Chapter 34

The stench was the first thing noticeable even before the darkness. The olfactory blockers barely managed to cut off most of the reek but not all of it. Some of it still filtered past. The floor was littered with scattered bones from dozens of different carcasses. Banthas, Raiders, dewbacks, wamp rats, denizens from Anchorhead, stacks of rubble and indescribable detritus. The beast had fouled its own den more than a few times more out of lazy convenience than territorial marking.

Bastila walked past the scattered bones and shuttered. Amongst those bones lay the remains of her father. She closed her eyes and thanked the darkness that no one could see her face. In the dimness, a hand reached for hers and squeezed it. Her eyes squeezed tighter for another reason.

'It will be okay.' Revan whispered through their link even though it wasn't quite alright. Her lover's strength slipping into her soul warmed Bastila's heart.

'I'm here. I will always be here.'

'I know.'

Had they been alone, Bastila would have drawn her lover close and melted into the arms that would have wrapped around her body. She would have pressed in tighter and laid her head upon Revan's slender shoulders. It would have been a pure selfish indulgence to be just Bastila, not a Jedi, not a Sentinel. The moment passed and she was a Jedi Knight once more.

The prize of the venture had not been the twin pearls but what lay back in the deepest part of the cave. There in the back amongst the rubble was the familiar conical structure that had been within the Dantooine ruins. Around it were broken statutes of the same strange aliens with eye-stalks that jutted out from either side of their long skulled heads. Like on Dantooine this place had been a shrine of some sorts. It had the look of religious significance. Back when Tatooine held oceans and greenery, back before the cataclysm that turned the world in to arid dust bowl.

"Anyone get the feeling that finding this Star Map in the back of this krayt dragon's cave is more than just a coincidence?" Carth asked.

"The Star Map is an artefact of the Dark Side." Bastila said. "Skye and I already theorized that the dragon may have been drawn here by its dark power only to be enslaved by it. It may be the reason it had upset the ecological balance in the territory."

"Like the kath hounds I corrupted in the glade." Juhani's voice was remorseful.

Skye placed a hand upon the younger woman's back- she of all people had no judgment in her heart or mind for her friend's momentary fall to the Dark Side. She didn't even recall hers other than it was linked to the thing in front of them.

Without saying a word, the Nagai went before the map and activated it. It flared to life, revealing the galaxy as a great cerulean globe. Another piece of the puzzle locked into place, though with no cipher, no matter how many pieces of the puzzle came to them, it was virtually impossible to have any kind of context. The problem of course was that all the answers were locked up inside a mind that couldn't remember and a mind they couldn't get to.

Skye stared at it, walking around the holographic image looking at it at all angles. Trying to get some semblance, some idea of what it all meant. She was drawing nothing but blanks; there were no memories. She wanted to scream out in frustration, scream out in anger at herself, at the Jedi Masters, at Malak, at her old self.

"A bit anticlimactic after all that." Canderous grumbled. "You mean that's it? This is some ancient dark evil thing of your fracking Force and it's just a light show?"

"A light show that gave Revan and Malak a massive fleet, and technology that is now crushing the rest of the galaxy. Maybe you should keep that in mind, Old Man." Skye snapped. "If you're not going to be of any help then get the frack back to the ship or leave and go play merc somewhere else, but do me the favour and keep your gods-damn mouth closed!"

There was not a head that didn't turn to stare, comments died swiftly on lips as they saw something of Revan reasserting herself behind cold blue eyes. The command was so dominating, so pressing Canderous was compelled to obey it.

A grunt of overwhelming aggravation rippled out of Skye / Revan's mouth. Her lips curled into a snarl before she stomped out of the cavern, trying to catch her breath in the muck and mire of dragon and bantha carcasses.

Back in the cavern the others turned to Bastila. "What the hell was that?" Carth asked the question that was all on their minds.

Bastila knew exactly what was troubling her lover. The stifled memory, knowledge she couldn't access but what was there under the flesh, lost in the mind that was shattered.

"She's frustrated."

