Chapter 34: Tête-à-tête

"Everything?" Edward repeated, breathy and disbelieving.

"Yes." I told him again. "Everything."

In an instant he was directly in front of me, his hand slowly reaching up to push a few wayward strands of hair out of my face. "You remember me? From before?"

"Yes. I remember you, from before." I confirmed as he pulled me into him in a bone crushing hug.

"Oh Bella..." He whispered in my ear as I gingerly wrapped my arms around him to return the affection. "I –" He took a deep breath. "I owe you an apology. No, of course I owe you much, much more than that."

"I think we're beyond apologies Edward." I squeezed him once more then pulled away. "It was so long ago it hardly matters now."

"Of course, it matters!" He bristled. "I lied to you. I lied to save you and it didn't work; I wanted to protect you from what I am – what we are, and I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm so sorry because it was a worthless effort, because it was all for nothing."

"Not for nothing." I interrupted him. "I chose this. I chose this life Edward, and I'm happy. Even now, knowing – finally – everything, I'm happy and I wouldn't change anything."

"But I hurt you Bella."

"Yes, well that was pretty awful actually." I chuckled darkly. "I didn't get over it as you know."

"Can you ever forgive me?"

"I already have."

He closed the space between us again. "I need to know Bella, can you still love me, after everything? Or am I too late because I've hurt you too much? Have you moved on?" He winced when he said this. "If you have, I won't contest your decision. Not now that you know everything, so please don't try to spare my feelings."

"I think both of us standing here is evidence of that." I starred at him darkly for a moment. "The way I feel about you has never changed. Of course I love you Edward."

He took hold of my face securely between his iron hands. "But I need time." I told him when his eyes moved from mine to my lips. "We haven't known each other for years and there are things that I need to take care of. People I need to talk to. I created a life in Italy and I'm not about to just walk away from it."

"Anything you need." He leaned forward and kissed the top of my head before stepping back.

"I've missed so much too." I gave him a small smile. "I have a sister; did you know that?"

"Yes." He returned my smile and nodded. "I picked that out of Jacobs head not long after we found you."

"Her name is Vanessa, but they call her Nessie – stupidest nickname." I laughed. "– But she's adorable. She looks just like Charlie."

"She looks just like you." Edward playfully argued with me. "She has those same chocolate brown eyes that you had."

"Yeah I guess so." I agreed.

We stared at each other quietly for a few minutes before I looked away. "I used to spend a lot of time here." I told him looking around the meadow. "But then, you already know that from the journals."

"Where will you go?" He asked me. "When you leave here I mean, where will you go next?"

"I want to speak with Jacob before I leave. Then I'll get in touch with Demetri and Felix."

He nodded and looked down, away from me at the mention of their names. "What about the Volturi?"

"I don't know yet."

"You'd go back?" He looked up at me sharply.

"No." I shook my head at him. "That's not a possibility. Not as they are now anyway, but I still believe that the need for rule is necessary." I defended the life I had lived and believed in since turning. "It's not all bad. Our species needs to be kept in line; you must agree with that too? There needs to be rules and someone to enforce those rules or it would be chaos."

"And you believe the Volturi are the ones to do that? After everything they've done to you?"

"You mean after they gave me my life when you wouldn't?"

He flinched as if my words had slapped him. "That's not what I mean."

"I don't want to argue with you Edward. Of course I don't forgive them for what they did to me and I will deal with that, but they gave me something that I'm forever grateful for. They were home for me when I felt lost and alone. I built a life with them; I have friends there – people who I consider family. I won't just walk away from that."

Again, he flinched at my words. "I'm not saying these things to hurt you, but they are how I feel. Please try and understand that. I left my human life behind to get exactly what I have. It didn't work out how I initially thought it would, life is messy regardless of if it's human or vampire, but I can't go back. Even if I could I wouldn't want too. I was devastated when you left and I lived a hollow existence for three excruciating years before I went to them, and yes, I knew that there was a chance that I would forget some of that pain, or die trying. I never imagined I'd forget my life all together, but I welcomed some sort of diminished capacity – just so that I could breathe again if nothing else, but instead I forgot everything and that sucks, but I still wouldn't change it. I spent eight years with them. We only spent seven months together."

"Time doesn't matter to us."

"In some ways it does." I turned from him to look across the sky and ignored the momentary panic that coursed through me at the thought of never seeing him again. I would have never turned my back on him as a human, afraid that he would disappear into thin air again. But I wasn't human anymore, and if he wanted to leave me again, I knew this time I'd survive. "Time changes people. I'm not the same girl you knew all those years ago."

