Date: Middas, 7th of Sun's Dusk, 4E 201
Location: Tamriel / Jerall Mountains
"It's... a little chilly, huh?" Dionae weakly smirked, taking in the blazing snow around them.
Uthgerd grimaced, "If I wasn't Nordic, I'd already be frozen solid."
A shaking laugh stumbled from the warrior's spellsword companion, "I wish I studied restoration more when I still lived with my brothers."
Uthgerd was struck with an idea- keep talking and ignore the cold. Maybe moving her mouth would get the feeling back in her lips. At least, hopefully. They had been in a constant just-above-frostbite for three days. Winterhold was the asshole of Oblivion, she would swear it.
"Why did you leave if you weren't finished studying?"
"Because... Things happened," Dionae shrugged sharply as if it would explain. Uthgerd side-eyed her companion bitterly.
"Really."
Dionae huffed, "My older brother finished his studies and took over management of our family's estate. My younger brother rebelled and left with his own calling."
"So, you left because you were alone?"
"No. I left because my home was ruined. My parents were killed and my brother sacrificed himself to save the village surrounding us. My little brother still doesn't know."
Uthgerd winced, realizing not for the first time that asking too many questions was generally a bad thing to do. It now left a rift of silence between the two companions. The warrior wanted to bite her tongue out.
A rough laugh jumped from Dionae, startling Uthgerd, "At least I didn't have to study with our estate's meanest mage anymore. She was so grumpy."
Regret mixed with angst in Uthgerd, beginning a low roil. She couldn't even muster words to comfort her companion before the woman chose to close herself off with humor. It wasn't the first time. It wouldn't be the last. Dionae would sometimes seem as if she was trying to open up and then immediately shut herself down. It was a cycle Uthgerd didn't know how to help.
Uthgerd reached out- to side-hug Dionae, pat her back, she didn't know- and the spellsword took a hasty step out of her reach. It was obvious and unexplained, as it always was. Always pulling away or keeping their bodies far apart.
Uthgerd's regret turned a little bitter. They hadn't come into contact for weeks. The last time had been when she'd awoken from a nightmare under the watchful gaze of her companion. In those days, she felt those hands and savored that warmth.
Now, she thought darkly, Dionae avoided her. She was friendly at any other time and yet overnight she had become a stranger to physical intimacy of any kind. Uthgerd was sure that it was because of her confession having to do with the Companions. Of the way she'd accidently killed a young boy.
She's afraid of me.
Finally, she'd had enough of it. "Quit avoiding me!" her arm jerked up in frustration- not threateningly or particularly aggressive. This was frustration and helplessness entirely. Uthgerd waited for the flinch anyway but it didn't happen.
Wait a minute...
Uthgerd jerked her arm again. Still no reaction. She waited a few moments... Then jumped in front of her companion, rolling her shoulders to look as imposing at possible.
Dionae blinked up at Uthgerd, "What are you doing?"
"I'm intimidating you."
Dionae stared at her with a suspicious lilt at the corner of her lips.
"Don't you dare smile when I'm being scary."
The spellsword finally had enough. She burst out laughing. Uthgerd deflated, smiling despite embarrassing herself. At least the woman didn't consider her a threat. There had to be some reason she was still so distant, though...
Once Dionae calmed from her chortling, they started up their trudging through the snow again. It wasn't long before disaster struck.
"Uthie!"
All too quickly, everything crashed into the warrior. An invisible wave of power slammed into her breastplate, sending her flying backwards. As her feet left the ground, light from nowhere blinded her. The worst sound she'd ever heard stabbed and shook her eardrums- followed by a shout of pain.
Uthgerd was dizzy from her sudden push- a power she'd felt the edges of before, when Dionae protected her back from bandits and assassins. Luckily, they were surrounded by fluffy snow that broke her impetus painlessly.
Dionae. Uthgerd sat up instantly despite her vertigo. "Dionae. Dionae!"
Lying over twenty feet in front of her was her dear noble. The warrior struggled to stand- fell once- in her rush to get to her.
"Dionae, get up!" she shouted and collapsed next to her. Uthgerd took the woman into her arms hastily, hefting her armored weight like it was nothing. "Dionae. Dionae, wake up!"
Uthgerd's voice echoed in the empty space around them. Distant bergs of ice cracked from the echoes coming out of her. Much like the magical landmine they had unknowingly caught themselves in.
Uthgerd fought to catch her breath, mind already blazing through ways to get out of this situation. Ways to fix it.
Dionae wasn't dead, just hurt. Half of her armor was melted and charred. The rest of her was cut up. Uthgerd was going to have to find a way to get them both to safety and hole in. She wasn't the best healer by far, but she could save her. She had to save her.
…
Gentle... gentle... gentle...
Uthgerd the Unbroken, she sneered at herself. Of all the times her strength had come in use, it had been useless to protect her companion. Useless to bring her dear friend closer to her. If she wasn't careful, she could make Dionae's wounds worse. The warrior was going to such lengths to keep gentle that she was barely touching the dragonborn.
