Disclaimer: I own nothing from the Harry Potter universe, that all belongs to J.K. Rowling. Non Llewellyn however is mine.

Chapter 12

The first thing I became aware of as I sluggishly started to wake up was just how warm I was. I felt as though I was being slowly smothered by a heavy heated blanket and I could feel my face scrunch up in annoyance. My brain felt very slow and my left arm felt almost too heavy to lift and I gave up half way from raising it to rub at my face. Why was I feeling so disorientated?

It's the side effect of the calming draft Non.

Ah yes of course. But wait, what? Why had I taken a calming draft?

My nightmare. Shit, my nightmare. Memories of the night before slammed back into my brain as my eyes snapped open and I tried to sit upright, only to find I was pinned to the bed. Panic surged through me. Why couldn't I move? Was I trapped? My heart felt like it was going to explode and I took big gulps of air into my chest as my mind continued to race. I wasn't warm any more in fact I felt cold, the icy terror from last night settling over me once more as I tried to focus on the pattern on the wall paper in front of me.

It's daylight Non, and you're in Ginny's room.

So there were no death eaters. Nothing could get me here. I tried to calm my breathing but when that wouldn't work I decided to focus on physical sensations to try and ground myself even as I continued to try and shift to sit up. I started with my feet. My legs were stretched out but they were tangled up with something warm and hairy…

What the hell?

George. Fuck I'd forgotten about George. Sweet Helga I'd asked him to stay. Fuck, he'd seen me being absolutely hysterical. I turned my face into the pillow to stifle a groan of dismay. How absolutely, utterly and completely mortifying and he was apparently still here. Shit.

Now that I had pieced that part of my memory back I could tell then that my legs were tangled with George's. I turned my face to the side again and glanced down and could see a large freckled forearm wrapped around my waist, his hand resting on the bed nestled just beneath my breasts. My erratic breathing finally stopped. In fact I think for a moment I stopped breathing completely. I finally realised where the warmth was coming from. It was coming from George. I could feel his whole torso against the length of my back, each rise and fall of his chest, and there was a faint tickle on the back of my neck that I realised was caused by his breathing.

I'm being spooned by George Weasley.

My mind skittered away from that thought and I tried to see if I could relax my muscles. I had tensed on waking and the residual fear from my nightmare was still lingering. I shifted my right arm uncomfortably. I'd fallen asleep on my right side it seemed but my arm was resting above my head and my hand was- . I froze. My hand was holding a hand. My fingers were interlinked with other fingers. My fingers were so tense I was squeezing said other hand. Which of course was George's. I immediately relaxed my fingers only to feel his hand squeeze mine back.

Oh shit, did that mean he was awake? My breathing was shallow again and I tried so hard to make it even, to at least pretend to be asleep in case he had woken up but my body was betraying me. I had so much adrenaline and fear in my system I couldn't stop my limbs starting to tremble and I cursed silently. It's not like I could even pretend it was because I was cold.

"Non."

George's voice was thick with sleep and I felt my name rumble from his chest right through my back and I shivered. The arm on my waist tightened and he squeezed my right hand once before he let it go and I felt him shift, his legs untangling from mine as he moved. There was a long silence until finally I worked up the courage to crack an eye open and I tilted my head slightly to see George looking down at me. I offered a pained smile before my eyes darted away. How on earth was I supposed to act?

"Um, hi."

I couldn't hide a wince at how my voice sounded. It was scratchy and raw and that could only mean one thing – I must have been actually screaming in my sleep as my nightmare unfolded.

"You alright?"

I managed another quick glance as my brain processed the question. No, I was not alright. And I really didn't like George looming over me. Okay, alright he wasn't looming, he was literally just sitting up on the bed but I didn't like that I was lying down almost beneath him. Not with my nightmare still so recent.

"I-I just need to sit up."

My arms fumbled slightly, my limbs still feeling weirdly heavy even as they trembled before I managed to sit up and scoot myself to sit back against the headboard. I drew my knees to me and clasped my arms around them to stop the shaking. I steeled myself as I felt George shift on the bed to sit next to me before I looked at him.

