Chapter 24: EPOV: In her own words.

"Bella..." Demitri was calling out for her as soon as he made it to the house and opened the door. I looked back to Bella's face, trying to control the anger that was rising in me at Demitri's approach. I will have to watch myself with him around, or I might end up actually getting one of us killed.

She was looking at me intently while I searched her face, waiting for some reaction to let me know what she was thinking and feeling. I couldn't stand the thought of her feeling something more strongly for him than she did for me.

"Hey, there you are, what are you doing out here..." He was saying to her when he opened the door. The violent thoughts that came to his mind the instant he saw me had me on high alert. Would he really be stupid enough to try anything with Bella standing right here?

"What the hell are you doing here?" He yelled at me.

"Back off." I told him through gritted teeth, ready to pounce if he made any attempt at physical violence in her close proximity.

I could hear the thoughts of my family's fast approach and hoped they would get here before Demitri solidified his plan any further to attack me.

He planned to shove me from the porch before actually attacking me, even though his motives weren't out of concern for Bella, I still gave him some credit for this, it allowed one less thing for me to do. He'd only taken a step when he picked up on their presence and moments later, we could hear their footfalls approaching the house. It was enough to make him stop and re-evaluate the situation.

Instead of attacking me he put himself in between Bella and myself, switching from outraged boyfriend to Volturi guard member in a split second. "Bella." He ordered her, knowing that she would obey and understand his command without further instruction.

She surprised both of us by not complying, instead she stepped out from behind him and put herself in the middle of the two of us. "They aren't going to hurt me Demitri." She told him.

The look he gave her was enough to set me over the edge. I instantly started running over several attack possibilities.

'Edward, don't do anything stupid.' Alice's mental voice rang loud in my head.

Bella stood her ground with Demitri, she didn't flinch away from him, though through her feelings she almost wanted too. Instead she continued on as if his looking at her that way meant nothing to her at all.

"Edward here was just leaving when you showed up, weren't you Edward." She told him.

I considered for a moment giving in to her silent request for me to leave, but with the look that was on his face, I wasn't going to be able to. "No, I wasn't as a matter of fact." I told her as sweetly as I could while staring down the vampire in front of me.

"Bella, somebody better tell me why the hell they are here, and you better tell me why the hell you didn't notify us of their presence." Demitri barked out at her.

Rage filled the rest of me that wasn't already simmering with anger towards the mongrel. How dare he speak to her that way, my hands twitched and balled up into tight fists; wanting to teach him some manners. "Do not speak to her that way." I hissed through clenched teeth, taking a step forward.

"It's none of your business and I'll speak to her however I choose." He smirked.

"Not in my presence and I'm making it my business." I informed him; my fists heavy at my arms.

"Bring it. I've been itching for a reason to take you down."

"You have no idea." I seethed, building my anger, remembering everything and every time I ever imagined pummeling the fool to death.

"ENOUGH!" Bella yelled at the both of us. "What is the matter with you two?! You have no reason to be acting like this." Of course, we do Bella, I thought wryly.

She turned to me after promising to explain everything to him later, when they were alone. "You need to go; I've already said everything I needed to say to you." She said.

"I haven't said everything I need to say to you." I told her. Not even close, I thought.

"I'm asking you to leave."

"Bella..."

"Please Edward, just go." I couldn't deny her, the plea in her voice and the look on her face was the only reason I would have to make myself go. She needed me to do this for her, so I would, however badly I didn't want to. I nodded, unable to keep the hurt from my voice and turned to walk away.

'Don't think this is over Edward.'

"Not a chance." I informed him, turning back around to face him.

'You're in for a fight where she is concerned. I want you know that.'

"I'll be fighting for her too. You should know that."

'She may be from your past, but she's our present. She belongs with us. And she's with me, don't forget.'

"I'm not taking anything for granted, and I'll be fighting twice as hard as you will."

"Good." Demitri spoke out loud. "It's no fun beating someone who forfeits." He said in a cocky tone as he took a few steps towards me. He was confident in his win, he believed Bella would never leave the Volturi.