"No. You're not." He agreed with me. "You grew up, you changed, I can see that, but you are the woman I fell in love with all those years ago – that hasn't changed." He moved to stand closer to me again. "Please don't hide from me." His breath tickled down my neck as he said the words. "I've spent twelve years seeing you only in my memories and I don't want you to be out of my sight again." I turned to face him. "I don't understand or know your life, but I want too if you'll let me. What I want, no – what I need is to be with you, if you'll have me, and I promise you, I will never leave you again."

"Will you come with me…"

"Yes." He cut me off.

I chuckled. "You don't even know where."

"I doesn't matter. I go where you go."

"Then first, I need to talk to Jacob."

"That shouldn't be a problem." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a cell phone. He hit Jacobs name on his speed dial and before the first ring finished chiming through, Jake answered the phone. "Did you find her?"

"Yes."

"Where is she? Where are you? I'm coming right now."

"Meet us at the old house?" Edward raised his brows at me for confirmation. I nodded my head that that would be fine.

"I'll be right there." He said and they both hung up.

"Shall we?" Edward held out his hand and gave me my favorite crooked smiled. This time it reached his eyes, something that I hadn't had to pleasure of seeing since before my ill-fated birthday all those years ago. Even in Italy, when he'd smile, it never came close to the perfect grin that was on his face now.

I took his hand in mine and then we sprinted off and ran together until we reached the river where I let go of his hand to jump across; him closely following behind. We walked the rest of the way, taking our time until we reached the porch.

"Should we go in?" He asked me reaching for the door before pushing it open.

"Actually, I'd rather stay out here." I walked past the open door and wondered around the porch, taking in all the views as we waited for Jacob to arrive.

"Because he stinks?"

"No!" I chuckled. "Not because of that, because it's not as…empty out here."

He nodded, understanding what I meant about the house.

Jacob showed up a few minutes later. He jogged out of the woods with just a pair of cut off shorts on and came up the stairs and onto the porch without waiting for an invitation. So like Jake to get right to it.

"Don't you own a shirt?" Edward asked him.

"Shut up." Jake sneered at him while otherwise ignoring Edward as he moved toward me.

"You're lucky he's wearing shorts." I told Edward. "He usually doesn't take the time to strap any to his leg before he goes all wolf."

Jacob smiled at me and then his smile dropped. "Wait." He looked between the two of us. "You remember that?"

"That and much more." I told him and then pulled him into my arms. "I know this is unnatural but I'm going to hug you anyway."

"I'll take it." He said and squeezed me back, lifting me from the ground like he had always done. He spun us around and laughed before setting me back down on my feet. "Oh my god, it's really you?"

"Yes, it's really me." I chuckled at his choice of words.

"You remember? You remember!" He laughed and picked me up again. "I knew you would remember!"

"I missed you Jake."

"Oh Bells, you have no idea." He held onto me for a few moments. "Your dad is going to lose his mind."

I stepped back from him. "What? No. He can't know."

"Why not?"

"Because he's human Jacob. I can't tell him what I am."

"Bella, he already knows." He shrugged his shoulders. "He's knows for years about all this." He wafted his hand in the air indicating us and the house; everything.

"Why? How?"

"When he and Sue found out they were pregnant – you have a sister by the way –"

"I know."

"– Cool – So yeah, when they found out and after Nessie was born, Sue told him. He had a right to know that his daughter would probably turn into a wolf one day."

"That's not a guarantee though."

"It didn't used to be, but it seems like one the gene was turned back on after the Cullen's moved back and then all that mess with Victoria, it didn't shut off again. Everyone that's descended has been activated once they hit a certain age."

"Really?"

"Yeah, but it's cool though. We have a good system."

"That doesn't explain how he knows about me."

"We had to explain everything for him to understand. We turn because of vampires, it's part of the story. He doesn't know about you specifically. We didn't want to tell him, just in case…"

"Yeah."

"Yeah." We nodded at each other, knowing what the other was thinking.

"So, you can tell him. If you want too." He shrugged again. "Be a part of the family again. Not that you ever weren't, you were just gone."

"I don't know." I shook my head. "That's a lot. They might not want me around Jake. There's Vanessa to think about."

"Nessie."

"Vanessa." I raised a brow at him, I wasn't having it with that nickname. "They might not want me around her and I would totally understand. I'm technically the enemy."