"That was more than frustration, Bastila." Mission said. "She's was pissed. I mean seriously pissed off. I thought Jedi were you know all controlled and stuff."

Bastila sighed. "She is..." Bastila stopped. She was about to remind them how new Skye was to the Jedi Code, but reminding them of her neophyte status would be detrimental to her command. "The Star Maps are supposed to help us find answers but all we are finding are more questions. Questions we haven't asked yet and everyone is looking to her to answer them."

"We get that Bastila, but she went a little..." Carth started but stopped as he felt someone standing behind him.

"I went a little what?" came the demand. Her eyes still cold as she looked to Carth. "Well go on. I went a little what?"

"A little overboard. Don't you think? Not that I want to defend the Mandalorian."

"Not that I need you to Republic. And my skin 'aint so thin the Whelp's words bit that deep. And she has the right of it, I can go or I get with the program." The old warrior's tone was indifferent. "Matter of fact, I have more respect because of the bite then if she rolled over all passive. Revan had bite. Maybe it's a Nagai thing, or maybe your precious Masters haven't pulled your teeth."

The tension had not dissipated nor would it. Juhani knew what had to be done and what was going unsaid. Skye and Bastila needed a moment to themselves. Their experiences last night changed everything between them. She also knew something the others didn't. She had been there when Bastila confronted her mother; somewhere in this cave amongst the debris was her father's holodisk. Its discovery was something Bastila needed privacy for. She and Skye.

She turned to the others, "Come, let us return to the Hawk. We are finished here. Skye, Bastila we will meet you there when you are ready." She didn't wait for the others to answer. And they didn't give any vocalizations contrary to her commands. It seemed they were all waiting for some sort of direction like players on a stage. Before the companions filed out one by one, they gave one lasting look to their leader and her paramour. Now was not the time for questions, hesitations or wild speculations. There was something of an apotheosis generated between the bondmates that occurred the night before. It was something that they needed to address; perhaps the seclusion of the cave would give them the time they needed.

After the others had all gone, the Jedi remained in absolute silence with only the Star Map's hum to keep them company. Revan screwed her eyes shut only to snap them open again when she felt Bastila pressed her body to hers from behind. Bastila's soft warm breath on her neck, her hands coiled around her gave her a semblance of a center to hold to.

"I keep trying to remember, Bas... I reach and... nothing. There is nothing! A massive blank- Night Mother if I could only remember!"

"You're letting your frustration anger you. It's clouding your mind. We have the path, my love; we need only to follow it. The answers will come at the end of the maps. When you first discovered the Maps you didn't have the answers either, you followed them to the Star Forge."

Revan turned in the arms holding her so she might face the human. Their eyes met, breath was let out and tasted by the other as it was breathed back in.

"I hate having to play catch up to myself. I hate not knowing what name I belong to. I hate lying about it."

Bastila touched her lover's face. "Which name to you wish to belong to?"

Revan's lips pulled into a soft playful smile. "The one you call, Lover."

"Revan..." the name fell from Bastila's lips, naturally and it sounded so right... so perfect.

So familiar.

So alien.

"I'm fine babe, really. How about you? You know what's here and I'm not talking about the Star Map."

Bastila shook her head. "I'm not so sure I want to find what's left of my father. I don't know if there is anything left to find."

"Let me look. You don't have to do this."

Bastila shook her head. "Yes I do. I have to do this. "

"You know, he probably didn't even have it on his person. He might have tucked it way in a knapsack. There are more than a few here. Maybe we should start there."

The younger woman nodded. It was clear to read with her gray eyes that she was more relived about digging though gnawed upon knapsacks than corpses or old bones. Their search had then digging through the dirt, jars, containers that had been stored there long before the dragon took up residence. Knapsacks were the last or near to the last to be searched.

Bastila sucked in a bitter bite of air; there neatly tucked behind one of the stalked-eyed statues, "This... this was Daddy's..." she knelt beside the satchel, her hand shook as she reached for it. Revan knelt beside her, her hand upon her lover's shoulder.

