Chapter 20: EPOV: My Beautiful Bella

She ran. I tried to talk to her, tried to follow her, but unless she wanted you around it was impossible.

Over the last week I thought we were at the beginning of a break through with her, but with what happened with Emmett, I am more worried now than ever that she'll withdraw completely.

I have been pacing around her shield for the last several hours, hoping that she'll finally let me through so we can talk about what happened. I need to talk to her, I don't understand myself how or why she would remember Emmett – and not me; but it doesn't matter, just as long as she is remembering. This could be a break through, something that I've dared to dream and hope for since the moment I first saw her, since the second I realized she didn't remember me; this could really be the start of getting my Bella back, my love.

"Please Bella" I pleaded with her again, placing my hand on her shield. I doubted she could hear me, from the point at which she was blocking me to her home was too far for me to see, perhaps if it was level ground that would be different, but I can't know for sure. I can't hear her thoughts and she hasn't responded to me once.

She knows I'm here though, and that's something. Whenever I touch the barrier, she's either pulled back or pushed me away. At least she knows I'm here. The first time I was in contact with her shield was in Laden Fields during the meeting, and the second was just over a week ago in our English class.

After leaving the Volturi; having been rejected by my request to join them, I was despondent trying to figure out how I would be able to get in contact with her. Luckily for me not all of the Volturi were aware of exactly how my ability works, and thanks to Jane, I obtained all the information I needed.

Leaving her that day, I already knew what I was going to do, and no sooner than I expected Alice called and told me she was going to join me. The rest of my family was hesitant and decided to stay back and wait to see how or what Bella would do in response to us joining her at the University.

Bella was more perfect than I could have ever possibly imagined, and achingly beautiful when she was angry.

…

"What are you doing here?!" She fumed, pushing me into the wall with her shield.

I was so in awe with her and her ability I couldn't help the grin that swept across my face as I answered her in a teasing tone. "I'm here for class Bella, same as you."

She argued with me for a bit, staring at me with her golden eyes; eyes still as rich and deep brimming over with secrets as they ever were. My beautiful Bella, how I wish you would remember me.

She released me as I told her of my visit with Professor Hardwick, slowly I began walking around the room – to better see her from every angle, as I made my way to the seat Alice had told me would provide the best view.

As soon as I sat, she moved toward me as if to throw me out, unaware that students would soon be coming through the door at any moment. I smiled at the knowledge; I could still distract her, even if she didn't realize that that's what was happening.

I watched as realization flitted across her perfect features and winked at her to hide my true feelings for her. She glared at me; while I smiled in return, before she turned around to greet the students, and I settled in, preparing to watch her every move for the next hour.

"You're supposed to be here to learn something and pay attention to the teacher – not stare at me." She said angrily.

"I can do both." I chuckled at her, trying to keep it light and realizing that I needed to try harder to keep my affection for her in check.

"Are you trying to irritate me to death?" She glared at me again, not appreciating my humor. I remembered a similar question in a different time, her anger towards me still just as entertaining.

She ignored me for the rest of class, leaving me to watch her; leaving me to again memorize every perfect detail about this girl; – the only girl in the world, the only girl that I will ever love; to reacquaint myself with every aspect of her being. – The way her silky hair rests softly behind her while the ends lightly hang just at the small of her back. The cross of her legs and the gentle rhythmic bounce of her slender foot. The smooth and elegant strokes of her pen as she puts it to paper. The way she draws in her full bottom lip between her teeth, just as she had when she was human, –she still takes my breath away.

I watched her walk out of class early that day, a smug smile playing at the edge of her lips.

"We need to pull back" Alice told me after having class with Bella herself. "Both of us."

I watched her mixture of visions as Bella debated again with herself about contacting the Volturi.

"We're coming on too strong." She showed me that Bella would in fact contact them if we didn't let up on her over the next couple of days, and that she wouldn't if we gave her some space.

"Alright." I agreed reluctantly, I wanted to keep up my teasing with Bella, it was always the best way to get a reaction out of her and it didn't seem to be any different now, but I didn't want her to contact them, I didn't want them to intrude and take her away from me again before I had a chance to get her to remember me, I at least had to try.

Either way, I was here to fight for my girl

The rest of the week was a blur of small conversations and long glances. When I wasn't with her, I was watching her, through the minds of those around her or with my own eyes. I had taken up spying on her again, just as I had before when I would sneak into her room late at night and watch her sleep.

I didn't dare get to close to her home, not knowing whether or not she put up her shield, but I would get close; close enough that I could hear her talk and watch her as she moved about the house.

When she was in the comfort of her own home was when I was rewarded with seeing all of Bella, the new Bella that was still my Bella.

She had changed, I was sad to admit, but not enough that she was a completely different person, no, she was still in there, even if she couldn't remember herself.

She was graceful in her movements; I would say even more so than Alice – and that was saying something.

She looked happy too, and I couldn't decide if that made me upset or not. I was happy that she was happy, but sad that it wasn't because of me or with me.

The hardest part of watching her was when she was talking to them. Any of them really, but more specifically him; Demitri.

I had quietly broken several branches during my watching hours of her. The look she would get on her face when she saw that it was him calling, or the way she would sit herself on the couch to talk to him, taking a strand of her soft hair in between her fingers to play with while she did. The laughter she exuded when he would say something, she found funny, or the lustrous way she spoke to him as they were getting off the phone together, saying goodnight.

It was the second hardest thing I've ever had to do; sit there and watch, listen to her speak that way with another. I wanted to kill him each time her phone would ring. I wanted to run to the Volturi and risk my life just to have the chance to rip him apart – limb from limb.

I wanted to break through her door, take the phone way from her and crush it in the palm of my hand.

