Chapter Nine: And She Trembled
It was only after every colonist had the opportunity to thank her in full did the Commander finally retreat to the ship—and with that the rest of them could as well. "Those colonists were acting pretty freaky for a bit there, eh Commander?" Joker called from the cockpit, craning his head over the shoulder of his seat to see them gathered on the bridge.
"No kidding, I'm even more surprised you managed to keep them all alive with them attacking you like that. I would've—," Ashley immediately clamped her mouth shut upon realizing what she was about to say, everyone exchanging awkward glances in her direction.
"Probably best not to finish that thought, Chief," Kaidan gave her a sympathetic half-smile along with a pat on the shoulder.
"It was difficult," Shepard nodded without making any indication of the other woman's comment while the group started for the cargo bay, "would have been about impossible without those gas grenades the Bayhnam's provided. Not to mention, Garrus and Tali—couldn't have done it without them. They're great at following orders." A grin laid on her face as she looked between him and the quarian, and when her grey eyes came back to linger on him—her features so soft and relaxed after the events of the day, he felt a strange fluttering deep within, forcing his mandibles to click in response.
"She's right, you both did a great job." The compliment came from none other than Williams, which surprised him and when he tore his sight from the Commander to look to the other human, he saw a similar expression of disbelief.
"yeah, yeah, the turian and quarian helped you kill a big plant. If there were any plants on Tuchanka, they'd try to eat you too," Wrex grumbled, still evidently disappointed in the assignment he'd been given. Shepard stopped as they reached the Mess, turning to face the krogan.
"Wrex, an entire colony is going to get back on its feet now, in no small part, thanks to you. In my book that beats a sentient plant any day," She offered with hand on hip.
"What do I care about some human colony," he grunted, "and your book is boring."
"What about those krogan battlemaster's we got to fight?" Kaidan quipped.
"Heh," the chuckle that escaped the krogan was a deep rumble, "that was a bit more my style."
"Well, I'm sure we're bound to find things that are 'more your style'," she assured.
"We better," he said roughly before heading into the elevator with Tali and Ashley.
"Commander," came a female human voice, but it was different then other human voices he'd heard. There was an inflection that the others lacked. Coming out of the medbay was what Garrus guessed to be an older human woman based on her greying fringe that was cut close to her jaw.
"Dr. Chakwas," she replied.
"how was the mission? Any injuries I should attend to?" the Normandy's doctor inquired.
"Nothing a bit of a medi-gel didn't fix up."
"Commander, what about your—," Garrus started but was silenced by the wave of the woman's hand. One eyebrow on the doctor's face rose as she set a harder gaze on Shepard. It was a very intense stare—almost frightening. Something told Garrus that even a turian general would have a hard time remaining under such a stare and the Commander was no exception.
"A bullet grazed me," she made sure to emphasize the word, jutting her chin in his direction to add to it. "The real damage was done to my armor; it's got a hole now."
"I'll take care of that, Commander," Kaidan sounded from where he stood beside the woman. Garrus watched the Lieutenant's face, the way his eyes were so readily focused on Shepard, but there was something about the man that didn't express this act being out of a professional manner.
"Thanks, Kaidan," she told him, a sheepish smile twitching her mouth. She removed the brace that covered her left arm and handed it to him, before following the Doctor into the med-bay while he joined the man in the elevator.
"How long have you known the Commander, Lieutenant?" Garrus asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.
"Just since Eden Prime—and you can drop the Lieutenant, just call me Kaidan or Alenko—I was assigned to the Normandy for it's first shakedown run, Anderson was Captain and the Commander was his executive officer. I don't think I'd said more than two words to her before we were on the ground, being attacked by geth drones," he paused to take a breath as if what he was about to say was difficult, "there was another officer, a Corporal…he, uh, he died there." He was quiet for a moment until the door opened, "but the Commander's an incredible woman, she earned my respect within just a couple minutes of seeing her in action." The man grinned and Garrus had the feeling he held more than just respect for her. He removed and cleaned his armor before storing it away, then did the same to his weapons. The others finished long before him (with the exception of Alenko who still had to work on his own ware after seeing to Shepard's) but that had always been the case whether it was in the turian military or C-Sec. He could always be found long after others were done tending, finding that he had a particular standard for his gear, one that he rarely saw others achieve.
