One Turtle's Trash Part 2
Disclaimer- I do not own TMNT or any of the characters therein. Some VERY rich dude does.
Rating - Mature Audiences
Story Warnings- Emotional distress, Swearing, Brotherly affection, T-cest, Sexual innuendoes, Sorcery (Don't like these topics? Do not read.)
Pairings -Leo & Raph, Donnie & Mikey, Implied OT4 (Don't like? Do not read.)
Universe- 2007
Ages- All turtles are 21 years of age (I made them this age to account for time passage in the series storyline.)
Story credits - None
Summary- The brothers go on a supply run to the junkyard. What they find proves looks can be deceiving, then again, maybe not so deceiving after all.
One Turtle's Trash
A scream of pure rage tore through the air when Leo literally ripped the door from it's hinges.
With ninja quick reflexes, Raph pushed Donnie and Mikey behind him as a flash of silver flew past. The blade of Splinter's tanto buried itself in the stone floor outside his room, missing a fleeing brown blur by millimeters.
"Are you alright!?"
Splinter's sons crowded into the room, surrounding their father, and inundating him with fearful looks and hesitant touches.
"I am fine, my sons," Splinter's voice shook with emotion as he touched each of his sons, trying to reassure himself his fears were not real. "Because of you, I am fine," he murmured.
"You-you weren't going to... kill yourself... were you, Sensei?" Mikey asked, holding tight to his father.
Splinter tenderly cupped his son's cheek, the fur under his eyes looking suspiciously damp. "I cannot say for certain, my son. But know this, you and your brothers have saved me."
Mikey smiled at his father, blinking fast at the tears stinging his eyes.
"Were you able to learn anything about these... THINGS, Master Splinter?" Donnie asked, looking around the room anxiously. "Because all we've been able to determine is they're fast, and mean."
Splinter hastily scrubbed a hand over his eyes. "They are possessed by ancient demons who feed on the spirits of humans."
"We're not humans," Mikey huffed indignantly. "We're TURTLES!"
"I don't t'ink it much matters, knucklehead."
"How do we destroy them, Sensei?" A fire burned in the depths of Leo's hazel eyes. "These things have went after three of us so far. I'm not giving them the chance to try for the other two."
Leo was out for demon blood.
"Tang Shen did not say," Splinter sighed. "There are several parts of her tale I do not understand."
"What did she say, Sensei." Donnie looked out into the main room of the lair, searching for any sign of their enemy. "Maybe we can help you figure it out."
Seeing the determined looks on the faces of his sons, Splinter felt an overwhelming sense of pride. "Very well," he nodded. "Legend has it, a traveling warrior was beseeched by the eternal enemy of the oni to help defeat the evil ones. The warrior created figures made of wood, then during a battle between the oni and the good spirits he trapped them all inside the wooden dolls he had made."
"Ceramic gnomes aren't much different from wooden dolls, when you think about it," Mikey mused. "They're both made from natural substances. Maybe that has something to do with it."
"But how do dey move?" Raph cast a worried glance at the door. "Wood an' clay figures don't move on dere own, an' dese t'ings are all over da place."
"According to Tang Shen, the oni manipulated their magic to become mobile."
"My question is, how did they go from being trapped inside wooden dolls to clay figurines?" Leo glanced out the door, having traded places with Donatello.
"Given enough time, wood would have deteriorated," Donnie pointed out. "Perhaps another sorcerer discovered the dolls, determining their purpose, and saw the possibility of the demons' escape. He could have created new vessels to hold them."
"Garden gnomes are a rather modern creation, Don. Wouldn't the wood have rotted away long before the twentieth century?" Leo asked.
"It happened more than once?"
"Maybe they learned how to change the shape of whatever vessel they were in, and changed into garden gnomes when they became popular. Less suspicious that way," Mikey scowled at the blank looks from his brothers. "I read a lot of comic books! Stuff like that happens all the time in the supernatural ones!"
"If they figured out how to move, it wouldn't take much more manipulation to change the shape of their bodies. It's basically the same process," Donnie quickly warmed to his brother's theory. "A later sorcerer found the dolls, and transferred the demons into clay objects. Over time, the demons changed their shape to better hide in our modern culture. It's all hypothesis, but the theory's sound."
"Magic is a forgotten science in this era," Splinter sighed. "I doubt there has been anyone with the skill to preform such delicate and intricate castings for several centuries."
"What 'bout da Foot? Dey got magic users."
"Not even the Foot Clan's Elite have the skills for magic such as this."
"Someone did," Leo growled, growing frustrated. "Who would know, Sensei? The Ancient One, maybe?"
"Perhaps..." Splinter mused. "However, we do not have the luxury of time to contact him."
"The good guys would know," Mikey suddenly found himself once again the center of attention. "Wouldn't they?"
A smile spread across Splinter's face. "Yes! Tang Shen did say the good spirits had the magical knowledge to become mobile while the oni did not. They chose to remain immobile fearing the oni would imitate their magic! Michelangelo may very well be right!"
"How do we know who's who dough?" Raph growled, joining his older brother guarding the door. "So far every one a doze little fuckers we see try ta take us out!"
"The color of their hats," Donnie said.
"Yeah!" Mikey piped up. "There were ones with red, orange, brown, blue, purple, green, pink, and white hats in the chest!"
"It would be safe to assume the ones with hats the same color as our bandanas are NOT the ones we're searching for," Leo let fly a kunai into the living room.
"Fast little bastards, ain't dey?"
A low growl emanated from Leo's throat, but otherwise, the leader made no reply.
"Guys, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but whatever we plan on doing, we need to do it fast," Donnie checked his watch, looking grim. "April's going to be here in less than two hours."
