But What If

by Yavanna and SunStar

It's the summer of 2002 when Non Llewellyn, an anxiety riddled PTSD suffering auror, is just struggling to get through the days. Hot on the case of dark wizards who evaded capture after the war, she doesn't have time for any additional stress but when a new Ministry of Magic law gets put into place her world will never be the same again. *AU as FW lives*

9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I own nothing from the Harry Potter universe, that all belongs to J.K. Rowling. Non Llewellyn however is mine.

Chapter 9

There was something tickling my face. Now that I had noticed it I couldn't ignore it and fall back asleep. I wasn't fully awake yet, I was in that pleasant state where if I just relaxed enough I would slip back into a deep sleep it if wasn't for the tickling. A few more seconds past before I huffed out an irritated sigh and sat up to rub my face and blearily open my eyes.

I froze.

Where the hell am I?

It took a few seconds for my mind to catch up with my vision. I was in the Weasley living room. I'd passed out drunk in the Weasley living room. I'd gotten drunk at a Weasley family gathering.I was, I noticed as my head began pounding furiously, now hungover at the Weasleys.

Oh shit.

I groaned as I rubbed my face with my hands in misery as everything from last night came crashing back into focus. Or well partial focus anyway. Some bits I think were a bit blurry and I cringed. What on earth had I said? I'd talked a lot after Aunt Muriel had left and that wasn't like me at all. Oh Merlin, just how many times had I embarrassed myself?

My fingers caught on something and I jerked my hand back in alarm before hesitantly pulling at whatever had been tickling me. It was the daisy chain crown Teddy had made which still weirdly didn't look wilted. Someone must have charmed it I figured. I wrapped it around my wrist in a couple of loops while my mind raced over the night before.

Had I done anything catastrophically mortifying? I didn't think so but I wasn't sure. I must have chatted so much rubbish last night it was what I normally did when I got drunk. That and repeat myself. I let my head drop into my hands but groaned as the room started to spin. Shit. I hadn't planned to stay here so hadn't even had any water before sleeping. Not good, so not good.

I slowly stood up and decided to quickly use the bathroom before leaving. The house seemed very quiet so I figured it must still be very early. I thankfully didn't meet anyone on my way up and down the stairs and was soon on my way to tip toe down the hall.

"Did I wake you?"

It was a deep voice. I spun in surprise to see Charlie's head poking around the doorway to the kitchen.

"Um no I" I paused to try and clear my throat. Merlin my voice was hoarse. I must have talked even more than I realised. I just shook my head at Charlie helplessly and he smirked.

"Well sorry if I did. Time difference you know, Romania's a few hours ahead. You want a cuppa?"

"Oh no I'm okay I-" I winced as my voice cracked so I just settled for shaking my head again as I gestured to the front door, hoping Charlie would get the hint that I was trying to leave.

"Nah c'mon, cup of tea and a bit of toast before you go. Mum'd kill me if she knew I let you leave without making you something."

I stood hesitantly. I wanted to leave. I badly wanted to leave so I could just pass out in my own bed although I knew most likely I would just wallow miserably running over everything from yesterday. Charlie was looking expectant though and I didn't want to seem rude so I nodded my head slowly so that I didn't jostle it too much and I made my way into the kitchen.

I sat gingerly into one of the chairs, my bag clutched in my lap as Charlie bustled quietly around the kitchen. I supposed I was lucky that Mrs Weasley wasn't up yet. Oh god, I'd hugged Mrs Weasley last night. Like properly hugged her. Had I set a precedent now? What if she always wanted a hug? I wasn't a hugger these days.

More and more from last night kept coming back to me and I could feel myself flush in mortification. My word I had been so, so drunk and I hadn't even realised it. What on earth must they all think of me?

"Hangover guilt?"

"Huh?" I blinked stupidly up at Charlie as he placed a steaming mug of tea in front of me.

"You've blushed about ten different times and keep grimacing. It happens to Alina sometimes, she always beats herself up about what she may or may not have done the night before if she can't remember all that clearly. Course she's never done anything bad but you try telling her that. I call it; hangover guilt."

I blinked as my brain sluggishly processed that. The day after Ginny's birthday I'd been hungover but there was no guilt; I'd been with the girls and knew I hadn't done anything stupid. Last night though…could be Charlie was on to something here.

"I've never heard it called that before. But yeah that sounds about right."

I grimaced slightly at the sound of my voice again. I sounded like those muggles do who smoke too many of those cigarettes.

