Clary

I woke up sick to my stomach. I yanked the covers off my body and ran for the wash basin. I heaved up everything i had eaten last night. What was wrong with me? I was sick every morning. I had a basin set beside my bed for this very reason. I hated the sight of my stomachs contents. After i threw up as much as i could i sat back. My hair was a mess around my face. I pushed it back as best as i could. I didnt want to have to wash my hair free of my throw up. It wasnt a very ladylike activity in the slightest. I hated the feeling of it.

It has been two months. Two months and no word of Jace. I was beginning to worry. I had been rudely summoned from Magnus's chambers by my brother. His anger was something unimaginable. I wondered at its cause. I wondered if he knew Jace had escaped. He had lied to me and said he had murdered Jace, and like a fool i had believed him.

Magnus had been the one to help me. He had patched me up after my suicide attempt and he told me the truth. My mother was part of a secret revolution that wanted a different era for this kingdom. Shadow Moore would no longer be in shadows. At least when Jonathan was taken from the throne. I had dealt with my brother and waited everyday for something to happen. But nothing ever did.

I had heard nothing of Jace, and nothing of anything else. I had tried to go to Magnus but each time he shushed me and sent me away. I wondered what was going on? Magnus said i was to be Queen yet he treated me like a child! I was sick and tired of going through the motions of the day with no word. I tolerated Jonathan's cruel ways. I walked around the castle while deep inside my own thoughts. It has been many moons and still no word.

I was beginning to lose my mind. Jonathan had come at me more than once since that time. I had fallen back inside my head each time. I couldnt handle the thoughts that his hands were on my body. That he was taking pleasure in the carnal pleasures of my skin. That thought sickened me. I didnt want to live like this for much longer. I was tired of the way things were.

I woke up every morning and did the same things. I woke up to my maidservants poking and prodding me. They dressed me in my brothers favorite dresses. Brushed my hair and washed my body. I did nothing on my own. I walked all over the castle and i could feel eyes on me. Except when i looked around i could see no eyes on mine. Its as if it was all in my head, but i knew better. I was being watched and i didnt know why. Nobody would talk to me and everyone avoided me. It was if i was a pariah.

I had no voice. My brother was busy doing King business and when he wasnt, he was bothering me. He always treated me like i was some piece of precious fruit that only he had access too. It made me sick. I wanted a way out. Magnus had promised me that things were coming to action. But where were they? So far i had seen nothing! Not one scrap of evidence that marked an uprising. The castle went on as usual. Servants ran to and fro. The cook was always banging cutlery in the kitchens. Everything was all in place and orderly.

I tried my hardest to remain calm. I tried to act normal in front of everyone. But inside my thoughts were in turmoil and now i had this morning sickness. What was the cause? Was it something i ate? Was it just that i was sick? I didnt feel sick like the normal way people get sick. I also had strange yearning for weird things. Molasses cubes, taffy sticks, weird things that i normally didnt eat. What was wrong with me.

I had to vomit once more. I leaned over the already half full basin and heaved again into it. I heard my door open with a click. I really didnt want anyone seeing me like this. But i had no choice, my stomach was throwing everything out. I held my hair as i threw up once more. I sat back and wiped my mouth with my dress. The maidservant standing there opened her eyes wide. She was one of the new girls that had been assigned to me. She was one of my brothers.

"How long has this been going on miss?" she asked. Thinking that maybe she could help i decided to answer.

"Few days." i replied.

"Stand up." she demanded.

I stood up and she walked around me. Her bony hands touching my waist. She pressed into my belly. I waited til she was done. What was this all about? Was i going to die?

"Miss i think its best if we go to your brother." she says.

"Why? Is there something wrong?"

"We need to see the King."

She grabs me by the hand and leads me out into the corridor. Never the mind that i was still in my night dress. She leads me down the hall and past all the open mouthed servants. It was indecent to be seen like this! I try to appear as if things were normal. I knew this gossip would travel through the castle in no time. Damn this blasted woman for not allowing me to dress first!

She led me through into Jonathans War Room. It was a room where he and his officers conversed over orders of the realm. I had never been inside it. My brother was sat in his chair. A map of the realm was spread in front of him. His Kingsguard were all around him. I didnt like the way they looked at me. They made my flesh crawl. My brother looked up at my appearance. His eyes were cold.

"What is this? An unannounced barging into my meeting? What is the meaning of this?" he said coldly. How i hated when he spoke. The maid dropped my arm and came forward.