"Turtle luck at it's finest!" Raph growled, throwing a shuriken. This time they were rewarded with a small snapping sound followed by a shriek of pain. "T'ink I winged one!"
"Here's hoping we wing a few more. Any ideas on where to look for these good gnomes?" Leo asked, pulling his swords.
"Garage, or lab," Mikey grinned, spinning his nunchucks.
"Why those two places, my son?" Splinter glanced up at Mikey, sliding a sword into his belt.
"Best place to torture someone," Mikey shot Raph a sly wink, then grinned at Donnie. "Lots of rope, and stuff to... BREAK... things with."
Donnie's face turned about three shades darker from embarrassment.
"O-okay," Leo rubbed a hand down his face trying to suppress his snickers. "We split into two groups. Raph, you and Donnie take the lab. Father and Mikey come with me. We three will take the garage since it's bigger. Whichever group finds the right colored gnome first, buzz the other."
"Lots of buzz-y things in the garage, bro," Mikey grinned at Leo.
"Not in MY presence, Michelangelo, if you please."
"Oh, sorry, Sensei." Mikey didn't really sound very sincere in his apology.
As the clan moved cautiously through the main room, Donnie happened to notice the lid of the chest was fully open. Inside was a small piece of blue colored ceramic along with Raph's throwing star.
"We now know these things can't just reabsorb pieces once they break off."
"Maybe that's how we defeat them," Leo took the piece Donnie held. "If they can't put themselves back together once broken, we just break them."
"The spirits will hopefully know for sure. I suggest we continue our search for them."
Splinter cautiously moved towards the stairs leading to the garage elevator. As he placed his foot on the first riser, the unmistakable sound of metal moving through air at high speed came from somewhere along the upper level balcony.
"Sensei, look out!" Raph shouted.
The emerald brawler's warning wasn't needed. Splinter's sharp hearing had picked up on the sound seconds before his sons: just enough time for the ninja master to react.
Splinter pushed off the riser, executing an impressive back flip to land several feet away from the stairs. He swung his staff in a wide arc in front of him, and was rewarded with a dull thud, and a furious shriek.
A broken piece of metal was imbedded in the wood just under the handgrip of the aged rat's walking stick.
"They're not playing around anymore," Mikey muttered. "I guess when Raph hit that one with his shuriken, it raised the ante."
No one was pleased with that thought.
"This isn't just any piece of metal, guys," Donnie pulled the sliver from Splinter's staff. "It's the end piece of a switchblade."
"Donnie, how do you know that?" Leo looked at his genius brother, frowning.
"I've found several in the junkyard over the years," Donnie shrugged. "The blades are easy to recognize if you know the dimensions."
"Define several."
"About twenty," Donnie grinned at Leo. "Want one... or two?"
Leo stared back at his brother. "Sometimes, Donnie, you worry me... a LOT."
"Try raising the four of you," Splinter deadpanned.
The garage was rarely quiet. One of the four brothers could usually be found in there working on one project or another at almost any given hour of the day or night, depending on the project, and the brother. Now, the space was eerily quiet.
It wasn't the kind of quiet you would expect in a Halloween haunted house, or at a surprise party right before the unsuspecting victim walks in. This was the kind of quiet that precedes death. The kind of quiet Leo knew on an intimate level. It was the kind of quiet the blue banded ninja wrapped around himself when stalking his prey.
Only this time, Leo was the prey.
Hazel eyes flicked to Mikey and Splinter, checking to make sure father and brother were both alright. A humorless smile curled Leo's mouth. He really hoped those demons felt the cold trapped inside those clay bodies, because he was about to give them all kinds of hot.
In the deepest pits of Hell.
Leo caught the slight rise of Mikey's eyeridge, silently asking where the orange banded ninja should check next. Leo tipped his head towards the van and nodded once. Mikey returned the nod, heading for the vehicle. Splinter was still searching the sink area, and the storage lockers Donnie kept there.
Good. With his father and brother searching relatively safe areas, Leo could check the more dangerous spaces himself, the areas where Donnie kept the welder and the air compressors, and the storage shelves filled with spare parts and hand tools.
On feet as silent as death, Leo approached the cage where the welder was kept. He paused. The cage door was slightly ajar, and Leo knew for a fact Donnie kept it locked at all times. It wasn't that Donnie didn't trust his brothers, he did. When they were sober.
Donatello had to resort to more drastic security measures after Raphael and Casey came home shit faced drunk one night, and decided to weld two of the spare motorcycles Donnie kept on hand for emergencies to the top of the van. The Drunken Duo had proclaimed it WAS an emergency, and had to be done! If the van was ever in a roll over, the motorcycles on top would ensure they could keep moving and capture the evil doers, bringing them to a swift and deserving justice!
Raph became an extension of every hero from every movie the emerald turtle had ever seen when he got drunk. It was pretty funny when Raph thought he was Batman and Harry Dunne at the same time. Donnie wasn't laughing.
Several things happened that night.
Donnie caged the welder, and a few other specialty tools just in case the Drunken Duo decided to make a reappearance some night with another brilliantly stupid idea.
Splinter realized his sons were old enough to clean up after themselves when they threw up for reasons other than sickness due to a virus or bad shrimp. Loving fathers would only do so much, but pissed off Ninjitsu instructors cooked three day old sweaty gym socks and week old dead skunks in the microwave with a fan blowing the god awful stench upstairs to the bedrooms of their hung over sons at six in the morning.
It had been nothing more than fish and garlic Splinter had cooked, but no one could convince Raph of that.