"Well don't beat yourself up, you were fine. You getting a cold though? Your voice doesn't sound too good."

Charlie's face crinkled a bit in concern as he gazed at me.

"Oh no I'm alright thanks. Think I just spoke too much last night." I shrugged a bit as I tried to clear my throat again. "Thanks for the tea."

"Alright."

His brow was furrowed though as he busied himself making some toast but I couldn't really find it in me to care. My head felt wobbly, like it wasn't really my own and my hands shook slightly as I picked up the mug of tea. I sat there miserably as my eyes gazed vacantly at the kitchen doorway. I was thinking back on my interaction with Aunt Muriel and I really wasn't sure if I'd handled that properly. What must they all think of me? She's been extraordinarily rude. Much worse than I'd thought she'd have been and I could feel the heavy press of frustrated anger again as I remembered her comments about the Welsh language. I needed to go home.

I glanced across to Charlie to make my excuses and I started in my seat slightly to see there was someone else stood next to him. When the hell had anyone else entered the kitchen? I took a slurp of tea as my eyes tried to focus properly to take in who it was. They were wearing plain pyjama trousers and that was it. I tried to force my eyes upwards to look at their face but they got stuck on the torso. Toned but not overly so, a dusting of red chest hair, very broad shoulders, loads of freckles.

Stop staring Non for the love of Merlin. Look up.

My eyes finally obeyed me. It was a Weasley twin. Oh god please let it not be Fred. A quick glance showed just the one ear.

Oh thank fuck, it's only George.

I froze. Only George?

Oh shit. It's George.

I could actually feel the heat from my blush. I was too hungover to get my eyes to function properly but I could still blush? So not fair.

I hastily bit into a slice of toast that Charlie had plonked down in front of me and gazed at my mug of tea as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. Maybe if I pretended to be too hungover to talk George would just go away. What was he doing up so early anyway? Still at least I hadn't been caught staring at his twin. Or worse it could have been Ron or Percy, I'd never have been able to look at them in work again.

Percy. Shit I spoke to Percy last night. We'd hugged. Why had we hugged? And then I remembered. I paused mid chew as I felt a churning, disquieting feeling settle on me. He'd been upset I hadn't accepted his invite to his wedding. He'd been upset I hadn't known we were friends. I mechanically started eating again as I tried to swallow the mouthful of bread. I felt a sweeping feeling of sick dread settle over me, it was like there was heavy knot of…something on my chest and I rubbed at it absentmindedly but it didn't shift. It was only when I tried to swallow some tea and noticed how tight my throat was that I realised what was happening. I was going to cry. I had to leave now.

I jerked hastily to my feet.

"You alright?"

George was looking at my through half open eyes as I nodded my head.

"Yeah just, I'm not feeling great I need to go. So bye."

I avoided both their gazes feeling absurdly guilty for lying as I turned to exit the kitchen before I remembered at least some of my manners.

"Thanks for the breakfast Charlie. It was really nice to meet you and Alina."

"You too Non. Hey, I'll let Gruff know I've seen you."

I'd half turned to exit the room and I stumbled into the doorframe at his words.

Gruff. Gruffudd. Merlin how had I forgotten about that too? He was alive. He hadn't killed himself. I could feel my chin start to tremble. Shit I really needed to go. Like right now. I kept my back to the both of them as I just nodded my head and walked away.

I couldn't say anything. If I opened my mouth I knew I'd burst into tears. There was so much pressure on my chest I felt like I couldn't breathe.

"Hey wait a sec Non."

It was George whispering after me but I ignored him and quickly exited the house to speed walk down the Weasley drive. I fumbled with my wand to remove it from the holster at my hip so I could have it ready to apparate.

"Non, wait."

It was lucky that George called out again before his hand grabbed my arm as even with the forewarning I still startled badly and brandished my wand at him as he spun me around. I dropped my wand hand to my side immediately.

"You alright?"

I couldn't look at George but I couldn't lie again either. He was looking at me he must be able to see that I wasn't. I shook my head silently and I folded my arms around myself. I needed to be alone. I needed to cry this out but I sure as hell couldn't do that here.

"What's wrong?"

I shook my head furiously at that and I bit fiercely down on my lip. Too much was wrong. Aunt Muriel asking me about how my parents died was wrong. Me finding out that my childhood friend who disappeared six years ago was actually alive and had never bothered to tell me was wrong. Me not understanding that Percy and I had been friends and that I'd hurt him by not going to his wedding was wrong. Everything was wrong and that was before I even started thinking about this mess of a situation with George.

