Chapter 7: What Was It You Wanted to Tell Me?
He had been off-world, gone from Ajan Kloss, for four days, and Rey's nerves were absolutely shot.
The stoutly independent and deeply mistrustful girl she had been on Jakku would have laughed, at how she pined for Finn and fretted for his safety while he was away. Terrors over her handsome Stormtrooper being injured or captured had kept Rey up every night since he had left.
On this particular mission, she had begged him not to go, sensing that it was increasingly dangerous. Someone deep inside the First Order had been leaking intelligence to the Resistance, acting as a mole for months and insisting that Resistance members travel farther and farther afield to receive this intelligence. Rey had not been comforted by Finn soothing her, telling her that he would be on the Falcon with Poe and Chewie. With Poe Dameron in the captain's chair of the Millennium Falcon, Rey was even more convinced that her beloved Finny would come back to her dead, or worse, in pieces.
Worse still, though their deep and intimate conversations remained and they were still closer than ever, Rey and Finn had never discussed the almost-kiss that had nearly occurred between them some months back. Rey was not skilled in the ways of romance - growing up, she had never been interested in it - but even she was starting to second-guess where they stood, going by their lack of communication or willingness to discuss openly exploring the possibility of a relationship. Maybe when Finny comes back, I can take him aside, Rey thought. She would talk to him, she vowed.
In the interim, Rey had tried everything to keep Finn from her thoughts. She had studied the Jedi texts. She had run herself ragged on the jungle obstacle course and focused on meditation in her training with Leia, her new Jedi Master. And she still also had to tangle with the thoughts clipping into her brain from Kylo across their Bond - the Supreme Leader was growing increasingly unstable.
On this particular morning, Rey finished an obstacle course run less convincingly then she had hoped, ending her exercise by accidentally lightsaber-chopping down a tree onto BB8. She had been putting off what she really wanted to do for too long, she decided. Like a drug addict succumbing to relapsing into her next fix, the Jedi decided to go see Rose.
Rey found the technician seated at a desk with a holographic screen before her, showing maps and readouts. Despite a lingering concern that the brown-skinned girl was a threat to Rey's deepest desire, the two women had formed a tentative acquaintance, ironically over their shared connection to Finn.
Seeing Rey coming, Rose knew by now to understand what Rey was after, for she smirked as the other girl sat down beside her. "Don't worry. Our scanner's just picked up the Falcon coming this way through hyperspace. Poe radioed in - the package has been extracted. They'll be landing at 0200 hours."
Rey let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. Rose eyed her again with a sympathetic smile. "Finn's going to be all right, Rey. He'd move stars and the planets to come back to you. The man is in love with you, after all."
Rey stared at her, her cheeks now aflame. "W-what?" she stammered, a giddy smile breaking its way onto her face unbidden. Her heart ectopically leapt inside her body. Seeing her reaction, Rose smirked.
"And clearly, you're head over heels for him too, with how you've been badgering me the last four days... aren't you?" When Rey tellingly couldn't respond, Rose just chuckled, shaking her head. "Finn loves you. He as good as told me once on Canto Bight. I never stood a chance."
At this, Rey awkwardly stilled. She and Rose had never discussed the kiss the latter girl had given Finn on Crait, but Rose had to know that Rey knew. Finn had told her once when Rey had been scared enough to ask him if he was seeing her. Before Rey could say anything, Rose took her hand, smiling softly.
"You have nothing to fear from me. Finn and I discussed what happened on Crait, and we're on the same page. Just friends. You both have my blessing, and I wish you every happiness together. That is, if you would just push him up against the wall and kiss him all over his..."
"I'm going to go read the Jedi texts now," Rey got out abruptly, flushing scarlet and standing. She heard Rose's laugher at her retreating back.
Going up to the small reading nook she had set aside for herself in the base, Rey cracked open one of the texts she had taken off Ahch-To and tried to read the ancient ciphers on the page. Of course, her mind wandered to Finn, heart alighting as she realized in a matter of hours, he would be safe and here with her again.