He was sure he'd gotten it from his father. Distantly he could recall a memory of the turian standing nearby, patiently waiting for Garrus to clean the rifle and give it to him for inspection. The man had always been so patient in everything, he'd never once rushed Garrus when requiring him to learn something, he'd always let him take his time and as long as he needed without complaint. These thoughts caused a pain within coupled with the image of his father's face the last time he'd seen him. Do things ri—he shut down the words before they could finish in his mind. Garrus moved to the Mako, intent to spend as long as he could calibrating and tinkering to clear his head but Joker spoke over the intercom that the Commander wanted them all to join her in the debriefing room. It was located behind the CIC, a circular room with multiple chairs placed in the same rounded fashion. He took one across from where Shepard was already seated, Tali coming to the one on his right while the humans sat on either side of the Commander. Wrex was the last to come in, taking the empty seat closest to the door and leaving the one on Garrus' left vacant.
"I thought it best if we go over what happened and what we've learned," Shepard said before launching into a summarized version of all that had transpired, allowing others to interject with their thoughts and concerns.
"Are you okay, Commander?" Kaidan asked her from where he sat on her left, his face was full of worry. "you look a little pale." Garrus too noted the whiter color on her already pale skin. Her forehead was creased, her eyes almost squinting. It was clear she was exhausted but wasn't about to let anyone tell her different.
"It's that damn Cipher!" Ashley's voice was angry, nearly on the verge of shouting, "that asari messed you up good! And for what? We still don't know where to find that stupid Conduit! What a waste." Garrus didn't blame her, she was just voicing what most of them were no doubt feeling. The Cipher Shiala gave Shepard hadn't provided any clarity into the 'visions' she'd had on Eden Prime and so they were still in the dark.
"She said it could take a while," her tone was tired and she rubbed a temple absentmindedly. "I needed the Cipher. It'd going to lead us to the Conduit," her voice ahd become confident, assured of the words she was speaking before falling slightly when she added, "I'm just not sure how yet."
"We still have another lead, Commander. That asari scientist in the Artemis Tau cluster. The Matriarch's daughter. She's an expert on Protheans. Maybe she knows something," Kaidan suggested, still intently studying Shepard's face. She nodded her agreement before dismissing the group.
"I've sent off the Feros report, Commander. You want me to patch you through to the Council?" Joker's voice rang out.
"Do it," Garrus heard her sigh before the door did the same behind him.
Garrus wasn't sure how much rest the Commander had even gotten after the Feros mission. She hadn't joined the group for their late meal in the Mess, Kaidan offering to take her plate into her cabin even though the rest of them had expected her to be asleep—she wasn't, and must have ended up engaging him in conversation based on the amount of time he was in there, the Lieutenant returning to their table some quarter of an hour later, attempting (and failing) to hide the faint smile on his face. The conversation had been quiet, and friendly between the two humans and the turian and quarian. Wrex had remained relatively silent only making grunts of approval or disdain (though no one could quite differentiate between the two). Through the course of the conversation some background had come out about the people he was serving with:
Gunnery Chief Williams had three younger sisters and grown up on a human colony world. Alenko was from Earth, and was an L2—this had caused Garrus some confusion, and thankfully, Tali as well who had asked for clarity. The L2 was the type of implant that Kaidan had to use his biotic abilities, compared to the L3 which Shepard apparently had. He had meant to ask what the difference between the two implants were when the conversation had changed. Tali revealed that she was the daughter of an Admiral on the Admiralty Board—this hadn't meant much to the others but for Garrus who knew this was the highest authority for her people, was impressed. He'd asked her what her father thought of her serving on a human ship to which she'd replied that she hadn't informed him yet, afraid of what he would say (as well as adding that technically there wasn't anything he could do, she was after all on her Pilgrimage). He didn't blame her in the slightest though, he knew all too well what it was like to fear letting down your father. Wrex on the other hand was not forthcoming with information about himself only letting slip that he had been a bounty-hunter for the past three hundred years when he'd been stating that they all needed to "prove your worth" to hear his stories.
Garrus himself hadn't ended up revealing much either. After all, what had there even been to say? There certainly wasn't anything noteworthy about him; he was just a turian from the turian home-world along with some other six billion of his kind. He entered the turian military at fifteen, as was required. He had a sister. 'Older or younger', Williams had asked. 'Older', he'd replied. The conversation had died off shortly after that, the humans heading to pods to get some sleep whereas he'd returned to the Mako, still determined to smooth out that forsaken chunk of metal. When he himself had finally started for a sleeper pod some couple hours later, he witnessed the Commander making herself a cup of what he guessed to be tea in the Mess. In one hand she held a datapad which she was scrupulously studying and so he hadn't said a word. When he awoke in the morning, she was already busy making rounds about the ship to see off the night crew who were about to retire. He had wondered if she had even slept.