"You uh, you want to go?"

I nodded quickly. Too quickly really as I felt my head swim. This was mortifying, absolutely mortifying.

"Okay sorry I shouldn't have…I just."

I felt a guilty twinge as George sighed.

"Bye Non."

Merlin he sounded miserable. I risked a glance up but immediately wished I hadn't. He had such a hangdog expression on his face, I felt like I'd kicked a puppy. I needed to say something didn't I? Let him know it wasn't really anything about him why I was freaking out. I opened my mouth but as my chin wobbled again I immediately clamped it shut and stumbled back . I'd thought for a second he had been reaching out for me but he'd only been moving to cross his arms. I somehow managed a jerky half wave with my hand before I spun away from him and carried on walking until I was out of sight.

He's going to think I'm crazy.

I mean he had to right. Nothing of how I was acting this morning was normal. Even I could recognise that. I tried to calm myself before I apparated home, I really didn't fancy splinching myself, and I couldn't help the heavy sigh of relief that escaped me when my garden path and front door appeared in front of me. I walked blindly up into my house, my eyes starting to swim with tears. I headed straight to the bathroom, swished my wand to activate the shower before undressing and stepping in to stand under the heavy stream of warm water. And I cried.

Whatever this pressing weight on my chest was I wanted it gone and it seemed like crying was the only way to do it. I was crying heaving sobs as I struggled to breathe. This feeling had started when Charlie and Alina had mentioned that Gruffudd was alive. Alive. Why hadn't he ever let me know?

I felt like I was fifteen all over again when the worry at Gruff disappearing had settled in to intense fear that he might be dead, that he might have done the worst thing and killed himself. I'd cried nearly every day that summer after he'd disappeared. And I cried little girl cries now, the type of keening that you only heard when someone had died. Because to me, that summer, he had. Until I was fifteen I couldn't recall a summer or Christmas without him. He had just always been there. Ten years my senior, he was one of the few 'young people' in the area with magic who could therefore help my parents out with babysitting. And he'd become part of the family.

Or at least I thought he had. Clearly he hadn't felt the same way. And I cried even harder at that because Merlin that hurt. I wrapped my left arm tightly around my midriff as I bowed my head into my right hand, my chest heaving with huge, shuddering sobs. I'd been so alone after my parents had been killed. My best friends had – had died, even Justin had-had died. I could almost feel my mind jerk away from those thoughts, like I had trained myself too well not to think on them and I grabbed a bar of soap and started to wash myself.

So I had been alone. After graduating I'd tried to fix up the cottage but I didn't know half of the spell work needed for repair and maintenance, let alone how I applied to register my details and place of residence so I'd done the only thing I could think of and gone to the Ministry to see what I was supposed to do.

And that's where Percy and Audrey had come in. I froze in the shower, soap still in hand as my face crumpled once more. They had been so, so nice to me. Audrey worked in the planning department and Percy was just starting back out on his fresh career in the Ministry and so knew how to help with the registration protocols and just what it was I had to do as a new graduate trying to make my way into a still very messed up magical world.

I was crying silently now. Misery settling in to every part of me as I mechanically washed my hair. Looking back I could see that they had spent far more time with me than simply doing their jobs.

Fuck, had we been friends? How could I have not seen that? What…what's wrong with me?

I rinsed out my hair and then shut off the shower as I pondered that question. What if…what if what had happened to me during the war really had damaged me? I knew of course that it had triggered my PTSD but I hadn't thought it had stopped me from noticing something so basic as friendship. I mean, I had managed to make friends with Ginny, Luna, Hermione and everyone else so what had gone wrong? Or did they only become friends with me just because we spent so much time together in our final year at Hogwarts?

I frowned as I wrapped myself in a towel and moved to my bedroom where I sat heavily on my bed, head in my hands.

What if I really was damaged? What if part of me was broken?

I felt uneasy at that thought but it didn't feel wrong either. Something wasn't right. Even with my counselling sessions nothing like this had come up and I bit my lip in concern. If I couldn't even recognise friendship how was I supposed to ever be able to have a relationship? Or, I shuddered, make a forced marriage work?

Oh Merlin, George.

I blinked away a fresh set of tears. How on earth was I going to explain my actions from this morning to him? I didn't see how I could really. I sighed heavily trying to shift the heavy weight from my chest. It didn't feel as constrictive as before I had cried but there was definitely something still there. Was it sadness?