"I didn't say I would fight fair." No. Not when it concerns Bella. All's fair in love and war.

"Neither did I." He confirmed.

"Best of luck." I told him with a smirk. You're gonna need it. I thought before turning my focus back to Bella. I smiled down at her and gave her a small goodbye nod "Bella." I said and then turned around to meet my family.

I watched through Demitri's eyes as Bella watched us walk away. I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face.

'You haven't won yet.' Jasper told me, feeling my elation and confidence.

I looked over at him and gave him a knowing smirk, one that he returned.

My elation was short lived though, and my anger returned quickly when I heard Demitri yelling at Bella. We were out of sight of the house, but still within hearing distance when they starting fighting and yelling at each other.

"Interference? Is that what you think this is? That I'm interfering!" He was so mad he was practically hissing the words at her.

I started to turn around to go back when Jasper sent me a wave of calm before grabbing my arm to stop me.

"I know this is hard for you, but this isn't your business Edward. You need to let her handle her own affairs."

"Jasper, let go of my arm." I told him icily, I doubted very much he would agree if it where Alice and the situation were reversed.

"Edward, she'll be fine." Alice assured me, showing me that it was true.

"It's not up to you to decide who should be involved or not. It's your job to notify the guard with anything like this, and you should have told me." Demitri said to Bella through clenched teeth. He was looking down on her as he said this, anger flooding through him along with feelings and thoughts of betrayal. The look on her face was of hurt, couldn't he see that she was pleading to him with her eyes for understanding? It was so obvious to me.

"Come on, she won't accept your help right now. She needs to find her own way." Alice told me again.

I couldn't look away from the direction of the house, I still wanted to go to her, but I knew they were right. Bella would need time to figure everything out for herself, and my constant interference would be the opposite of helpful, at least right now, and this time. Without another word I nodded and then took off running.

When we were far enough away from the Bella's I stopped and turned to Alice. "How long until he gets here?" I asked her, watching her scan the future for what we were waiting for.

"Less than an hour." She told me with a look of frustration on her face.

Where there should have been something, there was nothing. We all had one guess as to why or who would be causing that.

Alice had come to me a few hours after Bella started shielding herself to inform me of what she couldn't see. I knew him coming was a bad idea, but at the time I couldn't think of anything else but getting Bella to talk to me. After deciding what to do, she left me alone again, hoping and waiting for Bella to let me in.

After several hours of her running through every possible location and possibility, she narrowed down the area in which we would find him, it proved especially difficult for her since by the way of his movements he obviously had no idea where he was going in Italy.

We went straight from Bella's place to the location that we expected him to be. After waiting for just over twenty minutes, I spotted him walking through a crowd of people. It didn't take him long to snap his head in our direction.

"Jacob." I said to him as he approached.

"Cullen." He sneered back. "I should have known you would be here waiting to get in my way."

"What are you doing here Jacob."

"That would be, none of your business." He said while thinking about Bella in the same sentence.

"You can't go see her."

"The hell I can't. What? Do you think you're going to stop me?" He scoffed.

"How do you expect to find her?"

"I don't know, sniff around. I'm sure I'll come up with something. I found you didn't I."

"We found you." Alice corrected him. "So, your plan is to wonder around like you have been for the last couple of hours until, maybe, you accidentally bump into her?"

He shrugged completely unconcerned.

"She has a Volturi guard with her." I told him hoping to detour him.

"She is a Volturi guard. What's your point?"

"Jacob, maybe you should think about this some more before you go running off to find her." Carlisle decided to interject since what I was doing wasn't working. "She's a vampire now, she's not the same girl you knew. You've said yourself that we are natural enemies, that includes Bella now, Jacob."

"Maybe that's what he's planning to do. You going to try and kill her, since she's one of us." Emmett cut in, already taking a defending approach where Bella was concerned.