He was sat up against the headboard also but he'd moved one of the pillows to sit across his lap as he played with the edging on the pillow case. I finally looked up to his face to meet his eyes. They were slightly puffy with sleep and they looked a darker brown than normal in the dim light of Ginny's room but they were focused on me intently and I swallowed nervously. George seemed to give everything he focused on his absolute attention and I didn't like the feeling when that attention was focused on me.

"I'm sorry."

I saw a frown appear on his face as he shook his head slowly.

"What on earth for?"

"For – for disturbing you with my nightmare. For asking you to stay. I-I don't normally need that."

"How often do people see you having a nightmare?"

"Never if I can help it."

Shit, that came out a bit more bitter than I'd intended.

"Sorry George, I just…I just feel a bit humiliated. I'd have rather you didn't see me like that."

Oh God and I did. Feel humiliated that is. I was getting more and more snatches back from last night, reliving just how desperate I'd felt to not be alone, how much it's literally clung to George and I had to suppress a cringe. I thought I'd gotten over that a long time ago, after all I'd learnt the hard way that that the best person to look out for me was me myself. I hadn't needed anyone to be there, not for a long time.

"I think most people feel like that after a nightmare Non. I know I do."

His words jolted me out of my inner ramblings.

"You get nightmares too?"

I couldn't believe it.

"Sometimes. Not often. Not anymore anyway."

A part of me wanted to ask about them, but I worried if I did he'd ask me to talk about mine and I didn't want to discuss it at all.

"I don't get them all that much anymore either. Or at least…not so bad. Just. Well. Azkaban."

I finished with a shrug. I mean it had to have been because of my stay at the prison it was so vivid, nothing else had happened to trigger it.

"It's that bad there?"

"Sometimes. It's just the place itself. So much evil's happened there…" I trailed off as a shiver crossed over my shoulders. "It should never have been re-opened after You Know Who fell. Not after what happened to the muggle borns there."

"You lost someone?"

Damn I thought I'd managed to keep the wobble out of my voice when I'd spoken but clearly not.

"Didn't everyone?"

I flung the question out but George just looked at me until I couldn't stand it any longer.

"One of my best friends. Chloe. She's buried there."

I didn't dare look at George. I didn't want to see if he pitied me. I felt awful enough as it was.

"I'm sorry."

His voice was quiet and I just inclined my head in understanding, my eyes fixed on the top of my knees. Despite the awkward conversation I was starting to feel calmer and my tremors had finally stopped. In the daylight, I could try and force myself to believe that my nightmare was just that – a nightmare. It had never happened. After all, I'd had a lot of practice.

"Thank you George." I tilted my head to the side to look at him and I saw him furrow his brow in confusion. "For staying with me. I – I don't like that I had to ask but it helped. You staying. I – I needed you to."

I winced as the words left me but I wouldn't take them back; they were true. A crooked smile appeared on George's face.

"I don't like that you had a nightmare so bad you had to ask. But I'm glad I could help."

Merlin, I was still so embarrassed. We still hardly knew each other and I'd had to get him to help me like this. I mean when I thought back on it he'd now seen me throw up, pass out drunk and now be hysterical after a nightmare. He must think he's landed an absolute nut job. Realising he was still looking at me I managed a stiff nod before I shifted uncomfortably.

"Um I think I'm going to go shower before breakfast. That okay?"

"Yeah of course."

He didn't move out of the way though and I frowned slightly. I needed him to move so I could get out of the bed. After a couple seconds pause I moved to edge down to the far end of the bed so I could get out of it without clambering over him.

I turned back to him as I got to the door, I wasn't even sure what I was going to say when my eyes caught on the window which was slightly open. Of course I'd opened it last night when I'd woken up too hot right after I'd…

My thoughts stuttered.

Shit, I'd opened it right after I'd taken off my pyjama top hadn't I? I glanced down at myself in confusion. But I was wearing my pyjama top. Had I dreamt that part? But then how was the window open? Oh God, had I been topless when George woke me? I flushed.

Please, please, please no.

"You alright Non?"

I started at his voice.

"Oh I'm fine. Completely fine. Just a random thought."

I gave a nervous chuckle as I quickly exited the room. I couldn't possibly have been topless. I'd have realised that surely. Besides it didn't explain how I was wearing my pyjama top now anyway. I felt a bit reassured now and hurried to the bathroom. No point tormenting myself when it hadn't happened.