I rubbed a hand over my eyes and sighed again. Maybe it was but I didn't trust myself in that moment to really be able to recognise emotions. What I needed to do, I thought then, was to go back to basics. I had to re-focus on what the counselling sessions had taught me. Eat healthily, get plenty of exercise, write it all down. I nodded softly to myself. No doubt the hangover was making everything worse and I hadn't exactly eaten well that week. Both could go a long way to explaining why I was feeling so out of sorts.

I felt a bit better then that I had some sort of plan so I quickly dried myself off, occasionally sniffling as I changed into my comfy joggers and a Holyhead Harpies hoody and headed downstairs to make a proper breakfast. There I set about planning to put my life back on track.

The next couple of hours passed quickly enough and I sat back to look happily down on the plan I had drawn up for myself. I had everything planned out. My meals, my exercise regime, my work rota, time for my garden, and time for my friends. Everything had its allotted time and place and I felt the lovely feeling of control settle over me. It was the first time really in the last two weeks that I'd felt any semblance of it and I could feel an actual smile tug at my lips. I liked being in control, hated being out of control and I rolled my eyes to myself that I had gotten so drunk the day before. I hadn't planned for that and it had clearly thrown me. I made a mental note then not to get so drunk again it just wasn't worth the bad feelings I got the next day.

My smile slipped from my face as I tracked my work rota again. Now that I had it all written out like this it didn't quite seem right. There were far more double shifts than should be normal and, I quickly flipped through to look towards the end of September, there were no allocated days given for the new recruits or those that would have graduated their training over this last year. That was weird. I knew we were a bit short staffed but it was only seeing it all written down like this that I could see how bad it was. I would have to ask Harry and Ron about their shift rota. If it was as full on as mine then something would need to be done. Even I who had been doing plenty of overtime over the last year couldn't keep working at this pace.

I heard the front door open then and I couldn't help the snort of laughter that escaped me as Hermione trudged into the kitchen.

"Don't laugh at me Non. I can't take it."

I hide a grin behind my hand as I quickly got to my feet to make her a cup of tea as she slumped into a kitchen chair.

"I feel like I'm dying."

I quickly scrapped my idea of tea and moved into the pantry to look through some of the store of potions I had in there and I quickly found the one I was looking for. It was tricky to brew so I only used it in emergencies but this was clearly one.

I plonked the bottle in front of Hermione, noting that in amongst her wild curls were what looked like miniature butterflies.

"Here you go Mione, hangover cure."

She struggled to lift herself up but managed to send a thankful smile that way before she steeled herself and downed the potion in one. I grimaced in sympathy, I knew from experience it didn't taste nice, but after a few moments I could see it had started to work.

"Urgh, thanks Non. I can't believe I got that drunk."

"Me either. Guess that goblin stuff really got us huh?"

"Definitely."

"Say, you do know you've got butterflies in your hair right?"

A scowl immediately appeared on her face.

"Bloody Fred. He couldn't even remember this morning what charm he was using to put them there. I'm going to have to go through my books later to see if I can find a counter charm. Nothing we tried this morning worked."

She leant back and crossed her arms, her nostrils flaring slightly. I had to bite back a chuckle as she reminded me strongly of Professor McGonagall in that moment.

"Maybe he'll remember during the day?" I suggested hopefully and she shrugged. "Why'd he do it anyway?"

"Why does Fred Weasley do anything? To annoy me I suspect."

"Not to make you laugh?"

Hermione actually scoffed at that.

"There are plenty of ways to make me laugh Non. Charming objects into my hair with no means of removing them is not one of them. I mean, I'm supposed to be going to work tomorrow, I can't turn up like this."

I hummed in quiet agreement seeing that Hermione was starting to build up a head of steam. I'd always found it best not to engage her when she was like that.

"Well I'm about to do some gardening, did you want me to get you something to eat before I start or are you good?"

"I'm alright thanks Non. Thanks for the potion. I think I'll actually start looking through my books now…"

She trailed off as she absentmindedly walked out of the kitchen and I shrugged quietly to myself before heading outside. It was sunny but there was enough cloud cover that it wasn't so bright as to give me a headache. My shower earlier had cleared the thumping from my head and my second breakfast had seemed to kick my hangover into touch thankfully.

I spent the rest of my day pottering about in the garden and greenhouse before going through my auror supply kit to see what I needed to stock up on or what potions I was in short supply of. I then set out making another plan of what to buy and when, and when I would allocate time for my brewing. Each list and plan made me feel more in control and I sighed softly, pleased to note that this time it was a happy one.

