CHAPTER NINE: MIXED MESSAGES
Sometime in the early morning hours I fell asleep, but it wasn't a refreshing sleep. When I awoke I was twisted in my sheet and knew that I had thrashed around during the night. My thoughts turned immediately to Matt and what kind of night he had. Reluctantly however I got up and washed and dressed in my yellow cotton dress that I knew he liked because it was cut lower than my evening attire tended to be these days.
I had to laugh to myself because I knew with his great height, he has a great view down the front of my dresses. I wonder if he knows that I enjoy the view when he walks up the stairs in front of me? If he is was aware of the fact that I appreciate his manly attributes as much as he seems to be pleased with what I have had to offer I'm not sure, but we have been together for 18 years.
Sam had a hot cup of coffee ready for me when I went downstairs. Sam was always considerate and a good friend. As I settled at a front table Festus came through the batwing doors. "Howdy Miz Kitty, has ya been up ta see ole Matthew this mornin'?"
I told him I was on my way up after I finished my coffee. He informed me that he had been up to Doc's, but Matt was still sleeping, and Doc said he had a bad night. I was immediately concerned thinking that perhaps getting hit in the head again had created more problems with his previous injuries. Then I realized I didn't know just what all his injuries involved since Doc said they know little about amnesia. Festus' words made me hurry to finish my coffee and be on my way.
Doc was sitting at his desk reading a medical book when I arrived. He had a big smile for me and asked if I had gotten any sleep. I told him not much, but Festus told me Matt had a rough night too. I wasn't surprised when he said Festus talked too much. Those two spent most of their time picking at each other.
Settling into a chair I told Doc I needed to know if the accident last night had brought back any symptoms from Matt's previous incident. The physician told me that he couldn't be certain, but he wouldn't rule it out either
He said to me, "We can possibly learn more about the effects of amnesia by observing Matt's behavior."
"What did Matt say about his condition?" I wanted to know.
Doc shared that the marshal had told him that he didn't know his name, where he lived, and what he did.
"So, his memory came back all at once?" I asked.
When Doc hesitated, it made me very nervous as if he didn't want to tell me something. I waited and finally he confided that the man who hurt him ended up coming to the ranch and told Mike who Matt was and that was how his identity was revealed. How long it took Matt to recover all his memory Doc did not know for sure.
"He hasn't confided anything else about this episode?" I inquired.
Shaking his head Doc told me that was all he knew for sure. Physically he could tell me the Matt had been hit very hard on his face and head. That he was shot and very lucky that he survived. That it was the good care he got that made all the difference. I had to feel good about that. I did wonder if Mike had a wife who helped care for Matt.
I got up and told Doc I wanted to look in on Matt. As I opened the door he seemed to be just waking up. He looked awful with the knot on his head and black eye all swollen and puffy, yet I was so glad to see him alive, if not well. I asked him how he was feeling? He admitted he was stiff and sore. I wished I could do something to make him feel better. I was feeling frustrated and yet I felt guilty as I looked at his brutalized face.
Ever the Marshal he wanted to know what happened to the two men who caused the fight. I told him one was at the fort and the other in jail guarded by Festus. Of course this made him try to get up but he sat down again quickly seemingly dizzy. I grabbed for him and the next thing I knew I was in his arms. As his lips touched mine all I wanted was for it never to stop.
When he pulled away abruptly, I was stunned and upset and he hurried to try to reassure me that it wasn't my fault, and that it was just the pain from his injury. I wasn't sure why there were tears pricking at the back of my eyelids, but to be really honest I felt as if I was being rejected. Then I convinced myself I was being ridiculous and that Matt was just recovering from an ordeal, so I would let him rest and check on him later.
Why didn't I feel better? Maybe it was because the situation was so unusual. After all Matt had been in worse shape and once he was fully awake, he was making suggestions about what we could do whenever Doc was gone from his office. I just wish we knew more about head injuries to know if it would change your personality so drastically.
Doc looked up as I walked back into the office and when he saw my face he was quickly out of his chair his hand on my arm, asking what was wrong. What could I say as I wasn't sure myself. So, I just told him I was concerned about Matt having a relapse. Since he didn't have the answers to my questions I would have to be satisfied with just waiting to see what happened next.
When I got back to the Long Branch and walked through the batwing doors Festus was standing at the bar talking to Sam. I heard him say, "I shore am glad ole Matthew is actin' so much like his ole self."
He was just finishing his beer when I walked up to him and asked, "what do you mean like his old self."
"Why Miz Kitty he was ah arguin' with Doc when ah got there. Ah figured he was aimin' to get up go about his workin," he explained.
Now I was really confused why would he have had such a change in so short a time. I just left him, and he was having trouble standing. At the point I wasn't going to get into it with the Deputy. I would just wait and see how Matt was when I saw him later that day. After all he would scarcely be kissing Festus.
What I didn't realize was that it wouldn't be until late the next day when I saw the man I loved and worried over. Doc came to me a few hours later and asked me to go with him to the MacGregors as Elizabeth was ready to have her fifth child and she had quite a difficult time with number four. I knew they were hoping for a girl this time after four boys. I would have preferred staying and playing nursemaid to Matt, but I went with Doc in case there were complications.
John MacGregor who owned the feed and grain store was just as nervous as if it was his first child. Their boys aged 8 to 2 were running all over the place. I sent them out in the yard to play telling them their ma needed some rest. Five hours later another boy, they named Jonathan, and weighing nine pounds came crying into the world. All Elizabeth cared about was that it was over, and he was healthy. It was as the boys were all crowded around their new baby brother that Burke arrived with the news that the MacGregor's business was on fire.
