Chapter 12
"Because I think I killed his sister."
The words hang in the air for long seconds, heavy and imposing, until Historia lets out a deep sigh,
"Eren, we've been over this a thousand times. You didn't kill anyone, Urklyn killed those poor people, he was the one that pulled the trigger and left them to die, not you." She insists.
"I may not have pulled the trigger but that doesn't make me any less guilty 'storia." Eren says, running a hand through his already messy hair, "I went to their house that night, I did nothing as Urklyn and the others bust their way in and I kept watch as they robbed and murdered an innocent family."
"Yes, because you were an addict and you were desperate, not because you wanted to do any of it! I know you Eren. You would never have done anything like that in your right mind." She argues down the phone, "And despite all that, you still tried to save them. You stayed with that woman, didn't you? You called an ambulance and stayed with her until it came because she asked you to!"
"Izzy. She told me that her big brother calls her Izzy." He laughs ruefully, "She still died before the ambulance even turned up, took her last breath right in front of my eyes. And what did I do? I snuck out the back like a coward as the paramedics arrived to collect their corpses." Eren sobs, using his free hand to rub at his eyes and wipe away the oncoming tears.
"You called the police! You came to Ymir and I that night, and you called the police! You made sure that Urklyn got what he deserved. He may be my brother Eren, but he was a nasty piece of work and he would have taken countless more innocent lives to get what he wanted if you hadn't stopped him. I won't pretend that I feel sorry for him, he's vile and cruel, just like our father. Don't you ever think of putting yourself in the same league as him, Eren, you are so much better than he could ever be." Historia assures him. Eren clears his remaining tears and takes a long, deep breath.
"What am I gonna tell Levi? He loved her so much, and her husband was one of his best friends. How do I tell him that I'm one of the reasons they're not here anymore?" He asks, sadly.
"What good would telling him do? As far as he's concerned, the man responsible has been locked up with no chance of ever getting out. Why does he even need to know that you were there?"
"I don't want to lie to him Historia, he's been assigned to protect me, to make sure my life isn't in danger! How could I even begin to try looking him in the eye knowing what I know?" He asks, a tinge of panic beginning to build in his chest once again.
"You don't have to tell him, but you could make sure you do everything in your power to make things easier for him, make things better." She suggests.
"How would I do that?" Eren asks, fiddling with his shirt.
"That's not for me to decide, but you're smart, you'll think of something. Don't tell him Eren, don't put him through that. If those burn scars are anything to go by, I'd guess that he's been through enough as it is." She says gently, "And no matter what you think Eren, you are not the villain here. Without you, she…Izzy…would have died scared and all alone, and she, her husband and unborn child never would have gotten the justice they deserved. Remember that."
Eren takes a few calming breaths and attempts to steady himself against his kitchen counter, he closes his eyes for a second and murmurs, "I won't tell him. I don't want to hurt him any more than he has been already. Thank you 'storia, I'm sorry I woke you up so late. Apologise to Ymir for me too, I know she's probably listening. Get some sleep, I love you both."
Historia chuckles, "Likewise, and we're both here if you ever need us for anything, we'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight Eren." He hears Ymir calling "'Night!" in the background.
"Bye." Is all he says before hanging up the phone. He turns on the nearest tap and pours himself a glass of water, drinking it down in 3 large gulps. The effects of the alcohol are beginning to wear off and he can see that it's almost 2 in the morning, so he pours himself a second glass, grabs a strip of his strong painkillers, goes back into the living room and settles himself on the sofa for the night. He doesn't want to chance falling into a too deep sleep and being met with the nightmares that have haunted him for the last 4 and a half years.
The sound of a nearby boiling kettle wakes Eren from his surprisingly restful slumber some hours later.
He glances around confused for a moment until he sees his kitchen clock read 7.25am and a rather disgruntled looking Levi searching through his cupboards.