I was just heading up for an early night as I started my first shift at four in the morning when I bumped into Hermione on the landing.

"Non do you – do you know any spells that might get rid of them?"

She still had the tiny butterflies in her hair which had only gotten more frazzled as the day went on. I mumbled a couple of counter charms I knew, all along the lines of finite incantatum but none of them had any effect and I frowned. Really those counter charms were universal and should have worked.

"What charm exactly did he use again?"

"He couldn't remember. If it's one of his and George's own that they haven't perfected yet I will murder him."

I raised an eyebrow at that.

"Bit extreme that hey?"

"If it was the first time he'd done something like this maybe but he does it all the time. I can't – I can't go in to work like this."

Hermione, to my alarm, was starting to look tearful.

"Oh hey c'mon Mione it doesn't look that bad at all, honest."

"That's not the point Non," she rubbed angrily at her eyes. "I have to fight so hard for people in work to take me seriously, to take what I'm trying to do seriously, I can't just turn up with bloody butterflies in my hair. I'd be laughed out of my office."

"Hermione c'mon everyone takes you seriously, you're completely brilliant. Only fools think otherwise."

"Oh please you know what the Ministry is like." She sniffed a bit and I bit down on my lip, because I did know what she meant, it was a political minefield. "It's bad enough loads in my department think I only got the job because I'm one of the Golden Trio, do you know how demoralising it is when people don't take you seriously?"

I let out a snort of laughter at that, although really I wasn't amused at all.

"I know exactly how demoralising it is. No one ever believes me when I say I'm an auror, or worse if they know I'm in the department they assume I work on reception."

I bit on my lip again as I studied Hermione's dejected face.

"Say why don't you just take the day off tomorrow? You did so much over time before your law was passed you must have time off to take right? And I'll call in to see Fred when my shift has finished tomorrow to see if he's figured out how to reverse his charm."

Hermione immediately looked relieved.

"Oh Non would you really? I shouldn't really take the time off but given how the Ministry have been treating us…" she trailed off with a shrug but I knew how she felt. We both usually went above and beyond what we needed to for work but if our employer was going to impinge on our private lives the way they had then neither of us were feeling very generous towards them.

Xxxxx

I cursed my alarm as it sounded at three thirty that morning and I shut it off quickly so it didn't wake Hermione. I fumbled to put on my clothes, biting back a yelp of pain as I stubbed my toe on my bedframe before I stumbled down the stairs to the kitchen. I sleepily ate a bowl of cereal as I used my wand to fill up a flask with tea. As I made my way out of the house I delved into the coats hanging up in the hall for one of my heavier jackets before finding my brown leather one which was lined inside with fur. Whilst it no doubt would be a warm day at this time of the morning and near the coast I knew it would be chilly.

I apparated first to the atrium at the Ministry of Magic and hurried down to the auror department to check there had been no changes to the schedule over the weekend and that nothing had been seen at the dockside that would help our case in solving the murder of Mr Task. There was nothing though, just two sleepy eyed colleagues with their heads bowed over their work so I hurriedly made my way to the apparition point to get to the location we'd set up to monitor the abandoned warehouse.

The building we had chosen looked just as dilapidated as the warehouse and it had the benefit of the dirty, cracked windows pointing directly at the building we wanted to keep watch on. A few clever charms meant that whilst the windows still appeared covered with grime so thick you couldn't see through it, from the inside we could see out clearly. Two chairs, replete with cushioning charms (not performed by me) were in front of the window and I eased the door open and closed silently as I eased my way into the room and took my seat. I glanced at the auror next to me and grimaced inwardly at who I was to share my shift with. It was Auror Gilden. We didn't really work much together and he wasn't one known for conversation although I had to concede, neither was I. This was going to be a painful shift.

"Hello."

I figured I would break the silence since he hadn't greeted me but I did not expect him to near jump from his chair and brandish his wand, a red spark only just missing my face.

"Llewellyn don't do that."

I blinked in shock.

"Um, do what?"

"Sneak up on me like that, I - I could have hurt you."

I raised an eyebrow at that.

"Right. Sorry. I'll wear bells next time."

He scowled at that before he settled back down in his seat.

"Don't be stupid. You could have just made a bit of noise when you came in. You don't need to show off all the time."

What the hell?

"I wasn't showing off I was just…walking normally."

I got no response.

"I'm sorry for scaring you."

Nope, still nothing. I rolled me eyes as I sat down heavily into my own seat. I guess Gilden wasn't really a morning person.

