Chapter 27: The Box

My head was swimming with Edward. I couldn't get him out of my mind. His apology and subsequent touch had me reeling, and I couldn't figure out or understand my reactions to him.

For all I can remember I have never let anyone get so close to me so fast, talk to me the way that he has or touch me with such reverence.

He was also beginning to feel familiar to me, and not because of him being around so much lately, but actually familiar, like I know him.

Physically, I feel as though I remember him too. I don't quite understand why I react the way I do, or do what I do when around him, but my body responds to him; to his touch. Electricity courses through me when we are in contact, and my way of movement when around him or when responding to him is all natural and effortless, I don't think about what I'm doing, my body just does it.

'You're with Demitri!' I chided myself for the hundredth time.

I turned from the window I had been looking out – daydreaming out, since Edward left, and slumped myself on the sofa.

Demitri is great, he doesn't deserve to have me thinking – or obsessing, about Edward and what was happening with me in regards to him. He's been nothing but wonderful to me, and even knowing this; why couldn't I stop thinking about someone else?

Edward had left me standing alone and with questions several hours ago. I couldn't get his apology out of my head, I couldn't stop myself from thinking about the way he looked as he spoke to me, with such devotion and absolute truth.

"I want you to know that I would never do anything to hurt you, I will never do anything to hurt you or cause you pain ever again."

It was scary, the way I knew without any doubt that he was telling me the truth, and that I believe him wholeheartedly.

'God Bella, pull it together!' I yelled at myself again, I knew I was being silly.

I've been so adamant about not knowing him and not wanting to find out if I knew him or any of them for so long, I was starting to doubt my reasons why.

'There's no reason to know them or find out anything from your past!' But, why? I thought.

My internal debate over the matter was the only other constant thought I'd been having.

"UGH." I sighed, throwing my hands over my face.

I needed a distraction, and no sooner than I thought it I was on the phone; calling Felix. He was always great for a distraction.

"What's up B! You finally remembered my number eh?"

"Shut up." I said laughing at him. "I've been busy and you know it!"

"Uh huh, likely story." He said teasing. "So, what do I owe the pleasure of your call?"

"So now I have to have a reason to call you?" I teased back.

"No, you just don't do it very often anymore."

"Sorry." I told him sincerely, feeling a little guilty that it was true. Between school, The Cullen's and Demitri's visit I haven't had a lot of free time.

"It's all good B, I'm just giving you a hard time. I know you've been busy with all them frat parties and keggers."

"Oh yeah!" I laughed at him. "You got me!"

"I knew it, you're such a lush Bella!" He told me in mock seriousness. "You're supposed to be there learning not hooking up with all the locals."

"Felix!" I hollered at him. "You're such an ass!" I laughed.

"Truth hurts."

Felix and I talked for over an hour, he did exactly what I expected him to do; distract me. I was caught up on all the castle gossip, a lot of which I didn't care to know, but found out anyway.

"I miss you buddy." I told him at the end of our conversation, "You should come visit me."

"Or..., you could come and visit me."

"Yeah maybe." I told him, feeling as though I were lying to my best friend. "I'm not due back there for a while though, I don't want to go any sooner than I have too."

"I feel you." He said, the words a little heavier than they should have been.

"Are you alright? I mean, is everything alright there?" I asked him with concern.

"Yeah yeah, it's the same." He told me, "It's just been crazy that's all, and you're not here to buffer things out."

"Well, like I said, you could come and visit me."

"I might just do that, I have a few things to do, then I'll see what I can make happen." He told me evasively. "We can go hunting, I've been craving a big elk." He told me, then laughed at his own joke.

"Whatever." I told him with an eye roll. "I'll talk to you later, let me know when you are coming down."

"Sounds good."

And with that we hung up. Felix's distraction was exactly what I needed to get my head cleared up enough to get back to work, not that I had anything to do really, but I found myself busy anyway.

A few hours later I was sitting on the sofa reading when I heard familiar foot falls approaching; Edward and Jacob were on their way.

I set my book down and was up and out the door before either of them could knock.