They were in the Artemis Tau cluster now, the Commander having gone with Alenko's suggestion in seeking out the Matriarch's daughter, but without knowing which planet her dig was on they would have to scan each system. Garrus had been preoccupied with one of the vehicle's wheels when he'd heard footsteps approaching. Glancing up, he immediately jumped to a standing position. "Commander. How are you?" She didn't respond, instead nodding towards the Mako.
"How's it going?"
"Uh…fine," he stammered, concerned she was there to inspect his work. "I'm just tinkering…and calibrating but it's still ready to go at any time."
"Good to hear," she said approvingly and for a moment he'd expected her to wander off toward Ashely or Wrex but instead she slowly circled around him, arms folded behind her back while she studied the vehicle. Is this an inspection? What's happening? His mind was a blur with questions and he glanced across the cargo bay only to find that everyone was preoccupied with something or another, no one seemed aware that the Commander was about and therefore Garrus was in the dark as to what she was after. She began to move around the Mako, while he remained where he was still speculating what the point of this was. "Why did you become a C-Sec officer?" Her voice was quiet and he questioned if he'd imagined.
"What?" He was alarmed, he wasn't quite sure of what she'd said. There was a slight chuckle that came from the opposite side, the rover between them.
"Why did you want to be a C-Sec officer?" she repeated a bit more forcefully but at the same level of volume. Perhaps she was trying her best to keep the conversation private despite the public location.
"Hm," he sounded, "That's a good question." Why did I want to be a C-Sec officer? A whirl of memories flooded his mind, and with it a swell of various emotions deep within. "There were several reasons, I guess," he finished.
"Like what?" she came around from the back of the Mako, leaning against the rear as she waited for his response. Her sight was focused on him, her attention entirely his. There was color in her face again, unlike how she had appeared in the briefing room, as well as a liveliness in her eyes, the bun atop her head securely fashioned without a piece out of place. Maybe she did get some sleep after all.
"Probably the same as most officers," he started, his head bobbing in agreement with his own words. Garrus assumed she would relate with it, although he didn't know why she had joined the Alliance he doubted it would differ much from his own reasons. "I wanted to fight injustice, I wanted to help people." The corners of her mouth twitched upward at the last part and she nodded for him to continue. His throat felt a bit tight then and as he cleared it, he tore his vision from her and looked to the console nearby, fidgeting with it. "I guess my father had something to do with it, too."
"Really?" He heard the light in her voice before seeing it on her face. His mandibles clicked and he felt the pace of his heart quicken at the sight of her pleasure and surprise in the words—nerves again, clearly but that didn't explain why she always made him feel nervous. He wasn't naturally an anxious person, at least he didn't think he was.
"He was C-Sec. One of the best. I grew up hearing about his accomplishments or seeing his picture on the vids after a big arrest." Garrus was brought back to a time of simplicity and hopefulness. In his mind's eye he saw soft lighting and the flickering of a screen. He could still feel the warmth of that night along with the feel of his mother's touch as she stroked the soft patch at the back of his neck, beneath his fringe, from where he was curled into her side. 'There, look at your father', he felt the hum of her subvocals and she'd pointed to the vid where there'd been an image of Castis in his C-Sec uniform, 'aren't you so proud of him? He's keeping everyone on the Citadel safe'. He'd been so proud of his father that it could have burst from his chest and Garrus could recall afterward telling his mother that while his dad was away at the Citadel, he would keep her safe. She'd pulled him closer and told him that wasn't his job but from then on, he'd believed it was. When did it change though? When did I go from wanting to keep people safe and protect them, to this unquenchable desire for justice and the eradication of crime? Oh…right, it was that day. An image of a hospital room flashed in his mind and he shook his head to clear it, nausea niggling at his stomach.
Shepard was still standing there, still listening intently. What had he been saying? His father. More nausea. "He's…uh, taking my resignation pretty hard." He didn't fight the inclination to hang his head as shame began to envelop him.
"That's tough." Her voice was soft, and sympathetic and from the corner of his eye he witnessed her crane her head, attempting to find his eyes. "But you'd think he'd be impressed you're going after Saren." Garrus sighed.