I got showered and dressed as quickly as I could before I hesitantly made my way to the kitchen where Mrs Weasley I swear was just waiting to pounce on me. I ate the biggest breakfast I think I'd ever had as she fretted over the state of my voice and insisted on my drinking a concoction of hot water, honey and lemon. She seemed to think I'd picked up a sore throat from Azkaban. I knew the drink would have no effect on the sound of my voice but I dutifully drank it anyway. She was just trying to force a second round of bacon on my when George made his appearance, his hair still damp from his shower and stood up on end, an effect of attempting to towel dry it I imagined.

He quickly ate his own breakfast before suggesting we make our way down to the village. Our walk there was a bit awkward, I was still feeling very embarrassed about my nightmare and reaction but George seemed more than happy to carry most of the conversation, telling me story after story of mainly his and Fred's escapades into the village as they were growing up.

"Wait hold on, you mean you guys didn't go to school before Hogwarts?"

We had spent an hour or so wondering around the village, which was a sleepy place with a tiny village shop and a lovely tea room, and were just starting to loop back to head on back to The Burrow.

"No Mum taught all of us to read and write and stuff at home. I mean that's what most magical families do."

I paused at that. I hadn't realised that at all. I guess with my dad being a muggle born wizard and my mam a muggle there were moments sometimes when I realised that I still had a lot to learn about the magical world. I scuffed my feet a bit as we walked along.

"I didn't know that," I finally admitted, "I figured all kids went to a school before Hogwarts. That's what seemed to happen to most in Hufflepuff. I went to the local muggle school myself."

"Oh yeah, what was that like?"

"It was fun. It was nice to be around other kids. Where I grew up our house was really remote and I couldn't invite muggle friends back because of the dragons so school was a chance to have people to play with."

"Dragons? What do you mean dragons?"

I shot George a confused frown. Surely I'd already told him I lived near the reserve, hadn't I?

"Oh I grew up by Ynys Hir Dragon Reserve. I mean I still live by there. Not in the same house though, a different one but it's still on the border of it."

I realised I was starting to babble a bit so quickly shut up.

"Oh so that's what you and Charlie were speaking about when he was visiting?"

"Yeah that's right."

And Gruffudd. But I wasn't going to mention him.

George nodded his understanding before coming to a stop, as he gazed around him and a grin appeared on his face.

"Here, follow me, we'll take the scenic route back."

His grabbed my arm just above my elbow as he pulled me behind him to stop off the road and on to a near invisible track and he shot a smile at me over his shoulder.

"If I'd known you grew up around ruddy dragons I'd never have taken you on the boring way into the village. This way back is much more fun!"

I cast a slightly alarmed look at him but he'd already turned to face forward again so he missed it. After a while the track widened slightly and George finally let go of my arm as I followed him. I mean I had to admit, the way back was more interesting. It just meant climbing over numerous fences and through hedges and jumping over streams and doing our very best to avoid a bog. I loved it. We had just finished scrambling down a steepish ravine where there was a larger stream, not quite a river, at its base. I eyed up the distance before jumping over and starting to climb back up the other side when I realised George wasn't following. I paused to look back at him. He was standing back by the stream and staring down at his hand.

"Hey George, you alright?"

I was feeling much more comfortable around him now which I was happy about, not perfectly at ease but my awkwardness had at least lessened. He glanced up at me as though startled from his thoughts as he ran his hand through his hair before he shrugged slightly.

"Yeah, just a random thought. Anyway, race you to the top?"

He'd walked until he was level with me as he was speaking but as soon as he finished his question he had immediately started to clamber up the hill. I let out a slightly indignant squawk before I raced after him and despite the fact I knew this whole race was childish I couldn't help my huff of annoyance as he beat me to the top.

"It's just because your legs are longer."

I muttered it grumpily to myself but he must have heard as he reached out to tweak the end of my hair.

"Now now Non, don't be a sore loser."

I stuck my tongue out at him because I was mature like that. George laughed before gesturing to a large tree that was off to one side.

"Here climb this with me. We used to come here all the time to hide out when Mum was angry with us."

Going by George's family stories from the day I knew by this point that whenever he said we he meant him and Fred.

"When you say angry do you mean whenever yours and Fred's mischief had gone too far?"

George shot me an angelic smile.

"I don't know what you mean."