It was actually less than an hour when Beaumont Kin and other friends called to her that the Falcon had landed; the group must have arrived earlier than expected. Following ground control out to the freighter, Rey's heart went into her mouth when she saw how the beloved ship was on fire. Her teeth set on edge. What in Maker's name had Poe pulled now?
And there was the man himself, trudging exhaustingly up to her.
"How did it go?" Rey demanded.
"Pretty bad, actually. Really bad." Poe's tone clearly conveyed that he wasn't in the best mood - a mood which soured further when he saw what had happened to BB8. "What did you do to my droid?!"
"What did you do to the Falcon?!"
Here came the squabbling before either of them could stop it. Rey finally had to draw her fire before she said something really uncouth, but not before she got out through a tight smile, her teeth clenched, "You... you're - you're a difficult man." She had never liked Poe Dameron very much. He could be very arrogant and brash and even immature for his age, despite the fact that he was at least a peer of Ben. Rey had tried to at least be cordial, for Finn's sake, as she knew how much the pilot meant to him. But, sometimes... sometimes Dameron just got on her last nerve.
Finn mercifully jogged up at last; if she were not still so angry at Poe, Rey would have hugged him in utter relief. And maybe even have kissed him. She batted the image away and tried not to blush.
Poe and Finn delivered the intelligence to Resistance high command. What they found inside disturbed them all: Emperor Palpatine had returned, and was amassing a fleet somewhere in the Unknown Regions, around a mysterious planet called Exogol. There was an ancient Sith artifact - a Wayfinder - that could point to the planet's location, and a mission was floated to fly to Pasaana, a desert planet where Luke had been searching for this very dagger in a trail that had gone cold years ago.
Naturally, Rey volunteered to go - she was the Jedi, with knowledge of the Force. She immediately set about readying the Falcon, whose fire had since been put out. The unnecessary damage still made Rey huff. Lightspeed skipping... of all the reckless things... what if they had crashed? What if something had happened to Finn?
It was if just thinking about him could make him appear (which, frankly, was the last thing Rey needed - she already, literally had that problem with another man for whom she had complicated feelings). Along with Poe, Finn stated in no uncertain terms that he was coming with her.
"It's too dangerous, Finn. I have to go alone," Rey chided. She would never forgive herself if she put him in danger. She couldn't help it if others put him in harm's way, but she damn well could help it of herself.
But Finn - dear, loyal, steadfast Finn! - was adamant. "We're all in this. Till the end."
Rey could only beam tenderly at him, her cup filled to the brim with love.
The trio, Chewbacca, and all three droids arrived on Pasaana in the middle of a literal festival. C3PO helpfully informed them that it was a Fertility festival, held only once every four decades or thereabouts. At this, Poe groaned, but Rey found herself becoming excited as she wandered through the celebrations of the Aki-Aki. A little Aki-Aki girl even gifted her with a golden necklace, with C3PO translating that she asked for Rey's name.
"Rey," she smiled.
"She would very much like to know your family's name," C3PO pressed.
At this, the light in Rey's eyes dimmed. As independent as she had been on Jakku, she had always dreamed of her parents coming back for her, of having a family of her own. An image of her and Finn holding a baby between them suddenly collapsed into her head, and her smile grew more wistful. Perhaps... someday...
"I don't have one," she murmured to the little Aki-Aki. "I'm just Rey."
It wasn't long before the presence of the First Order was felt. The humans, Threepio and Chewbacca hurried through the festival, trying to use it as cover to lose their pursuers. Unfortunately, Chewbacca's famous height impeded this effort.
But also helped them out, a little, as they found themselves pulled aside and coming face to face with Lando Calrissian. He pointed them in the direction of a ship once owned by an Ochi, the alleged previous owner of the Sith dagger, before the Resistance group had to flee. Before long, they were racing across the desert in stolen speeders, pursued by First Order jetpack troopers.
Piloting one skiff with BB8 and Chewie, Rey watched the partnering skiff nervously out of the corner of her eye. Poe was piloting again, and looking like he was having way too much fun. Did the man not know how to fly safely? Blaster fire struck near the men, and Rey's heart lunged in terror towards Finn.
