December
It took several seconds for Peggy to realize the ringing she was hearing was actually happening and not part of her dream. With a soft, annoyed moan the english woman pulled away from the warmth of her wife's body pressed up against her own to roll over and reach for the phone on her nightstand. She barked a horse and grumpy greeting into the receiver, and then snapped instantly away at the sound of Nick Fury's voice. Sitting up as carefully as she could so she wouldn't wake Angie, Peggy brushed her long chestnut brown streaked with a few strands of gray hair out of her face as she asked what was going on. She listened intently and with each word Fury spoke Peggy's heart broke and dropped heavy pieces into the pit of her stomach.
"Yes, good, thank you Nicholas." Peggy said, surprising herself with how steady her voice sounded. "Continue keeping it out of the public until I say so, no one is to know until I'm ready for them to know." She was trembling, she should feel it, her whole body quivered under her paling skin. "Yes, thank you Nicholas, I appreciate that. Goodbye."
Instead of returning the phone's receiver to its cradle Peggy simply lowered her arm, placing the black piece of curved plastic in her lap, and bringing her other hand up to hold it as if it were a lifeline. She simply could not process what she'd just been told.
English was on the tip of Angie's tongue as she turned to look over at her wife to see what was happening, but the sight of her love sitting stone still, shell shocked, and pale instantly had her saying, "Peggy?" As she sat up and turned to face the other woman. "Peggy, honey, what's wrong?"
Peggy isn't aware of Angie taking the phone from her hands and places it back on the nightstand, but she is aware of Angie's hands as they wrap around her own. It was the rush of warmth from her wife's touch that made Peggy finally blink and look at Angie. She tried to say something, to repeat what Nicholas had just informed her of, but she couldn't find the words. Her eyes burned painfully as they welled with tears and when she blinked she could feel them rolling down her pale cheeks.
"English, you're scaring me." Angie said firmly as she reached for her wife's face, using her thumbs to wipe away Peggy's tears. "Peggy, baby, what's happened?"
Something in Peggy's heart kicked at her brain when Angie said she was frightened and Peggy snapped out of it. "There's been an accident, a car accident." That was the easy part. "Howard." A sob bubbles up from Peggy's chest. "Howard." She chokes out his name in a strangled whisper, her heart breaking. Another brother is gone. "Howard and Maria, Angie, they're gone."
It's a sucker punch to Angie's gut that causes her to suck in air as one of her hands flew to her mouth to muffle her own sob of grief. Then she reaches out for her wife and pulls Peggy into her arms. Peggy clings to her and for a long time the two women just sit there wrapped around each other, letting their grief wash over them.
When Peggy feels a little stronger she says, "I need to call Edwin. We need to go to Boston. I need to go to Tony. I need to get to him before anyone else does."
It says a lot that Peggy doesn't pull out of her arms as she says this, and it makes Angie tightened her hold. Angie nods and kisses her wife's temple. "Do you want us to come with you?"
Peggy shakes her head. "No, I don't want to drag Nattie all the way to Boston and back. I'll bring Tony home. I need you to pack up some things while I'm gone so we can stay at the mansion for a few days."
Angie nods. "That's a good idea. He's going to need everyone who loves him, and we're going to need each other."
She really didn't want to tell Jarvis the news over the phone so Peggy called to make their flight arrangements and then got up and dressed with the intention of going to the mansion and telling him in person. While she waited on the cab that would take her to the train station, Peggy sat on the edge of her daughter's bed, taking what comfort she could from watching her little girl sleep. They would have to tell her, and that ground at the pieces of Peggy's shattered heart because Natasha adored Howard and Maria, and it hadn't been so very long since losing Michael. For a moment, Peggy actually felt as if she might be sick. Leaning forward she kissed her baby's temple, letting her lips linger for a few extra seconds before pulling back and brushing a gossamer touch over Natasha's hair before reaching out and petting Roise. "You watch over my little poppet." She tells the red and white spaniel in her daughter's bed. Rosie then proceeds to rest her head on Natasha's shoulder. "Good girl, Rosie."
After watching the cab with her wife drive off Angie heads back inside their home and starts to pack. They'll have to take the train to New York, preferably not one full of commuters, so Angie busies her mind with picking the right time to take the train as she packs. She wants to leave Natasha sleep as long as possible, to give her precious child just a few more moments in a world where she doesn't know her aunt and uncle are gone. A world that was already starting to feel too big and too empty without Howard Stark's presence in it.