It took several moments before Bastila could even open the pack. She just held it close to her. "I... I can't believe he kept it all this time," she wiped away her tears and the wetness of her nose. "I picked it out for him when we were still on Talravin. It was..." Bastila snickered sadly. "Like the ones the great adventures used in the stories. I thought it might bring him luck."

"He kept it because his little girl chose it for him."

"It didn't bring him much luck did it?" Bastila muttered darkly. "He was still treasure hunting for my mother's need for luxury and it got him killed! You heard my mother... she sent him after the pearls... she sent him to his death! I'll be damned if she gets a hold of them now. We put them in our sabers."

"That was the plan." Revan agreed. "I meant what I said to Fortuna, we need every edge we can get when we go up against Malak and his minions. Before we leave the cave, I say we meditate and do a little modification on our blades."

"Agreed."

"But what about the holodisk?"

"What about it? You mean I should give it to my mother?" Bastila snorted, "I am not giving the last memory of my father to that woman!"

Revan was silent for a moment before she spoke. "You told me that I was letting my frustrations anger me, it was clouding my mind. You were right. And Bas, right now so are you, not that you don't have every right to feel that way. But talk to her again, Bastila. Question her. Find the truth, then... decided to give it to her or not."

"This is the last memory of my father; Revan... that and this stupid bag."

"I know, Babe. Listen to it. Keep it to yourself if you must, but maybe... let her listen to it as well?"

Bastila winced, "I know I should be bigger than this, that I shouldn't be so selfish. We are Jedi we shouldn't cling to possessions. But..." her eyes closed. "Revan, she drove my father to this end! She's the reason he was torn apart by that monster."

"The monster is dead." Revan whispered. "But your mother... face her Bastila. I may not have the answers I wanted, I need…" she nodded towards the still glowing Star Map. "But you may have yours. All you have to do is ask her. At the very least you will have some semblance of closure."

KOTOR~ KOTOR~ KOTOR~ KOTOR~ KOTOR~ KOTOR

It was late evening by the time Bastila and Revan returned to Anchorhead, and by then the temperature had dropped to tolerable levels. For the whole ride back a comfortable silence blanketed the lovers, neither needing to nor wanting to speak. They were content in their small indulgences; in the closeness that sharing a saddle granted them-their bodies touching. The embrace of the bond and arms, the scent of each other marked by the desert wind, sweat, battle and each other.

They were ignored by the Czerka guards; of the other denizens, the Jedi were ignored by them too save for a green-skinned Twi'lek male in lightweight black armor. He approached them with purposeful intent. His whole demeanour set off alarm bells in the Jedi, though they made no reach motion for their sabers they were hyperaware.

"Forgive me for the intrusion, Nagai." He began in Hutteese, "My name is Senni Vek. I believe you dropped this datapad and I wish to return it to you."

"Seriously? I don't recall dropping a datapad."

"Perhaps you should examine it to make sure it's not broken."

Revan looked to Bastila and rolled her eyes as she let out a sigh. "If such a datapad were mine, I would have a backup, however, if it were not mine, there could be confidential information on it."

"Difficult to say, Nagai. However one may find use for such things regardless." Vek said "Have a good evening."

The two Jedi waited until he was out of earshot before speaking. "Well for a hired thug he is certainly polite." Bastila jibbed. "What's it say?"

Revan took a look at the pad. "Not much. It states I must meet some guy named Hulas alone on Manaan." Skye shook her head. "And here I thought my days in the company of assassins was long over."

"Assassins?" Bastila frowned.

"He was wearing GenoHaradan assassin's armor. Back when I was at the monastery..." Revan paused. A look of pure distaste flashed deep in her eyes. "Skye's memories of being at the Nagai Academy of the Night Mother are extensive. And I know an assassin when I see one. I don't know why this Hulas wants to contact me. We're not Sith assassins… I don't know."

Bastila thought for a moment, confusion clear. "I've never even heard of the GenoHaradan."

The couple started walking toward the cantina, talking as they went.