Leo discovered his emerald brother knew the definition of the word 'ensure', and could use it correctly in a sentence when drunk.
Mikey found out he got the hiccups after thirty minutes of uproarious laughter, but was miraculously cured when forced to clean the bathroom by his very pissed off father after his drunk brother got sick in there.
And Casey found out he could take a solid hit upside his head with a non-stick skillet from April, and stay on his feet, although he forgot that fact the next morning in the face of April's hang over cure which consisted of beet juice mixed with the liquid from three cans of sardines. That were fried and served on toast at breakfast.
All in all, it was a very educational night. Messy, but educational.
Leo quickly searched the floor near the cage for the lock. He didn't find it, but he did see a puddle of melted metal lying under the open door. Keeping a good portion of his senses trained on the cage area, Leo turned away, heading for the shelves where Donnie kept spare parts and essential hardware. Whichever color gnome had melted the lock and entered the cage was probably not the color gnome they were needing right now.
Or maybe it was. Leo froze in mid-step. He glanced back over his shoulder at the cage. Maybe a good gnome HAD entered the cage, it would have access to weapons to defend itself against the oni. It would be safer in there.
A good warrior would have checked.
Leo turned back towards the cage. Was the door open wider?
He could right now be walking away from the very thing needed to save his family.
A good leader protected those under him.
Slowly, Leo walked back to the cage. Did Donnie always have those wires lying on the floor inside the cage like that? Up against the metal? Wasn't there something Donnie had once told them about electricity? Why couldn't he remember?
It was his responsibility to protect his brothers. He was the oldest. His father was old, becoming weak and feeble. It was his responsibility as head of the clan to keep his family safe. If he didn't search the cage, he would be failing in that responsibility.
He would be acting dishonorably.
As if in a fog, Leo raised his hand, reaching for the door.
The buzzing of his shell cell snapped Leo out of his mental fog. As the sword wielder reached for his phone, an angry growl rolled out from inside the cage.
"Hey, Leo! Donnie texted! Says he found all three of 'em!"
"I got it," Leo called back, giving the cage one final look before turning away. "Let's head down, but don't drop your guard! There's at least one in here, and probably others!"
"How do you know this, my son?" Splinter was with Mikey by the door, waiting for Leo to join them.
"Because I know for a fact I'm an excellent warrior. We all are," Leo placed a hand on Mikey's shoulder, giving it a squeeze. "And protecting my family has always been my number one priority. I would die before I did anything dishonorable, and failed in that." Leo grinned down at his father. "But most of all, I know beyond of a shadow of a doubt that even though you're older, Father, you are NOT weak, or feeble."
"I should think not," Splinter snorted amidst Mikey's chuckles.
"Oh," Leo held a hand up, blocking the doorway. "Don't go near the welder cage until Donnie has a chance to look at it."
"Why not, bro?"
"It's electrically charged. The gnome that went after me, wanted to electrocute me."
"Where are they at, Donnie?" Leo demanded, entering his brother's domain.
Donnie held his hands up, making calming motions. "Don't get your hopes up, Leo. It's not as good as we'd hoped for."
"What has happened?" Splinter's voice reflected the worry on Leo's face.
Raph stepped aside, revealing a pile of broken pottery lying on the floor.
"Please, tell me that's not all three," Leo groaned.
"It's not all three," Raph sighed.
"But...?"
"The third one is in kind of an impossible place to get to," Donnie said. "Or rather to get OUT of."
Leo frowned. "You're not making any sense, Don."
"It'll make more sense if I just show you." Donnie motioned for the newcomers to follow him over to the small, open shower installed in a back corner of the lab. "See for yourself."
At the bottom edge of the shower wall, near the corner of the lab was a small hole about half the size of Leo's open palm. The blue banded ninja knelt down, peering into the darkness.
"Here," Donnie handed Leo a small penlight flashlight. "You'll need this."
Using the flashlight, Leo looked again. The only thing he saw was a pair of feet, connected one to each other in the middle.
"How...? WHY...? Whu...?"
"He can be taught! Genius got the where!"
Leo blinked. "What did you say!?"
"Genius was obviously the wrong word to use."
"Asshole," Raph growled.
"I got one! But obviously YOU don't because you're full of shit!"
"I kind of like him," Mikey chuckled.
"Finally! Someone with some brains! Now get me out of this damned hole!"
"Why did you go in there in the first place?"
Donnie winced when Leo asked that. You didn't need to be a genius to know his brother wasn't going to like the gnome's answer one bit.
"I was checking for black mold, fool! Why do you think!?"
"Did you find any?" Leo deadpanned.
No one said a thing for several heartbeats, then the gnome began speaking rapidly in several different languages.
"I know how he feels," Raph said, scratching at his chin. "I've cussed ya in every language I know a few times too."
"I wonder how many he's got going on there?" Mikey grinned.
"Seven, that I know," Donnie was trying not to laugh, and doing a fairly good job of it.
"Ten, that I know," Splinter said.
That was Donnie's undoing. And everyone else's.
"Are you done?" Leo asked, during a slightly longer than normal pause in the swearing.
The unmistakable sound of flatulence was heard coming from the hole. "I am now!"
"How does a spirit trapped in a ceramic figurine pass gas?" Mikey whispered to Raph.
"I ain't askin'."
Mikey nodded sagely. "Might be wise."
With one last amused snicker, Leo shook his head. "Donnie, suggestions?"
"Not that I can see. The wall support is on one side, and the water line is on the other. The only space we can open up is above him."
"Rip it out, an' pull him up like openin' a beer can."
Donnie nodded. "Good call, Raph. That might work."
Splinter looked at his emerald son, sighed, and shook his head. Grinning sheepishly, Raph just shrugged.