"But you're not though." H smiled at me. He still looked so young, like he hadn't aged at all since I've been gone. Now that I could remembered everything, I recognized it. The wolf gene would keep him young forever if he wanted it too. "Besides, she has me. I won't let anything happen to her."

"What do you mean?"

"Jacob, maybe now's not the best time."

"Shut up Cullen." He said to him again. "Bella, remember when I told you about imprinting?"

"No." I shook my head at him. "No, you didn't."

"It wasn't me!" He raised his hands in defense. "It's nothing that can be helped, you know that. We talked about it."

"Jacob."

"Bella, don't be mad."

"She's just a little girl!"

"You KNOW it's not like that! Don't be gross Bella." He looked truly offended. "You watched how Quil was with Claire remember?"

"Yeah."

"It's like that. There's nothing…" He flailed his hands around in the air. "ugh. You know."

"Ok, I believe you. But seriously Jake, my sister!"

"Well you didn't want me." He laughed and jabbed me in the shoulder.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Shut up." I laughed with him.

"She's pretty great." He smiled then as he told me about her. "She looks like you, has your eyes. She smart too! Smarter than any other kid her same age. She already knows how to read and write and is almost better at math than I am. She knows about you."

"Really?"

"Of course she does! In fact, I know she'd recognize you as soon as she saw you. She has a picture book of just you, she loves it. She has your middle name too."

Jacob went on to fill me in on everything and catch me up on what I'd missed over the last nine years. Edward stayed close and listened. A few hours later, after Jake couldn't think of anything else to tell me, he stood to leave.

"Do you want to come with me?"

"No." I shook my head. "It's too early for that. In fact, I'd prefer it if you didn't say anything to my dad for a while. I don't know what's going to happen and I don't want too… I just don't know what's going to happen, it's better for everyone if I just stay dead for now." Jacob and Edward both winced at my choice of word.

"When will I see you again?"

"Soon, I promise." I hugged him. "I have your number; I have my memories and I know where you live."

"You better call me every chance you get." He ordered. "I found you once, I'll do it again."

"Promise!" I held out my pinky and he latched his around mine.

We said goodbye and I promised a few more times that I wouldn't disappear again before Jacob finally left.

"You two were really close." Edward said standing next to me after Jacob disappeared into the forest.

"Inseparable." I turned to smile at him. "He was my rock after you left." I turned and looked back toward the trees. "I don't know if I would have survived without him, and I mean that very literally. I was in a dark place for a long time and the only light in my life was Jake. If I hadn't had him, I don't know if I would have been around to make it to the Volturi."

"Then I am forever in debt to him."

"So am I." I looked up at him. "If he hadn't been so persistent who knows how much time would have slipped by without me knowing. I could have been lost for decades never knowing who I was, or caring enough to ask."

"I don't even want to think about it." He shivered as if the thought gave him the chills.

"Neither do I." I smirked at him. "So…" I turned my back on the forest and in the direction of Italy. "I need to move on to the next person on my list and I'd like to go now if you don't mind."

"Felix?"

"And Demetri." I nodded.

He pulled out his phone again and handed it to me this time. "I have both of their numbers; you can call them. Neither of them is in Italy though, they're probably still out searching for you. I failed to let them know that I'd found you here."

"You've been in contact with them?"

"Mostly just Felix. Demetri and I found that working together with as much space between us as possible was best."

"I see." I took the offered phone from him and pressed Felix's name first.

"Edward." Felix answered on the first ring.

"Actually…"

"Bella! Where are you?"

"Washington."

"I'll be right there."

"No, let's meet." I told him.

Felix was in the states so after determining that we decided to me in the middle before jetting off to Italy where Felix had said Demetri'd gone back too. I was going to call Demetri, but once Felix told me that Demetri was traveling, I decided to wait until I was in Italy to speak with him.