I trained my eyes on the warehouse and after an hour had crawled by with not even a hint of movement I had to stop myself getting annoyed. I knew surveillance work was boring but this was simply painful and worse, it gave me far too much time to think.

I opened my flask and poured myself a mug of tea. I had planned on sharing with Gilden but he'd soured my mood so I childishly decided against it. Taking a sip I settled back in the chair, my eyes still trained on the warehouse although I did make sure to do regular sweeps of the surrounding area. There was no fear of anyone approaching from the rear as it was at the dock edge with a sheer twenty foot drop, and the left hand side was backed up against a cliff. We had the vantage point over the only two accessible sides.

And while I watched I thought and it was predominately about Percy and George. Although the plans I'd written out had made me feel a bit better, a bit more in control of myself, I was still very unsettled that I had misunderstood everything with Percy so thoroughly. I went back over all of our interactions and in the cold light of day I could see now how before I had my first panic attack we had been friends. It was easy now with hindsight to see how my panic attack and subsequent anxiety had skewed my thinking and I felt slightly pleased that I could now recognise this but it couldn't shift the deep guilt I could feel in the pit of my stomach that I hadn't recognised it at the time. If I wasn't able to recognise my feelings was I really capable, and I mean emotionally capable of being in a relationship? Because you see I didn't think that I was. I'd not had a boyfriend since Hogwarts and had only managed a handful of dates over the last couple of years. And that then led me to thinking about George.

I didn't know George Weasley. At all. I knew of him, of course but I didn't know him. I had to stop myself from frowning at the familiar, horrible surge of anxiety at just the thought of him. And that was another thing, just the thought of him made me anxious. In our last few meetings things had been unbearably awkward either until we'd stumbled into some semblance of a conversation or I'd gotten drunk. How was I supposed to have a relationship with a person when the very thought of them made me so anxious I felt like I was going to throw up? That didn't seem to be to be a good basis of any sort of relationship.

But why did he make me feel so anxious? I chewed on my lip as I mulled it over. I'd briefly thought on it before but now with hours of silence with nothing but a warehouse to stare at I could think through things more clearly. He was confident, happy, brave, smart, kind, successful. He had fought in the war, he had prepared himself and done everything he could in the fight against You Know Who. Even as I ticked through his plus points I could feel my anxiety building and I tried to steady my breathing. I mean how could I even compare with him? I have very little confidence, I was unhappy, I wasn't particularly clever and I certainly wasn't brave. When I compared what we had done in the war…he was a war hero and I'd been a captive of death eaters. I squirmed slightly in my seat and swallowed heavily at the surge of queasiness I felt at that thought. I didn't like to think on it, but it was true.

I had been…a victim. I hadn't prepared myself for the war at all, even when I knew it had been coming. I'd been such a fool. Such an idiotic school girl. How could I even hope to measure up to George?

I felt a swirl of bitterness settle in my gut. Really I was getting ahead of myself. Why would George even want to be in a relationship with someone like me anyway? How could he possibly want that? I knew I wasn't good enough for him, though I suspected he'd be too kind to let on. Really, I supposed, the best I could hope for is that we could become friends and muddle through things that way.

Because no matter which way I turned my mind kept coming up against the brick wall that was the Marriage Law and there was no escaping it. The lack of control over such a key aspect of my life was something I didn't know if I could come to terms with and I really had to let George know that. Really, I should have sat down with him some days ago to go over everything, to find out what he felt about the Marriage Law truly. I suspected I'd never be brave enough to ask what he thought about being paired with me.

It was time for me to grow up and stop hiding from a topic I didn't like I decided. I hadn't been fair to George by trying to avoid the proverbial Hippogriff in the room so I knew I needed to set it right. Given that we were so different, that I was so lacking, we would never work as a couple but if we could have some sort of friendship then I think I could settle for that. I just hoped I was able to move past my anxiety to be able to offer him even that.

I felt a weight shift from my shoulders then and I was pleased. The rest of my shift passed without incident and I was glad when Aurors Hopkiss and Aldred arrived to relieve Gilden and I. I stepped out into the hazy light and ducked behind the building quickly before I apparated back to the Ministry. I had to write up a quick report and check for any urgent memos – luckily there weren't any – before I headed out to go to Diagon Alley to see if Fred had the counter charm Hermione so badly needed.