"My father's a C-Sec man to the bone. 'Do things right or don't do them at all', he says," the words slipped out before he could register what he was saying and for once they didn't incite pain, "he thinks I'm being too rash. Too impatient. He's worried I'll become just like Saren." Garrus' rational mind told him this was true, that it was his own father's prejudice and aversion to Spectres that had really caused him to lash out so much in his apartment. He wanted to believe that was it, and that it wasn't Garrus himself who had been the root of such things. "He actually talked me out of becoming a Spectre when I was younger. For the same reasons."
"you were asked to be a Spectre?"
"Well, I was targeted as a possible Spectre candidate. Me and about a thousand other turian military recruits," he clarified, "I could have received special training, but my father didn't like it." Her brows knit together in what he gathered to be a disapproving manner. "He despises the Spectres. He hates the idea of someone having unlimited power with no accountability…he wouldn't like you, Commander. No offense." To his surprise she gave a shallow laugh.
"I suppose I can understand his concern."
"You can?" he started, rather alarmed. He hadn't expected her to say such a thing. How could she understand it, when she herself was a Spectre, the very thing the turian abhorred? Garrus had always envied and admired Spectres (with the exception of Saren who his gut had always told him was rotten), not just for their rule-free position but the fact that they were doing real things to fight injustice and help people—compared to what he had spent most of his time doing. "But Saren's not going to play by our rules, C-Sec's rules. If you want to nail Saren, you need to send someone who isn't restricted by policies and procedures." She frowned once more and Garrus realized for the second time that he and the Commander seemed to be on opposite sides in this debate. Why does she have to think like him? Why couldn't she think like me? Is my way really that bad?
"Just because you can break the rules doesn't mean you should. I don't need to stoop to Saren's level to stop him…," she paused, taking a step closer to further instill her gaze on him, "and neither do you, Garrus." He shifted under her stare, feeling his mandibles do the same.
"I see what you mean but," he didn't dare finish that thought as he noticed one of her brows arch, "…I'll think about it. Thanks, Commander." He turned back to the Mako's console, his mind heavy with their conversation and the various emotions and memories it had stirred. Time to himself, calibrating would serve him well only it seemed that was going to allude him as he sensed a presence still behind him. She was still there, nonchalantly flipping through her omni-tool. "Um, Commander?" She glanced up as he addressed her. "Was there something else you needed to discuss?"
"No," she replied pleasantly, dropping her arm. His own 'tool immediately pinged and when he lifted it, a new message was showing—a message from Commander Shepard.
Suit up and be ready to move in 5 –S.
He saw for the first time when he looked back to her that she was dressed in her armor, something he hadn't found odd or peculiar before because he himself was also in his armor—it was a turian standard to remain in armor when serving on a ship and even though it had been some years since he had last done so, the habit seemed to have stuck. Wrex who constantly also wore his meandered over from his place near the lockers, followed shortly by Tali. The elevator door opened and out came Alenko who headed straight for his gear. Once the two other humans had joined them, Shepard shared her information with the group.
"An Alliance Admiral approached me back on the Citadel and asked that I look into some of his marines who've gone missing here in the Artemis Tau cluster. We're in the vicinity of the planet so Joker's bringing us in. Anyone's welcome to join me."
"Missing Alliance soldiers? Pass," Wrex grumbled and stomped back across the bay. Garrus witnessed the Commander roll her eyes.
"What were they doing out here?" Williams asked, clearly intent on going.
"Kahoku didn't say, just that there was some suspicious activity that his team was sent to investigate and they haven't reported in since. Also," she added the next part a bit more hesitantly, "Joker's reading a distress beacon from the planet. So be ready for anything—maybe even geth." Garrus glanced back to Wrex knowing full well that the krogan should have still been able to hear them. He expected him to be more interested in the assignment now, but he hadn't looked up. "Let's head out," she announced and once helmets were secured, they piled into the Mako.
Garrus didn't think much about the sight of the cargo bay doors opening and he continued not to do so as Shepard started the engine. What did finally catch his attention was the realization that Joker had not landed the ship and would not be doing so. "Commander…?" He started from where he sat in the back, facing Tali and Kaidan while Ashely was in the passenger seat. Without a word, Shepard hit the gas and the Mako went shooting towards the edge and over, freefalling through the air. This is how I'll die. Talons gripped the seat beneath him as he waited for the inevitable crash and he witnessed Tali's hands fly to her mask and cover over her eyes. After what felt like an agonizing few minutes, the rover hit the ground hard causing a vicious jostle but lacking in injury. He released the breath he hadn't realized he was holding when he heard Tali's whisper.
