Jaskier closed his eyes and sunk against the door to his room, sucking in deep breaths as he tried to calm down his thundering heart before he had a heart attack.
He had imagined over the last decade how this would go because he had known it would happen. If he had learned anything else during his time with Geralt, he had learned that Fate was a cruel bitch and liked played with peoples lives in the cruellest of ways.
Geralt didn't believe in fate, but Jaskier did, and it had tied him to Geralt. They would always come across each other, and they would always always end up meeting, no matter what happened. He had not expected anything different considering his life. For the first time though he had not been looking forward to that moment.
After that day on the mountain, he had realised one horrible truth.
Geralt was his destiny.
He was not Geralt's.
He had thought that he was ok with how they were, knowing that he would never be Geralt's priority, knowing that he would never be a person that was important to Geralt. He knew Geralt cared, but really that was because the man had so little people in his life that...well it did not really mean anything.
He had lived for years with that sharpness constantly in his chest, sometimes it would be easier, sometimes it would be agony. In the times when it was just him and Geralt, it was ok, it was better, he could pretend that it was just them as it had been before...before...before Yennifer.
He sighed and allowed himself to slide to the floor feeling tears burning his eyes as he fought down sobs. He had thought that he had braced himself, he thought that he had prepared himself for this moment since that day on the mountain and finding out what the argument had been about. It had been inevitable really, and Jaskier knew that his dreams for the future with Geralt were just that.
Yennifer was not going to go away and Geralt was clearly in love with her beyond anything else in this world. They had chased up a mountain for her for fuck's sake! He was gentle with her in a way he never was with Jaskier, he smiled at her, he touched her gently, he looked at her like she was his world. Jaskier was an irritation to him, a thorn in his side. He caused trouble for him and 'shovelled all the shite' in Geralt's life.
It broke his heart, it broke him, for years, it had taken him a long time to put himself back together after what had been said on that mountain and after...well...fate was setting up the worlds perfect fairytale ending for Geralt and Yennifer, more perfect than even his own imagination could come up with.
Yennifer wanted a baby.
She and Geralt were both sterile.
Geralt had a Child of Destiny out there waiting for him.
The perfect little family waiting to happen. Happily Ever After.
There was no space for Jaskier in that picture. His time with Geralt had been numbered from the moment that they had met Yennifer. He had fooled himself into thinking otherwise until that day on the mountain when he had realised that dragging this out would only hurt him more.
Geralt had wished for Yennifer to always be in his life after only knowing her for a week, being enchanted by her to wreak havoc on a village for that week, nearly getting him killed and then trying to absorb and control a Djinn.
He had punched Jaskier in the stomach.
Jaskier managed to make it to his feet and stumbled across to the bed while stripping his clothes until he was left in his undershirt, and curled up in a pained, sobbing bundle under the blankets as he tried to stop his brain from thinking anything.
He was aware of those glowing yellow eyes on his when he came down into the bar the next morning. He was also aware of the concerned eyes of his travelling partners on him considering he could not hide the fact that he had been awake crying most of the night.
"Julien, are you ok?" Kieler asked concerned as soon as Jaskier sat down. He managed to smile shakily at him.
"It is nothing. Have you ordered breakfast?" He asked as brightly as he could manage. Going by the narrowed eyed looks he received it was not very good.
"I...yes we have," Eleanor nodded with a comforting smile before turning to pointedly carry on their conversation.
Jaskier was aware of those eyes burning a hole into the side of his head. All he needed to do was glance slightly to the side and he would be able to meet them. It took a lot more force than he was proud of not to give in. He could hear the young princess' voice through the adult ones in the bar of the inn. Softer, lighter, younger. Innocent.
Part of Geralt's destiny had found him at least.
He played with his food for a few moments when it arrived before forcing it down. He had a long day ahead of him and he would need good food in his stomach.
That food threatened to come back up three hours later when he realised that Geralt intended to stalk him around the village, and he did not seem to be giving up.
Jaskier was also sure that his heart was going to give in before he could get the hell out this village and as far away from Geralt as possible. And the Daddy life he was showing off considering for the last two hours he had had Ciri on his shoulders as he followed Jaskier.
"Here we are!" The man he was selling his song to called loudly and dropped the bag of coin into Jaskier's hands. "Julien, these lyrics are wonderful they will most definitely have the customers flocking to me!"
"I am glad you liked them," Jaskier managed to smile, no matter how Geralt was making him feel, he had a business.
"Like them, I love them!" The man boomed clapping Jaskier on the shoulder and nearly sent him flying.
"Good, good, well I had better head off, time is money," Jaskier laughed.