Diagon Alley was bustling with people and I focused on taking even steps, my eyes always automatically looking for something suspicious as I tried to keep my breathing even. I still didn't like crowds. I paused outside the offensively bright shop front of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes and took a few moments to compose myself. Despite telling myself I needed to talk to George now that I was hear I wasn't sure I was ready to. I chewed on my lip as I thought. Really we needed a time when neither of us was working and I thought furiously at my work schedule. My only free time really was late Wednesday afternoon or evening. What if I asked him to meet up then? That would give us time to have a proper talk and I would be seen as returning his invite for lunch which I hoped would go some way to smoothing things over given how I'd fled the Weasleys on Sunday morning.

I flushed slightly at remembering that before pushing the embarrassing memory aside. I was not going to let that bother me. Not today. Today was a fresh start where I, Non Llewellyn, was in control.

Gee well done Non, you almost convinced yourself there.

Squaring my shoulders I pushed the door open and was pleased that whilst busy inside it wasn't unbearably so. I weaved my way through the shelves looking for either one of the twins but finding no sight of them I headed to the counter where a pretty witch in bright pink robes was working.

"Oh hello, I'm here to see Fred Weasley, is he available?"

"I'll just go get him for you miss, hold on."

I nodded my thanks and stood awkwardly off at one side of the counter and waited. I could hear Fred before I saw him and I smirked slightly. That seemed so typically him.

"…so if you could just check the inventory for the snarflack powder Verity that'd be great. We can finalise the prototype then."

"Right you are Mr Weasley."

I raised an eyebrow slightly. I don't think I'd ever heard anyone other than Arthur Weasley being called that before.

Fred wondered over to me with a confused smile on his face and I had to fight against chewing my lip nervously. I hadn't forgotten that we'd argued last week and while he seemed alright with me on Saturday I wasn't sure I was entirely forgiven.

"Alright Non, you've not gotten confused and asked for the wrong twin have you?"

He grinned at me then and I huffed out a laugh.

"I'm here on behalf of Hermione."

I gave him a pointed look. He had the decency to look slightly shamefaced but his grin soon reappeared.

"So she hasn't figured out the counter charm yet? Brilliant."

He sounded genuinely thrilled.

"Yeah okay not brilliant. She's had to take the day off work. You don't happen to have remembered the counter charm have you?"

"Are you telling me that the cleverest witch of our generation needs my help?"

"Well you did charm the things into her hair Fred, so yes."

He smirked happily.

"Alright, follow me."

He led me behind the till then and through the door into what I supposed was the stock room. I hovered just inside the door way as I took in the numerous shelves with the brightly coloured packaged goods stacked neatly and orderly. Everything appeared to be labelled clearly. I blinked in surprise before scolding myself silently. I shouldn't be surprised they were organised, they ran a successful business after all.

Fred had headed towards a door on the opposite wall and I tentatively walked in that direction but stopped as he banged a fist on the door.

"Oi George, you're future wife's here."

I wrinkled my nose unhappily at his words. Firstly I didn't want to see George yet and secondly I did not want to think about being his wife. A bark of laughter brought my back into focus and I flushed in embarrassment that Fred had seen me. Nice one Non, let the twin brother know how you feel about marrying his twin. Really, great move.

I ducked my head down nervously before I shot him a nervous smile. There was a gleam of…something in Fred's eye even though he was smiling and I felt the stirring of unease. He was so unpredictable, what little I knew of him, and I really, really did not like unpredictable things. He opened his mouth to say something when the door on the far wall burst open and George tumbled through.

"Did she say anything? How did she seem? Where is she?" He was frantically trying to straighten up his work robes and he froze when he caught sight of me. Ordinarily I would have found that funny but I felt like I'd been punched in the gut with anxiety. "And she's right here. Thanks for letting me know Fred."

George clapped his hand on his twin's shoulder and Fred grinned.

"I rather think I did George."

"You could have been more specific Fred."

Fred smirked before he ambled his way over to me.

"Well here's the counter charm instructions. Top secret so don't go sharing it with anyone but Granger. Tell her she owes me one."

He looked positively wicked and I felt a pang of pity for Hermione whilst feeling ridiculously pleased I hadn't been paired with this twin.

"Alright will do. Thank you Fred."

I took the paper from him and carefully folded it before placing it in my bad.

"Tell her it was my pleasure. Right, I'm heading back to the shop."

He called the last bit over his shoulder as he left me in the store room with George. I shifted nervously before glancing across at George. He'd straightened up his robes now and was stood leaning against one of the shelves, arms crossed. He straightened up slightly as my gaze met his.

"You came here to see Fred?"

"Oh, um, yeah Hermione needed a counter charm for those butterflies he put in her hair."

A ghost of a smile passed across his face.