The group managed to shake most of their pursuers, but not before both skiffs were downed, launching all of the young heroes overboard and into a dark-gray and black pit of what looked likes coal or ashes. At least that was the color and resemblance of the strange sand they now found themselves in... which now caused anything and everything caught up in it to rapidly sink.
"Whoa! What the hell is this?" Poe yelped.
"Quicksand!" Rey screeched. There was no time to issue other warnings. Next to her, Finn was scrambling about for purchase as the sand started to claim him.
"Rey! Rey! I never told you, Rey -!" Too late. He was pulled under.
Rey gaped in horror. "Finn!" A moment later, she was dragged below as well, and waited for death to embrace her.
It didn't, dropping Rey instead into a dimly-lit cavern below. Poe caught her like a gentleman and quickly set her down, which she appreciated, though she would have preferred to land in Finn's arms. Glancing behind her, Rey saw Finn had been the first to stagger to his feet.
"Well? What is it?" Rey asked.
"What is what?" Finn blinked.
Rey sighed. "You said, 'I never told you, Rey.' What is it you have to tell me?" She couldn't help how her voice was laced with annoyance. She had a feeling she knew what Finn wanted to say. She had fantasized more than once just how he would tell her, and while ordinarily, her heart would have leapt at the moment's arrival, now she just felt peeved. Incredulous at his possible timing. Were they really going to have this conversation, which had been brewing for the past year, now? Or, as Rey and Finn now locked gazes, staring into each other's eyes and she regarded his sudden hesitance to speak, was he going to punt and wait for another time?
Another time. They were going with another time. "Oh, I'll... I'll tell you later," Finn got out lamely.
"You mean when Poe's not here?" came a voice from behind them.
Never, in all her life, had Rey more wanted to punch Poe Dameron for inserting himself into a private conversation. Kriff, she wanted to punch Finn too, for how squishy he was being. If he was going to say what they both knew he wanted to say, what she thought he was going to say - what she wanted him to say - then he'd better just man up and damn well do it, and save them both the heartache. Rey knew it was selfish of her to not want to make the first move, but she realized at this point, she might not have a choice. Maybe she should just grab Finn now, suck his face and see how that turned out. The romantic in her was chiding, reminding her that there was a time and a place for confessions of love, and it wasn't in the middle of a war. On the other hand, there might not be a later time and place...
Awkwardness reigned, with Finn looking even more sheepish and uncomfortable following Poe's interjection The moment was ruined, the spell broken, and not just by Poe, but also by a giant, worm-like creature in the tunnel further ahead of them...
Rey's hands shook along with the rest of her body as she tried to concentrate on working to fire up Ochi's old ship.
She still couldn't quite believe it. She felt dirty. She felt like a monster - one even more vile than Kylo Ren, with whom she had just destroyed a ship in a ridiculous game of Force tug-of-war. She and her Bond mate had an unusual and unhealthy habit of grappling over things until they were ripped in half - first Luke's lightsaber, and now this transport...
A transport that was now broken apart and which had had Chewie aboard it. Chewie was dead... she had killed Chewie!
And with a power - Force lightning - that she didn't understand and should have only applied to Sith.
"It's my fault," Rey murmured crestfallen, and she wanted to weep. At her side, Finn was gazed at her soothingly, and she wanted to burrow herself in his arms and feel their safety.
"It is not your fault," Finn countered. "There was nothing you could have done." Biting his lip, he tried to change the subject. "Rey...?"
She turned to face him, her heart momentarily ceasing to beat. Was this finally the moment? If so, she had to concede that, however much he meant well, her Finny had terrible timing.
But no. Instead, Finn asked, "When you touched Ochie's dagger, you saw something. What did you see?"
Rey could never lie to Finn - never had. And although the same could not be said in the reciprocal, she had forgiven him for that long ago. As she always had over a year of many, close conversations, Rey confided in him, "I saw myself... on the throne of the Sith...with Ren."
Finn's eyes widened, but he shook his head fiercely. "That'll never happen to you, Rey. I know you."
Rey just turned and gazed at him sadly. "Finn... people keep telling me they know me. I'm afraid that no one does."
She regretted her phrasing almost instantly, for how it sounded, and she turned and walked away before she could see any more of the hurt and concern in Finn's eyes...