"What are you guys doing here?" I asked, I didn't mean it to sound as rude as it did, but I found that I was a little annoyed at the both of them. I had spent the better part of the day trying not to think about them or more specifically Edward, and here they were on my door step again, pushing themselves back into my brain.

"We need to talk to you." Edward told me in his demanding way.

"For what now?" I asked, this time allowing my annoyance to drip with each word.

"I know we've been bothering you a lot Bella, but this is important. Please, can we talk to you?"

I stood staring up at him for a few seconds and then crossed my arms over my chest.

"Please Bella." Jacob asked me, pulling my attention to him.

I stood looking at Jacob and before I knew it, I was caving against his will.

"Fine." I said letting my arms fall to my sides before turning around and going into the house. "This better be good."

I went over and sat down on the couch; were I had been before they showed up, as each of them took a seat across from me. We sat in silence for a few moments before I spoke up again. "So?"

They looked at each other for a brief moment, then Edward began to speak.

"When I came here to apologize last night, you didn't know why."

"I remember."

"We're here to tell you."

I started. "No, we've talked about this, again and again... It's getting a lot old."

"I know. But things have changed Bella. You have to know now."

"I don't have to know anything if I don't want to Edward. Who do you think you are...?" I told him defensively.

"There's no time to argue about this anymore Bella, you need to know who you are – who you really are."

"What are you talking about, I know exactly 'who I really am'," I told him, copying his tone and choice of words. "You don't know me well enough to tell me who I am, and I'm not going to listen to you while you tell me who you think I should be either!"

"That's not what I meant. I just want you to listen to us, listen to your past so when what happens next, you'll have all the information to make the right decision."

"What's going to happen next Edward? What aren't you telling me right now?"

"The Volturi are going to demand that you come back to them. And if you go Bella, Alice saw..." He paused and stared at me with heart break on his face. "She saw that they would keep you away, that you wouldn't be allowed to speak with any of us again."

"That's ridiculous, they don't have the need or want to do anything like that to me."

"Yes they do. Don't kid yourself Bella, they will do anything and everything to keep you with them."

"They can't hold me against my will Edward."

"I know that you believe that, and I believe in your ability too, but Alice's visions...Bella, please just listen to us."

"No." I told him nonchalantly. "Edward, Jacob, I'm sorry, I'm just not interested. Look, I don't want to beat a dead horse here, but you aren't listening to me. I don't want to know." I told them both, then thought about it for a moment and changed my words to match more accurately to what I felt. "Actually, that's not true anymore either. What I want is for you two – and the rest of your family to stop pressuring me. If I remember my past, I'd rather do it on my own, not forced. I don't want to hear it from you."

"Bella, we don't have time for you to figure it out on your own, you need to know now!" Jacob said to me frustrated.

"There's nothing that either of you could say to me right now that would change my mind or make me want to hear it..."

"I love you." Edward said, effectively cutting me off, and drawing my attention back towards himself rather than Jacob.

"What did you say?" I asked him incredulously.

"I am in love with you and I have been for eleven years."

"Stop." I said to him in a shaky voice, standing up against the words.

"You know what love means to our kind Bella. There is no other way, there is no one else, there never was and there never will be." He stood up with me, continuing to talk as he looked into my eyes. "I love you."

"No." I shook my head at him. "You need to leave. I don't know what you're doing or why but you need to leave..."

"You loved me too." He said, again cutting me off.

"No." I told him more sternly this time.

"You knew what I was when you were still human, you knew and you loved me anyway. You knew about my whole family and you loved them too Bella."

"I know I knew about you and your family; that much I believe, but nothing else!"

"Why? Do you believe what the Volturi told you? That you were some play thing for me? That I used you and when I got bored, I threw you out?" He said with a little more anger in his voice.

"That makes more sense to me than anything else."

"You're wrong. You were everything to me. You still are."