"Are we alive?" Kaidan chuckled a 'yes' in response while Shepard and Ashley both snickered. With their coordinates locked in for the distress signal, the Commander set off and even though there was no dilapidated Prothean skyway in sight, the ride was just as bumpy and uncomfortable. Through the windows Garrus viewed the planet they were on: Edolus—the skies were tinted yellow and hazy due to dust clouds, with numerous flaming meteors sailing across. Intense wind rattled against the Mako but the machine's durability stood true. It didn't take long to near their destination, and as the rover moved clambered cumbersomely over the varying hills, Shepard abruptly stopped it before a large descent. There was a wide area of lowland ahead and in the distance Garrus could faintly make out objects.
"I think that's what we're looking for, Commander," Ashley said, turning to Shepard who had yet to release the brake. "Commander?" The woman asked a bit warily causing Garrus to look over. It was impossible to see the human's face beneath her helmet, all he could see was the way her hands were clenched around the steering wheel, gloves so tight it must have been cutting into the soft human skin. Her shoulders mirrored it—tensed and rigid.
"Shepard?" Kaidan's voice called to her, hesitant before moving in his seat in an effort to get closer to her.
"Out of the Mako," she suddenly said, her voice strained, "everyone except Vakarian." They all exchanged glances despite the fact that they couldn't make eye contact. Had he done something wrong? Why did she want only him to stay?
"Commander…?" Alenko began, formality entering his tone.
"That's an order," the woman interjected forcefully, absolute.
"Yes, ma'am." Williams, began to get out when Shepard spoke again.
"And don't leave this spot until my say." With the other two humans and the quarian gone, Garrus and she were alone, and he still couldn't figure out what exactly was happening. He wanted to ask, but the way she was acting caused him to think better of it. She wasn't saying anything now though, and he forced himself to be patient while witnessing the others outside huddled together against the wind and obviously conversing over the peculiarity of the situation. Shepard released a loud, deep breath then. "I need you on the guns, Garrus." He nodded despite the fact that she wasn't facing him, and moved to the gunner seat. "Listen very carefully," her voice was slow and precise, "if what I'm expecting is down there, then I need you to do exactly what I say."
"Comman—."
"Can you do that?"
"Yes, Commander." Another large breath.
"Now, I may just be paranoid but down there is the perfect environment for a thresher nest." Thresher? Thresher Maws? She can't be serious! But it was all too clear to Garrus that she had never been more serious. "If I'm right, then when we're down there you need to make every shot count. I believe you're the best shot out of us, so don't let me down Vakarian."
"You can count on me, Commander," the words slipped from his motuh before he could register what he was saying. What right did he really have to say such a thing? He'd never faced a Thresher Maw before, there was no guarantee they were going to get out of this alive. That's why she had the others get out, minimize casualties.
"Okay, then hang on and hope I remember how to do this." Her hands gripped the wheel tighter than he thought physically possible. "Although, something tells me it's gonna all come screaming back." He heard her murmur and he was reminded of her service record—the only marine out of fifty to survive the attack on Akuze. Would she be able to do this? Even for a turian something like that was bound to be traumatizing. Before he could even continue his train of thought she hit the gas as hard as she could and the Mako went barreling across the terrain, picking up more speed with the momentum. Garrus' own hands clenched the triggers as he peered through the scope, searching for any sign of movement. She didn't slow down as they neared the area, heading straight towards the transmitter and what appeared to be a damaged vehicle not unlike the Mako. At full speed she jerked the wheel, hanging a sharp right and causing the rover to skid horizontally, continuing their velocity.
He heard the sound before seeing it, ground shuddering and quaking before a monstrosity lurched from the sands raising some thirty meters in the air. It gave an ear-splitting shriek that the Mako's walls could not dim and the sound elicited a pained cry from Shepard. Garrus swore as he started firing, keeping his fingers locked down on the triggers, and aiming for the wide, open mouth of glowing blue light. It dove back underground but he didn't release his grip and continued to fire at the soil as Shepard suddenly veered a different way moments before it resurfaced just ahead of where they would have been. He fired the canon and a spew of green acid was flying in their direction but missed due to the Commander's evasive maneuvers. He switched back and forth between the two weapons, never allowing the maw a moment of peace from assault of the machine gun during the brief cooldown required for the canon.