From the deep, dark recesses of the lab, Donnie produced two sledgehammers, and a pry bar. Raph and Leo made short work of opening the space above the gnome as Donnie padded the curved end of the crowbar.
"You scratch my paint, I'm going to be pissed!"
"We can leave you there, if you wish," Splinter said.
The gnome let loose with another string of multiple language curses.
"We shall begin as soon as you shut up."
They didn't need mutant ninja hearing to hear the pop when the gnome snapped his mouth closed.
With a sound similar to fingernails on a chalkboard, Donnie slowly pried the gnome up, flipping him out from between the water pipe and support beam onto the floor Mikey had thoughtfully padded beforehand.
The gnome jumped to his feet with amazing speed, and, glaring for all he was worth, tugged his shirt down, shifting until it was comfortably situated on his body. "Thank you," he said grudgingly.
"Let's cut to the chase," Leo said, giving as good as he got. "How do we stop the oni?"
The gnomes mouth immediately dropped open. He stared at Leo as if the leaf green turtle had sprouted three more heads. "You did not seriously just ask me that."
Leo lips pressed into a thin line, his eyeridges furrowing.
The gnome rolled his eyes, shaking his head. He flipped his hands to point at the pile of shattered ceramics lying on the floor. "Would you like for me to draw you a picture?"
Leo's hand twitched. It took conscious effort for the ninja leader not to reach for his swords.
"We were right," Mikey fist pumped. "We break 'em, they buy it!"
"Not entirely." All eyes turned back to the gnome. "Breaking them just stops them temporarily. They'll eventually reassemble, and when they do, not only do you have a demon running around in a stupid ass, pop art, clay body, you have a PISSED OFF demon running around in a stupid ass, pop art, clay body." He turned to Raph. "Azure is pretty pissed at YOU already."
"Azure can kiss my ass." Raph sneered, twirling his sai.
"Can we please focus here?" Leo massaged the skin between his eyes. "Exactly what do we need to do to confine these things so they no longer pose a threat to anyone?"
Leo and the gnome stared at one another, each with the same contemplative look on his face.
"Do you really think you stand a chance in defeating the oni?" the gnome asked.
"I have no idea what our chances are of defeating these things, but I fully intend to try."
The conviction in Leo's voice reminded the spirit gnome of something from long ago. He liked this turtle. This turtle had honor.
Honor was a rare thing in this day and age.
"To render them harmless, you have to confine them to the chest. To confine them to the chest, you have to remove their ability to move."
"So we break 'em into a million pieces, den sweep 'em up an' lock 'em back in da box. Piece a cake!" Eager for some payback, Raph headed for the lab door.
"It won't be that easy," the gnome called after him.
Hand on the door handle, Raph stopped. "Jus' why not?"
"They're faster than you, or haven't you noticed?" the gnome smirked. "Plus if they try for you and miss, they run. Right now they are all over this place. You have to lure them to one place."
"Someplace we would have the advantage," Leo mused.
"Bathroom."
"I don't t'ink day need ta take a crap, Mikey."
The resulting silence was broken by the sound of someone passing gas without a care in the world for WHO heard it. Everyone looked at the gnome.
"My belly feels so much better," the gnome grinned back.
"Must be a teenager," Splinter mumbled.
"Why do you say that, Sensei?" The things Splinter knew never ceased to amaze Mikey, and the sea green turtle just KNEW it had to be some mystical revelation his father used to determine the age of the spirit inhabiting the gnome.
"He acts like the four of you did at fifteen."
Mikey felt somewhat disappointed hearing that.
Leo's head throbbed. He was so going to take a pain pill the size of a dinner plate when this was over with. "Mikey, why the bathroom?"
"Fewer places for them to hide. Nothing really they can use for a weapon. And we'd have the advantage of picking the place, and stripping it down to our benefit."
"How do we keep them confined to the room?" Donnie asked. "As soon as they realize it's a trap, they'll try to get away. We need to confine them to whatever room we decide on some way."
"Barricade the door?"
"That will not work, Michelangelo," Splinter watched the gnome, his whiskers twitching. "These are mystical beings. They can only be confined by mystical means."
The gnome nodded approvingly. "You'll need the confinement bindings from the chest."
"Confinement bindings from da chest? What're doze?"
The gnome frowned. "The cloths from the chest? The ones that had the binding spells written on them?"
"You mean those rags?" Mikey looked confused. "We tossed those in the garage."
"Tell me you still have them!"
"Can the oni destroy them?" Leo asked. The gnome shook his head. "They should still be in the garage then. We thought they were just cloths used as padding, and kept them to wrap the gnomes in if our friend wanted them for her shop."
The gnome stuck a hand under his cap, scratching his head. "You didn't know they were bindings," he muttered. He directed his next question at Leo. "Did you KNOW what was inside the chest when you opened it?"
The leaf green turtle shook his head. "How could we?"
"The warnings on the lock, stupid!"
"We couldn't read them." Donnie scowled. "The language was beyond recorded history."
"In other words, you had no idea what was inside when you opened the chest?" Leo nodded slowly. "So, it was an... ACCIDENT!?" The gnome fell over in hysterical laughter. "Here they thought they were being freed by a sorcerer of like mind to enslave the world! That's rich! Man, are THEY going to be pissed when they find this out!"
"I t'ink we outta break dis pain-in-da-ass's head, an' be done wid it!" Raph growled. "We already know what to do!"
"Let us not act prematurely, my son. I feel there is more to this than we know."