Merlin, he must have been impossible to tell off as a child and I snorted a half laugh at his response. It didn't take us long to climb the tree. It was a perfect one for climbing really, with branches at all the right places although I imagined for young kids it would have been a struggle. About half way up the branches were thick enough and split off in such a way from the tree that they made perfect seats; one branch to sit on as another branch supported your back.

"I come here to think when I need to."

I smiled at George's words as I glanced out at the view. You could see right across the countryside. Most of it was flat around here but there were hidden dips, like the small ravine we'd just clambered through, and I liked seeing it all spread out in front of us a bit like a picnic blanket but full of bumps and hidden pockets. It was nice.

"You like it?"

I glanced at George and smiled.

"Yeah it's nice here. It's peaceful."

He hummed in agreement. We sat in silence for a while and for a change it wasn't awkward and I was content to just sit there and not think. It was rare I got a moment like that and even weirder that I could manage it even with George next to me. For once my anxiety wasn't in control.

"Hey Non do – do you mind if I ask you something? About your nightmare?"

I tensed immediately. So much for peace.

"What did you want to know?"

"It's just you screamed, only a bit," I must have pulled a face because George almost tripped over his words as he rushed on, "But it sounded like you hurt and then when I couldn't wake you I was worried. Do you remember any of it?"

"Only a bit."

"You're lying."

I paused. He hadn't phrased that as a question and I turned my head to look at him. His jaw was clenched though I couldn't tell if he was angry or not.

"I am." I mean, I couldn't deny it not when he was calling it out so blatantly. "There's some things you just don't need to know George."

"Don't you ever talk about them?"

"Not if I can help it. I mean, do you like talking about yours?"

"No one ever asks about mine."

I paused and I felt myself frowning. I felt oddly wrong footed even though I was sitting.

"Do you want me to ask about yours?"

My question was slow, ponderous and I couldn't read his face at all.

"Only if you want to, Non."

His voice was so quiet that I had to strain to hear him. I didn't say anything else though. I didn't know him well enough and it was like I'd thought earlier, if he told me about his I'd feel obliged to tell him about mine and that was a whole conversation that I never wanted to happen. We both settled back into silence again, a bit more strained this time and I gazed unseeingly out in front of me. I wasn't even really sure what I was thinking when a faint buzzing reached my ears and I glanced nervously around. What if there was a wasps nest in the tree? Instead I spotted a doxy flying right towards my face and I jerked back so suddenly I nearly unseated myself from the tree.

George was chortling by me as he used his wand to direct the Doxy until with one final swish it settled into his hand and he held it out towards me. As I righted myself in my seat I shuffled over to get a closer look and saw that it was not in fact a real Doxy but a toy but it was remarkably life like.

"Wow George, this one of your new inventions?"

"Yeah, kids seem to love things like this. Plus it's handy to scare people."

"You don't say…" I trailed off as I shot him a half-hearted glare but he just laughed at me.

"C'mon Non Non, lets head back home, I reckon it's about time for lunch."

I rolled my eyes slightly but I let a smile cross my face as he clambered down the tree below me and I quickly moved to follow.

Lunch was much the same as breakfast with Mrs Weasley trying to force seconds and even thirds on me but it was still nice even if I did have to clamp down on a surge of jealousy as George was talking through one of his latest inventions with Mr Weasley. Aside from Beckett, I couldn't recall a time since school that I'd really had an adult to talk things through with and Beckett hardly counted.

Non, you are an adult now.

I had to suppress a scowl at my own thought. Sometimes I really didn't feel like it, I felt more like I was just guessing my way through everything. And by adult really I suppose I meant someone who was my parents age. My peers didn't exactly count either.

Thinking of my parents then reminded me again of what I needed to do today and I wondered just how I was going to announce that I needed to make a move. Just how long of today did George want me to spend with him? I tried to give him a surreptitious glance from the corner of my eye but he was still deep in discussion with his father.

"So Non when are you next in work?"

I froze in my unsuccessful stealth staring and swivelled my eyes forward to see Mrs Weasley had sat in the chair opposite me, mug of tea in hand as she pushed another steaming cup toward me and I could see the dishes from lunch busy washing themselves in the background. I gratefully accepted the cup and shifted slightly in my seat, a bit uncomfortable that her bright and beady gaze was directed straight at me.

