TDW A/n: Still no home wifi yet so will catch up on pm's/comments/replies when I'm connected. Else I'd never leave this coffee shop.
Notes: This one's all me, with my lovely idiots being idiots. Lots of tangle because aint no life but the krakenlife and this is the heirverse.
The Game tangle should be obvious, the CF mirrors are sly. Mad props if you get the references to the monstrosity currently being completely re-done from ch1 again as of today [06 may 2018]. But if you catch the alludes to developments hinted at in Lie/I Love: Shhh. Its meant to be this way :)
enjoy.
Chapter 5: Honesty
Sousuke found himself humming a happy tune as he walked home that evening, very pleased with the plans for tomorrow night. Now all there was left to do was convince Gin to go. Not that Gin would need much convincing; Gin seemed to run along with whatever plans he had and whatever he was enthused about at the time. And this would be no different. It didn't strike him that Gin might be doing so just because it made him happy – but that fact wasn't lost on Kyouka Suigetsu. A fact she liked to remind him of. Constantly. So when he asked her, for the fifth time that evening, if she thought Gin would like the idea of a double date, she just sighed heavily in agitation.
For the last time, Sousuke. Yes! She snapped at him. If it makes you happy he'll do whatever you suggest. If you haven't got that into your thick skull by now that man is in love with you, then gods you really are stupid.
He kept a deadpan expression as he walked home and sighed softly. Point made. He answered. No need to shout. I just wanted to make sure.
She blew air out of her nose and huffed. Honestly. You're like a nervous teenager trying to impress him. Talk about a schoolboy crush...
Sousuke frowned, not at all impressed. We've been together for nearly half a century. He said. But he was unable to refute her words. Well, of course he'd want to impress Gin. The younger man intrigued him, beguiled him, made his life... better just by being in it. Gin made him... happy. And dammit, he wanted to keep hold of Gin. Now, if he could just find a way to bind Gin to him, connect their souls together until they died, or even until after that... then he'd be set. He let his mind wander a little, and spied some saffron flowers in his neighbours garden, and smiled. Ah, now there was an idea...
Ha! Kyouka smirked. And you say you don't believe in ma-
Yes, alright, Kyouka, he chided. You can kindly shut your trap now. Unless you wish to ruin a romantic moment?
Kyouka hushed immediately and he smirked. I thought so.
And with that he walked up the path to his front door. Ready to surprise Gin with his suggestions.
. . .
Gin was cooking dinner when he heard the front door open and shut. Well, he was cooking himself dinner. That lying, cheating scumbag could fend for himself. Boy, when that fool got in here he was going to give him a piece of his mind. And then tear him a new arsehole. Seriously, Renji? He thought, shaking his head. Really? Of all the people in the world he chooses Renji to replace me?
Gin frowned. He could understand if Sousuke wanted someone better. Because well, he wasn't all that fascinating. He could even understand if Sousuke wanted a woman instead. Because who knew, he might want children one day the way he himself did.
But a Rukon Dog like Renji? Gin shook his head, trying to ignore how much it stung.
You do know there's probably a reasonable explanation for this. Shinsou told him. But Gin wasn't listening. How could he, when he was still feeling the sting of betrayal?
Because if Sousuke did want someone else, he should at least man the fuck up and end their relationship instead of sneaking around behind his back. There was no fucking excuse for that. None.
"Gin!" he heard Sousuke calling him, "I'm home."
Gin took a deep breath. Set down the knife in his hand beside the chopped vegetables. He felt the man approach him before he heard him, felt those arms around him.
"What's for dinner?"
Gin frowned, trying to resist the wonderful chessplayer behind him. His lovely magician. It was hard, but he shrugged himself out of the embrace.
"Is something wrong?" Sousuke asked him, confused.
"Don' play dumb wit' me." Gin hissed, "I know ya've been sleepin' round behind me back! Didya think I wouldn' find out?!"
Sousuke blinked, apparently for once at a loss for words. Good. He should be.
. . .
Sousuke was confused. Sleeping around? Where had Gin gotten that idea from? He certainly hadn't done anything of the sort. Okay, he knew in his past he hadn't been the most monogamous man, but... since Gin had come into his life he hadn't even touched another person. Hadn't even looked at anyone else besides Gin. Gin was it for him. Everyone else could jump of a cliff for all he cared. Only Gin mattered.
Why couldn't his lovely Gin see that?
Where was all this hostility coming from? Unless word had gotten about he was meeting with Renji and...
A lightbulb clicked on in his head. Yes. That must be it.
"Gin," he said softly, holding his hands up in a non-threatening gesture. "I can explain."
. . .
"I haven't been sleeping with anyone else besides you." Sousuke told him.
Gin just scowled at him, teeth gnashing as he spewed his vitriol.
"Oh, great. A liar and a whore. Perfect. I sure can pick em, huh?"