"My lord, we must speak in private." she said a little hurried. She obviously didnt think to announce herself. My brother was all about respect. Especially from inferior woman with no family honor. I didnt even know what was going on. My brother motioned for his Kingsguard to leave the room. His eyes were black as coal and they looked foreign. I was scared, more than i liked to admit. What was going on.

His guard William didnt leave with the others. He was my brothers right hand. He stayed in case of an attempt on the Kings life. I hated him just as well. My brother leaned back in his chair.

"What is the matter then? I dismissed my guard. What is so vitally important that you disturb my peace?" he said. His dark eyes glinting madly at the woman. I felt bad for her. I knew what it was like to be under his gaze. I was used to it by now but she obviously wasnt. She stuttered and was already perspiring.

"My lord, i witnessed Clarissa vomiting this morning."

My brother raised an eyebrow, "Why do i care what my wife excretes?"

"Sire, she has been throwing up for the past few days she says." the woman says, lowering her eyes.

My brother looked confused but then i could see realization in his eyes. He began to smile. "Is this true sister?" he asks me. I dont know what is happening so i just decide to nod my head. My brother smiled a dark and cruel smile.

"You may leave us." he says to the woman. The woman bows and leaves the room. I could hear my heart thundering inside my chest. William was just a dark shadow over in the corner. I felt weird at his presence. What was going on?

Jonathan stood up from his chair and walked over to me. His eyes betraying nothing. He rested his hands on my stomach.

"Your with child, dear sister." he says slowly, seductively.

I about fainted on the floor. No, no, no! I couldnt be with child! Could i? I have been sick each morning but maybe i ate something bad.

"You dont know that." i say defensively. I could not be pregnant.

"Woman suffer stomach upsets when they are pregnant and if i can see correctly, your getting a little fat in the stomach." he says.

I looked down at myself. I didnt seem any bigger. My corsets needed to be tightened more to allow me to fit in my dresses but that was normal. Girls gained weight, it wasnt anything bad. I was just eating more or something. I could not be pregnant!

"No, i just need to eat less." i proclaim.

Jonathan smiles that evil smile i know so well. "We shall see. In a few months you will be large in the belly and we will know. Dont look so alarmed Clarissa darling, we are going to be parents."

I shuddered away from him. Never would i allow him to raise my children! They would turn out just as he did. Rotten and poisoned from the core. I couldnt be with child, i just couldnt be! But maybe i was... I hadnt had my maiden blood in two months. I had figured nothing about it. Jonathan had seduced me on our wedding night and every now and then after. If his seed sprung inside me then it was his child growing there.

But what of Jace? Jace's seed could have grown as well. I was struck by this realization, whos child was this?

Jonathan seemed to read my mind exactly.

"Oh and Clarissa, lets just hope this child is mine. I would hate to see what would happen to it if it wasnt." he said. I grew instantly cold. He would murder my child if it wasnt his. He would murder my child in cold blood. Nobody would stop him, nobody could. I could not let him get his hands on my child. I would die first.

I backed away and ran for the door. Jonathan chuckled behind me, "Lets hope his eyes are black and not golden." he said before i ran out into the corridor. My heart thudded inside my chest. I felt like i was going to have a heart attack. I needed to be out of this god forsaken place! If my child was born and had Jace's eyes i feared for his life. Jonathan would not have mercy. He would not show compassion. He would take my child from my arms and dash his head against the wall. He would not listen to my pleading and begging. He would murder my baby.

I cradled my hands around my belly. I would protect my child. I believed deep inside me that it was Jace's seed that had grown. I dreaded the thought of having Jonathan's spawn inside me. I shuddered at everything that had to do with him. I didnt want to carry a monster inside me. I wanted Jace's golden eyed baby, not the poisoned one.

What was i going to do? It wouldnt take too long before this baby was here. And then what? What could i possibly do? Pregnant and a princess, with no where to run too. I felt sick with worry. What in the world was i going to do? I only could think of what lay in store for me and my child. What would i do if it was born with Jace's eyes? What could i do to stop him? It wouldnt be long before my belly was swollen and large. It wouldnt be long before my birthing pains started. And then what would happen?

Oh Jace, Where are you?

Authors note: Jace, where art thou Jace?

Thanks for reading.

I am at work on the next chapters to come.

Thanks for the support and your patience.