Chapter 34

"Levi, can you pass the basket of bread please?" Eren requests, making pitiful attempts to reach over Levi to retrieve it.

"Can't you see my hands are full, brat? Get up and get it yourself." Levi complains, continuing to help Kaya manage her small plate of potatoes and gravy as she sits happily on his lap. She's just over a year old now and has successfully graduated from eating entirely pureed baby food, much to Levi's relief. The amount of pureed peas and carrots he'd had trouble cleaning from his clothes has been migraine inducing at times, not that he'd have had it any other way.

"I'll get it!" Sasha announces from her seat directly across from Levi, picking up the small basket and handing it to Eren, although not before grabbing three rolls for herself first.

"Does everybody have enough food?" Marco asks, attempting to stand up in the process, "I can go get some more bread."

"Marco, sit down babe." Jean urges, resting a firm hand on his shoulder and effectively holding him in place, "You still need to take it easy."

"The crutches have been gone for over a week now, I'm fine!" Marco insists as Jean continues to try and keep his fiance in his seat.

"It's fine Marco." Historia insists with a smile from her seat on the other side of Eren, "We all know where the kitchen is. If we need anything else, we can go and get it."

"Are you sure?" Marco asks timidly, looking a little self-conscious at his own question, as if the idea of his dinner guests fending for themselves is an abhorrent concept to him. And knowing Marco for as long as he has, Levi supposes that it is.

"Yeah sure, as long as it's not Sasha, I think we can manage to bring food back from the kitchen ourselves." Ymir jokes at Sasha's expense, whilst said woman is far too busy stuffing her face to even notice. Connie, however, just laughs good-naturedly as his wife's attempts to stick an entire bread roll in her mouth.

"Come on now, ugly. We all know you're just saying that because you're jealous that you missed your chance to marry me yourself." Connie smirks with a teasing tone, causing most of the table to laugh and snort in amusement.

"Ha! Whatever helps you sleep at night short-stack." Ymir hits back before adding, "No offence, Levi."

"None taken." Levi assures as he helps Kaya take a long drink from her purple sippy cup. It's become clear to him over the last few months that Connie and Ymir have the kind of relationship that's not unlike that of Jean and Eren's, although with far less name calling.

"It's not like I can even call him baldie anymore." Ymir complains, ruffling Connie's fair amount of sandy coloured fuzz, almost exactly the same shade as his daughter's.

"You try maintaining a buzz cut with a newly walking one year old, there's not enough time in the day." Connie jokes.

"And having long hair," Sasha begins around a mouthful of roast chicken and gravy, little droplets of it running down her chin, "That's a big no no."

Levi grimaces at Sasha's lack of table manners and despite her disgusting appearance at the moment, she is quite correct about the having long hair thing. Alice had told him the exact same thing while he was growing up and had countless young children and babies living with them.

"And I have to say, even though it sucks how it happened, I am rather relieved about the reduced hours at the club." Sasha says apologetically, although Marco and Jean just wave her off with a kind smile, "My parents could only afford to rent in the city until Kaya turned one. They've had to go back to Dauper and honestly? We may have had to have gone with them if things were different."

Connie nods in agreement, "Yeah, childcare costs are nothing to be scoffed at, especially here in Shiganshina. Luckily, we're now home four evenings a week and Kaya has pre-school during the day, so we really only need a babysitter during the evenings at weekends. This girl practically begged for the chance; her name is Gabi…something. She just kind of appeared out of nowhere, but she's been really helpful.

"Our first choice had been Levi, of course, but he already has a full-time babysitting job with Eren." Sasha says teasingly, causing the table to howl with laughter. Eren pouts and Levi pats him on the shoulder.

"Tch, I'd have still jumped at the chance." Levi says, as Kaya begins patting his face to show him something she no doubt has shown him before. He still feigns the same amount of interest regardless.

The talk of childcare and lifestyle changes opens up a round of questions about parenthood from Marco, Jean, Historia and Ymir. It's no secret to the group that both couples are keen to have their own families one day, so Levi simply zones out, perfectly happy to give Kaya his unlimited attention. That is, until he notices the look on Mikasa's face.

