The In-Between Years

Author's Note: I know its been a bazillion years since my last update, but I was inspired.

Chapter 9

A few months into their relationship, when the sex-haze started to fade and reality started to set in, Dan and Serena had their first fight. Afterall, it was what they did best. Serena had come in late after a night out drinking with Blair and another girl that they had recently allowed into their social circle. She had cuddled up to Dan and he was amused by her drunken babbling, so he lifted up the blankets and let her crawl in. He was rubbing her arms when she asked the question that was still hanging over them.

"Why do you love her more than me?"

Dan felt his body tighten. He was getting tired of reassuring her over and over. But, that is exactly what he did. "There's no one I love more than you."

She jumped out of bed and pulled the covers off him in one swift motion. She wrapped it around herself and stomped out of the room. He followed her and found her sitting on the couch wrapped in the blanket meant for two. Her wavy blonde hair was in her face and he could hear her tears.

He sat down beside her and muttered soothing words. "I don't know what's going on? Just talk to me."

"Why? So you can lie and pretend like you love me more than you loved her."

He rubbed his chin with frustration and said,"Oh for fucks sake!"

Serena's eyes were shining with anger. First Blair had said something that made her think she actually wanted Dan again and now he was throwing up walls to protect himself. She wanted to know what he was really feeling, so she started pressing him further."Don't do that! Don't act irritated because I can't forget how you hurt me; how you loved her more than you ever loved me."

Dan got up and walked off. Serena threw off the blanket and said, "Don't walk away from me when I'm trying to talk to you. Stop shutting me out!"

"This is ridiculous. I am sick of having this same conversation over and over again. I DON'T LOVE HER! I LOVE YOU!"

It's like no matter how many times he tried to reassure her, they were right back where they were right now.

"You have a strange way of showing it. Ignoring me or making me feel like I wasn't enough for over a year. That's not love!"

Dan wanted to grab her and shake her. Instead he got angry.

"What the hell are you talking about? How many times did you walk away from us? Walk away from me? I was hurt and I thought I loved her, but I never did."

Serena bit her lip. "I was scared."

His face softened and he ran his thumb along her cheek. "And you think I wasn't scared. It was supposed to be us against the world instead it was them versus me."

"What are you talking about?"

Dan turned and walked towards the window. He looked out at the city because anything was easier than looking her in the face and confronting everything that I had been through.

"Your friends: your world. I wasn't ever good enough and you were never strong enough to fight for us."

"So, you decided to date my best friend?"

He turned around slowly and faced her; faced the truth of his own actions and said, "No, I wanted to hurt you because I thought it was easier than loving you. It's hard to explain. At the time, it felt like the right thing to do. I was expendable to you. My feelings didn't matter; just what you wanted in that moment and if I wasn't going to wait around to hell with me. So, I wanted you to feel as awful as I felt. But, somewhere along the line, I convinced myself that living a half-life was better than feeling pain. She never made me smile and laugh the way you did. With her I got to be the hero. I was someone she needed."

"But, I needed you."

"No you never really needed me Serena. In many ways, you are exactly like your mother. It's fine if its on your terms. But, I'm not my dad and I wasn't about to play by your rules. So, I made other plans."

Serena was so confused by him. She thought she knew him. How could a man like this say he loves her and why did she still want him? "I never meant to hurt you Dan"

"Stop lying! You did! You were punishing me."

Serena was taken aback by that comment and not because it wasn't true. It was like he had reached into that part of her that she tried to pretend didn't exist. But, she didn't tell him that, instead she got defensive. "For what?"

"Not jumping when you said jump. For taking away your control." Dan stepped closer to her and held her face in his hands. "I unsettle you. I get under your skin. With the others, you called the shots. They could never see beyond your golden exterior, to the darker parts of you." He grabbed her hair and kissed her feverishly and released her, "to the part of you that wants to lash out and scratch. I wasn't afraid of that darkness because I have it too. But we were both running into walls looking to find that spark with others."

Serena said nothing. She stood there starring at him before saying the hell with it. She grabbed him by collar of his t-shirt and pulled her to him. "I hate the way you make me feel."

"Liar! You love it, but its okay I'm not going anywhere."

Serena kissed him and this time he let her take control because tonight that was exactly what she needed. To feel like she was in the driver's seat.