"Not until Tuesday Molly, we always get a couple of days off after we've been guarding at Azkaban thankfully."

I don't think I would ever feel natural calling her Molly. It was just weird. Her face pinched slightly at the mention of the prison and her lips pressed tightly together for a moment before an almost forced smile appeared on her face.

"Well that's good dear, what are you planning to do with your time off?"

I thought for a moment how best to answer. Probably best not to say I was going to visit my parents graves as that seemed a bit too morbid to share, and besides I liked keeping that part of my life private. I needed to write up my report from Azkaban too and check in to see if Morris had sent in his report on the fish yet. I'd almost forgotten about that due to my nightmare but the slightly unsettled feeling that there was something obvious about the fish that I was missing had started up again and I couldn't ignore it. Almost too late I realised that Mrs Weasley was still waiting for an answer.

"Oh um, just gardening and house things I suppose. I need to get everything sorted before my next shift rota starts."

"You like gardening?"

My eyes darted to the side at George's voice to see that both he and Mr Weasley were now paying attention to me and I had to fight against squirming under the full attention of everyone.

"Uh yeah. I've got like a muggle section to work over and then I keep all the magical plants in my greenhouse."

I got a small smile in response but it was oddly passive and in fact really he was wearing a very closed off expression and I inwardly cringed. There's me, Non Llewellyn and at twenty one years old the only thing I can say I like doing on my day off is bloody gardening. He must think I'm boring as hell.

"Will you not be practicing any of your music Non?"

Mr Weasley's cheerful face smiled at me from the end of the table and I again fought against squirming in my seat as I recalled me technically not a lie to Aunt Muriel.

"Oh…maybe. I've not practiced in a while so perhaps I will."

And by in a while I mean years but he didn't need to know that. George shifted in his seat beside me and I risked a quick glance to see a very faint frown on his face and I had the absurd urge to change my answer. Shit, did he know I wasn't telling the truth? He had known when I lied earlier.

"Damn I've just remembered I need to go and pick something up for Fred."

George was still frowning even as he sent a lopsided apologetic smile my way and I had to suppress a frown of my own. Was he just saying that because he wanted to go, wanted me to go too because he was annoyed with me? Or did he genuinely have something to do?

"Sorry Non, I'm going to have to head off early, you don't mind?"

Why on earth was he asking me? I was the one taking advantage of his and his parents hospitality.

"No don't be daft. I mean I've loads of interesting things to do. You know, like laundry."

I pulled an exaggerated face as I said it hoping to make it clear that I was joking and I felt a surge of relief when he smiled.

"Right okay then, I'll walk you out as I leave. Thanks for the food Mum." He'd stood as he was talking and gave Mrs Weasley a one armed squeeze of farewell, "Bye Dad."

Mr Weasley waved the both of us goodbye while Mrs Weasley fussed over what food George could take with him and I wasn't quick enough to avoid being smothered in a hug before she forced a bottle of some honey concoction at me.

"For your voice dear, I mean honestly you really should have let me give you some Pepper Up potion."

I waved away her concerns but thanked her as sincerely as I could for her gift before another round of goodbye's were said and George led me out the front door. There was a beat of silence as we made our way down the Weasley drive.

"So, when is the last time you practiced your music?"

Ah shit. He'd known I was lying. I bit my lip before casting him a nervous look.

"Honestly? I can't really remember. It's been years though."

"How come?"

We'd come to a stop at the usual point where I tended to apparate away from.

"I just don't enjoy it anymore."

It was as truthful an answer I was prepared to give. In reality I didn't play because it reminded me too much of my mam. It reminded me of a time when I had loved it, especially the piano, but the Non of that time didn't really exist anymore. Or certainly that's how I felt. It was like an emotional punch to the chest just reminding me of a time that was so much better than things were now, and an acknowledgement that I could never go back to when things were good. When things were right. It just upset me to play any of the instruments that I could so I'd stopped.

"Do you still sing?"

I startled badly at his question as he snapped me out of my thoughts and he frowned at my reaction.

"I mean, you were in the choir at school right?"

I gaped at him scandalised before I cast a panicked look around with the absurd notion that someone could overhear us.

"Who told you that?!"

His eyebrows shot up.

"You don't like people knowing you were in the choir?"