"They were created by Xim the Despot as a sort of secret police. He was using it to eliminate his most powerful enemies and rivals. Even with its agents under his complete control, however, Xim was defeated after a mere thirty years at the third Battle of Vontor during the Hutt-Xim conflict. It was believed that the GenoHaradan died with him."

"Apparently not."

"Not at all. In actuality, the GenoHaradan merely disappeared from the public eye and reshaped its their existence. Without a governing body to defer to, the Guildmasters hired their agents to the highest bidders, becoming a powerful assassination tool for the wealthy and ambitious."

"Which begs why are they trying to contact you? Do you think Malak sent them?"

"Possible, very, very possible but unlikely. Manaan is heavily populated, not an ideal place to strike. If the assassin's guild was sent for us they would have seized the open opportunity out in the desert or in Anchorhead's streets or alleyways.

"No, this is a meet and greet. Maybe they heard about some of the contracts I pulled off when we were on back on Taris. Or of the 'Mysterious Stranger'. Or when the guys killed Carlo Nord and his goons. Who can say? We should check it out."

"Whatever for?"

Revan smiled as it was an obvious answer. "Intel leaks. We need to know where it's coming from. They will know. This Hulas- whoever the hell he is- will brag even as he tries to recruit us. "

"You don't think it's a trap?"

"Of course, I do. But you don't hire assassins to capture Jedi. You send in a competent merc band. Scoundrels of course, but assassins, no. This is something else."

"I suppose we'll have those answers once we arrive on Manaan." Bastila said.

It wasn't long after that before them was the closed door of the cantina and beyond that Helena Shan.

"I'm right here, Love." Revan whispered. "You can do this."

Bastila reached behind her and cupped the Nagai's soft cheek, she didn't say anything. She didn't have to. Wordlessly she pushed open the cantina door and walked into hazy den.

Helena was near the same private booth she had a couple of days ago. It was almost if she hadn't moved since her first meeting with her daughter. The Shan family obviously were not big on salutations. The first words out of her mouth were almost accusatory, if not in actual words they were in tone.

"I see you're back already. Have you even looked for the holodisk yet?" Helena rose form the booth and stood before her table, her arms crossed over her chest.

Bastila clicked her teeth together, the resentment for the woman who gave her birth bluntly clear on the younger Shan's face. "I have the holodisk Mother. I'm just no sure I want to give it to you."

"Why not? Would you deny me even that?"

To be fair you're being very snippy and demanding came Revan's unvoiced thoughts. The last part she made sure it was not transmitted though the Force Bond. Yep I can certainly see where my Princess got it from. You sounded just like her after the Season Opener.

"I've never denied you anything, Mother." Bastila snapped back. "Neither did Daddy," she snorted. Her own voice dropping to subzero temperatures. "You may think I don't know what it was like before I left for the Order, but I do. You were the one that pushed Daddy into going after one treasure hunt after another. You loved living in wealth! You don't think I remember the fights? You were eager to send me to the Jedi even though I didn't want to go. You couldn't wait to be rid of me. You took Daddy away from me.

"Now this holodisk is all I have left of him," she didn't mention the tattered backpack, no doubt her mother would want to lay claim to it as well, even though it would have held no significance to the woman.

"Fool girl." Helena chastised her daughter. "You have a strange way of remembering the past. That wasn't the way of it."

"No." Basilia shook her head denying her mother's protests. "I don't wish to argue with you anymore Mother. It's time we parted ways for both our benefit." Even as she turned to head back outside the cantina Revan placed a hand on her arm stalling her.

"Bas... you know what lays a head of us. Don't let it end like this. Maybe you should hear her out?"

A hint of betrayal skittered across the younger woman's face. "You don't know her! My mother is notoriously deceptive when she wants something. Why should she have the holodisk?"

"I didn't say she should have it, Bas. Only that you let her speak. Watch it together."

Helena saw an opening. "Is it too difficult to believe I am a dying woman who simply wishes to see her husband one last time?"

"I find it difficult to believe anything you say, Mother."