When we met up a dozen or so hours later, Felix caught me up on all the Volturi news since I'd been gone. After I left and the guards discovered Aro's secret about using Chelsea and Afton against me, they began to question their loyalties to the guard as well. There wasn't an uprising, exactly, but there was a definite fracture within the guard. Aro was still on the throne, so to speak, but had taken a back seat and let Caius and Marcus take the lead. They dismissed Chelsea from active duty, but kept Afton on. His power was useless unless used in conjunction with another, but hers was now considered at threat. She was instructed not to use her power under the penalty of death or otherwise ordered, which she was evidently following. The Volturi's numbers shrunk since my departure, with more leaving every day. Those that had left were still in contact with most of the other guard, Felix included, and while they didn't serve the Volturi, they still kept order amongst the species while they waited for everything work itself out. Demetri had taken the lead position on this after leaving the guard himself, becoming their commander of sorts. Apparently, the majority of them thought that I'd come back and he and I would take over the Volturi ourselves or create something new. I laughed when Felix told me this. Felix left the guard also, after they told him to stop his search for me. That was around the time that him and Edward joined forces. Felix didn't consider himself part of Demetri's 'off-brand' but helped maintain order when asked or as needed. He said the longer he stayed away, the less he felt the aggression he once had, the need to control the masses. He'd started eating a vegetarian diet exclusively the last year too. His eyes were a wonderful shade of ocher.

"I don't know what your plans are B, but wherever you go – I'd like to follow." He told me. "You're my only family, my only real friend in the world."

"Felix…" I reached for his hand when he said this.

"I'm not trying to be a sap! I just don't have anywhere else to be." He smirked at me.

"You'll be with me. You're my family too."

Edward didn't join in our conversation, keeping mostly quiet, especially about the Volturi. He never left my side though, which was weird for both him and Felix at first. They both took positions on each side of me and stayed that way wherever we were – running in open land, walking down the street, flying in the plane – that's how they stayed, until we made it to Italy and to the house that Demetri had purchased.

He bought the sprawling estate on the opposite side of Italy overlooking the Tyrrhenian Sea in one direction and the beautiful country side in another. The huge mansion sat on acres and acres of private land with no neighbors around for miles and it could only be accessed through a private road or from the private beach where there was a dock. The property was bigger than any home I'd ever been in and could easily have housed then entire guard and then some.

When we landed in Italy Felix had called ahead to let Demetri know that we would be coming so when we made it there, we had no problems passing through the security gate.

"This is unbelievable." I avowed when we pulled up to the house.

"Yeah apparently Demetri's good with money." Felix shrugged. "Who knew."

"I did, but this is incredible." I said, ignoring the clench in Edwards jaw.

"Bella!" Athenadora came running down the stairs once we were out of the car.

"Athena? What are you doing here?" I closed the distance between us and returned the crushing hug she had wrapped me up in.

"I live here silly! Oh, look at you!" She gushed, pulling back away from me just enough to look at my face. "I missed you so much!"

"I missed you too!" I pulled her back in for another squeeze.

"Oh, and I see you brought your friend." She nodded at Edward. "Felix." She raised her brow at him and smirked. "Come. We have so much catching up to do." She told me and linked out arms together and directed us up to the main door of the house.

"Why are you here?" I asked.

"I wasn't going to stay in that old castle with that old fiend! Not after what he did to you." She told me. "I told Caius that if wants to see me, he can come here or we can go somewhere together."

"And he's okay with that?"

"Please." She rolled her eyes. "Like he has a choice. We see each other every week and I haven't stepped one foot into that castle since you left."

"Wow." I was truly surprised.

"Yeah, big changes. You missed a lot on your little vacation. Marcus spends more time here than he does there anymore too. So does Sulpicia, but she's having a harder time." She whispered the last part to me.

"Oh no." I looked over at her, worried about my aunt.

"Not to worry. It was a good thing we all found out about Aro's betrayals. You weren't the only one he was controlling without us knowing, you were just the first one to find out." She smiled at me.

"I had no idea."

"Of course, you didn't, how could you have?" She patted my arm. "None of us did. Well, except for Chelsea I suppose. The two of them can go rot in a hole for all I care. Afton was clueless too, he just lends his power, the day you found out was the same day he realized he was being manipulated for his power too."

"Really?" I asked her skeptically.

"Yes." She implored. "He was upset. It took a while for him to clear his name, no one wanted anything to do with him. He's good now though. Here in fact, I'm sure he wants to speak with you too. If you're up for it."

"Maybe." I turned to look over my shoulder at Edward. He was walking closely behind me, starring at the two of us, his face lined with worry.

We stopped in front of the massive ornate doors that were the front entrance. "I'll show your friend around and let you two have some privacy." She said indicating her head to where Demetri was standing off in the distance. "I promise he'll be fine." She spoke up when I looked over at Edward again. "Everyone here is grateful to him for finding you." She kissed me on the check and backed away. "Come along Edward, there are some amazing views near around the property that I'm sure you'll enjoy."

