CHAPTER TWO: FACING THE TRUTh

Thanks so much to everyone who read and reviewed the beginning of this journey. I appreciate all your input more than you know.

It was dusk when I finally reached the outskirts of town. There were lots of folks in town and I was hoping I could see Doc first and tell him at least part of my story. Wouldn't you know he was out at the Ronigers who had a new baby. It was number 18. I remembered telling Kitty they better figure how that happened. I had decided to go to Hank's stable the back way, but someone saw me and shouted, "the Marshal is back."

At that point there was nothing I could do but give in and greet everyone. Festus was trying to talk over everyone as they welcomed me back. I looked around but did not see Kitty. I wanted to ask but couldn't seem to get the words out.

Festus saw me looking around and said, "Iffin yer lookin' fer someone special she went outta the Ronigers with Doc ta see that new baby. Where ya been Matthew? We was ah frettin' about you."

I told him to let me get Buck down to Hank's but Newly took over and told me to just get to the jail and take the time to clean up and relax. I did look pretty scruffy not bothering with my shaving and such as I was heading home. I had too much on my mind to worry about how I looked.

Of course, I wasn't alone for long Newly and Festus came in to catch me up on all the local news. The town had been relatively quiet in the weeks I was gone. That told me Dodge was growing up into a more progressive city. I knew I should ask about Kitty and Doc but in the end my deputies told me everything.

Sitting behind my desk I saw the pile of papers that would need reports to the government. I had started shifting some responsibilities to both men, but I hated the paperwork and I was sure they wouldn't like it any better.

Newly, who is more reticent wanted to know if I caught Les Dean. I explained he was dead, and I had to trail him all the way out to the Arizona Territory.

Festus said no wonder I was gone so long. He added that Miss Kitty was sure somethin' had happened to me. He also asked why I didn't let them know where I was or when I was coming home. I wasn't even sure how to start the story. I made the excuse I would wait until Doc and Kitty got back and tell them all at the same time. Truthfully, I wasn't sure how to explain without giving something away.

I did get a reprieve when Doc and Kitty decided to spend the night with their friends, and I found I wouldn't have to say much more until later the next day. On my way home every time I closed my eyes I saw that crimson hair, blue eyes as bright as a Kansas sky, and milky white skin like the finest marble. There was no touch like hers, soothing, caring, and her lips could drive a man crazy. I was definitely in a quandary.

The nights on the ride from Arizona were the worst. If I could have driven myself and Buck faster I would have because I got little sleep. When I did fall asleep there were jumbled dreams. I saw Kitty on the ranch, Mike was a saloon girl in the Long Branch, and I couldn't get either of them to talk to me. I heard Mike calling me Matt and Kitty shouting for Dan. I would wake up sweating and confused.

My daytime hours were not any better. I wondered if I did the right thing in not going after Mike. What would I have told her? That I would be back? She would have expected a relationship I couldn't give her. How could I explain all this to Kitty? Would she believe I had amnesia? I could hardly believe it myself. I did not even know where to begin.

By the time Kitty came flying in the door of the jail I had cleaned up and gotten some rest. I was sure the only thing that stopped her from running into my arms was all the people in the office telling me how good it was to have me back. She stood and looked at me and as I looked back, I wondered if she could tell I had been with another woman.

Then I wondered if I was crazy what did I think there was some kind of imprint on my body? Did I walk different or talk different? I think all that worrying made me do exactly that. I felt like my lips were stiff when I said, "hello Kitty."

If she sensed anything it didn't show in her radiant smile. The people in the office were watching us to see what would happen next. Nothing was what happened, "nothing". In a way I was glad because I still had no idea what I would say or how I could avoid revealing my indiscretion. I had to decide what was fair to us and our relationship. In the end she told me it was good to have me back, rolled her eyes, and as she left said, "see you later Matt".

They had been our code words for years meaning 'let's get together alone as soon as possible'. Normally I couldn't wait to get her alone and now I was dragging my feet. This was not a good situation. I was trying to convince myself that not confessing to too much would be the best course unless I was asked directly. I had thought I would feel a sense of relief at that decision, but it didn't feel as good as I anticipated.

The next move was taken out of my hands. Festus and Doc came to get me for supper at Delmonico's and then planned to head over to the Long Branch. Of course, Doc took this opportunity to look me over and ask about my injuries. I knew he would have liked to do an exam so I promised I would be over in the morning to see him. The town was quiet and there was no good excuse not to go as that was what we usually did. Besides the Long Branch would be busy because the soldiers got paid that day.

Kitty was wearing one of my favorite dresses an emerald green gown with black lace at the top. She was laughing as she was surrounded by soldiers who were flirting with her. When she saw me I heard her say, "I have hired two new girls recently who I know love to have a good time. The tiny brunette is Sharon and she loves to dance. The tall redhead is Nadine and she has a wicked sense of fun. They are both girls who will keep you on your toes."

The tall good-looking Captain Scott said, "sorry boys I am pulling rank I get the redhead." His master sergeant spoke up too and said the brunette is mine.

They didn't wait for an answer as one hurried over to the long-legged beauty sitting at the piano. The redhead looked up at him and seemed to like what she saw. The brunette with the come-hither eyes took Sergeant Smith to a corner. I saw Kitty looking at me and raising her eyebrows. I just grinned at her and settled at a back table with Doc, Newly, and Festus.

When she brought over our beers, she handed them around and then settled next to me. Leaning toward me she mentioned, "I see you approve of my latest employees."