"You didn't want to see me?"

His voice was painfully neutral but he was staring intently at me and I had to fight very hard not to fidget.

"Well actually…yes."

"You don't sound sure."

"That's because I'm not." I chewed on my lip before I took a steadying breath and ploughed on. "I do think we need to talk though. Like properly."

He just kept staring.

"Um, d-did you want to have a NAGAAAS meeting? Say on Wednesday?"

I glanced up at him hopefully, risking a half smile. I felt a huge surge of relief when I got a smile back.

George pushed himself upright off the shelf and took two long strides forward so he was stood in front of me as he uncrossed his arms and tucked his hands into his robe pockets.

"Hmm. I suppose we could."

He rocked back on his heels slightly as he looked down at me.

"Wh-what time do you finish work? We could meet after?"

For the love of Merlin Non, please stop stuttering.

"We close the shop at five thirty. We could meet at six. Where do you want to go, the Leaky?"

The Leaky Cauldron was somewhere familiar and on a Wednesday evening wouldn't be over crowded. It was perfect for me.

"Yeah the Leaky would be good."

"Alright then. You want me to sort it?"

He nudged my foot as he said it making me look up at him.

"No it's okay, I'll go book a table now."

He was looking at me with a funny smile on his face before he nodded slightly. I could feel my face starting to blush. Merlin why were our conversations always so awkward? I coughed nervously.

"Right well, I'm – I'm just going to go then."

George shifted from foot to foot and ducked his head. He almost seemed nervous himself but he couldn't possibly have been. He was George Weasley for Helga's sake.

"Thanks for asking me Non."

He glanced up as he spoke and had that weird smile on his face again and I felt my stomach try to fight its way out of my body and I inhaled sharply. Why did I always react like this to him? I just nodded at him as I took a step backwards, trying to ignore the painful beating of my heart. I really, really hated anxiety.

"You alright?"

No, I think I'm having a cardiac arrest.

"Yeah course George. I'm fine. See you Wednesday."

Liar.

"Bye Non."

I managed a small smile in return before I turned and headed back out into the main shop. I pointedly ignored the smirk Fred was sending my way as I weaved past him and out of the shop. That had just been…weird. Not that any of mine and George's encounters had been truly normal so far but something had felt a bit off. We definitely needed to have a proper talk so whilst I could feel my nerves ricocheting out of control inside me I at least felt pleased that I had a plan of action. I hurried to the Leaky Cauldron to book a table before apparating back home.

Hermione practically pounced on me as I walked through the front door and her initial exclamation of happiness at me having obtained the counter charm was replaced by a scowl as I repeated Fred's message for her.

She huffed angrily as she opened the piece of parchment and I swear I could see sparks fly from her eyes as she took in the counter charm and she scoffed.

"Oh please it can't possibly be that simple."

Nevertheless she sat herself at the kitchen table, picked up her wand and muttered the counter charm. To our amazement the tiny butterflies detached themselves from her hair only to fly and cluster together to make she shape of a small flower. I felt one side of my mouth tug up into a smile.

"That's really sweet Hermione."

"Sweet! It's not sweet that absolute arse made the tiniest tweak to the counter charm – I mean it's stupid really. I can't – I can't believe I didn't figure it out."

She huffed out an angry breath and glared at the flower and I had to stifle a laugh.

"He'll never let me forget it."

She sounded mournful now and I laughed out right.

"Seeing as its Fred, probably not." I agreed, before I smiled again. "Still, he made you a flower, a really cleverly made one too. It's nice Hermione."

She shot a half-hearted scowl at me.

"I suppose…"

I left her grumbling to herself as I checked on my itinerary. I had just enough time to go for my run before I started on my batch cooking for the week. Thankfully neither of the Weasley twins had delayed me too much. I quickly added in meeting George for food on Wednesday then folded it up again with a happy sigh.

I was still uneasy, I was still very not happy with the Marriage Law, but I had a plan. I was on steadier ground. Now that I was starting to get back in control maybe, maybe I could finally focus on getting better.

A/N: Hello lovely readers.

Right I wasn't completely happy with this chapter and I had originally wanted to put in the NAGAAAS meeting but Non's overthinking of well, everything, kind of took up more room than I thought. So this was more filler chapter than I had intended. Let me know what you thought.

And welcome to my new followers. It makes me so happy people want to follow this story and read it

FlowerChild23 – thanks so much for the review. I'm hoping that you think its funny stuff is a good thing! (is it?)

Diolch/Thanks

Yav