While she's not normally smiling or even remotely cheerful for that matter, there's something about her expression just now that makes Levi take notice. She's paler than normal, which in itself is rather worrying, and looks as if she's on the verge of a complete meltdown going by the way she's gripping her fork. Not her usual stoic, unbothered self in the slightest. For the last couple of weeks, Eren has been trying to get her to open up about what's been eating her, but without any luck. Levi himself had even attempted to get a moment alone with her at the last few dinners, but she's taken to leaving early these days rather than staying for her usual drink with Jean, Marco and Reiner.

Levi's mental assessment, however, is cut short by the feeling of Eren's hand on his back. It's only a fleeting touch, as if Eren had forgotten himself for a moment, and going by the redness on his cheeks, Levi assumes that is exactly what happened. But it's not the touch that gets him thinking, it's the connotations behind it. All this talk of family and children, while Levi himself is holding a baby at the time, and only then has Eren ever slipped up in front of his friends and sister. The idea of kids has always been something that Levi has held close to his heart for as long as he can remember…but kids with Eren, he hadn't even considered it before now. The entire nature of their relationship is still something completely new to him, he's still becoming accustomed to it more and more every day. But what he does know is that he wants to be with Eren for as long as humanly possible…and he does so want to be a father one day too…and if he wants both, then that would logically mean…

"So Eren, when are you and Levi leaving us to go on tour again?" Reiner asks suddenly, pulling Levi out of his reverie. Surprisingly, however, it's Annie that answers for them.

"I thought I told you Reiner, they're not leaving until the second week in January. Nile had wanted them to start in December, but with the holidays and having to get all the promotional stuff done before then, it just wasn't feasible."

"Plus, with Annie and Armin's wedding on December 16th, there's no chance we would have been back in time for it." Eren explains, "And there is no chance in hell I'd miss that for the world."

"I'm really sorry again, Eren." Annie says, "If we'd known it'd cause so much disruption to your tour plans, we would have just waited until the spring. I didn't even think about it."

"Don't be silly Annie, it's no problem. Your wedding comes first and that's that." Eren insists.

"He's right, and anyway Mr Zackly himself said that the schedule was tight enough before Christmas, no matter what Nile thinks about it." Levi assures her, "And Rogue still has a schedule for the next month despite all the delays."

"I know, but I'm supposed to be your manager and my own wedding has taken priority over everything else. It's just that with everything that's happened recently, it's put our whole lives into perspective and what with Armin's job, life is just too short to worry having a big celebration and…"

Bang!

The whole table jumps in shock and Marco presses his hands over his ears in fright at the loud noise. Levi whips his head around to the source of the sound and finds Mikasa on her feet with her fist still pressed harshly against the dark wood of the dinner table. Her eyes have a rather crazed look and she's breathing heavily through her nostrils as she stares angrily at her ex-girlfriend.

"Shut up! Just shut up Annie!" Mikasa yells at her, "Nobody cares, okay? Nobody cares about you or your newfound respect for life. You're not the only person whose life has been changed in the last few months, so stop acting like it is! The world doesn't revolve around you!"

Levi flinches a little at Mikasa's tirade, remembering the words he'd once thrown at Rogue, and then Maria, once upon a time. He just hopes that Mikasa wouldn't say anything that she'd regret as much as he does one day.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't realise that I was." Annie attempts to explain until Eren speaks up on her behalf.

"You haven't Ann. Mikasa, you're way out of line here." He says warningly, casting a glance at Jean, who is trying his hardest to calm Marco down, his hands still firmly pressed over his ears and his eyes clenched shut.

"I'm out of line?! Of course, because everything is always my fault! Eren becomes a junkie and Annie breaks up with me, as if I'm the problem! Levi is a homophobic asshole, but obviously I'm the one that needs to be told to be quiet after being the only person here brave enough to call him out on his bullshit! And poor little Annie doesn't want a big wedding that her father is willing to pay for, but I'm the one that's out of line for daring to remind her that there are more important things going on in the world than her stupid fucking wedding!" Mikasa snarls and Historia holds out an open palm in an effort to placate her.

"Mika, that's enough now. You're scaring Marco and Kaya is all upset now. This is not the time or place to start a fight. I think you need to cool off a little." She says soothingly, and Mikasa looks around to take note of the myriad of shocked or angry expressions of those sitting at the table. Sasha sheepishly gets up out of her seat and gently takes the now whimpering infant from Levi, moving her away from the now hostile dining room.

