5. Darkest (K)night
I beat my machine it's a part of me it's inside of me
I'm stuck in this dream it's changing me I am becoming
The me that you know he had some second thoughts
He's covered with scabs and he is broken and sore
The me that you know doesn't come around much
That part of me isn't here anymore
All pain disappears it's the nature of my circuitry
Drowns out all I hear there's no escape from this my new consciousness
That me that you know used to have feelings
But the blood has stopped pumping and he's left to decay
The me that you know is now made up of wires
And even when I'm right with you I'm so far away
I can try to get away but I've strapped myself in
I can try to scratch away the sound in my ears
I can see it killing away all my bad parts
I don't want to listen but it's all too clear
Hiding backwards inside of me I feel so unafraid
Annie, hold a little tighter I might just slip away
It won't give up it wants me dead
Goddamn this noise inside my head
Nine Inch Nails – The Becoming
5.1. To Be or Not to Be: on Starkiller Base, ABY 30/06/01, 22:00 GST
Die my dear Doctor? That's the last thing I shall do!
Henry John Temple, 3rd Viscount Palmerston – Last Words
Instead of the empowerment he was promised, Kylo feels nothing but devastation. It's as if some part, and a vital part come to that, had been ripped out of him, time stops, so does his pulse, he can't breathe, can't see, can't hear.
Don't you collapse now when the worst is over.
But it's not over, it is only just beginning, he knows it. This will haunt him forever. Then, a ripple in the Force which he scarcely notices until suddenly the bowcaster bolt hits his side, accompanied by a familiar yell. Chewie – avenging his best friend – well, that's appropriate...
The impact would have tossed him over the edge if he hadn't instinctively clung to the Force, but it makes him double over and fall to his knees. It also kicks him back into the here and now, which has all of a sudden turned into a war zone. There are shots and explosions, screaming Stormtroopers, Chewbacca's incensed barks, the entire structure is shaking – and in this moment, Kylo finally understands. Han's mission, the thermal detonators, the damned X-wings. They could bomb this place all day long without avail, or they could try to explode it from the inside with similarly little success – but it cannot withstand both attacks at the same time. Which just goes to show that no matter how fool-proof you think your plans are, there's always someone who will find that one small flaw and make the most of it… If he's killed, it's somewhat satisfying to know that this monstrosity is brought down with him.
He looks up to see if he can spot Chewie for a final salute, but instead his gaze falls on the two people he least expected. There's the deserter, FN-2187, and beside him is the girl. He can't say whose presence he resents more in this moment of utter failure. But with the anger, his pulse gets a real push, too. He will not lie down here to die.
Well, dying may be inevitable after being hit by a bowcaster bolt, but not here, not like this. He'll bring down that darned deserter before it's over, and if it's the last thing he does.
x X x
5.2. On the Edge of the Precipice, Part Two: on Starkiller Base, ABY 30/06/01, 22:16 GST
Come closer and see
See into the trees
Find the girl
While you can
Come closer and see
See into the dark
Just follow your eyes
I hear her voice
And start to run
Into the trees
Suddenly I stop
But I know it's too late
I'm lost in a forest
All alone
The Cure – A Forest
He saw through which exit those two vanished, and he knows where the Millennium Falcon landed. The rest is simple triangulation and willpower as he hastens to apprehend them. The cold is excruciating, now that the sun is dead, but it does counterpoint the pain, and the surge of oxygen after the stuffy oscillator shaft is anodyne as well.
And there they are, he can feel her before hearing them before seeing them at last, and igniting his sword, takes a fighting stance.
"We're not done yet," he snarls at the young man. He's never seen him without his mask, yet he knows for a fact this is FN-2187, who, when you think about it, is at the root of this entire disaster.
It's not he though who answers, but the girl. "You're a monster!" she cries, her boiling fury catching him somewhat off-guard. What's her problem, now? He's been nothing but nice to her! Oh, yes, now he remembers. She's a member of the Han Solo fan club, its current president possibly.
"It's just us now. Han Solo can't save you."
Just saying the name hurts, and to stay focused he boxes the wound in his stomach. The girl glares at him and starts raising her blaster rifle, so he pushes her back using the Force. Perhaps he ought to have toned down that instinctive reaction a bit, for she flies through the air and crashes against a tree, from which she slides, unconscious – but she's alright, he can feel it. The deserter rushes to her side and coddles over her as if Kylo wasn't even there.
"Traitor" he screams at him and slashes his blade.