"The rat's right there!" The gnome rolled over into a sitting position, and wiped his eyes. "I haven't laughed that hard in forever! Well, for whatever the reason, the deed is done, but there are only two people who can open that lock. Since you had no idea how to read the warnings, then you have to be related to the warrior who confined the oni in the first place."
"Unless this warrior was a turtle, I seriously doubt we could be," Donnie hated stating the obvious to someone who should obviously know better.
"I don't remember his name, if I ever knew it to begin with, but this was his symbol."
Taking a piece of charcoal from his pocket, the gnome drew a very familiar symbol on the lab floor. The symbol for the Hamato clan.
"Well, I'll be damned." Raph said.
That was pretty much everyone else's sentiment too.
"This may have just gotten a whole lot easier." The gnome looked genuinely pleased. "The oni won't pass up the chance to strike back at the one who imprisoned them. It won't take them long to get here once they pick up on THAT energy."
"Here's the plan. We go to the garage. Sensei, you enter a meditative trance. Let the oni know we are descendants of the ancient warrior, and find those binding cloths by pinpointing their energy. When Father locates the cloths, Mikey and Donnie go after them. Raph and I will bring up the chest."
"What happened to the bathroom plan, bro?" Mikey looked almost panicky.
"The cloths are in the garage," Leo pointed out. "And we're running out of time." A nod from Donnie was confirmation enough.
"Fine," Mikey huffed. "But somewhere in all that we need to make a bathroom run. I gotta go."
"Raph, set the chest over there, and stick close to it. Father won't have to worry about the binding energies near you, because he'll know those are from the fleece already in the chest."
Leo checked the large open space in the center of the garage where the brothers had left the cloths, and as expected, found nothing. He joined his brothers, forming a loose circle facing outward around a meditating Splinter.
"This freaking anyone else out, or just me?" Mikey asked nervously, eyes darting around.
"Not just you, Mikey." Donnie shifted his hold on his bo staff. "This quiet is... unsettling."
From the farthest, shadowy corner a mocking laugh rang out. It stopped as suddenly as it began, only to be picked up in another section of the garage.
"I liked the quiet better than THAT," Mikey muttered.
A cacophony of noise filled the air. The sound of screws and nails falling from the overhead beams onto the cement floor. The hiss of pressurized air being released. The bang of metal on metal. The screech of heavy metal being dragged.
"Focus team! Be ready for anything!" Leo's warning came at just the right time. A rain of tiny metal projectiles flew at them from all directions. "Protect Sensei!" Leo winced, taking a nail in his shoulder. "Give him time to find those cloths!"
Deep in his trance, Splinter was unaware of the attack upon his sons. He spiritually searched the garage space for the energies of the binding cloths. He immediately found one, but ignored it, sensing the fiery blaze of energy that was Raphael standing over it.
Several dark energies were also scattered throughout the garage. Splinter recognized them to be evil oni. One hovered directly above Mikey, something small, but compact in it's hands.
"Michelangelo, above you, my son!"
Mikey spun to the left just in time to avoid one of Donnie's short handled, automotive hammers dropped from the overhead beams. "Thanks, Sensei!"
As he spun, Mikey extended his foot, catching the hammer on top of his toes. He flipped it up into the air. At the top of the hammer's ascent, with a spinning back kick, Mikey sent the hammer flying to intercept a circular saw blade aimed at the back of Donnie's head.
"Hope that wasn't a good one, dude!"
"Given the circumstances, Mikey," Donnie side stepped several screws fired in rapid succession to help Raph deflect lightbulbs aimed at their father. "I don't much care whether it is or not!"
Splinter's eyes snapped open. "Leonardo! The bindings are behind the old generators Donatello keeps for parts!"
"Damn! Of all da places dey coulda picked ta hide 'em, dey picked da worst place possible!"
Leo couldn't agree more. "Raph, you go with Donnie and get those cloths! The rest of us will try to lure these things out!"
"Puny mortal! You dare call us THINGS!? We are demons! Great and powerful! With the strength to turn your worthless planet to ash!"
Leo blinked. No way. It couldn't possibly be THAT easy. He turned to the spirit gnome. "They're offended by... INSULTS!?"
The gnome shrugged. "Who knew?"
"Change of plans! Raph you stay here with Mikey and Sensei! Draw the oni out and smash them!"
"Leo, dat's da stupidest t'in' I ever heard! It took a block an' tackle ta move some a dem generators back dere! Yer not strong enough ta move 'em!" Raph flicked his sai at a three-fourths inch deep well socket heading his way, to send it sailing back the way it had come. "Have ya lost yer mind!?"
"I'm doing what every good leader does, putting the best man on the job," Leo couldn't help smirking. "Since you and Mikey are the best at insults, you get your wish, Raph. Just think of all the things you've ever wanted to say to me, and cut loose!" Leo reached down, picking the spirit gnome up by the hat. "You're coming with us."
Leo and Donnie, along with the spirit gnome headed for the back of the garage, and Mikey looked at his red banded brother. "Is he serious? We insult them?"
"One way ta find out," Raph grinned. "HEY! Rocks fer brains! Ya throw like a girl wid two broken arms!"
"Girl? GIRL!? You call me GIRL! I am the great and mighty demon..."
Snickering, Mikey nudged his brawler brother. Scowling, Raph looked where Mikey was pointing, and started snickering himself. Out from under the van walked the smallest gnome that had been in the chest. Raph doubted the thing measured four inches if that.
"Watch my back," Raph whispered to his brother before stepping out to meet the diminutive threat. "Hey, RUNT!" Raph poked the tiny gnome in the belly, stopping it's progress and it's rant. "Yer not so tough. My limp cock's bigger dan YOU!" He poked the gnome on the end of it's nose for good measure.