Revan looked to both of them and edged closer to the woman she loved. "Bastila, I know you don't want to hear it. And I know I'll regret having to say it, me of all people. But ah hell: Bas as a Jedi you should be the one giving her a break. It was a long time ago."

Bastila frowned, her gaze dropped to the floor as she shook her head. "All right. It shames me you had to say that. It is so difficult to let go of the past..." Bastila sighed heavily; her shoulders slumped as she moved to the booth and sat down. She dropped the tattered bag alongside her on the inside of the booth which Helena only now took note of.

Like her child Helena took to the booth at the opposite side of the table, her hands clasped together on top of it, neither one saying a word. Yet as Revan made to exit Bastila's hand shot out and grabbed her lover's arm stopping her. "Stay." she said though their link, "Please."

The Nagai only nodded.

Another sigh left Bastila's mouth before she was ready to speak again, her voice barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry Mother."

The elder Shan shook her head. "I was hard on you dear. I'm afraid I was never a very good mother to you. I know that," her own shame filling her. "Your father loved you so. His Little Moonbeam. He wanted you to be just like him. He wanted to take you on his hunts. But I said they were too dangerous." Helena looked up meeting her daughter's gaze.

Despite her intentions to remain out of the conversation between mother and daughter, Revan's mouth had other ideas, her candour got lose and ran amok. "And yet you let your husband go on these dangerous expeditions," her hindbrain was scolding her: Why in the hell did you just say that?!

Helena answered in the same condor. "I always tried to keep him from going on the more dangerous ones. But he would have none of it."

"Really? The dangerous ones, like I don't know, hunting krayt dragons for their peals?" Reven shot back. Her hindbrain now shouting: WHAT are you doing? Dumbass, just shut up already! This isn't your fight! Stay the hell out of it!

"I did not want him to go!" Helena became defensive. "It was a reckless life we lived." She looked to the gray eyes of her child. "Always moving. I didn't want that for you, Little Moonbeam. I wanted you to have stability. Roots. Solidarity."

Bastila's voice was so very small. "So that's why you gave me to the Order."

Helena reached out across the table and took her girl's hands with her own. "What do your father and I have to show for all those years of hunting?" her eyes watering. "Nothing. That was no life for anyone. Especially not for someone as gifted as you." Helena's lips curled into a melancholy smile as one remembering a happy story of the departed at their wake. "Your father spent all that time during those last years trying to pay for my treatment," she pulled her hands back at a snail's pace. "That's why he went for the peals. I begged him not to..."

Bastila brow wrinkled. Her heart felt as if it had been pushed so hard it would have shattered her ribcage. "Your treatments?"

This time Revan was smart enough to listen to that small voice in her hindbrain and kept her silence.

Helena nodded. "I'm dying Bastila. I did not lie about that." A hopeless shrug, "It's been a long time coming. And there is really nothing that can be done."

Bastila stared incredulously at her mother. And perhaps for the first time she saw her, truly saw her.

"I told your father to let me go. But you know how he was. Stubborn." She half chuckled. "Just like his daughter."

"I... I'm so sorry Mother," she swallowed past the growing lump in her throat. "I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything Little Moonbeam. Keep the holodisk. It would do me good to know you have it," she reached across and caressed her child's face, wiping away the tears that were falling from gray eyes. "This... this talking to you is what I really wanted. What I really needed before I..."

Bastila managed to nod. "I know," again a soft whisper, "I'm glad we talked too."

"Enough of this. Hum? You said you had important business and you were never one to mince words even as a youngling." Helena shifted her gaze from her child to Revan who was trying very hard blend into the scenery. "You there! You take care of my daughter, you hear me."

"Always," came the immediate response.

A very knowing smile slid onto the older Shan's face. "It does my heart good to know someone is looking out for my little girl. And I dare say loved. If it means anything... I give my blessings." She held up her hand. "I know Jedi are not supposed to from deep connections... attachments. But I'm happy you have, Bastila."

"I... thank you." Bastila said.

"Look, we're not heading out until tomorrow. Bas you know you and your mother... why don't you go back to her hotel room and watch the holodisk or just spend some time... where you have some real privacy."