No of course I didn't! Merlin it was one of the un-coolest clubs to have been a part of it wasn't exactly something to brag about. Besides choir in school had been…intense. The inter house rivalries especially between Slytherin and Ravenclaw had often landed students in the hospital wing. Most people who were part of the choir tended to be given a wide berth. Okay, maybe I was overreacting but really, I had been so obsessed with it in school I just felt rather embarrassed about it all now. When I should have been prepping for the war instead Chloe and I and our other best friend Anna had all been doing everything we could to prevent that awful Umbridge cowbag from shutting us down. Talk about getting my priorities wrong.

I realised George was still waiting for an answer.

"Well it's just that I'm pretty sure that knowledge has cancelled out all the cool points I get for being an auror."

I half grumbled that to myself and he chortled at me and I unsuccessfully tried to hide a scowl.

"Seriously though, who told you?"

"Oh I never reveal my sources."

My eyes narrowed and he out right smirked at me.

"We'll see."

A spark of challenge seemed to leap into George's eyes as he took a step closer to me.

"Going to try and get me to confess?"

"Oh no, nothing so easy as that."

I waved a hand dismissively and it was my turn to smirk as his eyes narrowed.

"Process of elimination George. And I've already narrowed it down to a top five."

"If you guess it right I'll give you a prize."

"Will I like said prize?"

I'd heard too many stories from Ginny and Ron not to be suspicious, a fact that was solidified as a slightly wicked grin split across his face.

"Maybe."

I just shook my head at him with a half-smile.

"Don't you have somewhere to be?"

He nodded in agreement but still didn't move from where he was stood in front of me and I shifted awkwardly, especially when he leaned in slightly.

"This is the part where friends hug goodbye."

His half whisper was followed up by a wink and I tried to hide my embarrassment with an eye roll but I felt slightly flushed and his widening grin said that he'd noticed.

"Oh, right."

I hesitated. I didn't really do hugging except with Luna and Hermione and I didn't think the Mrs Weasley ones counted.

"You know I'm not really a hugger."

I shifted from foot to foot as I gazed at him apprehensively. I mean how was I supposed to hug him anyway? Arms around the waist or around the shoulders?

"I am."

A slight shrug of his shoulders was all the warning I had before he enveloped me in a bear hug and I could feel his laughter at the involuntary squeak of surprise that issued from me. I brought my arms up hesitantly. Around the waist it was. He granted me one extra squeeze before he let me go and stepped back.

"Bye Non."

And before I could blink he had apparated away with a crack. I stood still for a few moments before I shook myself, drew my wand and apparated home myself.

Although this time I went to my home home. The home where I had grown up. I glanced briefly at the house. From one side it looked completely undamaged but as I walked through the overgrown vegetation that was slowly taking over the building and headed towards where the back garden used to be the damage became apparent.

A huge chunk of the rear wall was missing as was a gaping part of the back of the roof. A lot of our family items had been lost. Not just in the blast that had caused the damage itself but afterwards when the elements and weather had set in. I'd been gone so long after my parents had died that I hadn't been able to salvage a lot. If it hadn't been for Mr Jones from Ynys Hir I would have lost even more of the items than I had.

My mind was jumping from thought to thought as the door in my mind that led to my parents creaked open and memory after memory bombarded me. I didn't really like coming back here. Whilst I had a whole lifetime of happy memories from this place, so happy that it hurt to recall them, it was also the scene of my parents deaths and who the hell wanted to return to a place like that? But it's where Mr Jones had put my parents' grave, so here it was I came.

It was placed down at the foot of the garden and I pushed my way through the long grass which even by this time in the early afternoon some patches were still wet with dew and I could feel it seeping in to my trousers.

When I reached the bottom of the garden I was pleased to see that my charms to keep this section permanently maintained was still working. The gravestone was still clear, still showing in its bold print their names 'Geraint and Mali Llewellyn'. I swallowed thickly as I read it before I sank slowly to the ground to sit.