"Yeah?" I yelled at him, allowing myself to believe the lie so I could question him. "Then why don't I remember you now? Why did it take you eight years to tell me this? Why have I just met you? I know exactly what it's like to be our kind; what love means to us, and just like I told you in the fields that first day; if it had been someone, I loved I wouldn't have waited so long to find them." I seethed. "You couldn't possible have loved me, or you wouldn't have been able to leave!"

"I left you when you were human to protect you Bella, not because I didn't love you." He told me, again with sadness in his voice.

"Protect me?"

"Being with me was dangerous for you, I loved you too much I couldn't bear the thought of something happening to you because of me."

"Liar." I yelled at him. "How could you possibly love a human, it's ridiculous."

"But I did." He said as I shook my head at his admission. "And I didn't know you had been turned until that day in the field, or I would have come to you."

"I don't believe you!"

"He's telling you the truth Bells."

"I'm not your 'Bells'" I turned on Jacob, "And what do you have to do with all of this anyway?"

"You are my best friend; you knew what I was and you loved me too. I searched for you, the whole time you were gone – all eleven years; I never stopped looking for you. And when I found out what happened to you, or what I thought happened to you, I did what I felt like I had to, that's what lead us to the fields that day. You. I thought you were dead Bella, and when I realized you weren't...well, it's why we are here now." He told me sincerely, I respected Jacobs way of getting right to the point. "And you loved him, even though it made me sick, you did love him Bella. You nearly killed yourself more than once out of love for him." He told me sadly, then closed his eyes, looking as though he struggled to say the next words "Until you finally did."

I knew what he meant; no heart beat and all that. I still couldn't believe what they were telling me was true though, for years I was told that I meant nothing to no one, and the Volturi saved me, they were my family. How could I doubt them after everything they have done for me, they are the only people I know and remember.

I looked back over to Edward who had been sitting quietly while Jacob spoke to me.

"Please Bella, you must believe us." He pleaded with me. "Trust me."

"Trust you!" I balked. "Ha! I don't trust anything you say to me! Let's pretend for one second that I believe any of this, do you really think that I could trust you? You say you loved me, and yet you left?"

"Yes, and I regret leaving you every second of every day." He told me. "If I could go back, I would Bella. I thought I was doing what was best for you..."

"You were doing what was best for you!" I yelled at him. "You don't leave someone you love because you're scared. You don't make decisions for that person as if what they want doesn't matter."

"I know."

"No, you don't know. How could you possibly know? You thought you were protecting me, is that it? Protecting me from you?"

"Yes."

"Then why didn't you change me? You wouldn't have had to worry about it anymore."

He looked at me shocked, then stammered out. "I couldn't do that to you, I couldn't be responsible for damning you; for taking your soul. I loved you too much."

"You were a coward." I told him with venom in my words.

He flinched, but didn't say anything to me. We stood staring at each other again before I decided that enough was enough.

"I want you both to leave." I looked at each of them. "I don't know if I'll ever remember, and I don't care. You've said what you needed to say, now I want you both to go."

"Bella..."

"No Edward." I cut him off and held up my hand. "You've said everything you've needed to say and I have heard enough. I want you to go."

"I need you to consider this for a moment, Bella, please. They will take you and we will never see you again."

I shrugged my shoulders at him, not sure if I cared one way or the other about that possibility, and not completely convinced of its viability.

"Bella please..." He begged. "I love you."

"But I don't love you." I told him, the ice in my voice made my chest ache as his face crumbled in pain.

"Go." I told them both again, looking away from Edwards face as I went to the door and opened it. "And don't come back."

They each moved from where they had been standing, slowly making their way towards the door.

Edward stopped in front of me; looking as though he wanted to say something more while his hand twitched at his side, but whatever it was, was kept on his tongue as he gave me a small, sad smile and walked out the door.

Jacob followed, his massive frame blocking everything else in the room, I had no choice but to look at him.

"You don't have to believe either one of us." He told me deadpan. "But even you can't deny proof Bella." He said to me, then looked over his shoulder. "And you have to believe yourself." He said to me looking sternly into my eyes.

Jacob moved closer to the door, then stopped and turned back around and pointed to my living room. "It's all in the box."

(6/1/11)