The boy gets slowly up and produces a lightsabre of his own, and in this moment, the whole thing has gotten even more personal. Kylo knows this blade. He recognises it, even though he's never seen it before in his life. It has its own Force field, one that calls out to him as its heir like a strong magnet.
"That lightsabre," he says with forced calmness and points at it with the tip of his sword, as if there could be any argument about which lightsabre they're talking. "It belongs to me."
"Come get it," the deserter retorts unbelievably, and even less believably, charges with a loud yell.
Kylo parries the strikes easily and almost happily. It feels good to fight with his sword once again; he hasn't had any use for it in ages. Also, the boy is a reasonably competent swordsman, one of Phasma's model soldiers probably. He toys with him for a moment, getting so cocky that the kid actually manages to land a blow, then he realises how silly this is and makes short work of him with his treasure of a blade landing in the snow.
He turns around to summon the lightsabre that is rightfully his; he ceremonially holds out his hand, focuses and – a little wriggle is all he can manage. Damn it, he must be more seriously wounded than he feels… So he tries again, and again, and again, but with much the same result. And then, suddenly, the hilt shoots up towards him, almost hitting him in the face, and flies right into the girl's outstretched hand.
x X x
5.3. Forceful: on Starkiller Base, ABY 30/06/01, 22:20 GST
Vengeance is in my heart, death in my hand,
Blood and revenge are hammering in my head.
Aaron – Titus Andronicus
For reasons she could never ever explain to herself, she mimics Kylo Ren's outstretched hand, almost hypnotised by the slightly wriggling lightsabre in the snow. Suddenly, it shoots up towards him – past him – towards her! She's so startled, she barely manages to catch it.
They stare at each other for a long moment and she can tell he's even more flabbergasted than she is.
"Give my sword back!"
"This is Luke Skywalker's sword and I don't think he'd want you to have it."
"This is my grandfather's sword and I know he wants me to have it."
"And still it came to me, not you," she snarls and adopts a fighting stance. As soon as igniting the blade, a strange kind of energy runs through her, drowning out her fear of him.
He mirrors her movement with his own sword and she instantly attacks. He blocks her blows easily, but she can tell he's rattled. This is quite similar to using her staff and every move increases her confidence. Unfortunately, so is his, he begins driving her backwards, and she can tell he's not even fighting her in earnest yet. Around them, the forest is toppling, deep rifts tear up the grounds and no matter how hard she hits at him, he pushes her further and further towards one of those steep cliffs until she almost falls into one.
There blades are clashing, hers is more or less stuck between his and the crossguard; she dare not make any move because she's so precariously balanced on the edge.
But instead of pushing her that one last step further, he snarls, "You need a teacher."
What?
And then, even more incomprehensively, "I can show you the ways of the Force."
What is he even talking about?
She stares at him, scared, confused, helpless, waiting for the final push, but he just keeps on blocking her from moving and returns her gaze very seriously.
The Force. Han Solo mentioned it when talking of Luke Skywalker and the Jedi. Maz Kanata mentioned it when trying to talk her into taking Luke Skywalker's lightsabre. Rey herself thought of it when sweet-talking that Stormtrooper. And face it, it worked, and it worked even better when Kylo Ren tried to break into her head in order to get to BB-8. The Force.
Looks as if she'd got a bit of it in herself after all, doesn't it? That sword chose her, just like Maz Kanata said. And what is the Force most famous for? For fighting! She tries to remember how it felt when she accidentally tapped it in the interrogation room, and when she catches a scrap, she focuses on that faint remnant with all her might and wills all her strength into her next move.
Would you credit it, she does manage to push him away, if only Han Solo had given it a try, he might have managed to kick his ass down that shaft. The mere thought of Han Solo and his ignoble end gives her next move incredible power, so she concentrates really hard on that and actually drives him back. This time around, he's no longer just toying with her, she sees him putting his last strength into his parades, yet she forces him back step by step, even makes him lose his footing. Her next blow hits his shoulder. She's got him! He can barely stand upright, let alone stand up to her. Two more hits and a kick in the chest later, he's lying in the snow. He gets up again, slowly, laboriously, and tries to keep her from finishing him off by snatching her wrist and forcing the blade away from him. For someone looking like death itself, he's got surprisingly much strength in his grip still. But she hasn't worked as a scavenger all her life for nothing. She may not look like it, but she can carry twice her own weight, she can wrench loose cranks that have rusted away for twenty-five years and she can certainly use the same trick on him, compelling his arm down, his blade to sizzle in the snow. His grip on her wrist loosens and with one fast move of her own lightsabre, she knocks his away and cuts him up. He falls backwards into the snow. He won't get up another time, so much is obvious.