I must have sat there for hours. Hundreds of thoughts passed through my mind and sometimes no thoughts at all as I gazed unseeing at the stone. I cried, but only silently, the steady trickle of tears as opposed to the raking sobs of grief for which I was grateful. The dull pain I seemed to always feel at their absence became sharper, stronger and the sheer feeling of missing them was nearly overwhelming me. And underneath it all was a current that felt slightly like panic, that building sensation of fear like when you are small and have gone shopping with your parents only to lose them in the crowd. To start with you are fine but as the seconds and then minutes tick by and you cannot find them the horrible mantra of I'm lost starts to play over and over in your head. I tried to force that feeling back down but sometimes I thought it felt like it never truly left me. My parents had been the bedrock of my life, my building blocks, my steadying hand. Without them I'd spiralled into a free fall and even now when I knew I'd worked so hard to carve myself out some footholds sometimes I had the horrible sensation it would take just one sudden strong gust of wind to send me spiralling again. I was like a house of cards just ready to fall.

I wiped the tears off my face tiredly as I shook my head at myself. I'd been sat here too long. I was getting too morbid. I climbed slowly to my feet and saw with some confusion that dusk was falling. I really had been here too long.

I cast one last lingering glance towards the grave before I drew my wand slowly through the air and set the bouquet of daffodils in front of the stone. A Welsh cliché perhaps but we loved that flower for a reason. I turned my back on them and walked away.

My Monday was swallowed up by house chores and passed far too quickly for my liking, although I was pleased my short list of five blabber mouths to George had been narrowed down to three, and before I knew it I was trudging back into the aurors office to see a glum looking Harry stood by his desk.

"What's up Harry?"

He started slightly before he let out a tired sigh but he smiled his thanks as I brought a mug of tea over to him and he gestured unhappily at the memo in his hand before passing it to me and I grimaced.

"One on one meetings with Beckett? That doesn't sound good."

That was in fact highly unusual. I mean I'd had my fair share the last year or so but that's because I hadn't been well and there's been legitimate reasons. Usually when Beckett wanted to talk, or well bellow at us, he did it in groups. I figured it was just to save his voice.

"No and that's not all. We still haven't had our new recruits. Not the ones to train this year nor the ones that should have passed their training last year."

Weirder and weirder. Also just plain wrong. We were short staffed for Helga's sake, we needed them.

"Llewellyn!"

I was actually quite proud of myself that I didn't spill me tea this time and I turned slowly to see Beckett's glowering face looking out around his office door.

"Get in here."

I had to hide a scowl as I shared a look of misery with Harry before I trudged towards Beckett's office but not before hastily making him a mug of coffee. Wouldn't hurt to take a peace offering it seemed given the mood he seemed to be in. I hesitantly stepped around the door.

"Sit."

I sat. And then I waited. Beckett was scowling at the piece of parchment in front of him but it was too far away for me to be able to sneak a glance at what was written. As though guessing my thoughts his gaze snapped to my face and I stilled. There was something about his accusing glare that always made me feel guilty. After a long moment he let out a sigh.

"Relax Llwewllyn you aren't in trouble."

I let my shoulders relax slightly but I couldn't help but think he had tactfully left off a 'this time' at the end of his words.

"What's going on Beckett?"

A half smile half grimace crossed his face as he leant back and assessed me further.

"You tell me. I've read your report from Azkaban."

I sat to attention at that.

"Has Morris' report come through?"

"It has. Although I have to warn you not many take him seriously given his injuries."

"But you do?"

I gazed at him intently. It was important to know whether Beckett thought the words of Clive Morris had worth otherwise it would be pointless for me wasting time getting copy reports from him that would in effect be useless.

"I do. And I'll give you the report later after I've read through it. What I want to know is this; what do you think is going on?"

I thought quickly trying to gather my thoughts.

"I've only got the beginnings of an idea. I just know that there is experimental magic going on and that it seems to be utilising a huge source of power or energy and that it's dangerous. All of the experimental sites are coastal. I have no idea why one has appeared on Azkaban but it's a concern."

I hesitated.

"Go on."

"We've got a new criminal gang headed by a wizard in a mask that's smuggling illegal goods into the markets at an alarming rate."

I bit my lip.

"And?"

"We keep getting maintenance problems with some of the shields and wards at Azkaban."

"And?"

I frowned

"It's just that none of them make sense. We have unexplained magic that's powerful enough to murder, shields failing that never should and a criminal gang that has extreme access to the markets that really seems to imply they are having inside help…"

I trailed off as the words left my mouth but I didn't want to take them back. Despite all of the notices we'd put out against the illegal contraband more and more of it was making it out to the magical populace. They had to be getting help from somewhere. I didn't think it would be from the auror department, our checks were too thorough, but that didn't mean that there wasn't someone in the Ministry capable of lending a helping hand to crime. I frowned again.