I told her, "I see that the soldiers do."

"They are a big hit," she agreed.

Doc asked, "have you had a chance to get any rest Matt?

I told him some, but I had a pile of reports to go through. It seemed like I was sure I wouldn't catch up in a month as more mail came in every day. I remember saying, "I hope somewhere in that pile is my paycheck. I haven't gotten paid in over a month."

He added, "It sure is good the fellow who saved you had a decent place for you to stay. Mike was his name wasn't it?"

Just then a fight broke out between a soldier and a cowboy over a girl. I jumped up just as they sailed a chair right into my face. Festus broke it up, Kitty ran for towels for my bloody face and Doc asked several of the men to help me to his office as blood flowed down my face.

An hour later there was eight stitches in my scalp and a puffy right black eye. Kitty who had a smile hovering on her lips said, "maybe you were safer in Arizona."

I wasn't feeling any too good and I scowled at her. I started to stand up and found I was dizzy. Doc looked at me funny. He ran his hand through my hair, and I winced when he hit the spot where Dean had bludgeoned me. I saw him open his mouth and close it.

Then he told Kitty, "I think I better keep him here overnight he might have a slight concussion." When she started to protest, he reminded her I had injuries in Arizona too.

I could tell she wasn't happy and reluctantly helped him get me to the back room. Once I was settled, she pulled up a chair and gently touched my face. The sad look on her face made me feel rather guilty that I wasn't more upset I wouldn't be spending the night in a different place.

Kitty said softly as she looked around to see what Doc was doing, "This isn't exactly as I anticipated our first night back together."

"I know," I told her. Suddenly I was so tired and wished I could go to sleep and wake up and everything would be back to normal. I should have known there will be no normal.

As I drifted off I heard Kitty saying to Doc she was concerned about me when I usually bounced back so quickly. Doc told her they knew very little about head injuries. All they could do was wait and see what happened.

When I awakened several hours later Doc was asleep in the chair next to me. As I moved trying to get comfortable, he opened his eyes and asked, "how are you feeling?"

"I have a sore head and face." I told him.

Looking over his glasses at he asked, "So do you want to tell me what really happened out in Arizona?"

My heart began to beat faster, but I tried to appear calm, "what do you mean?"

"When I touched your head in the back you nearly jumped out of your skin. He informed me.

"I told you when I was found I had extensive head injuries and I had amnesia. I didn't know who I was, where I was from, where I was, and why I was there. If I hadn't gotten such good care it might have taken longer to recover," I explained.

Sitting forward Doc asked, "since we know so little about amnesia can you tell me how you felt and how your memory came back? Was it gradual or all at once?

What a sense of relief I felt. So, I took a few moments to try and think over what it had been like to have no memory. I began by saying, "when I was first asked my name and I tried to have an answer I was so confused that nothing came to mind. Then I was asked where I was from and I had the same experience."

"Did you try to remember?" he asked.

"My mind was just blank. It was the strangest feeling and it was disorienting. I was puzzled because I knew people have names and come from places." I confessed.

Doc looked puzzled, "did they question you a lot?"

"There was only Mike so there weren't a lot of questions," I told Doc.

"So, there was no pressure or desire to help you remember?" he questioned.

All of a sudden it did seem strange. I answered, "no not really."

Next he asked something that made me uncomfortable, "why did Mike decide to call you Dan?"

"Well you see sha…ugh…I guess I don't know," I has almost slipped and said she.

Doc excused himself for a moment. When he came back he had two cups of coffee. After helping me sit up he informed me the front door was locked. "This way Kitty can't just walk in on us."

Taking a deep breath, I had the feeling the atmosphere had changed but I said nothing I just waited. I didn't have long to wait.

Settling down in the chair again he asked, "Would you like to tell me about Mike now?"

"What do you mean?" I thought I asked, innocently.

Of course, Doc took his time before he began. "Well, Mr. Marshall during your sleep you were thrashing around. You kept saying, "No Mike no. I can't tell Kitty. We can't do this. Kitty I'm sorry."

"It was just a nightmare, everyone has them." I explained.

"Funny," Doc said, "unless you have changed a lot Matt, I don't think you spent the night with a man named Mike. Do you want me to get more specific?"

He took my breath away I never thought about talking in my sleep, but I answered, "It could mean anything. Besides isn't there something about doctors not talking about their patient's condition?"

Doc got up and went to look out the window, "Matt you are right. What I hear stays right here but speaking as your friend and Kitty's what will you tell her?"

I know I shouldn't have gotten upset but without really thinking it through I said, "What makes you think I have anything to tell her?"

He looked at me in amazement. "you told me enough from talking in your sleep that I figured it out, what do you think will happen if Kitty hears you? How do you think you can avoid sleeping near her?"

"Why would you think I would be sleeping….."

He interrupted me by saying, "Forget it Matt everyone knows about you and the beautiful redhead. If you think you are a secret, then someone let the cat out of the bag a very long time ago."

I knew it but I always tried to tell myself we were being so subtle. It was hearing the words that shook me to the core. Finally, I told the medical man, "I didn't know what I was doing (then). I didn't know who I was."

"And what is it you plan to tell Kitty?" he wanted to know.

"What makes you think I am going to tell her anything?" I asked.

The older man looked at me like I was crazy. Then he said slowly, "And just what are you going to say when she finds out? Because she will find out somehow." and he walked out the door.

TBC