A/N: Ok. So Ben took a leap last chapter. Let's see how it turned out for him! Enjoy! R&R!

FIRE

Chapter 3: Fold

They made it back to Ben's apartment in silence. Neither had spoken a word since Ben asked her to come home with him. It was an awkward silence, as if they were both fumbling for words to say, but not finding them. Rey was struggling to come to grips with the possibility of dating this man, and Ben was struggling to stop beating himself up for making such a bold move when he didn't know if his feelings were returned. He didn't want to be friends. He wanted more. But did she? It was too late now. What if he just made it extremely awkward? This was going to be a long couple of days...

He walked through the door silently, leaving it open for her as she stood in the doorway and just peeked inside. She was unsure about this. It wasn't like they were going to do anything, right? So she supposed it was safe. And he didn't seem to be a pervert. If he was, he would have jumped at her when she made the inappropriate thing comment before the fire. She stood in the doorway in her thin blue T-shirt and her dark blue jeans. She stepped through the door, like a timid cat that was out of their element. She closed the door behind her and her anxiety started to shoot up, as if she were trapped inside as soon as the door clicked. "Coffee?" he asked, making her jump out of her skin, turning to him with wide eyes.

He seemed unfazed at her being startled, but inside, he was a little disappointed. Was he really a monster in her eyes? Had he ruined what was the beginning of a really nice relationship? All because he didn't know what else to do. He felt backed into a corner and didn't know how to continue the conversation, and he wanted her to come back with him because he truly wanted to help her. He didn't want her to feel like he didn't want her to come back, like he was retracting his offer. Because he wasn't. But how would he have been able to explain that to her? He wasn't really good at expressing himself. He was more of an action kind of guy, so to be able to put that into words eluded him. And he regretted it now. He didn't know how he could turn things around. Maybe he couldn't...

She gave him a small smile. "Sure," she said as she walked over to the counter to stand near him. He nodded and started to make the coffee silently. He leaned against the counter quietly, glaring at the coffee pot. She picked up on his uneasiness and looked around his apartment from her position next to him. "Do you have any games?"

Ben glanced over at her, quirking a brow at her. "No?"

She hummed in acknowledgement. "I have cards at my apartment? I could go get them?" Ben just stared at her, trying to wrap his mind around what this girl's deal was. Did he look like the type to play cards? Did he look like the type to play any sort of game? "It would pass the time...?"

Then he realized how uncomfortable she was. Like she was trying to find a way to deal with it. A distraction. "Sure."

Rey's eyes brightened up as she shot him a grin and rushed out of his apartment to go to her own. He banged his head on his cabinet in frustration with a sigh. He was so stupid. Why was he so stupid? He ruined everything. He made her so uncomfortable and now she didn't even want to be in the same room as him. He was such an idiot!p His brows furrowed in frustration as he glared at the coffee pot, as if that were the cause of his issues. Seriously, he couldn't think of anything at all to say to her? Was she trying to avoid what happened? Was he just being impatient? Possibility on both... he supposed. He let out an annoyed groan at himself as he banged his head on the cabinet again. "Stupid," he whispered to himself.

"Uhh... are you ok?" Rey called from the doorway. Ben made no effort to move. She walked closer to him and gently put her hand on his shoulder. He didn't look at her. She ducked under his arm that was outstretched to rest against the cabinet and looked up at him, effectively pinning herself between him and the cabinet. She realized how close they were and she couldn't bring herself to care. "Ben?" she asked. He looked down at her then and straightened himself up. "What's wrong?"

"Headache," he said simply as he poured coffee. He handed a cup to her, which she took with a small thanks and poured himself one.

"I'd have one, too, if I banged my head on my cabinet," she said as she helped herself to the sugar on the counter.

He cursed under his breath, low enough for her to not hear what he said, but loud enough for her to hear him mumble something. "Sorry."

She looked at him curiously. "For?"

"For earlier..." he said as he added sugar to his and got the milk from the fridge, offering it to her.

She took the milk and poured it into her coffee, making it a light brown color. "I'm not." Ben's eyes shot over at her then, as if what she'd just said was the meaning of life. She handed the milk to him nonchalantly and just stared at him. "What?" He hesitantly took the milk and poured some into his own coffee before putting it back in the fridge, not sure of what to say. "Why are you sorry?"

"It's awkward," he said as he leaned against the counter again, avoiding her eyes again as he opted for staring at the rising steam from his coffee.