Garrus felt dizzy on the adrenaline that was coursing through him (along with the movement around him) but he didn't falter once, managing to find the pattern in where the Maw would next rise up based on the actions Shepard took. He didn't know if it had been seconds or an age when it finally screeched and fell dead in the dirt with a shockwave-inducing thud. The Mako slowed to a halt and Garrus found himself chuckling whilst also breathing a sigh of relief. "another thing my training manual didn't prepare me for, then again you don't encounter very many thresher maws on the Citadel." Looking down to her seat Garrus saw that she was still gripping the steering wheel for dear life, and he could hear her deep intakes of breath. "Commander?" he asked, but she didn't respond. Climbing down from his seat, he awkwardly maneuvered into the passenger, being careful so as not to hit her with his long legs. "Commander Shepard?" he asked again, unable to read her face due to the helmet. She was still breathing hard and now that he was close enough, he saw that there was a tremble in her hands spanning the length of her arms. "Shepard?" He reached his own hand out, hesitant about touching her. He hovered over her shoulder, her reaction to his contact an unknown risk he wasn't sure he was willing to take. Tremors shook her body and all the while her fingers rigid and locked in a painful manner. A thought came to him then, and against his better nature he followed it, his gloved hand moving to stop over hers. Gingerly, he brought his down and attempted to guide her to release the wheel.
Her grip came free, her hand instantly folding into a fist that continued to shook. "Shepard?" he tried once more and this time she seemed to hear him.
"Good job, Vakarian," her voice was flat and quiet, barely above a whisper as she removed her other hand and folded them around her middle in an effort to ease the trembling.
"Would you like me to signal the others, ma'am?" She nodded.
"I'll be right there just…just give me a minute," she breathed and he excused himself from the vehicle.
"Alenko, you're good to come down," he said through the comm and received a 'roger that', watching as the three figures in the distance began to attempt to make their way down the slope. The wind was harsh, whipping about him in a violent manner and he moved about the Mako to see the various human bodies strewn about the dirt. These must be the men who went missing. Shepard finally exited the rover just before the others neared them.
"That was insane!" Ashley yelled, running the last stretch.
"Are you alright, Commander?" Kaidan exclaimed, coming to stop before the woman—clearly intent on checking her for any bodily harm.
"I'm fine," her response lacked her usual vibrancy and Garrus noted the way her hands were still in fists at her sides.
"Commander," the turian then said calling her attention to him, "Alliance soldiers." He motioned to the bodies behind him.
"it looks like they were lured here by the distress beacon," Tali noted, moving closer to investigate the spinning signal.
"These are Admiral Kahoku's men. We need to tell him what happened here," Williams added. Shepard merely nodded her agreement.
"Joker, we're ready for pickup."
"Aye aye ma'am."
"And someone take out that beacon," her tone was abrupt and taking the sniper rifle from his back, Garrus aimed a few precise hits and blew the structure sky-high.
The Commander removed her armor rather distractedly when they were back aboard the ship. Kaidan stayed at her side, taking each piece from her and placing it carefully away. He suggested she go to see Chawkwas, to which she replied that she was fine. "Commander, it looks like things got a little dicey down there. Sorry I couldn't provide any support, other than moral, would have blasted you to pieces too—I had complete faith in you though," Joker's voice rang out over the intercom. She didn't make mention as if she had heard him, Shepard's face in a constant frown and knit brow since removing her helmet.
"So, what happened?" Wrex absentmindedly inquired, nearing the Mako.
"Shepard took out a thresher maw!" Ashley triumphantly declared causing the krogan to instantly growl.
"I always miss the fun."
"You had the chance to come, Wrex but yo…," Tali trailed off once he set one of his red eyes on her.
"Technically, I took out the maw. Shepard just kept us from being killed," Garrus tossed over his shoulder while looking at the Mako's wheels. There were in a bit of a disarray due to the acid they'd driven through. Wrex made a scoffing sound, causing him to look up.
"Didn't think a turian would have it in 'em." Garrus believed that this was meant to be an insult but on the krogan's face was an…impressed expression? It was hard to tell, for all he knew the male had indigestion.
"I'll help you clean that up," Ashely offered, seeing he was about to set to work on the tires.
"I'd appreciate it," he told her, rather surprised. She gave him a smile, further startling him. Moving to put away his weapons, he couldn't help but overhear Kaidan and Shepard while they stood near the lockers.
"It's okay, Shepard," the human man was saying to her, his tone sympathetic and soft.