Mikey saw it coming. He knew it was going to happen; Raph had underestimated his opponent. Mikey opened his mouth to shout a warning to his brawler brother, but was too late.
Splinter flattened his ears when his emerald son howled in pain. Raph jumped up, flicking his hand back and forth, trying to dislodge the small gnome from his finger. It held on like a terrier with a rat in it's mouth.
"Get it off! Get it off!" Raph bellowed, continuing to fling his hand around. "Get dis damned t'in' off my hand!"
The gnome looked pleased being called 'damned'.
"Hang on, bro! I'm on it!" Mikey ran up holding two two-by-four sanding blocks in his hands. He watched closely as Raph flipped his hand about. He wanted to get his timing just right.
Raph had had enough. He raised his hand, fully intending to slam it onto the cement floor, and shatter the nasty little monster currently trying to eat the flesh off his finger. He'd probably break a few dozen bones, but Donnie was a damn good doc, and it couldn't hurt as much as this little jerk's teeth buried in his hand.
NOTHING could hurt as much as this little bastard's teeth buried in his hand!
Wrong.
Right when Raph's hand was even with Mikey's chest, the orange banded ninja slammed the sanding blocks on either side of the gnome, sandwiching it in between. The demon gnome was smashed, along with Raph's sore, chewed on by gnome teeth finger.
He had been cut, stabbed, beaten with every imaginable weapon one could think of, hit by a car, burned, had countless broken bones, concussions, and a cracked shell, but nothing in Raph's twenty-one years of battle injury experience had ever hurt as much as having his baby brother smash his finger between those two pieces of wood.
It hurt so bad Raph could barely breath let alone swear. Tears welled up in his eyes, and if he had a nose, it would surely be running right about now. The only good thing was, Splinter had had the parental foresight to guess what Mikey was planning to do, and slid the chest under Raph's hand so all the pieces of the shattered gnome were collected.
"Tell me again why we have all these dead generators just lying around back here?" Leo grunted, pushing with all the strength he could muster to move a stripped down generator aside enough for Donnie to see what lay under the other four piled up behind it.
"I use them for parts, and they are all metal construction," Donnie shined his flashlight underneath the scrap machinery. "Do I need to explain why we need the metal too?" Donnie didn't expect an answer, which was good because Leo wasn't giving one. "I found them!" the genius cried. "They're along the back wall, and I didn't see anything on top weighing them down."
"So, now what do we do?" the spirit gnome asked.
"This is where you come in," Leo set the gnome down on the floor. "Go in there. Get the cloths, and bring them out to us."
"Are you crazy!? They could be waiting for me back there! I could get smashed!" The spirit gnome turned to run in whatever direction wasn't blocked by turtle.
He ran into the flat of Leo's katana, chipping off several paint flakes.
"Listen up, you," from his tone of voice, Leo had had enough gnome sass for one century. "If you don't go get those cloths, I am going to take my sword and stick it someplace that will make you scream louder than Raph just did. Would you like for me to tell you where that place is?" Leo leaned down, scowling. "Or should I just SHOW you?"
The gnome swallowed hard several times, his adam's apple bobbing up and down. "I'm going! I'm going! No need to go and get all violent on me," he disappeared under the pile of machinery. "Pushy reptiles! Just who do they think they are!? Telling ME, an age old spirit what to do!" The gnome's grumbling could be heard from all the way back to the back wall.
Leo and Donnie just grinned at each other.
The brothers didn't have to wait long. After only a few minutes, the gnome reappeared, dragging the cloths behind him, and running as fast as his little legs could go.
"Take these! Take 'em! They're yours! I don't want 'em!" The gnome ran behind Donnie and started climbing the olive turtle like Donnie was Mount Everest.
The reason for the gnome's sudden fear made itself evident in the form of a red capped gnome packing Donnie's lightweight cordless drill.
It was almost comical.
"Umm, Leo..."
It quickly became anything BUT comical as the oni charged Donnie, drill aimed at the bo wielder's foot.
"Leo! Do something!" Donnie hopped back, lifting the foot the oni was aiming for. "Now would be preferable!" The gnome changed directions, heading for Donnie's other foot.
To an outsider looking in, they may have thought Donnie and the red capped gnome were doing some strange new square dance routine.
Leo had to get rid of the binding cloths to effectively use his swords, and he didn't dare lay them down. "Donnie, catch!"
Donnie's dance steps faltered slightly when he found his eyesight cut off by two dirty, more than a little musty, cloths. Having lost track of his tiny, but dangerous opponent, the genius jumped straight up, flipped himself backwards to land on top of the old generator Leo had moved.
"Be still, mortal!" the oni gunned the drill. "I have no patience for this!"
"Maybe you'll have patience for this!" Leo swung his sword in a downward stroke, hoping to disarm the oni.
It didn't work.
The oni easily dodged, laughing at Leo's frustrated scowl. "I am older than time, mortal! You cannot defeat me!"
"We'll just see about that!" Leo growled.
While Leo kept the oni occupied, Donnie had an idea how to quickly end this confrontation. Silently, the bo master jumped from the generator, spirit gnome in tow, to the floor, landing in front of a set of storage shelves. After a brief rummaging through boxes, while grumbling about needing some kind of filing/labeling system for the garage during emergencies, Donnie found the box he was looking for. Extra weights for the free weight bar.
Back atop his perch, Donnie caught Leo's eye, and motioned for his brother to maneuver the oni until it was in front of the generator directly under Donnie.
Giving a curt nod in understanding, Leo began an intricate set of thrusts, feints, and sidesteps until the oni was right where Donatello wanted it.
