FemaleBylethxDimitri (Post Ending *Spoilers for all routes*)
"...leth? Byyylethhh!"
Byleth finally broke her gaze away from the courtyard she hadn't really been seeing. Annette huffed. The little sorceress had grown into a lovely young woman. She'd grown her hair out since they parted, although it was hard to tell exactly how long it was with the way she'd bound it up. She still wore the same orange cape over her shoulders.
"Are you listening? This is important! When I went and asked Dimitri like you told me to, he said to bake whatever flavor you liked! So would you please tell me what flavor of cake you want so I can get working on it? I don't have any time to waste!"
Ah, she should have expected he'd say that. Sweets were nice, but everything was just so...over the top. But Annette wanted to bake the cake, and honestly, she wanted her to do it, too. It's just that she had wanted to leave all the details up to her ex-student, too, but the girl wasn't having it.
"I guess vanilla will do."
"You guess?" The girl set her hands on her hips. "Are you sure? Once I start, I'm not gonna have time to start over."
Byleth smiled. "I'm sure. Thank you, Annette."
The girl lingered, studied her for a moment, then accepted it and left to get to work. Byleth returned to staring at the courtyard, this time actually looking at it. It was odd, how white it was. White chairs, white flowers, a white aisle...it wasn't the same as when it snowed. The green grass peeking through made it seem off. Byleth hadn't thought it would feel so strange when she decided it should be outside.
Past the servants and knights decorating, the three classrooms stood off to the left. They were wide open. She could see into all of them where she stood. They hadn't been cleaned out. Instead, the tables and chairs and blackboards had all been pushed against the walls in case they'd needed the space.
They hadn't.
Byleth massaged her temple and left the courtyard. With all the preparations, the monastery bustled with more life, more merriment than it had in years, but the joy of the occasion wasn't reaching her. She wanted to be alone. She couldn't go to her old chambers. If she did, she'd have to stare at the dress.
So she went to the training grounds. Like the classrooms and courtyard, the training grounds were one of the few locations left untouched by the siege of Garreg Mach. Unlike she'd been hoping, however, it was not completely empty.
"Hey, it's our old professor!"
Ingrid promptly elbowed her husband, and the redhead grunted. "It's Archbishop, Sylvain." Then, hand over her heart, she bowed. "It's good to see you again, Archbishop Byleth."
"Come on, she said we could call her by name. But yeah, it's good to see you! Guess who showed up even though we couldn't find him to deliver the invitation."
This time her smile was a bit more real when she nodded to the man standing behind the two. Arms crossed, he defended, "I don't really care for celebrations, but I thought I should come, considering I followed you in battle for so long."
"I'm glad you all could make it."
"Of course, there's no way we couldn't come," Ingrid said. "It's an honor to be invited to our King and Archbishop's wedding, but both of you are also our commanders, and friends. I wouldn't be able to bear it if I missed such a day!"
"I have to say," Sylvain added, "it's strange to be staying in our old rooms like this. Not for school, not as our base…"
Felix scoffed. "The war's been over for almost two years. You need to put it behind you, Sylvain."
"I know, but—"
"Guys, we're here to celebrate a marriage. Can we not talk about the war?"
"Ingrid's right. We should go get a drink, Felix! It's been forever since we last saw you!"
After exchanging a few more pleasantries, the three went to head off into the recovering town to catch up. Like Annette, they'd grown. Ingrid still wore her armor as a knight, but it was strange to see Sylvain out of his. He'd been focusing more on politics than fighting, according to the messages he'd sent to Dimitri, and traded his armor for warm, quality threads. Felix's hair had grown even longer than it was before the war, long enough he no longer bothered with tying it back. He'd vanished after the Battle of Enbarr, but everyone pretty much knew what he was doing. He still wore the Sword of Zoltan at his side.
A cloud moved in to shadow the arena. The now empty arena. Byleth drew a sword from one of the racks and moved to the center of the training grounds. She held it up to the air in front of her. It was an old weight. The fingers of her other hand ran across the firm blade at her own side before she gripped its handle as well. She didn't draw it, though.
Then the cloud shifted away, the sun glared into her eyes, and she startled when, for not quite a second, a girl stood impaled on her blade.
It wasn't real, gone in an instant, but she remembered every detail clearly as she threw away the sword. The pale skin, dark eye bags, cropped hair the same color, and the pungent stench of iron.
It was just the sword. The one she'd picked up was iron.
She pivoted and left the blade on the ground behind her, veins visible under the stretched-thin skin of her knuckles as she gripped the hilt of her bone sword. The scent had left her dizzy. It'd been awhile since she'd felt this dizziness, but when she felt it, she always went to one of two places.
Not knowing where Dimitri was, she chose the chapel.
The rest of the monastery was all but restored, but the chapel's dome was still half missing. Supports had been added, the rubble long cleared, but services wouldn't be held until the restoration was complete. Usually there were always people in the chapel, but that day, maybe because of the preparations for the next morning, the sanctuary was desolate.
Byleth sat in a pew and put her forehead in her hands. There was nothing for her to look at. There were the saint statues, the statues that were truly just ancient people. She even knew two of them! She knew everyone tied to the church! And the only one that was truly inhuman, the only one who was truly a god, was gone.
Sothis! Oh Sothis, why couldn't they talk? Even after everything, she didn't understand. The girl had insisted she would still be alive after they merged, but how could she be alive when she was nowhere to be found? When Byleth, the one the goddess gave her powers to, couldn't summon her?
Sothis, why hadn't there been another way? A way two avoid merging, a way to have stopped Those Who Slither In The Dark earlier? A way to have avoided the war!
She looked up at the empty chapel, at the colored light streaking in through the half dome. She could almost see Dorothea singing. How many times had she seen her singing here? She would have sang at her wedding. She'd said as much herself one day.
