"Maybe it was our shared trauma, or maybe it was a combination of things, but I felt warmth emenate from my heart and spread throughout my chest."
― Theresa Braun, Dead over Heels
Bellamy heard Octavia screaming from the big house. Too many times he had to wake up in the night to her endeavours, screaming at other girls for looking at her then boyfriend, screaming at her then boyfriend for 'thinking' about other girls, screaming at him from outside for making her then boyfriend break up with her. Tonight, he couldn't be bothered. These teenagers had messed with his brain badly. Thinking about Clarke already made him want to kill himself but having to relive the very moment she was taken away, the one moment he couldn't protect her.
But he knew they were just curious, they didn't know right from wrong, he prided Clarke on what she did for the camp, and they deserved to know. He had just spent so long working out how to live life, how to walk down the stairs, how to look at the camp, how to fix a wound, without thinking about her. The thought of her he had to push down every day to even continue.
He laid on his bed attempting to sleep without dreaming of her lying their beside him. He thought he heard her voice, screaming back at Octavia "It wasn't my choice to leave Octavia! I didn't betray any of you, I had to leave!". He just felt his imagination unwind, as if she was here with him, back to her old tricks with Octavia. The saddest part of it that he mainly dreamt of her being angry with him, that she felt 'betrayed', that he was supposed to look after everyone at camp, most of all her. But he couldn't.
"Don't push me!" he smiled in his sleep got angrier and angrier at Octavia, the two always fighting over something because they cared about each other too much, similarly to how he did with her. She placed quite well in their brother-sister relationship, able to be on the receiving end of being wound up, when all the others without a sibling could not. She worked well in their little family and although it was only the him and Octavia before, it couldn't go back to like that after she had gone. They were once a duo, but now they were missing a third piece. After Clarke had gone, he could barely look at Octavia, if he so easily lost Clarke, he could so easily lose her too, and that he couldn't bare to think about.
"OCTAVIA!" He heard Raven's piercing scream and suddenly woke up to realise there was a very real argument happening outside, he realised he had incorporated these voices into his dream and felt he had to go break up whatever was going on. But why hadn't someone else already stopped it?
His annoyance was about to come out in a full blow, telling his campmates for the past 17 years to shut it hadn't been his favourite leadership role. These nearing middle age adults he still looked on as the bunch of kids who wanted to party every night on earth as if it was their last. He got dressed, left the house only to see a huge group of the camp in a circle, there was a rumble as they started to move with whoever was fighting. He saw Miller getting his stuff from earlier from around the fire,
"Hey, what's going on?" he asked
Miller shrugged, "Girls." He was as clueless as Bellamy. The two began to follow the crowd but Bellamy saw a familiar figure in front also following them. The same floppy hair he knew from all those years before was a recognisable silhouette. He didn't know for certain, but he thought he saw Finn Collins, the very man he had vowed to kill 17 years earlier, was walking willingly around his camp, his people. He stopped Miller before pointing to the man in the shadows.
He watched Miller's eyes open from the light of the moon and few torches lit around them,
"Nah, that can't be." He whispered. Bellamy pushed his hand to make sure he had brought his knife with him, although camp was safe and he was respected, he could never be too careful. If earth had taught him anything, it was that he couldn't trust nothing and nobody.
The two began to walk with more speed toward the figure until it began to be a charge, Bellamy felt the anger already burning from the fight he knew Octavia was in, the man who took Clarke away from him was now in front of his very eyes. This was a wrath like no other.
They were near to the crowd gathering now, Bellamy caught the silhouette watching over the fight, tackling him to ground. Miller was right behind him, pinning him down to, rolling him over only to find that sure enough Finn Collins was still alive. Bellamy didn't even think as he began to hit him over and over, feeling his knuckles smash his face. He could feel's Miller's fury also as he could feel Finn struggle, but Miller held him down, grasping his ankles, almost twisting his legs as his hold was so tight. They eventually picked him up, holding him by the neck, Bellamy threw him against the nearest wall,
"Don't even try spacewalker, you're not going anywhere alive tonight." He growled.
"Why the fuck are you even here?" Miller added, Finn attempted to speak but the agony from Bellamy's hits and his grasp on his neck only made his splutter worse as blood poured from his gaping face wound.
"Cccc-cccc" was the only sound that he could make out, Bellamy saw his eyes were on the crowd behind him, as if we was calling for help.
"If you think I'm even going to let you explain yourself before I kill you, you're wrong." Bellamy finally let go as he and Miller stood guard around the broken man. "Just tell me she's safe."
"What?" whispered Miller. "you mean Clarke?"
"The teens told us earlier she's still alive," he informed Miller, aware that he hadn't been at the lake, and also that he had spoken about her for the first time around him for the first time in a long time. Finn kept on all fours in front of them, attempting to regain his breath.
"Tell me she's safe!" Bellamy bellowed, kicking Finn in the gut, making him fall onto his back in yet more agony. He turned back over and looked up to meet Bellamy's eye.
"Even if she was," Finn finally made out, "She's forgotten you." Miller was the one to kick him this time, but Finn's eyes didn't leave Bellamy as he grunted to hide his pain from Miller's blow.
The crowd behind him fell silent as if to sympathise his pain, the world for a moment fell heavy and his gaze fell out of focus. Wherever she was in the world now, he wasn't a part of it, and Finn had just solidified that notion for him. He let Miller continue to take his anger out on Finn as he himself pushed his back against the wall, trying to maintain his composure. Was it even worth it anymore? He let himself envisage her running toward him, her hair still the same wavy blonde it always was, her blue eyes pierced his soul and her hands grasped his face. She was warm but he was so cold. And now, he forever would be.