There were certain things about Natasha Carter that no one needed to know. And one of those things, was that even at her age, she was nearly a teenager now, Natasha still liked to start her day off with a cuddle from one of her mothers. As she sleepily made her way downstairs with Rosie at her side, Natasha was surprised to see several suitcases, including her own, by the front door. Were they taking a trip? Oh! Maybe they were finally going to do Christmas in Disneyworld like she'd been asking for the last couple of years. Her Ma had always been set against it, what with Christmas being a religious holiday and all, but maybe!
Any pending excitement that might have bubbled up in Natasha went flat when she stepped into the kitchen. The room was quiet, it was never quiet in the morning. Her Ma always turned the radio on or her Mum had the small televelon on the counter turned on to the news, the coffee pot guggled, pans rattled, things sizzled, silverware dinged against plates, if the windows were open birds sang, and her mothers talked in soft voices so they wouldn't wake her clear upstairs in her bedroom. The only sound that greeted Natasha's ears now was a soft sniffle coming from her mother who was sitting alone at the kitchen table staring unseeingly into a cup of coffee.
Natasha could feel the start of the clawing tenison that always settled into her stomach when something wasn't right. "Mama?"
Angie looked up, startled to see Natasha standing there. She hadn't heard movement upstairs, or Natasha walked into the room, she hadn't even noticed the clack of the dog's nails which needed to be trimmed. Angie did her best to smile. "Good morning, angel, did you sleep ok?"
"Mama," Natasha repeated, staring at her mother as her concern grew. "What's wrong?"
"Come here, angel." Angie sighed softly as she pushed her chair back a bit to make room for Natasha to sit on her lap. Angie knew Natasha wasn't a little girl anymore, and that her preteen fussed at her when she asked for such childish things, but she just really needed to have her child in her arms right now.
Natasha's hand went to her stomach as she walked over to her mother and gently sat in her lap. "Where's Mum? What's wrong? Is Mummy ok?"
"Mummy's fine, angel." Angie reassured her as she wrapped her arms around her little girl. "She's gone up to Boston with Uncle Jarvis."
"Is Tony ok?" Panic colored Natasha's voice causing it to rise in pitch.
Angie sighed, closed her eyes, and pressed her forehead to the side of Natasha's head. She couldn't tell Natasha that Tony was ok because once he found out what happened, he wouldn't be. She needed to explain everything to her daughter, but it was killing her because she was about to cause her baby pain. Taking a breath Angie raised her head up and looked into Natasha's blue-green eyes. Angie loved the fact that their eyes were so close in color. "Natasha, sweetheart," Angie prayed for strength as she spoke. "Uncle Howard and Aunt Maria were in a really bad car accident last night." She brushed at Natasha's hair and then cupped her cheek. "Baby, they're gone, they died in the crash."
"No." Natasha said as she shook her head, her chest becoming tight, her eyes started to burn. "No, Mama, no." She tried to push out of her mother's arms, off her lap, but Angie had a firm hold on her. "No, no, Uncle Howard promised to take me and Aunt Maria to St. Petersburg this spring to see the ballet!" She could feel Angie tiring to tighten her hold, to pull her into a closer embrace, but Natasha fought it. "No Mama! No! Uncle Howard promise! He promised!" Finally the tears burst and her breath hitched. "Mama, he promised."
"I know baby." Angie said, her voice shaken and her own tears falling once more at the pain her child was in. "I know, angel, I'm so sorry baby."
Natasha finally let her mother pull her close and hold her tight as she cried into the curve of Angie's neck.
He hadn't wanted to spend another holiday season on display, trotted around and shown off like a prize bitch at a dog show. He'd just wanted a normal winter break, a weekend skiing, days and nights spent shopping for his loved ones, crappy claymation martons on Aunt Peggy's floor with hot chocolate and Aunt Angie's cookies and Natasha laying next to him in a mountain of pillows and blankets, Radio City Rockettes with Natasha and his Mom, and listening to her play Christmas carols on the piano. He wanted to walk to the cottage in bare feet and get scolded by Ana before watching her light that night's candle, and having dinner with her and Jarvis. He'd wanted to see the pride on Natasha's face as she showed Ana she'd been practicing her Hebrew, because Natasha was freaky good with languages. He wanted Aunt Peggy to work her magic and make his Dad relax and enjoy his family for just a few days.
But his dad had had other plans, one gala or dinner after another, board meetings, and business lessons, nothing at all to do with the holidays and their family, only the company. Tony had had enough, he'd hit his limit, and he'd told Howard to take his plans and fuck off. He'd stay at school and then go to Aunt Peggy's in D.C. and maybe still get to see his Mom and Ana and Jarvis, but he wasn't doing his dad's stupid company bullshit. Now he wouldn't get to do any of that, none of them would, the holidays were ruined, and it was Howard Stark's fault.