"Well here's my task for you Llewellyn; make it make sense."

I gaped at him.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. You have shown an intense dislike for things that don't conform to how you believe they should work. These things don't make sense? Find out why. Work it out. Come back to me with the answers."

I was dumbfounded.

"What, just me?"

He narrowed his eyes in annoyance.

"Yes."

How on earth was I supposed to do that? Investigate three things where we were at dead ends currently with all of them anyway?

"But what about the new recruits? And the new graduates to join our team? I thought this time of year was dedicated to them."

"Oh and you think crimes and criminals happily stop to allow us that opportunity do you?"

I flushed slightly at his scathing tone and shook my head. I bloody knew that, I should have thought more carefully before speaking.

"We have no new recruits this year Llewellyn. Stent and Proctor have allocated the graduates to their teams. Do you understand?"

I stilled in my seat as I searched his face. No new recruits? That was disastrous given the shortage of staff we currently had. But I mean why were we so short staffed? I filed that away as another question I needed answering. My mind switched then to think on Stent and Proctor. They were the two other senior aurors who combined with Beckett made a joint head of department. Stent was in charge of those that protected ministry officials and Proctor ran the Azkaban section. I knew Azkaban had been short staffed lately too but I couldn't see any reason at all why more aurors were needed to protect Ministry officials. In my view hardly any of them needed protection in the first place.

I thought again over Beckett's words. Stent and Proctor had done the allocating. Which meant that Beckett had been voted down. Which was ridiculous. The investigations department was the most important, or well jointly with the Azkaban team, and it was absurd we weren't getting the new graduates. There was politics at play here.

"I understand."

I could see the tension ease from Beckett's shoulders and a smile attempted to fight its way over his scarred face.

"You have a role to play Llewellyn. Stent and Proctor will be more…visible from now on. Don't let them know how good you are."

I clenched my jaw in annoyance even as I felt a small thrill of pride that he thought I was good.

"You want me to play the fool?"

"A lot of people are prejudiced Llewellyn."

I stilled completely and narrowed my eyes as my thoughts raced. I opened my mouth again a couple of times but there was a warning in Beckett's gaze not to question – not to argue and I managed to hold my protestations back and nodded my head stiffly. I knew what he meant.

I involuntarily recalled Aunt Muriel's attitude to Wales and the Welsh and I had to fight against grinding my teeth. There were unfortunately other English people that shared her view and I guessed Stent and Proctor were some of them. Most English people were lovely but some…let's just say it was an attitude I'd encountered at the Ministry before. The other prejudice I guessed would be my gender. I was female. I was petite. I was softly spoken. I was the opposite of everything that an auror was thought of as being. There were still many that seemed to want it to be an all wizards club. Merlin this was going to hurt. It was going to go against everything I stood for and Beckett knew it.

"That'll be all Llewellyn. You know what you've got to do. Send Potter in will you?"

And just like that I was dismissed. I rose slowly and cast him one last look.

"Don't even think about arguing."

I bristled.

"I wasn't going to argue. I just wanted to clarify some things…"

I trailed off at the ugly look that crossed my superiors face and I quickly ducked out the room. I decided it was best to ignore the thunk of whatever projectile he'd thrown at me as it hit the back of the hastily shut door.

"He wants to see you Harry."

I ignored his curious glance as I settled at my desk and rand slightly trembling hands through my hair. I knew some weird things had been brewing but this was something else. No trainees, no new recruits, three mysteries to solve and Merlin save us office politics thrown in. And that was without the problem of the ever elusive Rabastan Lestrange who was still at large. My eyes automatically sought out his name on the notice board before quickly looking away.

And all of this with bugger all staff to work with.

I frowned. Well first things first, let's work out just why that is. I unrolled a fresh sheet of parchment, and I got to work.

A/N: Hello lovely readers.

As ever thank you so much to those that have taken the time to review – I have replied via PM where I could. Your words mean so much, seriously thank you.

I hope you all enjoyed this instalment I'd love to know what you think.

Diolch/Thanks,

Yav