A/N: I love these two together. Jyn and Cassian are almost as good as this. Almost. Maybe. Whatever. Maybe not LOL Anyway... Awkward events ensue! Enjoy! R&R!

FIRE

Chapter 4: Fear

The day had come and went. Her first day at Ben's apartment while hers was being fixed from the fire smell in her home. A lot had happened today. He'd kissed her in the hospital and all but begged her to come home with him. He'd admitted that he liked her as more than a friend. Went further, and told her that he was interested in her as a partner. And even further, by expressing his feelings for her that he wished to be with her. And what had she done throughout all of this? Struggled to return the sentiments. He knew how she felt because she accepted and asked when they would start dating, but he needed to hear her say how she felt about him.

But the fear crippled her. Just as it had crippled him. There was a silent war being waged in her head as she thought out how she would tell him, and what she would say. Everything was so scary. She wasn't one to admit freely how she felt either. Maybe this was why they understood each other so well, because they both had issues expressing themselves. She wasn't sure. All she knew was that she liked him the same as he liked her. She had wanted to be with him, too, but was always too scared to communicate that to him. But he'd taken the first step so she didn't have to. Now, he was waiting for her to say something in return. But she couldn't.

She was so scared to admit her feelings. What if she got too involved too quickly and found out that they were incompatible? Her life would be ruined, as would his. She was scared to get in too deep. She thought it safer to be single. To keep to herself and swear off of a partner. Oh, but Ben was just right for her. He understood her. She understood him. It's like they were meant for each other. But what if they weren't? What if they were just deluding themselves because of some sort of sick infatuation with each other?

That thought scared her more.

Should she sit back and let things happen and withhold some of herself until she was sure that this was really true? Or should she just jump right in and put all herself into it, only to possibly be thrown against a jagged shoreline with nowhere to go? The thought of having a boyfriend scared her. He wanted to be with her. He took the first step. He was trying to overcome his fear, for her. Everything he had overcome, every step he'd taken toward her, was for her. To show her that she meant something to him. To show her that he truly felt something for her, and that it went beyond a physical attraction. No, he saw her inner person. He saw what no one else was allowed to see. How he had wiggled his way past her defenses, she didn't know, but it wasn't unwelcome. She rather liked having him that close to her. It was only a little scary that he could read her that easily though.

She emerged from the shower and saw the bedroom door closed with some clothes resting on the bed. She walked over to the clothes, wrapped in a grey fluffy towel, and looked down at them. They were hers? While she was showering, did he go into her apartment and get some clothes for her? No. She looked at the clothes closer. They were too large to be hers. She blushed. She remembered that all of her stuff smelled of smoke and fire. So these had to be his clothes. She felt her head swim as the blush intensified on her cheeks. She had taken a shower and hadn't even considered the possibility that she had no other clothes to wear. She hesitantly lifted the shirt and saw that it was black with a bit of blue on it. The pajama pants were black plaid. She bit her lip and hesitantly put them on, having no other choice. Once she was dressed, she looked in the long mirror off in the corner and admired herself. She liked how the shirt hung on her. She looked like a child in his pants though. She couldn't help but smile at how cozy they were. And the amount of respect that he'd shown her by closing the door behind him when she had clearly left it open out of habit of being alone.

She walked to the door of the bedroom and opened it, her eyes scanning the dimly lit living room and kitchen. He sat on the couch, flipping through the stations on the TV, idly passing everything by and coming back to where he started. She watched him with evident amusement. He had a lot on his mind. "I think the point of watching TV is to settle on a channel," she teased as she walked over to the couch and plopped next to him. He glanced over at her and gave her a small shy smirk. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." She gave him a look that showed him she wouldn't be lied to. He sighed. "Just thinking."

"About?"

He looked her square in the face. "You."

She gave him a smile, though hesitant and shy. "What about me?" He smirked at her and shrugged. "Ben," she warned.

Said man chuckled. "Just about the conversation we had earlier. That's it."

Rey frowned, but didn't push it. She moved closer to him and curled up next to him at his side as she let her eyes stare at the screen. "Is... this ok?" she asked softly.

Ben let his arm wrap around her and hold her there, kissing the top of her head. "Yes, Rey. Don't worry about it," he said as he stared at the screen, too.

A few minutes passed and Rey blurted out, "I'm scared."

His arm wrapped tightly around her, pulling her closer to try to comfort her. "Why?" he asked softly.

She hesitated and shrank into his side. "You're not the only one that can't really express themselves..."

Ben snickered. "I think we can figure it out."

Rey blushed and smiled at this man she'd grown comfortable with. "Maybe..."

"What are you scared of, Rey?" he asked, his voice deep and level. It sent reverberations in her chest, making her fight back a shiver.