"Anthony?" Peggy said softly as she reached out and brushed at Tony's shaggy hair. Any other time she'd be fussing at him to get a haircut, and he'd laugh and tease her about being old fashioned, but he would eventually get it cut properly just for her. She really wished she could fuss at him right now about getting a haircut. "Sweetheart?"
"Was he drunk?" Tony asked. It was the first thing he'd said since his Aunt Peggy and Jarvis told him his parents were dead.
Peggy looked across the room at where Jarvis stood. The fact that that was Tony's first question made Peggy feel as if she'd failed not only him somehow, but Howard as well. The look Jarvis gave her was a stern but caring one that told her not to blame herself for any of this. Turning back to Tony she said, "We don't know yet, honey. We won't know all the details until we get the medical examiner's report."
"I need to know if he killed my Mom, Aunt Peggy." Tony said firmly as he finally looked up and into his godmother's eyes. "Whatever the truth is, please don't lie to me."
That sliced at Peggy's heart and she found herself unable to respond.
"Your godmother has only ever acted in your best interests and well being, young man." Jarvis says firmly. "Do not call into question her integrity regarding you, now."
It was rare for Jarvis to take a tone like that with him and it made Tony's eyes widen when he realized why. "Oh, Aunt Peggy, I'm sorry I didn't mean…"
"It's alright Anthony." Peggy reassured her boy as she put her arms around him and pulled him close. "I understood what you meant."
In his godmother's arms Tony couldn't ignore the floor of pain waiting to overtake him. "They're really gone, Aunt Peggy?"
"Yes my love they are." Peggy replied as she held him tighter. "I'm so sorry, baby."
Tony couldn't stop the tears as he curled into her. His Mom, his Dad, gone just like that.
Fresh tears welled in Peggy's dark eyes as she held her boy as tigherly and as close as she could. As those tears rolled down her cheeks she kissed the top of Tony's head and whispered. "I'm here, love. I'm right here baby. I got you."
Jarvis crossed the room and reached out to put his hand on Tony's shoulder, and then he ran his fingers through the boy's hair, while he took one of Peggy's hands in his and squeezed it. His own eyes were red, evidence that he'd cried at some point, but never in front of anyone but Ana. After a few moments he cleared his throat, let go of Peggy's hand, and moved away to start packing up Tony's things so they could take their boy home.
Peggy wasn't going to push Tony, she would let him go at his own pace, so she simply sat there holding him until he pulled back from her. Then she reached for her purse, took out her handkerchief, and started cleaning the tears from his blotchy red face. When she was finished she held his face in her hands and pulled him close to kiss his forehead. "Let's go home, my sweet boy. Aunt Angie and Nattie, and Ana, will be waiting for us at the mansion."
Tony didn't know what to do with himself on the trip back to New York. When there were a lot of people around, like at the airport, he kept his distance from Peggy and Jarvis. He tried his best to look stoic like his English godparents, to come across as the Stark heir his father wanted him to be. But on the private jet or in one of the cars taking them to and from the airport, he curled into Peggy's side. It didn't feel real yet, and yet seeing his godparents' red, puffy eyes, and hearing the slight wheeze in Peggy's normally steady breathing, made it all too real. The only reason why these two people who he'd loved and looked up to all his life would be so shaken, was because they'd lost someone they loved.
"Aunt Peggy," Tony said softly on the plane.
"Yes my darling?" Peggy said as she combed her fingers through Tony's hair.
"I'm sorry too." Tony replied.
Peggy blinked. "Sorry for what, love?"
"He was your brother." Tony told her as he sat up. He'd been lying with his head in her lap and wanted to look her in the eye. "You loved him, both of them, too. I'm sorry you've lost another brother."
"Oh my darling." Peggy's breath hitched as she pulled Tony into her arms again. "My sweet boy. I do love you so."
"I love you too, Aunt Peggy." Tony let his tears come again as he clung to her.
When they arrive at the mansion Jarvis busies himself with unloading Tony's things and taking them inside. Peggy wants to tell him to stop, he doesn't have to do that right now, but she knows it's the only thing keeping him held together. When they walk into the house it's quiet and a little cold, but there is a welcoming scent in the air that makes Peggy smile as she hugs Tony to her side. "Aunt Angie's found the kitchen."