"Whatever, I'm gonna go out for some air." Mikasa resolves eventually, placing down her napkin and storming away from the table, through the kitchen and out into the back garden.

The room is silent for a few seconds after the door slams behind her, save for the harsh breaths coming from Marco and the gentle coos coming from his fiance in an effort to bring him back in the room. Levi knows the feeling all too well, PTSD is the term that they use but nobody really understands, not unless you've been moments away from life or death.

The rest of the inhabitants begin busying themselves in clearing the table or chatting amongst themselves, not wanting to crowd Marco yet not wanting to isolate him either. It's then that Eren chooses to speak up.

"I'm gonna go talk to her, she doesn't get away with that. I don't care what's going on with her these days." Eren says, still looking relatively pissed off and Levi stops him in his tracks.

"No, you're not, you're too emotional for that right now." Levi says sternly, "I'll go and talk to her. She can shout and scream at me all she wants. You remember those steps I took you through on what to do if either of us are having a panic attack? Maybe some of those would help Marco and Jean right now."

Eren nods, "Okay, but only if you're sure?"

"Positive." Levi responds with a half-smile, and the pair share a look that's full of love and admiration that goes completely unnoticed by everyone else.

After giving Eren's upper arm a light squeeze in reassurance, Levi turns away and moves towards the back exit, opening and closing the door gently behind him so not to make any more noises that would no doubt frighten Marco even further.

The garden at the back of Jean and Marco's house is a stunning half-acre of land, give or take, that is shared with the other neighbouring house on their side of the street, although with them being a rather elderly couple they've pretty much given Levi's friends free reign over it. There have been numerous barbecues, garden parties and flag football games played in this very garden since Levi has been around, and it's offered great solitude whenever Levi has wanted to just take some time to unwind and read a book while Eren has goofed around with his friends. There is a very light dew of condensation on the blades of grass under his shoes, and he imagines the entire garden will be covered in frost in the upcoming weeks, maybe even a light dusting of snow if the weather allows for it. Levi thinks it'll be even more beautiful then.

He spots her over near the big ass trees at the end of the garden, pacing around with her hands on her hips and her head facing the heavens, chest heaving with heavy breaths if he isn't mistaken. He heads over in her direction and calls out.

"Oi! Mikasa!"

She brings her head down sharply and whips around to face him, still scowling but not quite as scornfully as she had been back in the house.

"I have nothing to say to you, Levi, so you may as well just go away."

"Oh yes you do. And I'm not going anywhere until you explain yourself." Levi insists.

"Excuse me?" Mikasa asks incredulously, narrowing her dark eyes at him.

"You've been acting off for weeks now, there's clearly something wrong. Eren pointed it out to me, but it's been hard to miss how reluctant you are to do anything with the group anymore. You don't come to the house anymore, despite the fact Eren has been begging you to make a video with him, one that you yourself had been desperate to be part of! You come to dinner and then leave straight after without a word, you don't stay for a drink. You don't even come to Maria's anymore. What's the matter Mikasa? Are you scared of going back or something?"

"It's not that!" Mikasa blurts out before trailing off again.

"Then what is it? Because I don't have an explanation for how you've been acting. And I certainly don't have an explanation on what just happened in there either."

"And neither do I, okay?!" Mikasa snaps, holding a palm to her head and screwing her eyes shut. In the half year he's known her, Levi has never once seen Mikasa look anything other than composed, determined or pissed. He's never seen her look so out of sorts before, it's rather disconcerting to say the least.

"The things you said in there," Levi emphasises with a tilt of his head in the direction of the house, "Did you mean them?"

"No, of course not." Mikasa sighs, "I don't why I said them. I didn't want to hurt Eren, or Annie, or even you. Not really. And I certainly didn't want to frighten Marco like that…I really fucked up, didn't I?"

"Yeah." Levi agrees, "But we all get to fuck up every once in a while, even you. And you weren't entirely wrong, you do get a lot of the brunt when things go wrong and that's not fair either."

"It still doesn't make what I said right."

"No, it doesn't. Which is why I want to know what's been going on with you recently. Now, I know that you couldn't give a shit about me or anything I may think about you, so you may as well put your pride to one side and tell me."

