Jim clicked a button on and off. Nothing. Only Spock's padd was working, blinking a harsh red in his hands.
"It shut down," said Spock, "there wasn't enough power so it terminated the message and shut off everything that wasn't necessary. We will not get a signal through like this."
He felt Spock's disappointment, his anger, and his worry; a sharp, fleeting pain right in his heart just before it was mercilessly quashed, so fast Jim almost got whiplash. So fast, it took him a moment to realise that he couldn't feel… anything from Spock.
"Spock…?" Jim ventured, reaching out a hand but unsure of its purpose.
Spock stood, still holding the padd in his hands. "It is no matter. This can be fixed. You will have your midday meal as you neglected to break your fast this morning, and I shall continue the work."
"What about you? You didn't have breakfast either."
A moment passed, and Spock turned to examine something on the dashboard. "Vulkhansu require less sustenance than humans. I shall continue working."
Jim paused, confused and slightly hurt. Spock told him before that humans were psi-null (a weird phrase; did that mean Spock was "psi?" That sounded even weirder), which was apparently supposed to mean that Jim wouldn't be able to feel their bond, but despite that Jim certainly felt a… lack, of something.
But maybe Spock had forgotten that Jim had been inside his head.
"Nope," he said. Spock turned around to face him, an eyebrow raised.
Jim raised his own to match. "You're not gonna continue working, I'm going inside to grab us food, and we're going to eat and not think about this mess, and then we're going to continue working, ok?"
A small dent appeared in Spock's forehead. "Jim-"
"Nope!" Jim said again, and moved so he was right in front of Spock's face. "We're taking. A break. Say it."
"Jim I really think-"
"Say it!"
Spock sighed, infinitesimally small, and then repeated, deadpan: "we are taking a break."
Jim grinned and slapped him on the shoulder on his way out. The grin disappeared as soon as he left the barn because even though he touched Spock, he couldn't feel anything that wasn't his own. He didn't like it.
They ate in silence. Jim looked up every now and again in an attempt to catch Spock's eye, but to no avail. Spock stared resolutely at his plate and lifted his fork from salad to mouth robotically, either so lost in thought or so lost in disappointment that he didn't want to be disturbed.
"Screw this," Jim said, finally making Spock look at him, "what did you do?"
Spock's eyebrows creased slightly, briefly. "I just ruined the last option of contacting my family, but I fail to see why you would ask such a question, as you already know this."
"No, I - it was not your last option we can definitely - I mean with this." Jim gestured, wildly, to his head. "Where did you go?"
The look that flitted across Spock's face lingered long enough for Jim to identify it as surprise. "I closed off the initial bond that had formed between us. As humans are psi-null, I did not think you would notice."
"Why would you do that?"
A pause. "Bonding is a very long, sacred process. For it to happen, here, in such a way is… not proper." Another pause; Spock's eyes flitting between Jim and his plate. "To my knowledge, only three Vulkhansu have bonded with outsiders, and even then it was… frowned upon."
"But they're…" Jim began, not really knowing where the sentence was going.
Spock looked at him, into him, through him. "My presence on Earth is only temporary. It cannot have any permanent… effects if I am to continue as I have on T'Kasi."
At that moment, a part of Jim was glad that Spock had broken the bond, so that he would not know how much knowing that hurt. It was a logical way to look at their relationship, really. Jim was a means to an end.
The thought gnawed at him from the inside out, dissolved in his stomach and made him sick. "Wow, divorced already," he chuckled humourlessly, "what would my mother say?"
"Jim," Spock started, also seemingly without knowing where the sentence would end up (for once), but was cut off by the sound of the universe spitting in Jim's face and laughing at him: a key turning in the front door lock.
Both boys looked at each other in alarm, before bursting into motion a split second later. Jim shoved Spock towards the back door and scraped all of Spock's uneaten food onto his plate, placing the dirty one in the sink. Spock allowed himself to be shoved towards the back door, but paused for a moment, looking back at Jim with (dare he say it) an emotion on his face before collecting himself and hurrying outside.
Footsteps, low and heavy.
Jim could hear little but his own heartbeat.
"Jimmy?" Frank said when he caught sight of him, more surprised than pissed (for once), "t'fuck are you doing here?"
"Uh… school got out early?" Jim tried.
Frank sighed like it was his last, exasperated breath leaving him (oh, Jim wished).
"Now, what would Winona say if she knew you weren't going to school? Were you even thinking of how I'd have to tell her?" he took a step forward, and Jim gripped the kitchen counter tighter, "no, of course not. See, that's your problem, Jim, you never think of anyone but yourself."
"Unlike some people, I suppose?" Jim gritted out.
His mother's husband frowned, eye twitching. "Everything your mother and I have done has been for you, y'know. She's out there working those long hours and what do you do? Just fucking throw it all away because, what was it? School is 'boring.'"
Frank moved into the kitchen and grabbed a fistfull of Jim's hair. Jim just gripped the counter tighter.
"You're going to school tomorrow, shithead. You'll get outta my fucking house, sit in that classroom, and you'll realise that, aside from being a spectacular pain in my ass, you're just like every other kid in this town."
He let go, and Jim's knees gave out for a second before he caught himself.
Yeah, he thought, Frank was much worse when he was sober.