Chapter 32: On the lamb

It was several days later when I finally stopped running, and I found myself outside the city limits of Hanover Germany.

If I could be, I was tired; dirty and hungry; I needed to hunt.

I was unsure if anyone was following me, so instead of backtracking myself, I made a wide circle around and back into Weserbergland Naturpark where I found plenty of wildlife to sate my thirst before heading into town.

All I had on me was the book bag full of photographs and journals from my human life, and thankfully I had thought to bring my wallet full of my credit cards and passports. I had only a couple hundred dollars in cash, which was what I used to rent a hotel room and buy new clothes in the gift shop.

There have been many times over the years that I had wished for sleep, but none like I wanted today. After a long hot shower and changing into fresh clean clothes I crawled into the hotel bed and closed my eyes. I thought that if I could just sleep, even for a few minutes, I would be able to let go of the last several days, forget that it ever happened and ignore it completely. If I could sleep, I would be blissfully unaware of the disaster my life had become; relaxed and unconcerned as dreams would take me away.

Unfortunately, that didn't happen, and I was left alone in an empty hotel room surrounded by fluffy pillows, lying in the middle of a king-sized bed while curled up under a down duvet as thoughts relentlessly swirled around in my head.

I was angry, of course I was, but I was more hurt than anything. I felt betrayed. Betrayed by everyone, even myself. All this had started years ago when I was human and went to the Volturi, and since I have been on a downward slope where inevitably and unavoidably, I would end here, where I am today.

Things could have been handled differently; absolutely. My family; the Volturi, could have done things less deceitfully, they could have not lied to me and been honest this whole time. They could have not manipulated me and kept my free will. If they had done that, things would not be as they are right now.

They took advantage of me, I was a foolish human girl who didn't know what she was asking for, or whom she was asking it from. They should have looked out for me; for my best interests, instead of using me for their own gain.

I should have looked out for myself too, they weren't all to blame.

I don't remember Edward, or his family, and I haven't experienced love in the way it was described in the journals, or how our kind explains it to be all consuming. I was unaware a human could feel such strong emotions, to love so unconditionally that there would never be a way to get over it.

I found it silly and annoying that Bella; my human self, struggled with this so exhaustively. Why couldn't she get over Edward? Why couldn't she have just let it go? I find myself angriest with her, she is the reason all of this started. But what of Edward? Is he not also to blame?

The Cullen's and Edward openly invited Bella into their world, shared their life; their love – everything with her, just to leave? How unfairly they treated her. How was she ever supposed to move on after knowing everything she did about them? About a world that she was to never be a part of? How could they expect anything less than a search from her?

You don't give a blind person sight just to take it away.

They should have been more responsible; they should have been more careful. They say they loved Bella, then they should have been more caring.

And Edward. Edward is the worst of all. Selfish and self-righteous. I'm as angry with him as I am my human self. Irresponsible fools they were. Both of which who have had a hand in ruining my life. Edward should have known better, or been strong enough to live with either choice. He would have known long before Bella that he was in love with her, and at that point he should have left, knowing he was never going to do anything about it. But since he chose to stay, chose to love her and involve her in his life, he should have changed her, he should have been strong enough to make her one of his kind. Choosing the middle ground of both decisions was the worst way for everyone concerned. The sole cause of the problems we all face today.

I only allowed myself several hours of rest and self-pity before putting myself back on the move. I had no destination, or plan but knew that I needed to keep moving, I knew that I needed to keep my shield up or I would have everyone I wanted to avoid knocking down my door or blocking my path.

I needed time away, I needed time to think. I didn't know how far Chelsea's manipulation had been taken, or what exactly she had been doing to me, but I knew by staying away from her and all other powers of control, I would soon find out. She was known to make bonds stronger; she's held the guard together for years, but to what extent I wonder? Only time would tell exactly what had been done to me, and I intended to give myself as much time as needed to find out.

After leaving Hanover I sporadically and as randomly as I could began to wander the globe, all the while keeping up my shield but still not committing or thinking about where or what I was doing.

I would cross water as often as the opportunity presented itself, I didn't know if Jacob or any other wolves or shape shifters would be involved in looking for me, and since I knew they followed scent, I found myself swimming fairly often.

Demitri I couldn't shake so simply, I had to rely on my shield, evasiveness and speed. He knew me, he knew my mind, so I had no doubt that if I let up for even just a moment if he was close, he would surely find me.

I also knew that I needed to stay hidden, I couldn't be seen by anyone as much as possible. The guard would be on the lookout for me, I don't know what they would have been told, but I was positive they would have been instructed to watch out for me while on duty.

I needed to stay hidden from the human population as well, not only would the guard's sight be a threat, but a human taking too much notice would be a problem if Edward were around.

All of these reasons mostly kept me out of towns and cities wherever I traveled. I stayed in the wilderness and the outskirts of towns for most of my wanderings, only going into the cities for new clothes or a hotel room to gather and clean myself.

Six months had passed this way and I was beginning to get comfortable with my new lifestyle. Not that I wanted to live like this forever, I was just comfortable with my security. I figured that I would give myself another few months this way before searching for a place that I could eventually settle for a long period of time.

There were thousands of acres of untouched and uninhabited wilderness all across the world, I knew that I could get lost somewhere; at least for a little while.

I had decided on this new course of action and started to look at different areas as possible places to settle. I knew I wanted to be somewhere with plenty of game, but also with enough cloud cover so I wouldn't be noticed if by chance someone were to run across me.

I had just finished scouting some area's in Sweden when I decided to cut across Russia. There were so many places and so much to choose from there that I had considered it briefly, but the weather was horrid and I knew I would be miserable.

I decided to explore the Canadian provinces, it may not be as large as Russia, but there were still plenty of places to get lost.

Once I swam across the Chukchi Sea I cut across Alaska and began my search first in Yukon and then down into British Columbia.

It was my mistake being too close to Prince George that would lead me to be chased across the Canadian landscape.

I had thought to go into the city after several weeks of search, needing warm shower and new clothes again when I was spotted by a guard I recognized. I wasn't sure why anyone would be stationed up here, but nevertheless he had seen me.

I was sure he would start to pursue me, but was instead surprised at him staying away. He simply nodded in acknowledgment to me then went about his business, I was sure he made contact as soon as I was out of sight.

I had only a short time to get cleaned up, and since he wasn't coming after me immediately, I took advantage of civilization instead pressing forward and going elsewhere to get cleaned up.

I was only in town for just over fourteen hours and then resumed my trek through the rest of Canada.

After thoroughly going through Alberta, almost immediately putting the province at the top of my list, I moved on to Saskatchewan. It was there that I began to feel antsy, and thought I might be being followed.

If contact had been made by the guard I had seen, it would have taken Demitri to fly over before he could find my trace, the timing would be good for him to be close to me. I didn't wait to second guess myself, and before I could be seen by anyone for sure, I hurried through Manitoba and dove into the Hudson Bay.

I swam around Quebec and Newfoundland and through the Labrador Sea, around past St. Johns. I didn't bother with land again until I was in Nova Scotia where I eventually made my way to hide aboard a plane.

Several Flights later I found myself again in Australia. Not knowing what flights, I had taken or been on and by not knowing where I was going, either flying in or out of, I thought of it as fate when I finally landed. Once I realized where I was, I swam out in the Tasman Sea to an Island I had visited a considered before.

The next four months was where I spent hiding on Macquarie Island. I wasn't seen or bothered by anyone I knew there; except my memories and my past.

9/6/11