Mikasa rubs at her forehead a few more times before dropping her hand to her side and sighing, "You can't tell anyone, not yet. You have to promise that you'll keep this to yourself until I…figure things out. I can't have everyone knowing and confusing me right now, especially not Eren."

"You have my word." Levi promises, and Mikasa nods her head in resolve before taking a few deep breaths and opening her mouth to speak.

"I'm pregnant." She practically breathes out, as if the relief of finally saying it aloud has taken some of the pressure away.

Levi tries not to gape in surprise, although he thinks his eyes may have given him away ever so slightly. Of all the things she could have said, that's not what he had been expecting. He'd been thinking it may have had something to do with her job, the stress of being a new owner of a car repair shop with minimal staff under her would no doubt be overwhelming to anyone, but pregnancy? No wonder she looked as if she was on the verge of tears during the conversations earlier.

"Are…are you sure?" Levi asks dumbly, but Mikasa doesn't comment, simply nodding her head.

"Yeah, I took about four tests just to make sure. And if that weren't enough, I went to a clinic, and they confirmed it too. It's also since been confirmed that I'm just over 2 months along, I found about 4 weeks ago. I'm due my first sonogram in a couple weeks." Mikasa explains, and Levi's head begins reeling at the information. 4 weeks ago? That's around the time Eren had first mentioned Mikasa's odd behaviour, it makes so much sense now why she's been so distant. It's also around the time she stopped talking to Erwin, much to his best friend's disappointment. Wait, Erwin!

"Is Erwin the father?" Levi asks gently, and Mikasa all but rolls her eyes at him.

"Yes, Erwin is the father." She declares as if it should've been perfectly obvious, "I haven't been with another man in years. It can only be his."

Levi lets this information sink in for a second, while he's certain that Erwin doesn't know - he's sure he would have told him by now – but he feels the need to ask anyway.

"And does Erwin know?"

Mikasa shakes her head, "He called me just after I'd been to the clinic. I was all over the place and I ended up telling him not to contact me again. He tried a few more times for about a week or so after I hung up on him and then he just stopped. I think he took the hint after that."

"Mikasa," Levi says carefully, "surely the man deserves to know that you're carrying his child. Even if it's just to tell him that you don't want him to be involved, he should at least be given the courtesy of knowing."

"I know." Mikasa sighs, "I know, I do, it's just…I'm scared. I guess we're both to blame in the end, I'm usually really careful with protection regardless of my partner it's just…I'm assuming I must have gotten pregnant right after the shooting. Erwin had just gotten back to my apartment in the middle of the night after everything happened and we just…just wanted to feel alive, you know? And we didn't…use anything…"

"Regardless of who is or isn't to blame, Mikasa, you still have to tell him. And in terms of being scared, I understand, but I'm telling you right now that Erwin would NEVER hurt you. He never would anyway, but especially not while you're pregnant with his child. And if he ever did, he knows that I would give him hell for it. You don't have to be scared about that." Levi promises, and Mikasa covers her mouth with the red scarf that Levi had only vaguely realised she'd been wearing. The one that Eren bought for her when they were young.

"Thank you Levi, I know he'd never hurt me. I know he isn't that kind of man it's just…the fear of the unknown, I guess. I've been doing a lot of thinking recently…about what I'm gonna do about this," She says gesturing to her flat stomach, "And I don't think I could ever have an abortion, I just…I can't do it to them. I already care more than I can understand. Yesterday I was working on a car that had been called in as an emergency repair, and I was reaching up to the top shelf for a part that Hannes must have left up there before he left. Normally, I wouldn't even have cared, would have just grabbed it and gone, but I was so conscious that it was going to fall that I kept one arm wrapped around my stomach the entire time. Ridiculous, I know."

"It's not ridiculous at all." Levi reassures her, "Whether you like it or not kid, you're a mother now. And whether you choose to give them up or not, you'll always be a mother. They'll always have been in there and there is nothing anyone can say or do to erase that fact."

Mikasa's eyes begin brimming with tears, "I think I've always known that I'm going to keep it, I just needed to work out the logistics of work and being able to afford to keep us both afloat. I still haven't figured it all out, but I just can't stomach the idea of giving it up. I know what it's like to be an orphan, and I don't want that for my baby. I did this, and now I have to do right by them. And we'll be okay…no matter how hard it might be."

