Disclaimer: Don't own and never will.

AN: Written for the cruel and unusual pairings challenge by Maisie Malfoy on the HPFC. And retroactively, for the Every Kind of Pairing Competition by the same person.

AN2: I don't regard the Cursed Child as canon. As such, I have ignored it.

"Albus...I think that you have lost your tiny mind," Rose said as she rubbed the bridge of her nose.

"Rooooossse…"

"No. You are officially insane!" Rose protested. "I mean, it would be weird and uncomfortable if you had fallen for Scorpius, but I would understand that. But you had to fall for-"

"Rosie-kins!"

Rose winced as James suddenly charged up to them. "Just the girl I wanted to see."

"I'm not helping you persuade Anita Vane to date you," Rose said and James frowned.

"I'm hurt, Rose. Hurt. Just how shallow do you think that I am?"

"Do I really need to answer that?"

James sat down with a huff of annoyance and Albus looked at his brother sympathetically.

"It's just her time of month," he said and Rose glared at him. "She's being mean to me too."

"Albus, just because I think that you're insane does not mean that it's my time of month!" she snapped and several people turned to look at her. She took a deep breath. "He's old enough to be your father Albus."

"So who exactly has Albus fallen for this time?" James asked and Rose nodded over to Scorpius's place on the Ravenclaw table.

"What's so impossible about falling for Scorpius?" James asked, a little puzzled and Rose sighed.

"It's not Scorpius that he's fallen for," she said with a long suffering sigh. "It's his father Draco."

James suddenly began choking on air and Albus suddenly turned very red.

"YOU-YOU-YOU-YOU-" James began shouting before Rose put a hand over his mouth.

"We don't want to tell the whole school," she said in a quiet voice.

"BUT…" he suddenly dropped his voice to a whisper. "Draco Malfoy. As in, Scorpius's dad, Draco Malfoy?"

"Well what's so weird about that!?" Albus demanded and Rose rolled her eyes.

"Well, aside from the fact that he's old enough to be your father. And the fact that his dad is married to Scorpius's mother. And the fact that he's a grown man and you're only fifteen. And the fact that Scorpius is my best friend and that would make things weird between us."

"But he's so elegant!" Albus protested and James and Rose exchanged looks. "And so refined. And then there's his dual nature. The aristrocrat and the father. The Dark Arts that fascinates and scares. He's so…"

"Irresistable?" Rose said in a bored tone.

"Sexy?" James added, a smirk building up on his face.

"Amazing?" Rose finished and Albus nodded excitedly.

"Yes, that's it!" Albus said and once more, James and Rose exchanged glances.

"Do you remember Cormac McLaggen?" Rose asked gently and Albus snorted.

"Well he was just a passing crush-"

"And Kingsley Shackbolt?"

"It was that voice which I fell f-"

"And Victor Krum?"

"Well he did have a nice-"

"Albus, you really need to stop falling for these older, unobtainable men," Rose said with a sigh. Albus just glared at her.

"You just don't know anything about true love!" Albus snapped and he stormed away.

"Rosie-kins, you really need to work on your people skills," James said with a smirk, before rushing to his next class.