"Benjamin Anthony for a boy," Peter said, smiling as he drove along the farm-surrounded highway under the cloak of night.
"And for a girl?" I asked, smiling. The change in conversation had been his idea. He knew talking about the baby would take my mind off of our shared troubles, at least temporarily.
"May Hope."
I smiled a little, then I felt myself get sad again.
"Do you ever wish that your uncle could be here to see you as a father? That your parents or my dad could?"
Peter sighed. "All the time."
I looked at him. "What do you do?"
"I just hope that they're looking down at me from a better place. And I hope that they'd be proud of me and of who I've become."
I stared straight ahead, tears stinging my eyes.
"What about you?" he asked quietly.
"I don't know," I whispered softly, not sure how to say all that I was feeling.
"When you think about him, what do you feel?" he asked, turning a little as he said it.
I sighed deeply, tears pricking my eyes again. "I feel angry, and sad, and maybe a little resentful."
"Why do you suppose you feel that way?" he asked gently.
I turned to face him a little. "I think because he left me. I know he died to save the universe, but I just can't help but feel betrayed. Does that make me awful?" I asked, tears flowing freely.
Peter pulled the car over and turned to face me.
"It doesn't make you awful, Morguna. It makes you human. You want your dad in your life. I get it. It's difficult to not want that, especially with how close you guys were. I know I felt that way when my Uncle Ben died. But you have to forgive him."
"Forgive him?" I asked, leaning forward.
"I know you feel betrayed. I felt betrayed and angry after Ben died. It made me mad. But that didn't get me anywhere."
"How did he die?"
Peter sighed, and looked out the front window.
"We were walking home from the corner store and there was a burglar who had just robbed a nearby grocery store. A lady got in his way and Ben stepped in front of her so the burglar wouldn't shoot her. He shot Ben instead."
I gasped a little.
Peter nodded. "I know he died a hero. He saved someone's life. But I can't help but think sometimes that he left me and feel betrayed because of it."
"How did you forgive him?"
Peter sighed again. "It wasn't easy. I tried and failed many times, but eventually I did it. I just made a conscious decision to make my peace with him. I told him I loved him and that I understood why he did it. And now whenever I find myself getting mad, I just remember that I made my peace with him and I find that instead of being mad, I begin to celebrate the time we had together instead of mourning all the time we lost."
I nodded, deep in thought. My mind didn't even register that Peter started driving again. He had given me a lot to think about.