Levi smiles at the image of Mikasa unconsciously caressing her flat abdomen, as if cradling her unborn baby. It fills Levi with an odd sense of jealousy and pride, with the latter winning out. While he and Mikasa have not always seen eye to eye, she's a mature woman and he can feel only the utmost respect for her in her position.

"You know that you're not alone in all this right? You have your parents, your friends, Eren will always be there for you…and me too." Mikasa gives Levi a rare smile when he says this, and it only strikes him then how truly similar they are, all the way down to their shared last name, "And I know you may not want to hear it right now, but no matter what you may think, Erwin will never see you go without, regardless of how much or how little you want him involved. He'll do anything that he can to make things right for you and his child."

"I do know that." Mikasa says with a nod, "He's a good man…a really good man, and one that I could have probably seen myself having a future with…but it's complicated. We're not in love, not yet…not like Jean and Marco, or Connie and Sasha…or you and Eren."

Levi begins spluttering incoherently when Mikasa makes that comment, "W-what…what are you talking about? Me and E-Eren, we're just…we're just friends." He states, trying to maintain control over his voice to sound as dismissive as possible, but one look at Mikasa tells him it hasn't worked.

"I'm not stupid Levi." Mikasa says with a teasing smirk, "I see the way you look at eachother. The way you lean close to whisper, the way you touch when you think no one is looking…the way you smile only for him. Being stuck in my own head about all this has given me a lot of time to think and notice things I probably would have missed at any other time. There's no use lying to me about it."

"I…" Levi begins, but realises immediately that his attempts to deny it will probably be futile, and besides she'll find out one day anyway, "I'm sorry that we didn't tell you. As you can imagine, things have been a little…confusing as of late."

"Yeah, no kidding." Mikasa lets out a laugh, it makes her look younger when she laughs, "If you'd given me the odds on this happening when we first met, I'd have said never in a million years! But now…it sort of makes sense, it's not such a weird idea anymore."

"How do you mean?" Levi asks curiously.

"It's just that…you spend every waking moment together. You work together, you live together, you eat together…I don't need to know if you sleep together." She says with her hands in surrender, "But on top of that, you've both had rough lives, you've both had your demons and despite how different they are, you both got through it. You did it separately, meaning that you're both just as headstrong as the other…and in my mind that makes you similar, like kindred spirits, you know? So, it's not all surprising that things have turned out this way. Especially since Eren has been making heart eyes at you for months now and you could never keep your eyes off Rogue for more than a second at a time!"

Levi blushes then, "So…You're not mad then? About Eren and I being together?"

Mikasa is silent for a beat, "I thought I would be, if it ever happened. But then Marco got shot and I…I saw what kind of person you truly are, and I knew that you would take good care of Eren. That he'd be in good hands with you."

"I'll never let anything happen to him, not while I can help it. I've already promised Grisha, and I wouldn't insult either of you by lying to your faces. But…I do think you also have to give your brother more credit Mikasa." Levi says pointedly, "Everyone talks about how I protect Eren, and it is technically my job to do so. But none of you realise how much Eren has helped me…how much he's changed my life, how he's saved it more than he can ever know. I don't just take care of him…we take care of eachother."

"And I'm truly glad to hear that." Mikasa says honestly, "Because now that I'm pregnant, I'm going to be in no fit state to knock some sense into the pair of you."

"Tch, glad to see you're in a better mood than before kid." Levi remarks and Mikasa has the good sense to look sheepish.

"Yeah, I better go and apologise for that…I'll just need to come up with some excuse that doesn't offer a lot of questions."

"I can help you with that. So long as you keep what you know about Eren and I a secret. For now, at least."

"You've got a deal, so long as you keep my secret." Mikasa promises with a smirk, which Levi returns as he leads them back to the house, his palm pressed lightly to the small of her back as they walk.

"Just one more thing," Mikasa says, causing them both to stop abruptly before they go any further, "If you do happen to hurt Eren in any way, pregnant or not, I will not hesitate to castrate you."

Levi's eyes widen a millimetre before he snorts in amusement, "I wouldn't have it any other way, brat."

They continue on their way back to the house, although this time Mikasa wraps her own arm around Levi's back too and they lean against eachother with a new understanding and newly forming friendship.