"I..." Ben nudged her to sit up and she did. She looked unsure of herself. He hadn't seen this side of her before. The vulnerable side. He always saw the confident, teasing side of her that wasn't scared of anything. He watched her patiently. She was struggling as well. She couldn't find the words. He recognized that look. Knowing what you want to say, but being unable to get it out. He knew it all too well. "I'm scared to jump into this... whatever this is. That whatever we have isn't what we think it is and will be disappointed later."

"Like infatuation? And when the newness dies down, we'll both be dissatisfied?"

Rey looked at him then, awe in her eyes, but also a smile on her lips and a gratefulness reflecting her thoughts. "Exactly."

Ben gave her a small grin. "I felt the same."

"Felt?"

He nodded. "Would you rather... hold back and regret it later, saying 'I wish I could have done this...' or 'Why didn't I do that...' Or would you rather go all in and have no regrets later other than maybe you misjudged the feeling and liked it better as friends?" She thought about it. Somehow, what he said made sense. She thoughtfully nodded. "I'm not insinuating that we should jump in bed together and get married tomorrow. By all means, that's unnecessary," he teased with a small chuckle.

Rey laughed and gave him a warm smile. "Thanks, Ben," she said as she snuggled back up against him, her arm winding around his stomach as she sighed in content. "I think... I get your point. I think I'm still going to hold back a little, but... I'm going to try."

"Don't try too hard. It may seem forced," he reminded her as he laid his head back on the couch, eyes closing as he felt exhaustion start to take over him.

She nodded against his side. "Maybe we should go to bed," she said, earning a hum from him, but he made no move to let her go. She laughed as she sat up and kissed his cheek gently. "Good night, Ben," she said as she got up.

Ben opened his eyes and held her hand, pulling her back for a moment to stand in front of him. He leaned up and pressed his lips against hers lovingly, chastely. "Good night, Rey." She smiled and retreated to the bedroom, closing the door behind her as she offered one last smile to him through the crack. He got comfortable on the couch and sighed as he let exhaustion claim his consciousness.

X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X

A scream rang through the apartment, startling Ben awake and alert. He took a split second to survey the area. The door was still closed how she left it. The front door was still closed and locked at the deadbolt. But he had clearly heard a scream. He rose from the couch and rushed to the bedroom door, listening on the outside. He heard Rey panting and sobbing on the other side. He frowned as he knocked gently. "Rey?" he called, waiting for her to acknowledge him. It didn't happen. He hesitantly pushed the door open and peered inside, not entering the room until he was sure she was awake. "Rey? Are you all right?" He barely saw her curled into herself on the bed as she let out a soft sob. His frown grew as he entered the room and crossed the short space to the bed. He knelt at the side of the bed. "Rey?"

She threw her arms around him and tackled him to the ground. Well, would have if he hadn't been sturdy on the ground where he was. She threw herself at him and ended up landing in his lap as he wrapped his arms around her as she cried into his shoulder. He wanted to ask her what was wrong, but he remained silent as he held her, gently shushing her and rubbing her back softly. He knew she had a nightmare. He didn't know what it was about, but with as badly as it affected her, he was sure it was another fear that flashed before her eyes in her dreams. He didn't like that. He wished he could snatch whatever hurt her out of her mind and make her forget it. But that was just not realistic. All he could do was hold her and try to get her to calm down. "Ben," she breathed as her arms tightened around his neck.

"It's ok," he shushed. Inwardly, he felt awkward, having never comforted anyone before. He was trying to portray himself as comforting, but inside, he didn't know if he was doing it right at all. Did he need to ask? Should he wait until she wanted to talk? Should he hold her? Should he kiss her? Was this all right? He was so lost!

She sniffled and clung to him tightly. "I'm sorry to wake you up, Ben," she sniffled.

"Don't be. I'm more concerned about you than my sleep," he said with a small tease in his voice.

She let out a sad laugh. She pulled away slightly and wiped at her eyes. He got up and went to get her some tissue. When he came back, she was sitting on the bed and he sat next to her as he handed it to her. She wiped her face and sniffled. "There was another fire..." she whispered. He felt pity creeping into his heart. Though she put up a good front, he hadn't considered that she would have emotional difficulties with it. He silently cursed himself for not considering that. "I... you..." She wiped her face again. "We didn't make it." He remained silent still. He gingerly reached out and rubbed her back affectionately. "You died because of me..."

"What do you mean?" he asked softly.

More tears broke through her defenses as they streamed down her face. "You tried to help me and I tripped and hurt myself... So you tried to carry me... and..." She paused as she tried to collect herself. She tried not be a blubbering mess as she tried to talk. When she trusted herself to speak again, she took in a shaky breath. "The roof collapsed on top of you... I tried to help, but..."

He wrapped his arms around her tightly, pulling her head onto his chest. He ran his hands through her hair comfortingly and kissed the top of her head. "It was just a nightmare... It's not real."