"No, it's not," she replied roughly, "it's been six years. It's pathetic that I froze up like that. I thought I was over it. I should be over it." Her voice was firm but mingled with disappointment. If he'd been another species (with the exception of krogan) he wouldn't have heard what she said next, it was the smallest whisper, more like the exhale of words. Her voice cracked when it came out, such a sharp sound that hurt when it hit Garrus' eardrums. "I want to be over it." She made a beeline for the elevator, Kaidan close at her heels. Returning to the rover, Garrus made himself busy alongside Ashley while Tali regaled them—specifically Wrex—with what she had witnessed of the thresher maw, elaborate sound effects and all. When she finished, Wrex told them, well more the quarian who just happened to be in their vicinity, of his encounter with a thresher maw on his home-world of Tuchanka. It made Garrus promise himself to never visit the place (not that turians would be come anyway). As it grew late, the girls retired to bed and Wrex returned to take up his vigil at the footlockers once more.
It wasn't until later into the night cycle that Garrus saw the Commander again. She was seated at a table in the mess, her back to Dr. Chakwas who was near the small counter located in the 'kitchenette'. The human doctor was rubbing a temple with one hand, seemingly having been defeated by the conversation she was having with the other woman. "I'll leave them here in case you change your mind, Commander, I really think it would do you some good."
"Thank you, Doctor," she replied from where she was sitting.
"Good night, Commander," the other human said while placing two small pills on the countertop. She gave an exasperated sigh while walking past Garrus and heading back to the med-bay. Shepard looked back upon realizing she wasn't alone.
"Garrus."
"Commander." He came and sat down across from her.
"What are you still doing up?"
"Turians don't sleep as much as humans do. What about you?" Her grey eyes were dilute, tired and strained.
"Avoiding it. I know what's waiting for me when I fall asleep, I'm not about to do it. The doc tried to bribe me with sleeping pills, but I don't trust an induced sleep either," she gave a forced shallow chuckle, and it all seemed strange to Garrus who could easily tell that the woman was exhausted.
"What happened to Alenko?" he asked, glancing around as if expecting the L2 to immediately appear from underneath the table.
"Asleep, it took some convincing but I managed it."
"He seems to care a great deal for you." Garrus believed he had thought these words, it wasn't until he saw the increase of color in the Commander's cheeks, something humans called blushing, that he realized he had spoken them aloud. He nearly went the same shade. He quickly got up from the table retreating to the kitchenette out of sheer awkwardness. "So…you plan to stay awake the whole night?"
"Wouldn't be the first time," she sighed.
"But Commander, going after Saren and the geth, searching for the Conduit, don't you need to be at your best?" He looked about the cabinets, not quite sure what he was even after.
"I'll be fine, Garrus. You don't need to worry about me."
"oh, I'm not," his subvocals rumbled, "I'm worried about me."
"what?"
"Say you fall asleep while driving the Mako, I could get seriously injured." She laughed then, one of her real laughs that seemed to exude color and he couldn't help but feel glad to have been able to cause her to emit such a sound. He was instantly reminded of the sound she made in the Mako when the thresher maw had roared, he wondered if it had immediately brought her to a time when all around her was only death and that sound. His mandibles clicked, although he wasn't sure why. 'I know what's waiting for me when I fall asleep,' she'd said. He stared at the sleeping pills just within arm's reach.
"Should I start to fall asleep at the wheel, I give you permission to wake me up—just do it gently. No need to drive us off a cliff out of fright."
"No promises, Commander," he replied while gathering a cup and heating up some water. What are you doing, Garrus? "So…Commander…I'm guessing today was a bit…rough on you." He spoke the words carefully, concerned that he was tiptoeing a landmine. Would it set her off? And where was he even going with this?
"You could say that," her voice dropped, the humor from moments ago vanished. He found one of the small packets he had witnessed the other humans use, placing it into the steaming liquid. What are you doing, Garrus? His mind screamed again as he glanced at Shepard, her back still to him, and scooped up the medication before dropping it into the drink. The color had changed, becoming brown in color. Where's that white stuff the humans add to it?
"As you know, I was a C-Sec detective. I've spent a lot of time in interrogation rooms—
."
"Are you wanting to interrogate me, Vakarian?"
"No," he chuckled just as he found the white substance—sugar. Taking a spoon, he dumped a few scoops into the drink before stirring it all up. Once he could no longer see any residual evidence of the pills, he returned to the table sliding the mug towards the Commander whose eyebrows rose in surprise. "Tea," he clarified as she gave him a weary look, "levo-tea, so it's safe. I thought you could use it."
