I wasn't strong enough to save her. I felt the fear rush through my core. It was like nothing I ever felt. Fear more powerful-well the same fear when my father came to me. The fear that I was a failure. The woman lied in my arms completely still. Her lips, a strange color purple that I have seen a thousand times but they never mattered. No one's lips ever mattered until hers.
Now she is gone. Please. Please don't let it be true. Don't let her be gone. I just found her. I just found her. I should have been strong enough.
The tears at my chest pulled harder until I gathered Rey closer to my body. This is not the end. I refuse. Please. I quieted my mind. The sound of each breath echoing in the chasm of my soul. I had to reach further with my mind than I ever had. I saw her heal my wound. If she could heal me I could piece her back together. Bring her back to me. Every pulsing moment felt like a lifetime.
The dust from the desecration of the sith fell to ashes. Echoes of crashing metal and fires rushed around shifting the fallen weight but like a breath against the sunrise, a blissful silence hushed the collapsing debris. Her hand reached mine and everything went quiet. Just one quiet moment. Then a kiss before all I saw was black.
"No." A whisper came through the emptiness of the void. "I'm taking your hand." A soft whimper of a voice I had come to crave. I knew that voice. I dreamt of that voice day after day. That voice spoke to me through hatred and fear. It had brought me out of suffering. "No. No!" I could feel her getting closer. I could feel her hand on my chest. I could feel her calling to me. Maybe only one of us could live. Maybe that was my destiny. Finally giving instead of taking. I gave her all of me but she was demanding me back.
I wanted to go back to her. To have an ending that my mother and father deserved and the ending my grandfather and grandmother deserved. I wanted it all. I wanted to be selfish and go back to her. Our connection was still there.
"I love you." The words were carried from my thoughts to hers. I wanted to let go and be with her at the same time.
"Don't you dare. Come back." Beating pressure filled my chest. "Bring him back."
Like a sudden wave crashing over me, with soot surrounding me, I took my first breath again.
She was beautiful. Covered in ash, bruised, beaten, she was glowing in a way no one has ever looked. Her eyes closed, lips pressed in a hard line, her hands covering my face and my heart. A small gasp from her lips before her eyes blazed open. Surrounding us were the remnants of everything before.
"Ben." was the only word that could escape before she crashed down on me sobbing. Her body shaking from the cold and the fear. "I couldn't lose you."
"You saved me." I consoled her.
"You saved me first."
"We saved each other," I smirked at my own realization. We always pushed each other but we have always been saving each other one way or another.
"Now you're stuck with me."
"I can handle that. Can you?" I already knew she would have to give everything up. I would never be welcomed back. I have done things. I have done so many terrible things. No one would welcome me back. My mother and father were gone and I am left as the last reminder of the absoluteness of the sith, of the empire, of the first order.
"I think it is time we let the old things die. I'm ready." She spoke of a conversation rooted in fear but brought back to life like our lives. Together.
"Ready for?"
"Peace. WIthin myself, for you, from this constant war. I have sacrificed myself and you and now I'm done and ready for what's next."
We walked, limped really, with each of us leaning on the other. The tie fighter and the x wing still stood next to each other.
"I lied." She spoke with the little strength she had left. "I need to tell them that it's done. The sith is done."
"Okay." There would be nothing I could do to stop her but I didn't want her to leave. "I can't go with you."
"I know. I'll meet you. Anywhere."