Rey shrugged. "Only if you make it that way." She sipped her coffee quietly. He noticed a change in her demeanor. She was a lot more open now. As if the initial shock of being in his apartment had passed. It was slightly easier to talk to her now. "I do have a question though..." She looked at Ben for permission and he hesitantly nodded for her to continue. He set his coffee on the counter and his eyes met hers then. "What did you mean when you said... I'm nothing... but not to you?"

"Isn't it obvious?" he asked in a level tone.

She shook her head. "Why are you avoiding the question?" she teased as she sipped her coffee, just prior to setting it on the counter. "Is there something you're hiding, Ben?"

Ben grinned at her challenge before pushing off of the counter and walking in front of her. He leaned close to her and set his hands on the counter on either side of her. "I like you and this little... friendship we have," he said, not daring to label it as anything else. She gave him a small smirk and tilted her head up to meet his challenge. "And if you're not sorry..."

"Are you going to do it again?" she asked with a grin that he mirrored.

"Maybe... maybe not," he said as he stood up suddenly, leaving Rey there to send a half-hearted glare his way. "You look disappointed."

Rey shrugged as she walked past him. "Let's play a game of poker. Each hand you win, you get to ask a question. Each round I win, I ask. Loser has to answer. Deal?"

Ben nodded and walked over to the table. She started to shuffle the cards and dealt them quietly. After a few minutes in silence, Rey won. "Are you telling the truth, or are you messing with me?" Ben looked at her curiously. "With what you said at the counter."

"I'm honest." He dealt the next hand and after a few minutes, he won. "Did I make you uncomfortable?"

"Not at all." She dealt the next hand and when he won again, she sighed. "Again?"

Ben grinned. "Was that your first?"

Rey blushed a little and looked aside. "Maybe..."

"Loser has to answer, remember?"

She sighed. "Yes."

Ben nodded and started to kick himself even more. He was her first. Did she regret it? She said he didn't make her uncomfortable with it, but... if that was her first, and it was him, did she regret it? That would be the next question if he won again, he thought. Rey dealt again and after a few minutes, Ben won again. "With it being your first, do you regret that it was me?"

Rey looked at him and squinted in disbelief. "Do I regret that it was you? What does that mean?"

He shrugged. "If I had a choice about it, I would want it to be mutual. It wasn't exactly mutual."

She looked at him sadly. "Why are you being so hard on yourself?"

"I'm not. I'm stating facts," he replied. "Are you going to answer?"

Rey glared at him. "I regret nothing."

Ben nodded and dealt the cards. She stared at her hand and frowned before she laid down her cards and showed that she won. "Do you regret it?"

"I would have done it differently, yes."

"How would you have done it?" Rey asked as she looked at her cards he dealt to her.

Ben didn't answer. He knew exactly how he would have done it differently. He didn't need to answer the question though because she hadn't won. Yet. But it looked as if he was going to lose this hand anyway, so she would have her answer. He frowned as he thought about it. How would he tell her the answer? How could he possibly communicate something so deep and... personal to her? He wasn't the best at communicating. Sure, he was educated and knew how to express things in a sentence, but when it came to expressing feelings? That was a whole different ball game that he wasn't prepared for. He couldn't do it. "Fold," he said as he laid his cards down and leaned against the chair, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"So then you owe me an answer."

"I don't. Folding is perfectly legal, and doesn't require either to acknowledge defeat. Folding is refusing to continue, which doesn't equate defeat. It's more of a stalemate."

Rey frowned, but couldn't really argue with him. "Fine." She thought about it a moment longer. "Would you still be willing to answer other questions?"

Ben thought about that possibility. "I suppose..." he conceded. She gave him a small smile. "But I reserve the right to fold again." Her smile slipped a bit, but she nodded in acknowledgement. She didn't want to force him to answer anyway. She'd rather he answer willingly. "Then ask away, if I can ask as well."

Rey nodded. She dealt out the cards again and Ben recognized that they were going to play rummy instead. "Rummy," she said, earning a nod from Ben as he collected his cards. Secretly, he hated cards, but if it meant that they could spend time together and talk, then maybe they weren't so bad. "What did you mean when you said you liked me?"

This woman... straight out the gate and she was asking him a question he already didn't want to answer. Though, he knew it had to be addressed. He swore it was obvious, but apparently, she was just trying to confirm something within herself. "I'm interested in you, as a partner," he stated as delicately as he could. He knew it was an uncomfortable subject, but it had to be said. And that was the only way he could say it, he supposed.

