise, but I'll really think about it."
"Don't think about it too long," Emil responded. It took all his self-control not to hug him back like he so desperately wanted to.
"This is your last chance," Lukas added. "We're not waiting around for you anymore."
He was being followed. He was always being followed. It was getting closer, always closer. He was never alone, but it didn't seem to matter. It was breathing down his neck now. His neck, his neck, it had his neck in its hands. He couldn't breathe, everything was going fuzzy…
He gasped awake, struggling against sweaty sheets. He was trapped, couldn't breathe.
"Emil, it's okay," Lukas whispered, deftly untangling the sheets and cupping his face. "It was a dream, you're home."
Emil leaned into the cool hand, taking deep breaths. As he looked into Lukas's dark blue eyes, he slowly came back into his own reality. He was Emil Steilsson, very much alive and at home for Christmas. His own memories came back, and his gasping turned into sobbing.
"Emil, Emil," Lukas murmured softly. This was something he had taken to doing over the past couple of months, whenever the boy awoke from a nightmare. It was strange to hear the normally snarky ghost speaking so tenderly, but it usually comforted him. However, today, with the conversation with Mathias fresh in his mind, he almost preferred someone else's memories.
He lay in bed for another half hour or so, cuddling with Lukas. They loved each other so much, so who cared if Mathias was a part or not? Finally he got up and took a cold shower to meditate. That was something that he had taken to doing, on Aunt Paula's recommendation. Well, she had actually recommended meditating under a waterfall, but a cold shower was just as good. Afterwards, he felt much more grounded. It was Christmas, he was with his family and boyfriend, and they all loved each other. Soon, he would be ready to bring Lukas back, and everything would be perfect.
The Steilssons didn't exchange many presents. They were a small family, and Mr. and Mrs. Steilsson had always tried to teach Emil to cherish his belongings instead of always wanting more. Each year, they strove to find meaningful gifts rather than store-bought presents. This meant that Emil, who didn't have the money to buy his parents gifts, could make something for them without feeling cheap or guilty. This year, he had a completely new idea.
"Hold my hands," he prompted.
"Aww, kiddo, are you giving us voluntary hugs for Christmas?" gushed his dad.
"Just grab my hand," he huffed.
They each took a hand, and he turned them all to look at Lukas. Then he focused his energy into his hands and thus to his parents.
"Wha— oh my god!" screeched Emil's dad.
"Can you see me now?" asked Lukas.
"I...I can hear you!" shouted Emil's mom.
"Um, hi, Mr. and Mrs. Steilsson." Lukas gave them a tiny but genuine smile.
"Lukas, honey..." Emil's mom teared up, and his dad was practically bouncing up and down.
"Lukas, Lukas, I finally get to meet you!" he sang. "Emil, this is the best present ever!"
"You've officially seen a ghost now, Dad," Emil responded.
"I'm practically a spirit medium myself, now. Erik Steilsson, bona fide ghost hunter."
Emil resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He had to keep concentrating his power, or else his dad would no longer be a "bona fide" spirit medium.
"Lukas, honey, come here," said his mom, pulling the ghost into a hug between the four of them. "It's so nice to hear your lovely voice finally!"
"Now I can tell you all the juicy gossip about your son from the past two years," Lukas said.
"I think it's time to let go of my hands," Emil responded, glaring at his boyfriend.
"I have to tell Christian," whispered his dad in an almost reverent tone. "This beats any present his son could've given him..." He excused himself to call his best friend.
"Can I keep speaking to Lukas?" asked his mom. Emil gave her a small smile, squeezed her hand, and redoubled his efforts to share his energy with her. It wouldn't do any good to think about the Køhlers, especially their son…
"I'm sorry I haven't been able to speak with you these past couple of years," Emil's mom said to Lukas. "There have been so many things I wanted to ask you. How are you doing, honey?"
Lukas's eyes flicked to Emil. He was not used to many people hearing him, and he clearly didn't know how to respond.
"I just mean...well, you know...I've lived in this town my whole life, so I've read the papers..."
"Oh," Lukas said in a quiet breath. "I'm...okay. Better than okay. I'm...comfortable here. Probably more comfortable than I was when I was alive."
Emil's mom frowned. "I'm glad you're comfortable, but I'm unhappy with the circumstances. I'm so sorry that we've let your parents into the house in the past." Emil tensed up with the memory of Mr. and Mrs. Thomassen. After selling the house to the Steilssons, they had come back a couple of times to visit around the date of Lukas's death. "Emil has told me a bit about your parents, and all I can say how much I wish you could have had more loving people to raise you."
"It's okay," Lukas responded. "There wasn't anything you could have said to them that Emil didn't already say. I'm just glad that he has nice loving people around him."
"Aww." Emil's mom pulled them both into a tight hug. "I just want you to know that Erik and I are here for the both of you. Whatever you need, we'll do our best to help."