"Skye?" Bastila just barely recalled to utter the right name.

"Talking for a few minutes in a dive of scum and villainy is no place for a reunion. No place to share a holodisk."

Helena smiled and rose from the booth and touched the Nagai's arm. "You are a good woman, Skye. I imagine you are a very good Jedi. Even as a child, my daughter was very discerning. If she chose you, then there is something very special about you."

Skye let a smile slide onto her face. "I think Force has a lot to do with it, but thank you." She titled her head as a Jedi Knight before taking her leave.

When the Revan had gone, Helena turned to her girl. "She cares deeply for you. I don't need the Force to see it. She makes you happy?"

Bastila snickered. "Often times yes. She is also infuriating. Often far too filled with levity. Sarcastic and trying to understand her mind... it's like trying to unravel an impossible knot whilst wearing mittens. And she can be beyond stubborn. But she has... an indomitable spirit, tenacity, courage and a keen intelligence. "

Helena chuckled warmly. "I often thought the same of your father. He was all those things. His easy manor and levity, his sharp mind... is what attracted me to him when we were both still very young." Helena looked down to the table: to its scared gouged and stained surface. "If what you have is true, real... don't let your Masters take her from you."

"After all we..." Bastila stopped. She could never reveal the truth about Skye being Revan even to her dying mother. "We've been though much. The Force... it had created a Bond between us that goes deeper than love or friendship but out of it..."

"Something from the heart." Helena finished for her daughter.

A slight nod. After a moment. "She's right Mother. Let us watch Daddy's holodisk together. We can hear him together."

"I have a room in the back quarter. It will give us the privacy we need."

KOTOR~ KOTOR~ KOTOR~ KOTOR~ KOTOR~ KOTOR

The Companions had taken the evening to themselves as they had the night previous. This time of course Mission was sober and playing pazzak in the cantina with Big Z hovering over her like an overprotective big brother.

Canderous went back to the brothel. A place that Carth followed not soon after and he tried to be discrete- not that anybody cared. As for Revan, she stayed near the ship, or more accurately at the Ebon Hawk's hangar.

There are many lessons within the Jedi Temple. First among them is: Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering- Beware the Dark Side.

Anger had taken Revan within the krayt dragon's cave. At the time it was so very easy to blame the gaps in her memory. A dark emptiness lingered where memories should be. But Star Maps... Bastila was right they were relics of the Dark Side.

She was Revan.

She was Skye.

She needed a center. But it was so difficult to know just what that center was when you didn't know who you were. Of course, that brought up another great lesson taught to younglings: Master of self is the only mastery that matters.

Revan feared greatly that her own self-mastery was slipping... failing.

The world outside, the world beyond her inner world, involved walking a thin line of identities.

One she knew well: talented scout, ardent loyalist to the Republic, pilot, melee and small arms expert.

One was a Jedi Knight, war hero, fallen Jedi, Dark Lord. Sith, Darth. No memories. Just stores told from others, reverence and hatred in equal portions. There weren't even echoes; only whispers and filtered dreams seen through the eyes of the woman she loved.

There was no center.

If there was no center, nothing could be held.

It was why she urged her beloved to at least reach for reconciliation with her mother if not that than at least an end... a resolution. The only resolution held by Revan had was when she allowed herself to be Revan. Skye was a charade—a role she was forced to play. Only Skye had all the memories.

She wanted to be Revan.

She was forced to be Skye.

She didn't want to be Skye. A fake memory; a fake personality. Revan was...

ANGER!

Anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering, Beware the Dark Side.

Meditations weren't working.

So she went through kata after kata, form after form. Over and over. She went through each until evening slipped into night. Night became midnight. Over and over: a thousand times.

The anger was gone, leaving only echoes. It felt like looking at a holo of a holo of yourself, or rather a holopic of someone you know before you knew them.