As soon as the oni was in position, Donnie held the box from the shelves over the oni's head, and let go.
"Wow! Man alive!" the spirit gnome peeked out from behind Donnie's carapace. "He's going to be feeling THAT for a while!"
"At least it didn't hurt long," Leo sighed. "Come on. Let's get back to the others."
When Leo and Donnie got back to their brothers, it was evident the two brightly banded ninja had not been goofing off. There were three separate piles of ceramic fragments in the chest.
Leo dropped the cloths onto the open lid of the chest. "We have all three spirits accounted for, and four of the oni," he watched as Donnie poured the remains of the drill wielding gnome in the chest. "How many does that leave?" he asked the spirit.
"Six," the spirit stuck a finger in his ear wiggling it around. "And one's really nasty."
"Are they all in the garage?" Donnie asked.
The gnome shook his head, scratching at his other ear.
"I shall send a spiritual challenge," Splinter sat on the floor in the lotus position. "Hopefully it will lure them here."
"I hate to keep bringing this up, guys, but we have less than thirty minutes before April shows." A countdown was clearly displayed on Donnie's shell cell. "We don't have time for anything elaborate."
"Dat suits me jus' fine," Raph started to slam a fist into his open palm, but thought better of it considering his smashed and bitten finger. "I'm ready ta dish out a little payback."
Leo looked around the garage, rapidly devising strategies to capture the oni, and discarding them just as quickly. "Do we still have Casey's extra sports gear, Donnie?"
"Yes. He decided to keep it here so April wouldn't be tempted to use it on him."
Leo raised an eyeridge. "You're joking. Right?"
Donnie shrugged. "His words."
All in all, it made sense, in a weird Casey sort of way.
Leo quickly got back on track. "What's the slickest substance we have in the lair?"
Mikey's face lit up. He held up a finger, opening his mouth to answer. Raph quickly clamped his uninjured hand over his baby brother's mouth.
Donnie didn't hesitate. "My silicone lubricant."
"Mikey!" Raph jerked his hand away from his brother's mouth, rubbing it furiously against his leg. "Dat's nasty!"
"Good," Leo grinned. "Donnie, I was hoping you'd say that."
Mikey plastered a fake look of hurt on his face. "You never complain when I'm sucking your fingers before..."
"Michelangelo!" Splinter smacked the orange banded ninja with his staff. "Father present!"
"Sorry, Sensei." Mikey really needed to work on sincerity in his apologies.
Leo gave his baby brother a long suffering look. "Huddle up team. Here's the plan."
The Hamato clan gathered around their leader. Everyone was so intent on Leo's plan, no one noticed the almost maniacal glint in the spirit gnome's eyes.
"It's ready, Sensei. Whenever you are."
Splinter took the microphone his genius son handed him. He looked the small device over, cleared his throat, then pressed the button on the side.
"Demons!" Splinter's voice echoed throughout the lair. "You have invaded my home. You have attacked myself and my family! You will return to the chest, and your eternal imprisonment, or be destroyed once again by the Hamato clan! My challenge has been issued!" Splinter handed the microphone back to Donnie. "That should be sufficient."
The spirit stared thoughtfully at the ceiling, hand rubbing his chin. "Yeah. Should be," he muttered noncommittally.
"Now what?" Raph growled, spinning his sai.
Arms crossed over his plastron, Leo leaned against a stack of spare tires, looking for all the world, as calm as still water. "We wait for them to show up."
All heads turned when the door to the emergency stairs creaked. "That didn't take long," Mikey said, watching as the door slowly swung closed.
"Your end has come, Hamato clan! Show yourself!"
Leo nodded to his father.
"You seek to destroy me, puny demon?!" Splinter snarled, carefully positioning himself directly in front of the chest. "You are welcome to try!"
The four brothers stood two on either side of their father, hands behind their backs. One gnome stepped into view, a blue cap missing a good sized chunk of his hat.
It glared maliciously at Raphael.
It was joined by a red and two purples.
"Where is the rest of your ilk?" Splinter demanded.
"You will soon find out, puny mortal!" the oni gave an evil laugh. "If you live that long!"
Faster than the eye could follow, the demon gnomes moved as one. They surged forward, aiming for Splinter. They then came to an immediate halt almost as quickly as they started.
The brothers had spread a thick layer of Donnie's lubricant gel on the floor, starting about two feet from the stairway door, and ending at the open chest, now laying on it's side. The oni had just gotten going, when they discovered something was up.
The gnome in the lead had his feet slip out from under him. "What..." he shouted flipping up into the air. "Nooo!" He came down right on top of one of the purple caps, smashing it into about a dozen pieces.
"Score one for the home team!" Mikey shouted, giving a fist pump.
The other purple gnome knelt by his shattered compatriot. "Murasaki, you shall be avenged!" He turned angry, glaring eyes on Leo. "I shall eat your heart dipped in sake when this is over!"
"Good luck with that."
The only thing that registered in the gnome's mind right before his world went black was the head of Casey's nine iron coming at him. Leo felt an overwhelming sense of satisfaction seeing the gnome's head shatter on impact.
Taking a perfect golfer's stance, Leo lined up the lower half of the gnome's body with the mouth of the chest. "FOUR!" The blue banded leader was rewarded with the dull thump of the gnome's ass hitting the back of the chest. Leo looked up at Raph grinning. "There's something to be said for that. Very satisfying."
"What? Playin' golf? Or hittin' shit when pissed?"
"Both."
Realizing the tides had turned, and not in their favor, the red capped and blue capped gnomes decided it was a good time for a tactical retreat. Again acting as if they were of one mind, the oni spun around, heading for the door. Or rather they tried to seconds before they went down in a jumbled pile.