"I keep the coffee in the jar next to the microwave if you're looking for it." Eren says, rubbing tiredly at his temples. His migraine from before is thankfully almost completely gone, only to be replaced with a hangover headache that makes him want to go back to sleep for another week. It's his own fault really.
"Thanks kid." Levi says as he finds the jar and spoons a hefty amount of coffee into his chosen mug, a plain white one, "You know your kitchen is all over the fucking place, how do you ever find anything in here?"
"I'm an artist remember." Eren shrugs and chuckles lightly, "Do you mind pouring me some of that? I think my brain is trying to climb out of my ears." Levi smirks and takes pity on him, picking out a matching mug and using an extra spoonful of coffee, Eren notices, he must look like ass.
"Here you go kid, I'll let you put in your own milk or whatever." Levi says as he walks into the adjoining living and hands Eren his drink.
"Nah, this is perfect." Eren moans seductively as he takes the mug and sips the coffee. It's hot, and strong and everything Eren needs right now. However, speaking of hot and strong…
"You know, if you wanted to borrow a shirt you could have just asked." Eren smirks, shamelessly ogling Levi's incredibly built and toned bare chest.
Levi looks down at himself and scoffs before meeting Eren's wandering gaze, "Why? Is my half-nakedness offensive to you? Are you forgetting that you were literally wearing nothing but a skimpy bathrobe and stockings when we first met?"
"Hey! That's a bit of an exaggeration…I was wearing a corset also." Eren grins cheekily.
"You're such an insufferable brat." Levi sighs in exasperation before taking a long drink from his mug.
"And yet, you're still here." Eren notes smugly.
"That I am." Levi nods before frowning a touch, "And I forgot to say thank you for last night. You know, for listening I mean. And for letting my drunk ass stay here."
Eren giggles, "It's no problem. You listened to enough of my crap last night too in case you're forgetting. But seriously, I'm glad we did it, all things considered. Thank you for trusting me enough to open up like that. I do appreciate it."
"I do too." Levi assures him, staring into his mug, "And I also wanted to apologise for last week. I let my emotions get the better of me and I said some horrible and unnecessary things when all you've ever done is try and be hospitable. It was unprofessional of me and I'll be the first to admit I was wrong. What I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry for my behaviour, I shouldn't have spoken to you in that way, nor Maria, when you did nothing to deserve it. It won't happen again."
"Apology accepted." Eren nods, with a polite smile "And upon reflection, I probably shouldn't have pushed you for answers that day. It was obvious you were dealing with something far beyond me, and I wouldn't just let it go. So, for that I'm sorry and I'll try not to push your boundaries like that again."
"No need to be sorry, you had no way of knowing. But I should apologise to Maria when I see her next, and everybody else…" Levi says, looking regretful.
"Maria is the most forgiving person in the world, you have nothing to worry about. She was actually the one who convinced me to take a vacation and told me to let you have some time to work things out on your own. And don't be concerned about the others, she insisted we keep the incident to ourselves as it would just put a dampener on the evening if we let everyone know about it, and that it would just cause more issues for you and the group going forward. This is what I mean, even when you've told her to fuck off, Freckled Jesus still only has your best interests at heart." Eren laughs.
"Freckled Jesus?" Levi asks, raising an eyebrow.
"Our nickname for Marco when we were younger was "Freckled Jesus", and it's sort of followed him around until now. But you can't deny, it fits!"
"I guess it does, just like dumb brat suits you perfectly." Levi jokes.
"Whatever you say, boring old bastard." Eren smirks, and Levi returns it in amusement. They sit for a little longer together saying nothing at all, enjoying the remnants of their coffee and settling into a comfortable silence. Levi grabs his phone out of his pants pocket and scrolls through his missed messages, while Eren plucks an unread magazine from the table next to him and flicks through it.
It's just coming up for 9am when Eren begins to speak once again.
"Sorry, but I have to ask, what did you do for the five days you weren't working?" Eren questions, "I know you said you don't know anyone living in Shiganshina and the city is new to you, so I'm just wondering."