John was so upset at having to leave but I told him Doc had to go to see it any men were injured, and I would stay with the family. They left reluctantly and I didn't really know what I was up against with four excited boys, a new mother and baby. Maybe I needed to rethink wanting a family. All I really knew was when Hank brought John home and came to get me hours later, I was exhausted. He told me the MacGregor's business was destroyed, and all I wanted was hot bath and bed.
Hank, who owned the stable, told me all the horses were safe and the fire was out. He said Delmonico's was open with food and coffee but all I was wanted to lie down somewhere after I'd checked on Matt. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when Hank mentioned that the Marshal had been out fighting the fire. So much for recuperation. As we entered Dodge the men looked so tired and were covered in soot and dirt. He discussed the destruction, but said the men were already planning to help rebuild.
When we got back to Main Street I looked in Delmonico's but the big man was not there. I went over to the Long Branch and Sam said he thought the marshal was at the jail. I could tell he was exhausted but when I asked if there was a chance of getting any hot water he informed me he had it heating as we were speaking. What would I do without this man?
I hurried down to the jail and saw a six-foot seven-inch giant trying, in vain, to get rid of the soot, dirt, and awful smell off himself and his clothes using a small bowl of water. He seemed surprised to see me and even more surprised when I took his hand, led him out the back door and down to the back steps to my bedroom. I had explained along the way Sam had hot water ready in the tub, and that it was all his after I'd had a quick bath. He could use that time to take his filthy clothes off and I could think about how best to clean them. As I walked past him naked, he was too tired to even get friendly.
By the time he had gotten cleaned up and put a towel around his middle I think I had sort of drifted off in bed. He was standing, looking down at me, then he sat and brushed mt hair away from my face with his big gentle hand. We smiled at each other and I think I held my arms out to him. In my half- awake, half-asleep state I wasn't sure exactly what was happening. I do remember thinking how good it felt to have his body close to mine. The next thing I knew it was daylight and we were lying in each other's arms.
I looked down at that handsome face and my heart swelled with love and my body was responding to his closeness. I remember kissing his jaw and he opened those incredible blue eyes. It was late morning and the sun was high in the sky. We realized that we must have been very tired.
He stroked my hair and my face then gently kissed my nose. It hadn't been an easy couple days since he got back home, and his eye had taken on an even uglier shade. Matt still didn't seem quite right and I was concerned he wasn't completely healed. He was so good at getting back in the saddle, too soon.
Asking him if he was feeling better Matt told me he was still sore. Gently I began to kiss him hoping to get his mind off this latest incident. It felt so good when he wrapped his arms around me. I was so happy to be with my Cowboy in a place that had made both of us so happy. As his hands moved over my body I began to relax. All seemed to be right in our world.
That's when it happened. Matt suddenly started to groan. Immediately I was breathless as I tried to find out what was, so when he said he felt dizzy my worst fears were realized. His injuries were much worse than anyone thought. Quickly I slipped out of the bed and began throwing on clothes. He lay there watching me at first, and then when he realized I was going for Doc, he wasn't too happy. This time I did not listen to him no matter what it looked like. My only concern was for his health.
I could barely catch my breath as I got to Doc's door. I opened it quickly and gasped out that Matt needed him. He rushed toward me as I leaned weakly against the door. He asked what was wrong, but to save us all from embarrassment, I decided not to go into details of just what we were doing when Matt felt ill. I just explained that he started groaning all of a sudden and clutching his head. Luckily Doc asked no further questions he just grabbed his bag and followed me back to the Long Branch.
Matt was sitting in a chair when we got back. He was wearing an old, unbuttoned union suit which he must have found somewhere, since his own clothes were still to be washed. Doc looked at him carefully but did not ask him any questions. He began to run his hands over the marshal's head, and I saw Matt wince. I was suddenly afraid that there was some permanent damage from his injuries and if so I'd never forgive myself if our 'activities' had made things worse. When Doc took him back to the jail I couldn't exactly object, but I wondered if he was trying to make a point that any intimate activity should be curtailed for now.
Once they left I lay back on the bed going over the evening. He had seemed happy to see me, yet something had been a little unusual. Usually when Matt had been gone for a long time, he couldn't wait to get me into the bedroom, but last night I felt that he was less enthusiastic. Of course, he could have been acting differently because of his injuries and tiredness from the fire. He was never good at taking the time to recover. Now I realized I did need to talk to Doc, but I would have to be very delicate as I explained my concerns about Matt's reaction to our personal relationship.
I had been planning on going down to the jail before I went to dinner. I was saying goodbye to Sam when Doc and Festus came through the batwing doors and invited me to dinner. I hesitated and asked how Matt was doing. They said the last time they had checked on him he was sleeping and Newly was in the office with him. The three of us headed to the restaurant and it was a nice surprise when Matt joined us looking far more rested than when I last saw him. Maybe Doc had given him the right prescription after all.
This was the perfect opportunity to talk about the dance and tell the men they were invited. I was heartened when Matt immediately asked me to go with him as he usually avoids them and usually has to be hogtied to get him there. I wasn't as pleased when Doc commented if he was going to the dance, he better spend the rest of the week not exerting himself so much if he didn't want another relapse. At least Matt reluctantly agreed. I was not happy but what could I say I would prefer he recuperate in my bed and I could give him loving care. Perhaps it was better this way and by Saturday he would be in much better shape.