"NO!" Jacob yelled at him. "I would never hurt you!" He retorted. "The same can't be said for any of you bloodsuckers though. Why are you here? You didn't do enough damage the first time? Decide to come back and finish the job?"

"You better shut your mouth Dog, before I shut it for you." Rosalie fumed.

"Bring it on Blonde!"

The tension that was rolling off all of us was too much and Jasper sent out a strong wave of calm. We were in the middle of a crowed street, a vampire/werewolf fight would draw attention that none of us needed or wanted.

"Everybody needs to calm down." He said to us after we started to feel its affects.

"Jacob, maybe you should listen to Carlisle" Esme tried in her sweet and motherly voice. "We know how much Bella meant to you, but he's right, she's a vampire now. Not to mention the fact that she doesn't remember any of us, including you."

"I don't care about that." He said to her in a kind voice, he couldn't bring himself to speak to her disrespectfully, though he wanted to.

"So, what, you just plan on going up to her and saying 'Hey remember me, I'm Jacob the one that almost started a war between our people and almost got us all killed. We used to be friends, wanna try that again?'" Alice said out of irritation. She couldn't see what Jacob would do while he was here, and whenever he came into contact with any of us, our futures would disappear too.

Jacob rolled his eyes at her without saying anything.

"No, he doesn't plan that." I told her. "He thinks he'll make her remember him. That all he needs is to spend some time with her."

"Well, if your done rummaging through my head," He said with a thick edge of annoyance, "why don't you get out of my way and let me get to it."

"You don't really think that that's going to work, do you?" Rose sneered. "What do you think Alice and Edward have been doing for weeks now? If it didn't work with them, what makes you think it will work with you?"

"Even if she was still human, she would have forgotten you all by now." He spat out the words "You left, remember. I didn't."

"Jacob." Carlisle cautioned him.

"No. Don't Jacob me." He turned and then looked at each of us. "I spent eight years thinking she was dead. You have no idea how that felt, knowing she was killed by one of you leeches and not being able to do anything about it. Eight years, I thought my best friend was dead." I could see through his memories how horrible it was for him to believe that, I couldn't be mad at him for wanting her back in his life after that. "When I finally figured out who I thought had killed her it took everything in me not to go running off by myself to rip the tics to shreds, but I waited. I don't regret what I did, it helped me find her."

No one had anything to say to him about this, we all wholeheartedly agreed with everything he was saying; all of it. I would have done the exact same thing Jacob had, had I thought what he did for all those years. I remember the crushing pain that I experienced in those horrible minutes when I thought she was dead myself. I wouldn't have survived eight years.

"I don't care what she is, she's still Bella." He continued after a brief pause. "If she grows horns or turns into a witch I'll still be by her side, I love her, she's my family and nothing or no one is going to stop me from being a part of her life."

No one had anything to say to that either, we all felt the same way.

"Jacob, what is your plan?" Carlisle asked him in a kind voice. "She'll barely speak with any of us, what makes you think she will talk with you?"

"I've got it under control."

"We might be able to help." Carlisle continued.

"I don't need or want your help, thanks." He said to him, not unkindly.

"We want her to remember too Jacob, we love her too." Esme tried to plead with him.

"I'm leaving now, don't follow me." He said and then turned his back on the group of us.

He was trying very hard to think about anything but what I had picked out of his brain, he couldn't walk fast enough.

"What journals?" I asked him.

He stumbled his step as he came to a stop, only turning his head to give me a sideways glance, telling me, "Stay out of my head leech." And then turned away and started walking again.

I began to move after him. "What journals Jacob?"

He spun back around on me "Journals that are none of your business."

He couldn't help himself from thinking about them though, and with every question I asked he let a little more slip through.

"You have all of them?" I questioned him. "When did she send them to you?"

"Damn it! Stay out of my head!" He yelled at me and then turned again.

"What are in them Jacob? If it's something that will help her get her memory back..." I trailed off as he began remembering certain passages that she had written. Words of her own thoughts and feelings that broke my heart. I listened, painfully and intently as he purposely went over the very worst of her writings.