Mikey fell to his knees laughing hysterically. "Th-these guys l-look like something ow-out of an old fi-fifties cartoon!"
The blue capped gnome was apparently well acquainted with Mikey's reference. He placed on hand firmly on the floor, pushing himself up enough to stand.
"We are..." his hand slipped, letting his chin make hard contact with the red capped gnome's crotch. "We are not," he tried again, and this time made it to a sitting position. "Some mass media, slap stick, entertainment distraction for a bunch of snot nosed, sugar buzzed, human offspring in desperate need of a bath!" To prove his point, the gnome rolled over onto his hands and knees and carefully stood in a very good imitation of a toddler just learning how to stand. "We are demons! Creatures to be feared by one and all!"
The brothers had to admit, the gnome looked very intimidating, in a comical sort of way, standing there head held high and hands on his hips. Right up until his feet slipped in Donnie's gel, and he did a perfectly executed splits that would have made the Dallas Cowboys' cheerleaders proud.
Leo was worried Mikey was going to hyperventilate.
Donnie was worried April was going to walk in any second.
Splinter was worried he was going to miss the new episode of his favorite show because recapturing the oni was taking way too long.
Raph to the rescue!
By this point, Raph wanted to bring this demon gnome hunting to a quick end for one reason, and one reason only. His finger hurt, and all he wanted to do was ice it. Walking up to the uncoordinated gnomes and giving Casey's cricket bat a twirl, the emerald turtle drew back and swung. He was rewarded with a shattering sound then a dull thump.
"One down," Raph looked at the red capped gnome scrabbling around on the gel slicked floor. "One ta go."
Raph traded out the cricket bat for the Louisville Slugger Mikey had dropped during the orange ninja's laughing attack. He walked back to the sprawled gnome with an almost bored look on his face. "Head's up, china doll," the brawler growled, bring the bat down like an apothecary using a pestle. Or a pissed off homemaker mashing potatoes.
"Anyt'in' else I can help ya wid?" Raph asked no one in particular.
Leo looked wide eyed at his emerald brother. "Damn, Raph... That was..."
"Totally awesome!" Mikey cheered.
"Incredibly violent even for you," came from Donnie.
"But not for me!"
Everyone froze. Standing beside Splinter was the brown capped gnome, a malevolent smile on his face holding Donnie pneumatic nail gun. The oni was aiming directly at the ninja master's head.
Donnie very slowly laid his weapon on the floor, being careful to keep his hands in sight the entire time. "Let's all just stay calm, and talk this out."
"The time for talk is past!" The oni swung the nail gun around, pointing at Donnie. "Have you any idea how many points I would have gained for killing that rat!? I would have been in the lead for CENTURIES!"
Points? Leo blinked. The demon had to be kidding. There was no way all of this was... "Are you saying all of you are just playing some kind of GAME?!"
"What else would it be!? You THINK we like being locked up for who the Hell knows how long waiting for some stupid moron to come along and unlock that damned chest? Of course it's a GAME! We're older than thought! Eternity gets pretty damned BORING after the first ten eons!"
Mikey knew how to relate to this brown capped gamer. "So dude," the sea green turtle sauntered on over, kneeling down to the gnome's level. "Gamer to gamer, how many points would you get for each of us?"
The gnome's face lit up as he launched into a detailed, and lengthy explanation of the rules, regulations, and points system for the game he and his fellow demons were playing.
Leo wasn't the only one who heard it, so did Donnie, Raph, and Master Splinter. If Mikey picked up the irregular squeaking sound over the oni's booming voice, the sea green ninja gave no indication of it. Keeping his hands behind his back, Raph kept flicking the tip of one finger towards the ceiling. Leo discretely looked up, and didn't know whether to be impressed, or shocked.
The remaining spirit gnome sat perched on the large, reflective light fixture hanging directly over the oni and Mikey... with a screwdriver. He was loosening the screws holding the fixture to the ceiling beam, pocketing them to keep from alerting the oni by letting them fall to the floor.
Leo looked to Raph, the turtle closest to Mikey. The emerald turtle dipped his chin ever so slightly, if Leo hadn't been watching, he would have missed it.
Leo wasn't the only one to notice. Mikey was being his usual energetic, overly animated self as he talked with the gamer gnome. As the sea green turtle waved his hands about, his brothers all three saw the quick 'OK' sign he flashed them.
Everyone was aware of what was going to happen. Everyone except the oni, that is.
With a ear piercing screech, and a loud, "Ride 'em cowboy!" from the spirit gnome, the light fixture came loose from it's bracket, plummeting to the garage floor. Raph dove for Mikey, who turned just enough to catch his brother full on, letting the emerald brawler bowl them over away from the danger.
Donnie dove for Splinter, catching the rat in much the same way Raph did Mikey with similar results.
With no one else to rescue, Leo dove for the gel slick. The leaf green turtle landed on his carapace, catching the spirit gnome on his plastron. The pair slide across the gel before coming to a somewhat crash landing against the stairway door.
"Everyone okay?" Raph called out, watching the tip of the brown gnome's hat roll around in a wobbly circle.
"We are fine, my son."
"I'm good," Leo called out.
"So, we're down to what, one now?" Mikey asked, picking himself up off the floor.
"I believe so," Leo raised a questioning eyeridge at the spirit gnome.
The gnome nodded. "The only one left is Daidai Iro, and he's the worst of them all."
The small, side door leading to the street suddenly opened. "Hey guys, sorry I'm late but Casey stopped by and we decided to go grab some pizza for everyone."
The turtles had run out of time, and there was still one demon gnome unaccounted for.