Sousuke looked even more confused, and hurt. "Gin," he began again, "Why don't you tell me what you know. So I can explain."
Gin leant back against the counter, crossing his arms defensively. "Dunno what's to explain." he muttered. "Yer a fuckin' whore and a liar. An' yer cheatin' on me with Renji."
Gin scowled at him and he uncrossed his arms. Fuelled now by indignant rage. "I mean-" he laughed, somewhat hysterically, "-Renji, seriously? Renji-fuckin'-Abarai? Tha's who ya replace me wit'? Don' ya fuckin' lie ta me either cuz I saw ya. In that bar."
"Gin-"
"How could you?!" Gin snapped. "I trusted you! And you... you..."
The words caught in Gin's throat as he fought the sobs. No. No, Gin, don' ya start cryin'. Yer s'pposed t'be angry, remember? Spewin' vitriol!
He took a deep breath to recompose himself, deciding to give his lover a chance to speak. Because he certainly couldn't trust himself or his own voice enough to continue without cracking up and going to pieces.
He kept his gaze on his lover's face, noting the mixture of sympathy and distress etched into his expression.
No. No please... don't give me that look that says it hurts ya when I cry. I'm struggling to keep meself t'gether as it is...
"Gin," Sousuke said gently. And the hurt expression stung.
"Fuck you!" Gin spouted. Because his anger was easier to manage than his hurt.
"Gin let me explain."
Gin took in another deep, long breath and dragged his eyes up to Sousuke's. "Explain then. Cuz I really wanna hear yer story fer this."
"Alright," Sousuke said softly. And though Gin was taken back by the sudden obedience, he stood his ground and waited for his explanation. Frowning and crossing his arms.
"Well, go on then."
He watched Sousuke sigh, as if debating whether to speak honestly. "I went to see Renji." Sousuke admitted. Gin's frown deepened.
"I know that. Bu' why?"
"To catch up with him. And to ask his advice."
Gin's temper flared at this. But he kept it in check. "You? Ask fer advice?" he said, incredulous. "You don' even ask me fer advice."
He watched Sousuke nod at this comment, looking somewhat disappointed by this. "I know. And I know it's part of why we haven't been as close as you would like. Why you still don't wholly trust me."
Gin opened his mouth to refute the words. I trust you! He wanted to argue. But the words just wouldn't come. Besides, Sousuke spoke the truth. Anyone who trusted their partner fully didn't go sneaking around to bars to spy on them. So Gin closed his mouth again, silent.
"That's why I wanted his advice." Sousuke continued. "I want you to trust me. And he seems to have that level of trust with Byakuya, so I figured he'd be the best person to ask for ways to facilitate that trust between us."
Gin watched him quietly, somewhat stunned by all of this. By Sousuke wanting, attempting to be better for him. If it was true, then he felt like the biggest idiot. If it were true. He heard his lover sigh softly and step closer to him, felt him take his hand gently.
"I want you to trust me, Gin." he said. And Gin thought he heard a faint echo of the desperation Aizen had expressed when he'd asked him to stay with him that day Gin helped him home after he got blind drunk. And then again when he begged Gin to stay with him in the hospital after he'd given himself a concussion.
Stay with me, he'd said. I want you to trust me, he was saying.
Why did they sound so similar?
Gin inhaled shakily and breathed out slowly in the hope that it would steady him.
"So..." he began. Pausing. Swallowing. "Yer no' sleepin' wit' Renji?" he asked. His voice betraying all of his uncertainty. He looked into the eyes of the man he loved, searching for answers, and saw only Sousuke's reassurance and tenderness towards him.
"Why would I sleep with Renji when I have you?" Sousuke answered him. "How could I sleep with Renji when I only want you?" he smiled. And suddenly Gin thought he might cry. Aizen Sousuke was a very reserved man when it came to his emotions. So for him to say something like this... well, he might as well have got down on one knee and said he wanted to be with him forever.
Gin choked back a sob, because no, he couldn't go crying. Not now. This was not how you reacted to a thing like this. "You... you really mean that?"
He watched Sousuke sigh softly, still smiling at him. "Of course I do," he said warmly. "Idiot."
And Gin looked into his eyes again and Sousuke lay a gentle hand on his cheek. "You are the moon of my life. The bright light in my dark world. I don't want anyone else."
Now Gin was truly in danger of crying. He feared that if he opened his mouth he might just fall apart, which would be the entirely wrong way to react. But he couldn't help it. He was just so touched, and happy to hear such honesty, such realness, that it threatened to leak from his eyes. And pretty soon his face began to hurt from smiling so much.
He instinctively pulled his lover into his arms, into his body, feeling the welcome warmth of those strong arms around him.
"And you're my sun." Gin whispered into his ear, arms around his lover's neck. Grateful Sousuke couldn't see his face. "An' 'm sorry I doubted you."