The deep cuts along her jaw and arm were going to take a significantly longer amount of time to clean and bandage since she was so afraid. Of losing Dionae, or hurting her. Like she'd hurt that boy without meaning to...
Gentle, she reminded herself as she pushed at her fear. She had to save this woman she cared so deeply for if she couldn't protect her. She had to keep her alive. She had to.
"Stay with me," Uthgerd whispered softly, staring down at the angelic face before her, "Stay with me."
Days passed this way. Uthgerd watching, waiting, cleaning Dionae's wounds. The cuts on her face were paid special attention. Even though scars didn't detract from beauty to her, she still wanted to give the spellsword a chance to wake up as she was put to sleep: beautiful in her own eyes, as harsh as they could be.
"I found us a small ruin, Dionae," Uthgerd whispered, "It's just enough for a good camp. Had to use one of your protection stones to put a shield around this thing. I hope you don't mind..."
"Uh-uh," the small voice was almost impossible to hear. Uthgerd recognized it even in its weakness.
Dionae's eyes were just barely cracked open. Unbidden tears hit Uthgerd like a greathammer, "Dionae," she breathed and took the woman into her arms without thinking.
A faraway chuckle closer to a puff of breath left her companion, "Sorry... for worrying you."
"You better be, idiot," Uthgerd gently laid the woman back down. Dionae's hand gripped hers before it left her.
"Not yet," she murmured.
Uthgerd stared at the spellsword in confusion, "What?"
Dionae clenched her teeth once, twice, before finally answering, "Please don't let me go yet."
Uthgerd swallowed past a lump forming in her throat, "S-sure," her voice cracked. Dionae sighed softly when she was settled back into the protective embrace around her. Uthgerd did her best not to react. She had to keep it simple, as Dionae always did. She couldn't afford to make the woman uncomfortable right then.
Moments went by with the warrior fighting not to sink into the warmth Dionae gave off. It was especially difficult after worrying over her for so many hours. Fearing that she wouldn't have been able to save her.
"I had a dream," Dionae began softly, "You left me. After I pushed you away from the mine... you left." Dionae's voice wavered more and more toward the end of her confession. Uthgerd held her tighter, struggling against the arguments that first stomped up her throat.
"I didn't," she answered as calmly as she could, hoping to comfort the woman she held so close in her arms, "This is real. Whatever that was, was wrong to you."
Dionae sniffled. The pathetic sound of it tugged at Uthgerd's heartstrings, "Okay."
"How do you feel?" Uthgerd asked a small while later.
Dionae shifted in her arms, rubbing her cheek against Uthgerd's shoulder, "It doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would."
"I used the last health potion on you."
Uthgerd smiled at the derisive grunt her companion mustered, "Idiot."
"Indeed," she agreed jokingly, "How dare I save you?"
Dionae was quiet for a moment, "Thank you."
Uthgerd squeezed her gently, "You're welcome, Dionae."
Another soft sigh fell from the noble, "Why did I not know you are the most satisfying of embraces?"
It was framed rhetorically. Uthgerd knew it was. Yet she couldn't help but reply, "Because you are afraid of me."
"No, I'm not."
"You are."
"I am not."
"Then why avoid me?"
"Because I love you."
Uthgerd blinked. She couldn't have heard that right. "Say again?"
Dionae sighed. She pushed away from Uthgerd with much effort to look her in the eyes. "Uthgerd, I don't touch you because I wouldn't want to stop once I started. You are... far too tempting. In every way, not just what popped into your head."
Uthgerd could hardly believe what she was hearing, "Wh... why didn't you tell me? Why did you let me think the worst of it all?"
Dionae grimaced, hesitant, "Because I didn't want... you to leave me."
Uthgerd took Dionae's face into her hands and kissed her then, realizing so many things that could have been easily explained. Things that she'd ignored or justified as lingering fear...
Instead it was all longing. Dionae had been so distant simply because she didn't trust herself.
"What are you doing to me?" Dionae gasped into her, pulling Uthgerd ever closer instead of choosing to breathe. The warrior grinned for the first time in weeks.
"What I've wanted to do for months," she replied breathlessly, "Ever since we met."
"By the gods, never stop," Dionae took hold of her again, reattaching their lips in a firm show of possessiveness and desire. Uthgerd continued smiling against her, savoring every feel, every smell, every touch. She laid her sweet companion down and covered her with her body carefully- not wanting to agitate any aches and pains. Dionae reminded her of her strength when the noble pulled her down- wrapped her up and held her close.
It was the first time Uthgerd had felt fully comfortable- fully trusted in the arms of another. She had a good feeling it would stay that way. That Dionae would be the one she'd find something real with.
"Dionae?"
"Hmm?"
"I love you too."
...
A/N: kind of a random fic I thought of while trying to sleep one night. I know it's not the best quality. Lemme know if y'all want a sequel. It'll probably be fluffier or funnier than this one was.