Every new day i woke up with crusty eyes. I cried myself to sleep most nights. I couldnt handle the loss of Jace. I just didnt want him do die because of me. If anyone found out, i dreaded to think what would happen to him. I had to suffer so he could live. That was the only way. I couldnt bare the thought of my fathers wrath. He would be a unstoppable force. I had to break it off, even though my heart still yearned for him.

It was now only four days til the wedding. I was awoken early by the tailors who had come to take my measurements, that was yesterday. Today they woke me up with urgency. They needed to see if the dress fit. It was a long beautiful dress. It had diamonds sown into the fabric. It shimmered in the morning sun that glinted from my window. I ran my fingers down its smooth fabric.

The tailors waisted no time. They undressed me quickly. They shoved me into a tight corset and pulled close the strings. Then they shoved the dress over my head and tightened those strings. My breasts were pushed so far up that they looked bigger than they ever did! A blush creeped across my cheeks.

They went around making final measurements. I stood still and didnt say a word. I had no words to say to these people. I hated this dress no matter how beautiful. They carried on with their work and i day dreamed.

I didnt want this marriage. I didnt want to be princess! I wanted to be normal. I hated my life. I couldnt imagine living the rest of my days next to a man who cared nothing for me. But that was to be my reality. I was to suffer until the day i died. I would never know the grace of marriage. I would only know suffering. I was sad to say good bye to Jace but it had to be done. There was nothing else i could have done. My life was apparently destined for other things. I would suffer for the rest of my life.

I tried to keep those thoughts away. I couldnt let others see me so down. They might become suspicious as to why. Though my father knew that i was unhappy, he dictated for me to not be. I tried to stay to my chamber but i was always summoned out. The day before yesterday, my father wanted a meeting with me and Alec. It had been a fiasco. My father had screamed at me afterwards.

"How can you act like this in front of him? I swear to god Clary that if he doesnt marry you, i dont know what i will do! You know how sometimes i cant control my anger! So you best do you duty and do what i tell you!" He had screamed at me, and inch from my face. Spit had flew from his mouth onto my face. I didnt dare wipe it away.

My father had been mad because i had acted so indifferent to their conversations. I only answered in one word sentences. Alec was, as usual, the perfect host. He was happier than i had ever seen him. I was instantly jealous. He could have the life he wanted, i would never. He was being as sinful as i was, yet nobody seemed to care. It wasnt fair! But today was a new day, and all that was forgotten.

But back to the present, the tailors were not taking the dress off of me. They had a few final measurements before the wedding. I could care less. They dressed me back up and away they went with the dress. I didnt see it as a dress, i saw it more as chains. When i put that on, i would be nothing better than a prisoner.

I tried to remain content with myself, but i found that i could not do it. I went around the castle with no whit about me. I paraded through dinner as though i was a member of the living dead. Nobody questioned to hard into my behavior. My family knew my unhappiness for this match. The only one who was always smiling was my brother.

What did he have to be happy about? He strutted around the castle like he owned the place. Why would my match matter to him in the slightest? It had nothing to do with him. I tried my best to ignore his actions the best i could. I had other things on my mind.

I hadnt seen Jace since that fateful night a few days ago. He had listened to my word and stayed away. I missed him with every breath. But what was i to do? I needed him more than he realized, but i couldnt endanger his life. I needed him alive. I couldnt go on in my misery if something ill had befallen him. I needed hope that he was somewhere alive, happy and well.

I bit back a cry that had threatened to escape. I couldnt let them see. I went through breakfast with no emotion. I watched my family eat with relish. I couldnt eat, i moved things around on my plate in the appearance of eating. My brother was actually not staring at me this time. I left them to their mindless chatter.

When the meal was over, i went onto the grounds. I could feel no warmth in the sun overhead. I was in a deep dark place with no return. I walked slowly to the pleasure gardens. The sight of the roses almost made me weep. I couldnt even look at the bush that had held our secret. I couldnt even think about him without crying a river. I was so sad.

I sat beside the rose bush. This was my favorite place in the castle and now it was nothing but a memory. I grasped a flower in my hand and crushed it. I watched the petals fall to the dirt. I feverishly grabbed at every rose i could and squashed them all to a pulp. I wanted them to die, as my own heart had died. When at last all the flowers had been ripped apart, did i sit still.

Thoughts bombarded me. And they were not nice thoughts, i wanted my father dead. Without him i could have Jace. My brother shouldnt care to much if i run away Yes he had a small thing for me, but i wasnt as scared of him as i was my father. I could run and never look back with Jace at my side. I could live out the rest of my days in happiness rather than depression. But i knew my father wasnt going to die anytime soon.