I wanted to lift her from the couch and tell her that I loved her; that I've always loved her and that there was nothing she could ever say or do that would ever change that; she was, is and always will be my life. That she was mine and that she belonged to me – that she belonged with me.

I wanted to place both my hands on the sides of her face and say these things to her while looking in her beautiful eyes, and after I would bring her mouth to mine and kiss her. Kiss like she's never been kissed before – by anyone, and then show her how I truly felt about her – all of her – worship her like the goddess she is; crush her against me while making her gasp for air and call out my name.

I wanted to hold her to me; fitting her slender body tightly against mine – where she belongs, and tell her again how I love her; in all the ways that I love her while planting tender kisses all over her precious skin.

I want her to accept my love, remember my love and return my love, in every way, and every day of forever.

…

"Oh Bella." I whimpered, bowing my head and placing my fore head against her shield. I couldn't think about what I wanted to do, it was hard enough to think about what I needed to do and what was already being done.

…

…

"Bella! There you are." Alice chimed, once again cutting in at the perfect time. Bella was about to ask me some questions that I couldn't answer just yet, no matter how badly I wanted too, she just wasn't ready for the truth.

"Hi Alice." She replied, stepping back away from me.

…

While we were talking after class the following week, I had walked up to her, wanting to look in her eyes as I apologized for her witnessing me chastising Alice for her slip about Jasper. I didn't want her to think that it was a habit of mine to yell at my sister, or my normal behavior to act like such a jerk.

"I don't want you to get the wrong impression of me, I was concerned about something she had done, and Alice is right, I do have a tendency to overreact." I told her looking down at her intently, trying to convey my sincerity.

"OK." She replied to me in a breathy tone, acceptance laced in the word. I was so lost in her eyes and her presence that my simple "OK." was all I could muster in return.

I couldn't stop myself, I had to touch her. She was so close to me – the closest she has been to me in over eleven years, I couldn't not touch her in this moment. Slowly, I raised my hand up to her face; giving her the time to move away if she chose too – and gently brushed a wayward strand of hair from around her eye and check bone. Even as I tenderly let my fingers rest on her smooth skin, caressing the soft sheath, it was over all to quickly and I reluctantly moved my hand away.

Just as it had in the past, my skin tingled from her touch, the familiar electricity coursing through me, reminding me of our connection.

Bella walked up to Alice and together they exited the door, where unbeknownst to her my family was waiting. After not seeing her for eleven years and knowing we had been with her for over a week without incident they couldn't find a reason to stay away.

Even Rosalie wanted to see her again.

It was many years after I had left Bella and during one of my infrequent trips home that she apologized to me for how she treated Bella and how she acted about our relationship. After watching me suffer from the loss of my love, and having to endure the aftermath of my decision she realized how unfair she had been and truly felt sorry for everything she had done.

Rosalie was hoping for a second chance with Bella, even though she knew she didn't remember any of us.

"Bella, this is Jasper." Alice said, officially introducing Bella to Jasper.

A mixture of emotions was emanating from both of them. Jasper's were still and currently too much for me to focus on, especially with Bella right here, but I was instantly tuned in to Jasper, my first real read on Bella since that fateful night in Forks.

"Hello Jasper, it's nice to see you again." She said to him politely, recognition in her voice as she held out her hand to shake his. She didn't indicate anything but slight embarrassment and an uncomfortable feeling, which I assumed was situational and not because of any one person.

"Hi Bella, it's a pleasure to see you as well." He said to her affectionately. He was feeling a lot of guilt and responsibility for everything, past, present and future.

Bella looked past him and smiled at Carlisle and Esme, while Alice continued to talk and introduced her to Rosalie.

"Bella, this is Rosalie." She said, Bella turned and smiled at my sister while holding out her hand in the same gesture she extended to Jasper.

"Hi Bella." Rose stepped forward and gently took Bella's hand into hers. 'Oh god Edward, she really doesn't know any of us, does she? I'm so sorry.' She told me. She was hurt, for me, for my family and for her too.

"Hello, it's nice to meet you." Bella's indifference to Rosalie was what made her facade crack, she tried to collect herself and replied quietly "It's nice to meet you too."

Rosalie turned to meet my gaze for a moment, the anguish in her eyes told me all I needed to know about how I must have looked each time I thought of Bella before finding her again and since. Rosalie would never do anything in the way of coming between love ever again. She hurriedly turned away and went to stand next to Esme', trying still to keep her composure and looking for comfort from our mother.

Bella took a last look around the small group giving everyone another smile while readjusting her bag, the same way she always did when she was getting ready to run.

I didn't want her to go, and neither did any of my family. They wanted her to come back to the house we were renting and talk to her.

Alice had brought pictures of all of us together in hopes that she would be able to show them to Bella someday soon.

Esme' wanted to talk to her and get to know her again, ask her about everything that she has been doing since becoming a vampire.

Carlisle wanted to know her and get the answers to all these same questions, while at the same time wanting to examine her, ask her questions about her amnesia, he had hopes he could find a way to help her.

We all wanted something more to do with her, more to say to her, more time to spend with her.

"There she is!" Emmett bellowed as he rounded the corner, he was in such a hurry to get here to see her that he didn't think to edit what he would say. He had missed Bella in the same way everyone else had, but more closely to how Alice felt about her. He truly loved her and considered her a sister, he always had.

Emmett's greeting smile was so genuine and affectionate it would have been hard for anyone to deny him a returning gesture and when Bella saw him and smiled back, I was rewarded with my first Demitri free expression making its way across her face.

What I wasn't expecting, – what none of us were expecting was her greeting to him. ""Hi Emmett." She chuckled back at him, exuding recognition and comfort towards him through her feelings.

The silence was audible.

…

To say we were all shocked would be an understatement.

(4/18/11)