"Julien, are you sure you are ok, you seem a little...off, I have never seen you like this before,"
"I am fine, honestly," Jaskier was well aware that the hulking witcher with extra height in the form of a princess on his shoulders would be able to hear every word even above the noise of the market.
"Julien,"
"I shall see you around," Jaskier waved before turning and hurrying away. He wished that he could go back to the inn, but he wanted to collect as much of his money as quickly as possible so he could get out this town and get as far away from Geralt as he possibly could.
"No! No, absolutely not!" Jaskier spat as he found Geralt and Ciri ready and already at the end of the road leading out of town. It was stupid o'clock in the morning, it was only just becoming light, Jaskier was not happy at being up this early, but he had planned it this way to sneak off and get away from the man standing bloody waiting for him.
He had not even said goodbye to his friends, or told them his plans for fear of Geralt hearing and finding out, instead leaving them a letter with some rubbish about a work opportunity that he could not miss.
And instead, Geralt was bloody standing there with Ciri fast asleep on the back of Roach. Clearly waiting for him.
Geralt glanced at Ciri and then exchanged a look with Roach before walking over to where Jaskier had frozen in place at the sight of him. This was the first time that they had spoken since Geralt had tried to in the inn that first night, despite stalking him around.
"No, Geralt no! I am leaving, without you!" Jaskier hissed before the Witcher could say anything.
"I will just follow you," Geralt shrugged.
"I said no! Go away!"
"You always followed me," Geralt tried to joke, only for his face to do some complicated thing at the bitter and sharp laugh Jaskier let out.
"And that went oh so well, didn't it. If I could go back to that day then I would never have followed you out of that Inn!"
"Why?" Geralt frowned at him.
"Why? Why? Because walking that path has led to nothing but pain, and hurt and loneliness for me, because that is the path I am still walking because no matter how much you wish to be rid of me I can't stop walking that path, and I have no clue why you have decided you need me around all of a sudden, but I will save us both the time, and me the hurt of you hurting me yet again and sending me away, and I will do as you requested 10 years ago and leave!"
"I didn't mean it," Geralt called as Jaskier tried to walk passed him.
"It doesn't matter whether you meant it or not Geralt, you think I have stayed away because I thought you meant it? I knew you didn't not really," Jaskier shocking himself with how exhausted he sounded.
"Then why…" Geralt frowned cutting himself off but Jaskier knew what he wanted to say 'then why haven't you forgiven me already?'
"You did it because you were taking your temper out on me, taking out what had happened with Yennifer on me. And I am done Geralt, I am done with being the one you kick and push around when things don't work. I am fed up of not being important enough to you for you to care about how you treat me. I am fed up of being the lowest of your priorities, lower than Roach, probably even lower than Triss! I am fed up of you being the most important person to me and being the least important THING to you! I can't do it anymore Geralt, I can't. I can't watch you be all soft and kind, and gentle with others while I get nothing but sharp words and digs. You may be fed up of me shovelling the shite you find yourself in, but I am fed up of finding myself buried in the shite from everyone else you shovel onto me. There is only so much heartbreak someone can take Geralt before they break completely," Jaskier found himself ranting the thoughts and words that he had had spinning around his head for the last decade.
"Jaskier…" Geralt's eyes were wide and he reached for the Bard who smacked his hands away.
"And I was, broken Geralt, you broke me! It took me time and hard work to get myself back onto my feet and move on, so you don't get to walk into my life and drag me back into it, you don't….you… I won't let you treat me like that again! So fuck off Geralt! Go and find Yennifer, treat her like you never ever treated me and play happy fucking families with her, but leave me out of it, let me grow old and die in peace!"
"I can't," Geralt whispered freezing Jaskier in place.
"Why?"
"Because I made a wish on the Djinn,"
"Yes, I am quite aware of your wish, what does Yennifer have to do with me?!" Jaskier glared, his poor heart feeling like it was being squeezed in his chest.
"What does Yennifer...no...I made that wish because she was lonely and needed people in her life. It is my other wish,"
"What other wish?!" Jaskier threw his hands up frustratedly.
"Haven't you ever wondered why you aren't ageing?" Geralt asked.
"I moisturise well?" Jaskier huffed, though...in the last few years it had gone through his mind to wonder if something that they had come across had done something because...well he looked the same age as he did when they left that Inn all those years ago, and no matter how expensive his moisturiser. He narrowed his bright blue eyes on Geralt when the Witcher actually looked shifty.
"I wished..not to lose you, not to have to bury you. Your lifespan is bound to mine," Geralt admitted leaving Jaskier to stare at him completely stunned.
"What's going on with you two?" Ciri huffed sleepily sitting up and rubbing her eyes.