KOTOR~ KOTOR~ KOTOR~ KOTOR~ KOTOR~ KOTOR

Midnight was chased away by predawn, and predawn by the purple-orange embers of dawn. Dawn filtered into early morning. The women of the Shan family had spent the night together finding a reconnection in the memorial of husband and father.

"Where are you going to go, Mother?" Bastlia asked her mother as they took breakfast together.

"It doesn't matter dear. Don't you worry about me." Hannah tried to reassure her child without much success. Last night they had wept, laughed and found each other again. Mother and child.

"I... um... your treatments... Mother we killed the dragon and found the pearls. The hunter we worked with to take it down recovered them. Initially, we split the finding of the pearls but Skye managed to negotiate for both of them.

"They make for excellent and powerful components to our lightsabers but we can take them out. You can have them and I have five hundred credits. It's all I have. Go to Coruscant and find a doctor. I'll meet you there after..." Bastila stopped knowing she could not explain the mission parameters about the Star Maps, the Star Forge or stopping Malak, "...after what I have to do."

"Bastila I already told you, there is nothing that can be done. Keep the pearls where they are. If they help in your lightsabers then that is exactly where they need to be. I don't pretend to know how they work, other than I know you need the Force to wield them properly. I know you need special crystals. If these peals help you... offensively or defensively then I want you to keep them. It's a waste to use them another way. And you know it, Little Moonbeam. "

Bastila reluctantly agreed. Her mother was right, Revan was right- it was a bitter, hard truth. Every edge was needed against Malak.

Every edge.

Void take the edges!

"Please at least take the credits. I want to see you again. And we can talk." Bastila was desperate.

Helena sighed heavily. Father and daughter were so much alike. "Alright, I will." She rose from her booth and kissed her child's brow

"You do what you have to do Bastila. You go and make your father and I proud."

Bastila didn't trust herself to speak.

"I know you go into danger. I can even guess what it is. You were responsible for the death of one Dark Lord, Bastila. You stopped and killed Revan. Now you and your Skye seek to take out the other Dark Lord."

Bastila set down her fork, "I didn't kill Revan, Mother." Her eyes closed tight. When she did all she saw was sweet lover's face. "I went to stop her. Capture her. But Malak fired on her ship, destroying her bridge before that could happen. Everything that was the Dark Lord was destroyed that day."

Helena looked curiously at her daughter. "You know… your father would sometimes phrase a sentence in a certain way... so that whatever he said was the truth from a certain point of view."

Bastila longed to tell someone, anyone, the truth. She wanted to stop lying! Jedi... shouldn't lie, shouldn't deceive...

"Mother... I can't talk about confidential matters. Military matters."

"I understand completely," Helena said. "I won't press, Bastila. I don't know what the Light Side of the Force can do much less than the Dark. Just... be careful."

"I will try."

KOTOR~ KOTOR~ KOTOR~ KOTOR~ KOTOR~ KOTOR

Bastila felt lighter than she had in years. She was actually smiling when she returned to the small frigate they took from Davik Kang. She had always thought the ship an ugly but agile and fast bucket of bolts. Now it was a welcome sight.

It was Revan's ship.

The Ebon Hawk was more Revan's ship- the true Revan's ship- than the Ravager ever was. She seemed almost vacant but Bastila knew that wasn't wholly true. She could feel her lover within and she heard rather than sensed Teethree's puttering movements as he tinkered with various areas of the ship.

Revan was sound asleep in her bunk. She looked so young, so at peace as she had before she left as the Revanchist in the Mandalorian wars. Bastila sat on the lip of the bunk and gave into indulgence as she leaned in and kissed her lover's soft lips.

It took a few moments to register before the Nagai's eyes flickered open. She smiled toothily. "Oh, how storybook," she reached up and took another kiss which Bastila granted.

"Thank you for urging me to do that," she met the eyes of the Nagai and smiled warmly, even if it had hints of remorse. "It brought me a lot of peace. More than I thought it would have," a self-debasing chuckle escaped her throat. "You'd think after all my training it would have been easer, apparently, I still have much to learn."

"Character building moments, gods do I hate them," Revan said trying to create a little levity.

"Don't we all."