Just then, Emil's dad reentered the living room with his phone clutched tightly and a surprised expression on his face. "Is that so?" he said distractedly into the phone, making obvious eye contact with Emil. "He told you that just today? Well, Christian, what do you want me to say? Of course Emil already told us all this. No, I'm happy for you that your son can also see ghosts."
Emil's heart lurched, and he dropped his mom's hand. At the same time, Lukas stepped next to him and grasped onto his hand tightly. They both watched Emil's dad intently.
"Well, you have to admit, my kid is still cooler. I mean, he exorcised a freaking demon, for crying out loud."
Emil suppressed the urge to correct his dad that there were, in fact, no such thing as demons. At least not on this plane of existence.
"Yes, I knew that, too...Well, I'm sorry, Christian, but it's not my job to tell you about your son's life. Yes, Lilly and I recently learned about the whole truth of their relationship. Personally, I think it's absolutely awesome, and I feel sorry that your son made sure you won't have a ghost-in-law, too."
Emil froze, he didn't know how to react. He had spent the majority of the past 16 hours trying to convince himself that he and Lukas would be happier without Mathias, and now that asshole went and did exactly what they asked him to?
"We have to see him," Lukas said hurriedly. He had such a look of determination in his eyes that Emil couldn't say no.
"We have to go," he told his parents after his dad hung up the phone.
"Alright," he responded, "but we're eating at 2, so be back by then."
He had been to Mathias's house so many times throughout his life. He knew the way by heart and could probably get there in his sleep. It was too cold to ride his bike, so he took the car, gripping the steering wheel tightly. Lukas flipped through the radio stations, cycling through all of them twice by the time they got to the Køhlers'. Emil parked on the street outside their house. It was decorated with warm white Christmas lights and a couple of plastic reindeer and looked more welcoming than Emil felt.
"How should we do this?" he asked his spectral boyfriend.
"I suppose we could just go knock on the door," Lukas answered. "That's what he did, after all."
"I guess so. But if there's any wards keeping you out, I'm not going in."
They marched up the driveway together, holding each other's hands. Emil hesitated before knocking on the door, so Lukas took the initiative and rang the doorbell.
Of course, Mathias was waiting to answer the door. At the sight of him, all their resolve melted, and they wrapped their arms around him and held on with all their might.
"You're so stupid," Emil grumbled into the taller boy's chest.
"I know," Mathias said softly, hugging them back.
"You're an idiot," Lukas added.
"That's very true."
"And you still have a lot to make up for."
"Yes, I do."
"Emil!" came a voice from within the house. Mathias's parents snatched him away from their son and hugged him tightly.
"I don't know how I can ever thank you for saving Mathias," Mrs. Køhler said tearily. She was missing the one piece of jewelry Emil had never seen her without: her amulet.
"We've missed seeing you around, kid," added Mr. Køhler.
Emil didn't know what to say, so he just looked at his feet. He had known the Køhlers his whole life, since they were best friends with his parents, but everything was still different.
"Mom, Dad, Lukas is here, too," Mathias said.
His parents looked shocked between Emil and their son. Emil didn't blame them, since they had just found out about 20 minutes before that Mathias not only could see ghosts but had also been in a thruple with one.
"I…can sense him…" said his mom nervously.
"I can't tell at all," complained his dad.
Emil looked at Lukas, and the spirit nodded in silent agreement. "Take my hands," he prompted the Køhlers. Mr. Køhler, having already heard about this from Emil's dad, immediately did as he was told and encouraged his wife to do the same. Emil closed his eyes self-consciously and once again concentrated his energy into his hands. He heard sudden gasps from Mathias's parents and knew that it had worked again.
"Um, hello," Lukas said quietly.
"Wait, can you see him?" Mathias asked. "Can they see him?"
"Emil, you're dad was right, you are the coolest kid ever! Sorry, Mathias, but my expectations for you just went through the roof!"
Emil and Lukas didn't stay long. It was Christmas, after all, and they had a meal to get back to. Not to mention how strange the whole situation was with Mr. and Mrs. Køhler gawking at them. Mathias walked them out to the car, shutting the door on his parents' prying eyes.
"Can I see you two tomorrow?" he asked.
Emil nodded. "Not at either of our houses, though. Somewhere…neutral." Somewhere without any memories, good or bad. They had a lot to talk over, and they didn't need anything skewing their attitudes one way or another.
"Okay, we can go to this new cafe downtown. It just opened in November."
"You're paying," Lukas declared.
Mathias smiled warmly, and Emil's heart skipped a beat. "Of course."
It wouldn't be easy to unpack a year's worth of secrets and months of hurt, but Emil was confident that if they all loved each other and were willing to forgive, they could rebuild their relationship into something wonderful again. Emil had overcome a possession by a malevolent spirit and was almost ready to bring Lukas back from the dead, so reviving their three-way relationship should be easy.