Tony bobs his head as he allows his godmother to steer him towards the casual living room, the one they were actually allowed to use as an actual lived in room. Ana is sitting on the loveseat with Natasha who is curled into her own godmother's side. Peggy and Ana exchange heartbroken, understanding, and grateful looks, and then Ana nudges Natasha gently. "Little star, look who's home."
Natasha opens her eyes to see her mother and shoots across the room like the little shooting star her godmother thinks of her as. "Mummy!"
Peggy gives a little oof as her daughter collides with her, and quickly adjusts her stance so they don't topple over, while Natasha wraps her arms around her tighter than Peggy imagined the girl could. It stirs up another round of tears but at this point she's afraid of dehydration. "It's alright, poppet, it's ok, I'm here my love. I'm alright." Peggy wraps her arms around her daughter and kisses the top of Natasha's head. "Mummy's alright, darling, I just had to go fetch Tony."
Tony's not ok seeing Natasha so upset and he starts to tremble and fidget beside his godmother until he's gently pulled into another pair of loving arms. "Hi Ana."
"Hello dearest heart." Ana says softly as she hugs him.
The two women stay that way, holding their heartbroken children in their arms, until Jarvis and Angie join them. Angie walks over to her wife and daughter and kisses Peggy's temple while she combs her fingers through Natasha's hair. Then she gets her turn to hold Tony in her arms and do her best to reassure him that things will be alright. Jarvis asks to speak with Peggy, telling her that they should begin getting things in order. Peggy nods, leaving the children in the care of Angie and Ana who guide them to the kitchen. They will have a public memorial, a semi-private invitation only funeral, and a private family only burial. Peggy was instantly protective of Tony, insisting that he not be forced into parading his grief around for the public, nor for shareholders and business partners. Jarvis agreed, and helped to make sure everything was finalized and set before outside forces could interfere. Peggy also handled the press and the public announcement of Howard and Maria's accident and resulting death.
As soon as the word was out publicly Obadiah Stane descended on the Stark mansion like an ogre, demanding to know why he hadn't been informed sooner, and trying to take control of everything and everyone. Peggy put him in his place quickly, "You run the company Mr. Stane, not this household. You were Howard's business partner, perhaps a friend, but you are not family. Mind your place, Mr. Stane, or I shall have you removed from it all together."
Stane was so angry he turned red as he tried to argue but he didn't have a leg to stand on when Howard's lawyers showed up. Peggy was named Tony's legal guardian, and executor of the trust that guarded Tony's inheritance until he was twenty-five. That just further enraged Stane, and Tony was fairly sure Obie was going to have a heart attack. Stane left only after Tony insisted. "Please Obie, I just want to be alone with my family. I can't deal with company shit right now."
"Are you sure kid?" Stane asked. "I thought that you considered…"
"You were my Dad's friend." Tony cut in. "Thank you for that. He wasn't always easy to be friends with. We'll see you at the memorial. I'm sure your assistant already has the details. Goodnight Obie."
Once Peggy was sure Obadiah Stane was gone she growled out, "Insufferable blowhard."
It got the tiniest of smirks from Tony before the boy retreated back to the living room until Angie took Natasha up to bed, and then he roamed the house. When he stumbled upon Jarvis in his parents bedroom he helped Jarvis pick out what to bury his mother in, but stopped his godfather from including her rosary.
"Don't you think she would like to have it with her?" Jarvis asked as he watched the boy he helped raise sit on the bench at the foot of his parents bed running his fingers over the polished beads.
Tony shook his head. "I think she'd like what I have in mind better." Looking up at Jarvis he asked, "Do you still have the contact info for that marble sculpture in Italy that Dad used?"
"I do." Jarvis nodded.
"Do you think he'd be able to make a ballerina?" Tony asked next.
Jarvis instantly knew where Tony was going and his chest, despite his painful heart, swelled with warm pride. "I do indeed think he would make a beautiful ballerina sculpture for little Miss. Carter. Your mother would be very touched by the gesture and incredibly proud of you, Tony."
Making his mother proud had never been an issue. It had always been Howard where Tony had fallen short. Standing, Tony put the rosary in his pocket and thanked Jarvis before leaving the room. When his aunts started fussing at him about trying to get some sleep, Tony made a show of going up to his room and getting ready for bed. Ana brought him warm milk with cinnamon and nutmeg, and several cookies from the last batch she'd baked. Angie made sure his water glass was full and asked what he wanted for breakfast. Peggy just sat with him for awhile, sipping her tea and letting him get lost in some new coding for a touch screen device he was working on. It wasn't until he was sure that everyone was settled into their rooms and beds for the night that he got up and started roaming the massive house alone again. He was having a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that he now lived in a world that didn't include his parents.