She clung to him again, letting the tears spill out until she had no more to give. He remained patient as he held tight to her, letting her get out all of her anguish. He did take comfort in knowing that she was affected so deeply by his apparent death though. He felt his cheeks heat up when he acknowledged that she cared for him that much to feel terrible that he died. And that he had died, trying to save her. So she looked at him as if he were a hero? That he would risk his own life for her? It was true, but the fact that she dreamt that spoke volumes to him. He kissed the top of her head and realized that he was falling so deeply for her in such a short time. His lips twitched into the smallest of smiles. "Don't go..." she whispered. Ben looked down at her curiously, as if he was unsure if he heard that right. "Please stay with me..." she whispered again, clinging tighter to him.

He didn't know what to say. Sure, he was overjoyed that she wanted him to stay in the same room with her, but... was that really ok? He blushed at the implication. Would he sleep on the floor, which was what he was totally fine with to respect her space? Or was she expecting him to... "I'll... get my pillows and set up a spot on the floor," he said as he went to release her. She clung to him still, not ready to let him go.

"Can you..." Ben froze at the words. Was she not wanting him to sleep on the floor? Was she wanting that kind of comfort? He wasn't ready to give that... Not until much later. This was too fast. He couldn't do- "Can you... lay with me?" she asked, embarrassing herself in the process. "In the bed?" she clarified. It was out. She asked. She felt stupid and inappropriate just asking him to do so.

Ben's mind, on the other hand, was short circuiting so badly. What was this woman wanting?! Relations? Cuddles? His presence to fall asleep? His mind was racing a million light years a minute. All of it seemed implausible. "Rey-"

Her cheeks burned as she realized how it came across. "Ben, no! Nothing inappropriate! I just... I wanted you to..." She groaned as she hid her face against his chest. "I didn't mean..." She sighed in defeat, realizing it just wasn't happening.

He chuckled then, really letting the laugh go, rather than trying to hold it in. She blushed when she realized that she really liked the sound, even if it was to her embarrassment. He kissed her head. "You want to cuddle?" She ducked closer to him and nodded shyly. "Ok, Rey," he chuckled. She looked up at him, face burning from embarrassment as her glassy eyes reflected her prior sadness. He held her face in his hands and gave her an actual smile, a real, heartfelt smile. "You're so cute," he chuckled as he pressed his lips to hers softly. She melted into his kiss and realized that her embarrassment was worth it because if not, she wouldn't have seen his amazing smile that she didn't even know was possible. When he pulled away, he saw the dazed look in her eyes. He grinned at her, kissing her chastely one more time. "Let's go to sleep."

Rey gave him a soft smile and nodded as she scooted into bed and laid on the side she assumed didn't have an occupant. She'd been sleeping on his side, she'd realized, when she tried to get comfortable. It was a little more worn than the other side, which, to Rey, showed a rather cute sleeping position. He stuck to one side, not rolling all over the bed like a bed hog. She, too, slept in one spot. She watched him crawl into bed, having been watched herself when she crawled into the opposite side of his usual spot. He found that he didn't mind so much that it was Rey on the unoccupied side. He'd never slept with anyone, even in an innocent way as now. But he had a feeling he would like it, and also allowed himself to think of the possibility of it happening again and again until it became the usual. He could see her taking up residence on that side of the bed, he realized, and the thought made his heart swell with happiness and hope.

As he crawled into bed, he laid onto his back and hesitantly shifted his usual position so that his arm was extended, offering her his shoulder to sleep on if she wanted it. He was glad she took it without delay, making him smile softly at her in the dark. As she snuggled up at his side, his long arm wrapped securely around her, holding her to his side. He placed a feather-light kiss to the top of her head once she settled in, relishing in her smell that invaded his nostrils. "Ben?" she whispered softly, a strange tone to her voice that conveyed... hesitation?

"Hm?" he breathed as he allowed his eyes to flutter closed, relishing in the feeling of having someone by his side. The warmth her body permitted him and her sweet, relaxing smell that quickly took over his senses like a Spanish conquistador in the inquisition. He was slowly getting lost in her presence, which was dangerous for him because when she left... he would be-

"Thank you," she whispered in a small voice that was uncharacteristic of such a strong woman.

He shifted to lay on his side so he could wrap both arms around her, tugging her closer against him as she too tried to gain that closeness without breaking boundaries. She let herself be pulled in by him, like a black hole in the middle of space, sucking in everything that came within reach. She was just as lost in him as he was in her. He planted a delicate kiss to her forehead. "Any time, Rey," he replied, his deep, low voice reverberating in her ears and making it impossible for her to hear anything else but the way he said her name in his sleep-drunk voice, allowing her to drift to sleep as she replayed it in her head, over and over and over again, like a mantra that demanded sleep.