What was i to do? I had no choice but to obey. These were my last few days as Clarissa. After the wedding i would be nothing but a name. Jace would move on, he would start a family. He would have cherub children. While i was alone in some castle. I was jealous at the thought of Jace moving on, but i wanted him to be happy.

Thats what love was. Love was doing everything you could for them, even if it meant hurting yourself. He could have a life. Here with me, he would know only death. I should have remembered my place when i met him. I shouldnt have allowed myself to love him. Because now he was in this web of lies no matter how hard i tried to get him out of it. He was stuck as i was.

I was just glad that i had stopped it before it was too late. I couldnt bare the thought that he would be punished for my wild fantasys. I loved him, more than i ever loved anyone. And i had lost him.

Alec

I was delicately picking a piece of toast apart. The butter clung to my fingers. I took a small bite and put it down. I had too much on my mind. This morning tailors had come for my suit measurements. Where was Jonathans plan? Why hadnt he done anything about it? I needed this marriage ended. I was tired of her little girl whining. I was to take Magnus back with me when i left. No one would question my action.

I had never imagined that i would find Magnus here! It was a stroke of luck. I had never felt this way about another man. I had an instant connection with him and he felt the same! It was as if i was destined to come to the Morgenstern castle. I had found the love of my life. Now i just had to make sure i kept him. I didnt want to lose Magnus because of some girls petty jealousy. Magnus could die just as easily as her Jace. My father still had more power than i did. One word about Magnus, and he would be put on the block. I didnt want to see my love beheaded because of some brat! I had to figure this out once and for all.

I needed that girl out of my life! She would only complicate matters. I didnt want to kill her if she remained unloyal. I didnt feel anything for her, but i still didnt want her dead. She wanted freedom, but she was to get none. I was happy, more than ever, that i had been born a man. I was free to do as i wanted, whenever i wanted. It must be a sorry affair to be born a girl. She had surprising not told anyone about Magnus, for which i was grateful.

I kept my eyes down on my plate. I was the only one in the feasting hall. Everyone else had already left by the time i got here. Magnus would be waiting for me, i didnt want to sit around and eat all day. I got up and brushed my hands on a cloth. I couldnt go to Magnus with buttery fingers!

I walked confidently from the room. I was a happy man. I was to get all i ever wanted and more. Even if i married the brat, i would only have to get her with child once, and then i could drop her entirely. Once a heir was born, i would have no need for her. I could live my life with Magnus. I didnt want to marry her, and the idea of mating with her made me ill. But i would do what i had to do. It would make my relationship with Magnus more obtainable. Nobody would believe my tendencies when they seen her heavy with child.

I finally made it to my chamber. I opened the door and stepped inside.

"Are you here my love?" i asked.

"Yes but im not too sure that im your love." a voice answered.

Jonathan stepped out from the shadows.

"What do you want now?" i declared.

"I wanted to speak with you." Jonathan said, sitting down on my bed. I stood as far away as possible. This man made my skin crawl.

"About what i persay?"

"What you must do." he said softly. He told me his plan as deftly as he could. I had to agree that i was impressed. This man was not to be trifled with. He was as cunning as he was beautiful. Yes, Jonathan Morgenstern was beautiful. His hair was a delicate shade of whitish blonde, and his eyes were dark as coal. I preferred a different color combination, but he was still pretty nonetheless.

"Why do you want her so bad?" i asked after he was done. His eyes glazed over. I could see a wistful look in his eyes. It was over quick enough as the coldness seeped back in. This man was deadly.

"She is mine, its as simple as that. Now remember what i told you. I would be sorry to hear that your part was not carried out. We wouldnt want the castle knowing the real reason behind Clarys husband not wanting her, now would we?" he hissed under his breath. I had to admit that i was scared of this man.

"Of course, i will do my part as intended." i declared. Jonathan smiled his dark twisted smile. I hid the urge to look away. His eyes sometimes scared me. They were so inhuman. It was almost as if you were staring into the Devil's own eyes.

He nodded and left my chamber. I breathed a sigh of relied. Things were coming along now as planned. Pretty soon Clary wouldnt be my match. I felt sorry for the poor girl just then. I would feel sorry for any girl that Jonathan set his eyes upon. His eyes were dark and cruel. I couldnt imagine ever being with a man like that. Beauty was beauty, but the inside mattered most. And the inside of Jonathan Morgenstern was rotten, as rotten as anyone could be. I felt sorry for the girl, but that was none of my business. I had other matters to worry about.