"Bella?" He took a step toward me.

"I'll be back in a while." I smiled at him. "Athena's a great tour guide." I gave him a wink.

I left him there with Felix and Athenadora and walked over to where Demetri was waiting for me. As soon as I turned away from Edward, Demetri gave me a big smile as I approached.

"Hi." I grinned back at him.

"Hi." He took the last few steps between us to meet me and then pulled me into him for a hug. "I'm happy to see you." He pulled back to look at me then turned us to walk away. "Let's go somewhere more private."

Demetri and I walked around the side of the house to where there were trails that lead away from the house and toward a lookout over the sea. We walked at a human pace, side by side, with his arm wrapped around my shoulder and mine around his waist. We didn't say anything as we walked, instead I took the time to take in the views. There was a warm gentle breeze that picked up the salt water smell from the ocean. It mixed well with the sweet smell of the grape vines and flowers that lined the property.

Once we reached the overlook we stood and looked out at the ocean for a while before either of us said anything.

"This place is amazing." I finally told him.

He turned and kissed the top of my head, smiling down on me. "I bought it awhile ago. "He said and indicated to a weather beach bench for us to sit. "I bought if for us actually. I thought at one time we might live here."

"Really?"

"Yes." He picked up my hand and kissed my knuckles after saying this. "That was before we knew about Chelsea and Aro's betrayal.

"Yeah." I nodded and looked down at our joined hands. "You felt it too?"

"I didn't want too." He stressed. "I fought against it in the beginning, believing that that was the lie. I wanted the evanescent of my love for you to be a mistake, not the inception of it." He reached out and rubbed his thumb across the side of my cheek.

"I fought it too." I leaned my face into his hand. "My whole world began falling apart, piece by piece after that day, and I wanted something to hold on to. I wanted something to be real and I wanted that to be you. I tried so hard to hold on Demetri – even though I was angry with you for standing with them – I wanted you to be real. So badly, I wanted it to be real. Then when it became apparent it wasn't, it crushed me. It's why I stayed away so long. I needed time."

"I'm sorry Bella, for that day especially and the part I played. No one truly knows the extend of Chelsea's persuasion but I have to believe that I was being influenced too. I didn't want to force you, but I had too. I'm glad you're so much smarter than the rest of us." He laughed darkly. "We'd all been living like that for years – doing, acting and being something, we necessarily weren't – we could have gone on like that forever. Everyone owes you a debt of gratitude."

"No." I shook my head. "We would have found out eventually, I have to believe that."

"I still believe in our work though, that much I know is true."

"So do I." I agreed. "We did good things."

"But, there's a better way. Just because we are what we are doesn't mean we can't live with purpose and compassion."

"I agree." This time it was me who laughed darkly. "I completely agree with you."

"And that's why Chelsea could so easily manipulate the two of us." He said moving closer to me. "We are aligned in so many ways Bella, we agree and have so many things in common. We should have been meant to be, you and I."

I pressed my check into his hand again.

"In another life we would have been." His voice was quieter.

I nodded, agreeing with everything that he was saying, a sad smile playing at my lips. "We could have been very happy."

"We still could be." He alluded.

"We could be."

"But it wouldn't be the same." He whispered, resting his forehead against mine.

"No, it wouldn't." I felt my eyes prick with tears I was unable to shed.

"If someone hadn't already come along, someone else would and ruin it all over again." He almost sounded angry as he said this, but then I recognized it for what it was – sadness.

I wrapped my hands around his face then and pulled him into me for a kiss, which he readily and greedily responded too. It was with this kiss that we shared one last time everything we had meant to each other and everything that we could have meant to each other. All of our hopes and dreams, plans that we had made, a life together never achieved and the memories of the love that we shared that wasn't meant to be. This kiss was meant for sweethearts who missed each other after so much time a part; full of passion as they reunited, and for us; two star crossed lovers expressing their pain and sorrow in kiss goodbye. It lasted too long for two people uncoupled, but not long enough for one's promised love that should have been forever.

"I will always love you." He muttered against me

"I'll always love you too, Demetri." I breathed into his soft lips.

He pressed his mouth to mine again, this time softer – gentler – before pulling away to kiss each side of my face, one cheek at a time.

"You'll always have a place here – with me, with this new guard, whatever it is – you're always welcome. Forever."

"Thank you." I whispered and rested my head against his shoulder where we held each other as the sun set – and stayed until the sun rose again.