Then Byleth rewound time and taught the Blue Lions instead.
All the times she'd sang with Dorothea, all the dinners with Ferdinand, all the after class studying with Linhardt and Petra, and training with Caspar and cooking with Bernadetta and those weird conversations with Hubert and...and Edelgard…
She erased all of it. Just like she'd erased those times with the Golden Deer. But this time was worse. Claude was clever, always so clever, and he made do without her. As heartbreaking as it was to see those kids go on with their lives separate from her, only Hilda had been a casualty when she changed to the Black Eagles. Only Hilda. The fact she could think that as a positive…
But Edelgard was not the same. No matter what she tried, if she didn't choose to teach the Black Eagles, they perished. But she'd wanted to try one more time. She'd wanted to see if she sided with Dimitri, if that would prevent the war entirely. She didn't know what to expect when she did it. Dimitri changed so much during the war, and she couldn't understand it from afar. Still, even not understanding, a piece of her heart had went out to him.
That damned piece.
She had known he was chivalrous and friendly. She had not expected such sensitivity, such true kindness. She definitely had not expected the unfamiliar attachment that had formed within her. She had foolishly not expected that even with her by his side, he would still change so drastically. She hadn't known what torments so similar to hers he'd go through.
And that was the end. She couldn't abandon him. Without knowing what it was, she'd fallen in love with him, and suddenly she couldn't go back anymore. Dimitri was like Edelgard. If she didn't choose to teach his house, he would die. Gruesomely. Bitterly.
So she killed the last students she'd saved.
As if she didn't know who they were.
As if they weren't friends.
"Byleth!"
She started and whipped her head to find Dimitri rushing to sit beside her, pulling her into an embrace.
"What's wrong? Why are you crying? It would make me delighted if you were crying tears of joy, but it tears my heart to see you distressed. Please, tell me what's wrong!"
She released her sword, what remained of Sothis, to cling to him. How could she tell him? He'd endured so much, so much that just removing one person in his life would have caused him to shatter beyond repair. It'd be cruel to add her problems to his.
It was a while before her throat relaxed enough that she could talk. She pulled away to sit on her own, but Dimitri took her hand and kept it. His blond hair was brushed smooth, kept no longer than chin length since the war, and his casual attire, as a king, was extravagant, with gold and silver and fur, and also accents of blue. He wasn't in armor today.
Hardships though endured, part of him was still very much the honorable boy that had made her chest tight with admiration.
Her eyes went to the eyepatch that hid what was once a pale blue eye.
His shoulders slumped, his eye lowering as he touched the eyepatch with his other hand. "You're thinking about the war. The sins we've committed."
Her sins...were more than he realized.
"You're not worried about if we deserve to be happy, are you? It is you who told me that we've suffered enough."
No, Dimitri, she said you had suffered enough. But really, it wasn't a question about suffering. Honestly, she thought she had put these fears behind her and resigned them to their ghosts already. She couldn't fix it, so she had to come to terms with it. But marrying the man she'd chosen over those kids, in the place where they used to be, it was like trampling on the memories they'd shared together. And she was the only one who had those memories, because by her hand, she'd also erased them from time.
"It's ghosts," she said, knowing he'd understand.
"Yes," he murmured. "They're all over this monastery." They fell into silence. Even though there was no certain way to know, each knew the other truly saw them, the ghosts that haunted them. "You…" Dimitri hesitated, drawing her attention. After a moment, he looked up and met her gaze. "You never have told me who it is you see."
...She hadn't. Because that was where they differed. Dimitri saw ghosts because he felt guilty for surviving. It's true that he deeply regretted the lives he took, but the ones that followed him around weren't those he killed by his hand. She didn't like to think about the differences in their pain, because it was in their similarities that they found comfort in each other.
But it was a fair question, and one he had never asked in all this time. If he felt the need to ask, then she would answer.
"Them…" She glanced back to where the colored light decorated the floor. "Dorothea's always here. I can still hear her singing. The others I see in other places." Places she'd spent her time with them when that time still existed.
"I guess you were a professor, even to them. I also see Edelgard...although she never says anything."
But it was so much more than just being a professor, and suddenly, Byleth was struck with the need for him to understand that. With Sothis gone, he was the only one who could grasp the extent of what she'd experienced. But that meant laying her burdens on him. She had also never breathed a word about that power to anyone. If there was one thing she was sure of, time was not a toy, and it was treating it like it was putty that had done this to her.
"What is it?"
Her free hand reflexively touched her face, but it didn't feel like her expression had changed. Still, he waited for her answer, ever patient. He was kinder than she deserved. She loved him enough to accept the death that had passed so he could live. That was why she agreed to marry him tomorrow.
...So, couldn't she trust him?
"Come to my room tonight."
It took a second, but then the king began to flush. "P-Professor, such things are usually saved until after the ceremony!"
Her confidence grew when he fumblingly reverted his old way of addressing her. "That's not what I meant. I mean I want to talk to you. There are some things...I need to tell you."
He cleared his throat as he gathered his bearings. He didn't ask why she couldn't just say it now, or what she wanted to talk about. Instead, he stood, and bent to place a kiss on the back of her hand. "Then, I will come. Please be well the rest of the day. If you feel like crying again, please, come find me. I can understand the need to cry, but I can not stand the thought of you doing so alone."
When she simply stared at him in response, he gave her a soft smile and laid his lips gently against hers in a brief kiss. Only after he leaned back did Byleth release his hand. He left to continue with the preparations.
Taking the Sword of the Creator in her lap, she ran her hands over it, then looked up at the blue sky beyond the ruined dome. The world was full of awful things, but if not for her turning back time the way she did, she would never have had Dimitri at her side.
She was thankful for that, at least.