It was well after midnight and Natasha was exhausted from the emotional day, but after startling awake and finding herself in a strange bed in a room that was not her own, she couldn't fall back to sleep. She went to her mothers' room which was next to the one she was staying in, but they weren't there, so she went looking for them. She had never felt like her uncle's massive house was frightening or daunting before, but it felt different now. As Natasha wandered the dark hallways she felt as if the house was now empty and cold despite being full of her family. She tried to think of where her mothers would be if they were at home so Natasha looked for them in the living room, the kitchen, and then thought perhaps the library or a study. It took a while to search but Natasha managed to find her way to her uncle's study, and sure enough a crack in the door spilled a sliver of light out into the hallway.
"Tony asked me if you were drunk." Peggy's voice carried out into the hall. It was soft, thick with emotion, her accent coming out stronger than it had in ages. "I don't know what to tell him because I don't know yet, Howard. I hope you weren't."
Natasha remembered her mother's voice sounding like that after her Uncle Michael died, the unsteady quiver, the almost breathlessness of it, set the girl sliding down the wall outside the door to sit on the floor. She wasn't sure what else to do. If her Mum couldn't be strong in the shadow of her grief, what hope was there that Natasha could be? She hadn't even really been able to face Tony, to be there for him the way she felt she could be.
Peggy's laugh was humorless, bitter, and sad. "Here I am hoping to god you weren't drunk while I pour another from a bottle I'm sure cost more than my bloody house." There was a pause, a shadow moved across the light steaming into the hallway. "I know the last few years we weren't seeing eye to eye on a lot of things, mostly when it came to Anthony, but I have always loved you as a brother, Howard. That never changed, it never faltered. I hope you knew that."
Shifting so she could see through the crack in the door Natasha saw her mother standing by the fireplace looking at a portrait of her uncle handing over the mantel. Was it ok to be mad at someone and be sad about them dying all at the same time? Because right now Natasha's heart was painfully heavy with grief and sadness, but she was also starting to feel angry at her uncle for making her mother sad too.
Deciding that it was probably best that she not get caught spying on her mother Natasha forced herself up off the floor and headed back down the hallway away from her uncle's study. She decided to head back towards the kitchen since her mama hadn't seemed to be in the study with her mum. She wasn't sure if her mum would have been openly talking to her uncle's portrait if anyone, even her mama, had been in the room with her. As she reached the bottom of the stairs Natasha heard a sound coming from the formal living room so she headed that way. Tony was sitting on the piano bench, his fingers hovering over the keys as if he were afraid to touch them. She didn't say a word she just walked over and sat beside him on the bench, and rested her head on his shoulder as she reached for his other hand, lacing their fingers together.
"It's ok to feel sad and mad and everything else, Tony." Natasha says softly after a few minutes of sitting together in silence. "I'd be sad, and mad, and all kinds of things if it were my moms." She pauses for a moment and stares at the sheet music in front of them, her mind flashing back to what startled her awake in the first place, then lowers her voice even more. "I have bad dreams about it sometimes, about my moms going away forever. My birth parents died when I was born, and Uncle Michael, and now… I don't know what I'd do if I lost them." She looks up at Tony, who's finally looking at her. "I don't know what I'd do if I lost you either."
Tony put his arm around her and pulled her close. "I ain't going anywhere Nattie."
"That's not a promise you can keep Tony." Natasha replies. "Bad things happen for no reason."
"Then I'll just have to invent something to fight off the bad things." Tony reassured her, and as he hugged her he added, "I'm not going to lose anyone else I love."
Natasha stayed by Tony's side for the next several days. If she was awake, she was at Tony's side. If she felt like everything was becoming too much for him she would take his hand and pull him away, and when people tried to stop her, to keep Tony there for whatever reason, her mothers, Jarvis, and Ana were quick to step in and ask them to back off. The memorial and funeral had felt strange to Natasha, nothing like the services they'd had for her Uncle Michael. Sitting between her Mama and Tony, her Mum on Tony's other side, the girl couldn't help but wonder who these people were to her Uncle Howard, and why her Aunt Maria seemed to be almost an afterthought to them. It wasn't until the private burial that it felt less cold and formal, when it was just their family saying goodbye.
After the burial Tony just floated in a haze for a few days, until one morning he announced that he didn't want this to ruin the holidays, and he didn't want to keep feeling like crap all the time, so he'd made arrangements for them all to spend holidays at Disney because, "Your not allowed to be sad in the happiest place on earth, right Nattie?"
"Right." Natasha replied.
And to Tony's surprise no one, not even Aunt Angie, argued.