She blushed a little, but continued their card game anyway. "Your turn..." she whispered.

He glanced over at her and stared as she took her turn at the card game. He could tell she was nervous. Was it because of him? Was it because she didn't feel the same way? That she viewed him as just a hook up? And not a potential partner? All of these questions kept ambushing his thought processes, overwhelming him and crippling him all the same. He realized she was staring at him, concern marring her beautiful face. He blinked out of his stupor and looked down to his cards in his hand, lost in thought. "Sorry..." he mumbled.

"Are you ok, Ben?"

He sighed and shook his head. "It's nothing." He set a card down and Rey drew one to start her turn.

"It doesn't look like nothing. I may not know you that well... but I can tell when something's bothering someone. What is it?"

Ben frowned and pressed his lips together in a thin line. How should he answer? Anger was welling up inside of him, but not at her. No, never at her. He wanted so desperately to answer her. To tell her what he was thinking. What he was feeling. But the words just wouldn't come. It's like he had emotional constipation or something. (Tarzan reference!) He sighed in frustration. "I'm not exactly skilled in expressing feelings or thoughts that require delicate care."

"So then just say it and how it comes out is how it comes out. If I have questions, I can ask," she said simply.

He didn't like that. "That's just it. I can't." He sighed again and angrily drew a card as he berated himself in his own head. "There was never a need to express feelings in my house. Feelings were irrelevant. So to try to express them now is like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole."

"Even that's possible if you make the necessary adjustments though." He looked at her, frozen as he felt his brain accept that logic. Her smile kindly invited him to tell her what was on his mind. He sensed that she was so easy to talk to. It was a good thing, but it was also scary. The moment you let someone into your head was the moment you relinquished control to them. And Ben Solo never gave anyone control over him. "Ben... I'm not going to hold anything against you. Will you please tell me? We're supposed to be friends, right?"

Another frown marred his masculine face. Friends. He didn't want to be friends. He wanted her to be with him. Friends wasn't anything special. But maybe he wasn't special enough to her... That thought saddened him as he sat there, thoughtlessly looking at the cards in his hands. Maybe he wouldn't ever be good enough for anyone to be something special to them. He was angsty, brooding, dark. Who would want someone like him as a partner? He wasn't special. He was just another guy that came across as a jerk with his lack of people skills. Her hand found his, delicately resting over his much larger ones. He followed her hand, up her arm, to her shoulder, then to her pleading face. She looked at him with such reverence, as if he mattered. It startled him. "Ben," she said gently as she kept her eyes on his.

He sighed and broke eye contact, opting to look at her hand on his and fighting the urge to entwine their fingers together. That may have been too intimate for her right now. "It's difficult to explain..."

"I'm clearly not going anywhere," she teased.

He let his lips twitch into a small smirk. She was willing to listen. To him. No matter what it was. She showed him that she truly was here for him. But he wondered how much longer she would be when she heard what he had to say. His eyes flickered up to her face briefly, only to hesitantly move his hand to hold hers. Not entwining their fingers, but just holding her smaller hand in his larger one. "I meant what I said. And I don't blame you if you don't feel the same. I can't explain it myself. I want you by my side." He glanced up at her to see her cheeks red with the admission, his eyes falling at their hands again. "But at the same time, I don't. I'm not lonely. I'm fine staying this way for the rest of my life, but it would be nice if... you would stay."

"Stay?"

"With me," he said as he looked into her eyes, a slight pink tinging his face.

"As in...?"

He sighed and reached across the table to gently curl his fingers behind her neck, pulling her to him. Their foreheads met as he closed his eyes and thought about the words, playing them in his head and realizing how silly they sounded. How repulsive they would sound to her. How stupid he would feel if she rejected him. "Be mine, Rey." His dark eyes met hers and he was surprised to see her smiling at him. "Plea-"

Rey silenced him in an instant, her hand going up to cup his face as her lips landed on his with a small laugh. Ben was frozen in place, unable to wrap his mind around what was happening at this instant in time. He just sat still, allowing the feeling to radiate through his body, unsure of how to respond. He really wasn't expecting this reaction from her. He expected her to be repulsed by him, to reject him, to tell him she didn't feel the same, nor would she ever. But this... this was a reaction he hadn't accounted for, but hoped for. She pulled away to give him one of her brilliant smiles he rarely saw when they were exchanging witty teases in the hallways. "One question..." Ben searched her eyes, feeling that apprehension creeping back up his chest and lodging itself in his throat. "When do we start?"