"That's very kind of you, Garrus," she said taking the cup and wrapping both hands around it. He felt relief upon seeing that she was no longer trembling, something which logically she would have stopped doing hours ago anyway, but all the same the feeling was there amidst his panic of what he'd just done. "What were you saying about interrogation?"
"just that I've spent a lot of time…listening, and if you wanted to talk, Commander…I—I'm here," he stumbled over his words, his eyes continually flickering to the cup. She hadn't taken a sip yet, there was still time for him to retrieve it and save himself.
"Talk about what?" her tone changed, becoming sterner as she looked down at the mug. Does she know?
"About…," he didn't finish, she was shaking her head.
"No," she said resolutely, "I don't talk about that Garrus. Please don't bring it up again."
"I understand. I'm sorry, Commander." He felt slightly admonished, he'd overstepped and she hadn't even drunk the—no! The glass was to her mouth and he saw her swallow. You've done it now, Garrus, what were you thinking? She made a strange face, her features scrunching together while her lips made a loud sound as they smacked together. She momentarily stuck her tongue out, glancing at the drink as if it had offended her.
"Did you…?" she coughed. She knows, you're in for it now Vakarian. "…did you put sugar in this?"
"Yes…," he replied hesitantly.
"You went a bit overboard." She coughed again.
"Too much?"
"Yes." To his shock, she then downed the rest of it, despite the obviously hideous taste. An involuntary shudder ran through her body. "That'll keep me awake." All he could do was nod, the guilt beginning to eat away at him. What was he doing, thinking that he knew better than her? It was crazy of him to have done this, why had he done it? It had bothered him to see her so disheartened and out of it, and for the life of him he didn't know why, and try as he might to deny it, he was concerned for her wellbeing. She needed sleep but that didn't give him any right to drug his commanding officer! It's going to be the Relay 314 incident all over again. He could imagine the headlines: Ex-C-Sec officer drugs first human spectre—turians and humans at war. Great Vakarian, you just single-handedly started the next galactic incident, as if Saren wasn't enough!
"Tell me," she then said, thankfully rescuing him from his spiraling thoughts, "more about C-Sec." Her eyelids were appearing heavy, one of her hands coming up to be a perch for her cheek. It seemed the medication worked fast.
"There isn't much to tell," he responded unable to recall any previous case in the moment, minuscule or otherwise. She yawned.
"Excuse me," she covered her mouth, "sorry I'm feeling—." She stopped mid-sentence, her face waking just enough for alarm to flash across it. "What's happening?" She exclaimed and jumped to her feet only to begin to sway. He launched over the table in a single bound and caught her before she hit the ground. "What's…I don't…?" her voice was slurring, her eyelids drooping and Garrus' mind continued to scream at him for having been so arrogant to have done such a thing.
"Let's get you to your cabin," he told her, and hardly able to put one foot in front of the other she leaned her weight against him. He wrapped an arm around her stomach to brace her, only for his hand to feel something bony. Is that her hip…? Ah, it's her waist! I'm touching her waist! This is completely inappropriate! He was horrified, not only to be touching such a personal and private part of a woman's body (at least in turian standards) but also because of how different it felt compared to a turian woman. It's…squishy? Stop it, Garrus! Focus on getting her to the cabin and never think of this again. The door sighed open and that was just when Shepard lost the ability to move and sagged. He lifted her up, carrying her towards the bed. "I'm sorry, Commander," he told her, believing her to have fallen asleep. He glanced down to see a pair of confused grey eyes gawking up at him.
"Did you…?" Despite the weariness in them, and the heaviness of her lids, anger flooded the grey turning it nearly black. "I'll…kill…," she couldn't finish, her eyes having fallen shut. Having reached the bed, he placed her on it. He gently laid her head against the pillow before grabbing the blanket and pulling it overtop of her. Despite the fact that inwardly he was shouting to leave the scene of his crime, his resolve momentarily faltered to watch her, seeing the pained expression crossing her face.
"the screams…," she whispered, "I don't want to…remember…." Garrus left her, his only solace being that her face eased into blankness. There's a special place in hell reserved for me. He went to his sleeper pod, and sleep proved elusive for him that night.
A/N: I hope this chapter was at least somewhat enjoyable, especially because of the wait. It was definitely fun to write...well the end anyway. I am really enjoying Garrus' inner monologue stuff.