"I went exploring a few times, visited a couple cafes and restaurants for lunch. Had a look round some book stores and libraries, bought some reading material, read in the local park. It was nice, quiet, but nice. Although mainly I spent my time apartment hunting. Looked online and went to viewings of some of the ones I thought were nice." Levi answers honestly.
"Oh, I assumed that you already had an apartment lined up and you were just staying in a hotel until it was ready for you to move in." Eren says surprised.
"No, I'm too much of a control freak to let anybody pick my apartment for me, let alone my boss. He's great and everything, my best friend even, but no fucking way would I let him dictate where I live, I'd sooner peel off his massive eyebrows and have them for lunch."
"Eww, thanks for that imagery. But in all seriousness, you don't have a place to live? When do you need to leave the hotel?" Eren asks.
"Friday, but if I found the right place then I'd happily move in right away. Hotels are a novelty and all, but the idea of someone else tidying my things when I'm not around gives me painful anxiety. I'm at the end of my tether with it if I'm honest." Levi says, looking a little embarrassed.
"Have you found anywhere yet that you'd want to move into? Anywhere that's caught your attention?"
"There was one place, not far from here with the same kind of layout. But I would need to get a roommate for living costs to be able to afford it, and that would mean moving in with a complete stranger. I did that once before when I was in the Army, moved in with a college student as I thought she'd be alright, and I was gone half the time anyway. But it was a less than stellar experience and I'd rather avoid it if I can. But the rest I've seen are a no go, too filthy or too small or too far away or too full of other people for my liking."
"So, let's put our heads together here. You're looking for a house or apartment of this kind of size and layout, preferably with a roommate that's not a stranger, and close enough so that's not too much of a commute to work every day…. Levi, dude, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Eren beams at him.
"That I should cut my losses and live with the person who's least likely to be a serial killer?"
"No dummy! Why don't you just move in here?!" Eren is practically glowing from the inside at the suggestion. Levi, on the other hand, looks less than impressed.
"You can't be serious brat, you're honestly suggesting that I live here? With you?!" Levi asks incredulously.
"Why not? This place is exactly what you're looking for, you said so yourself. Plus, I'm not a stranger so you don't need to fear me murdering you in your sleep, y'know unless you piss me off." Eren jokes.
"Kid, you don't know what you're saying." Levi shakes his head softly.
"But Levi, if you lived here there would be no commute to work, you could just kick me awake when I make us late. Plus, this place is bought outright! You wouldn't need to pay rent, just some money towards groceries and utility bills. I'd even put some cash towards gas for the car and make myself scarce when you bring home dates."
Levi splutters, "Yeah right! I don't do the whole dating thing, kid, not anymore. And before you say anything, no I don't do one-night stands either. That's not even the point. You don't understand what living with me would be like, I have terrible OCD when it comes to cleaning and that's not an exaggeration, you don't know the half of it. My roommate used to come home to find me scrubbing the skirting boards in the middle of the night or washing the back of the refrigerator when she was making dinner or vacuuming the floors when she was trying to sleep. I'm a nightmare."
"You're saying all of this like it's a bad thing, Levi. It's part of who you are, and hell knows I need someone to help keep this place in order." Eren chuckles, "I work constantly and can barely remember to cook for myself half the time, never mind give the place a good scrub down."
"It's not even the cleaning itself, you said that thing about me bringing home dates. I don't do that. But what if you want to? I'm…. trying to not let it bother me, but if you brought a guy back here and I heard you together, I can't promise I would be able to control myself…it wouldn't be fair on you. And I know you've never been with a guy or anything, but it could still happen." Levi says uncomfortably, not making eye contact.
"Levi, you seem to be under the wrong impression. Look at me, I'm a workaholic, drag queen, ex-junkie. I'm not exactly the poster boy for the gay dating scene. I've never brought a guy back here and I have no plans to, and if it ever came down it, I wouldn't put you in that position. But for now, I'm a lonely, pathetic loser, and I'm happy with that." Eren grins.