"Why would she give those to you?" I whimpered.

"She sent them to me when she left. I didn't get them until she had been gone for five years." He continued to explain very quickly in his mind how he came to be in possession of them, when and what he did with them afterward.

"So that's how you knew she went to Volterra?" I asked him, he was trying to hide that fact from me, but I was able to guess by the evasion he was trying to perform surrounding that information.

"Yeah."

"You plan to give them to her? Have her read them?"

"I thought it might be worth a try." He told me defensively.

"Maybe, but I would advise against it, at least for the time being. I was being serious about there being a guard with her." I told him and then braced myself for the words that were about to come out of my mouth. "It's her boyfriend, that's who's with her right now. He won't let her read them; he'll destroy them."

"Her boyfriend?" He said smugly, happily thinking and hoping how that made me feel. "Why would he do that? If he's her boyfriend shouldn't he care...oh wait, never mind. I already know how you vampire boyfriends treat the girls in your life."

"Jacob, I know you hate me for what me leaving her put her through, but I promise you – no one hates me more than I hate myself.

He wanted to say more on the situation but didn't. He was remembering my reaction when he told me she was dead in the fields. He didn't want to believe what I had told him after that day, that I had lied to her and left to try and protect her from my world – from myself. I told him that I never stopped loving her, that it was as impossible for me as it would be for him to stop loving his imprint.

His moment of kind thought led him back to the journals, the thing he was holding on to so tightly, finally slipping just enough for me to catch.

"Where are the journals Jacob?" I demanded.

He clenched his teeth as he began thinking about how to rebuild a motor, piece by piece he thought of how to assemble it, how much time it would take, how he would clean the parts if they were dirty. He and Alice had a lot in common in this deflection technique, he was a quick study, I'll give him that.

"So, this boyfriend of hers, you really believe he would prevent her from trying to remember her past." He asked me trying to change the subject while simultaneously putting together a carburetor.

"Yes."

"Fine." He conceded after a minute of thinking about it. This new direction had him thinking about the journals instead of motor building. He knew that if they were destroyed, along with all the picture evidence he brought, he didn't have any of it backed up – or a backup plan. He was banking on her accepting the truth for what it was once she read and saw the pictures for herself.

"I still want to see her."

"I want the journals."

"Edward?" Esme chided me.

"No." Jacob told me as we both chose to politely ignore my mother.

"I'll tell you where she lives, - hell, I'll take you there myself, but I want the journals."

"I'll find her myself." He said dismissing me and started to turn to walk away again.

"Where are they." I asked forcefully this time, and then smiled at him. "You can give them to me, or I'll just take them. It's your choice."

"Son, they don't belong to you." Carlisle tried to reason with me, confused by how I was acting.

"Yes they do, don't they Jacob." With that everyone turned to him, waiting for him to answer.

He ignored all of them while having a stare down with me. The insults he was slinging at me now would put Rosalie to shame, he was so angry at me for finding this out.

He cursed quietly. "Fine. But the pictures are mine, you don't get those." He said pointing his finger at me.

"I don't understand." Esme asked me for answers.

"Bella sent him the journals, but she gave him instruction that if I were to ever come back that he should give them to me. She left him a letter, knowing he would read them, giving him this last request." I looked away from Jacobs livid face and into my mothers. "She wanted me to have them."

It was a small victory, but it was a victory non the less. Even though she believed that I no longer cared for her or loved her, she trusted me enough with her intimate thoughts to give me the journals. Somewhere she must have believed I was worthy of that trust, even after everything I had put her through, she wanted me to know her and how she felt. It was an incredible feeling, knowing that she cared, even after she thought I didn't. I was truly honored.

"Don't get to excited Cullen, you haven't read them yet." Jacob broke through with his jab, again remembering the painful passages that were waiting for me.

I sighed heavily knowing I was about to willingly break my heart again, reliving those horrible years without her, but this time, through her eyes. In her own words.

Jacob was right, there was nothing that could have prepared me for what was written on those pages.

(4/29/11)