Levi huffs out a breath, "Why are you doing this, kid? Not that I don't appreciate it, but you're going to make your life so much harder by living with me. Everyone I've lived with couldn't deal with me, and i'm your employee…. won't it be weird for you?" He asks with uncertainty.
"Well, here's the thing…. last night was…. so amazing for me. Not the things we talked about per se, more the fact that we just sat and talked for hours, about things we can't really talk about with anybody else. And I don't know about you, but that doesn't happen to me often. I want to make things as easy for you as possible. I…. don't want you to just think of me as an employer…. I would like it very much if we could be friends." Eren says, shyly looking at Levi from behind his long-forgotten magazine.
"Friends? Now that's not something I can say I get asked very often. The few friends I do have would tell you the same." Levi says, lips curled in amusement.
"Really? Can't imagine why." Eren teases, smiling and slowly holding out his hand to the man in front of him, "Friends?"
Levi hesitates for a few seconds, assessing the tanned right hand outstretched to him, black painted nails chipped and bitten down in what looks to be anxiety. Against his better judgement, he reaches out with own hand and grasps Eren's, who squeezes back firmly.
"Friends." Levi confirms, and Eren's grin brightens more than Levi's ever seen it.
"So, what do you say? Feel like being lonely, pathetic, loser friends together?" Eren proposes.
"I'm so gonna regret this…."
"Yay! This is gonna be so cool!" Eren yells, flinging himself on top of Levi and wrapping him in a tight hug on the couch.
"Get off me you, giant moron!" Levi rolls his eyes but makes no attempt to remove the boy wrapped around him like a koala.
"Are you sure you want me to come? After what happened last time?" Levi asks, unsure of himself.
"Of course I'm sure, I told you nobody else knows, I said you had work stuff to deal with so you couldn't come. They totally bought it." Eren says as he hunts through his wardrobe for an outfit to wear. Levi can't help but notice that the clothes he's rummaging through are all made for men.
"I thought it was drag dinner, no Rogue tonight?" Levi asks curiously.
"Yes, but I'm still nursing a hangover and remnants of a migraine, so I don't feel like beating my face and tucking tonight to be honest." Eren answers.
"Do I even want to know?"
"Probably not."
"Then I won't ask. Speaking of Rogue, when do you need to go back to work?"
"I can help you move your things in here tomorrow, but I do have a few meetings lined up over the next few days so I'll need you to take me to those. I'm not due back at the club until Wednesday." Eren says, holding a few T-shirts up to his neck in front of the mirror.
"That's fine, I don't have an awful lot of stuff with me, my furniture is still at my apartment in Trost but I'm not sure if I'll need it. We'll see how it goes." Levi mutters, absentmindedly stroking some of the shirts Eren has declined and thrown aside on his bed, "Do you…. want me to come tonight?"
Eren looks at him through the view of the mirror, "Yes Levi, I want you to come. It'll do you good to meet new people. And you'll be spending so much time around me anyway, you're bound to meet them at some point."
"I guess so, I'm just not great at the whole, making friends thing." Levi murmurs, looking back at the bed, "It's not in my nature."
"Well you made friends with me, didn't you?" Levi looks back at him, "I'd say that's a pretty amazing achievement." Eren says, winking.
Levi chuckles, "Whatever shitty brat, I'm gonna go back to my hotel and get changed into something a little less slept in. I'll pick something up for Maria on the way back….to say sorry." His face is lit in a faint blush.
"Ooh, does that mean that from now on whenever you do something to piss me off, you'll buy me something pretty?"
"Tch, nice try!" Levi scoffs, embarrassment rapidly receding as he heads out of the house, gets in his car and drives back to his room, only realising once he's left that he's managed to spend a full 24 hours with Eren Jaeger.