You've got him! Go for it! Kill him!
She raises her blade and snarls at him. He is profusely bleeding, looking up at her in utter amazement. She'd say he's astonished to be beaten by a lowly scavenger, but for some reason she can tell that's not the case. This is, strange as it may be, admiration, and a good deal of relief mixed in. Only then she understands that she'll be doing him a favour if she kills him now.
Even better! Kill him!
Oh no, she's got just enough spite in herself not to relieve the murderer of Han Solo of his burden.
He's a goner anyway. Kill him. Do it!
Uh-uh. No. He's down, defenceless. She won't kill a defenceless man.
Kill him! Avenge your hero Han Solo!
The ground breaks up and a deep gorge is opening up between them, making any further contemplation whether to kill him or not futile.
x X x
5.4. The Spider: aboard the Supremacy, ABY 27/05/06
I will teach you your destiny.
Virgil – Æneid
It is a well-established fact that arachnids can survive in space, can spin their webs and wait for their prey for years and years, just like they would when planetbound. Some even thrive there. The weightlessness is becoming to those, rendering their cobs even more ethereal, less ephemeral. I feel a deep kinship to these beings.
Like them, I have cast my net, waited my time in patience. And now, at last, the juiciest fly of them all has finally flown into my lair like I've always known it would; I will spread my venom, spin a lovely cocoon of lies and deceit around the poor unsuspecting thing and devour it at my leisure.
The boy – he's scarcely more than a boy, all the more in the eyes of someone my age – was piously kneeling before him, head bowed, eyes glued to the floor, waiting for his master's order. (Which makes him appear more like a sheep, or a little dog, perhaps? Yes, yes, a little dog. Oh, I'll teach him how to bite! Is it a coincidence that 'terrier' has the same root as 'terror'?) I watch him in silence and satisfaction, just like I've watched him from afar for twenty years. This child will be my masterpiece.
"Tell me of your education, my boy."
It's a rhetorical question, of course. The boy hasn't caught a single breath in life that I hadn't surveyed and assessed for its usefulness. But talking will distract him and allow me to examine him even more closely.
It wouldn't need a Force-user of my magnitude for that; half of them can be read in the boy's face, his eloquent eyes, so passionate, so disillusioned, so very, very needy. The darkness inside him is blacker than the unfathomable depths of space itself, the light shines brighter than a million suns and all the more dazzling for the contrast. As of now, there are still a lot of grey areas, but I'll untangle those soon enough. And then…
x X x
5.5. Find Him, Part One: on Starkiller Base, ABY 30/06/01, 22:21 GST
How are the mighty fallen!
II Samuel. I. 25.
'Bring Kylo Ren to me. It's time to complete his training.'
Hux clenched his fists and sighed. Swiftly he had contemplated his chances of getting away with pretending not to have found Ren but dismissed the idea almost at once. He wouldn't be able to pull it off this way. Snoke wouldn't stand for it.
Ren was the Supreme Leader's favourite pet, no matter how stupid he acted or how often he destroyed whichever room he happened to be in. In a manner of speaking, the general understood this unreasonable indulgence – he'd once owned a loth-cat called Millicent. She had scratched him as much as the furniture and micturated wherever she had damned well pleased, but Hux had forgiven her all her indiscretions regardless.
What was more – it was impossible not to find the silly twit, because a long time ago the Supreme Leader had secretly equipped him with a tracking device in his belt buckle (again, the similarity to Millicent! She'd got one of those in her collar).
"General, we've located him."
Hux sighed once more, straightened his uniform and prepared to dismount. The ground was shaking under his feet; already great chasms were gaping, entire forests were toppling under the tremors of the collapsing planet.
"I'll never forgive the little jerk if I get myself killed during his rescue mission," he snarled through gritted teeth.
In this moment, he spotted his target dragging himself through the snow towards the ship. He could barely hold himself upright. Behind him, the snow was blood-red. Little wonder, Hux thought, seeing a large gash crossing the entire right side of Ren's visage. What the hell had he been doing?! Had he picked a fight with a Saffizi-bear?!
Two Stormtroopers dashed forth with a stretcher, but Ren barked at them to leave him alone.
"Don't be an idiot and get on there," Hux yelled back at him. "This is not the time to play the damned hero, the entire planet's exploding!"
Ren appeared to notice him only now and gave him a blazing glare. "Well, flee then, if you're so afraid!"
As if to underline the point – though it was unclear whose – the ground underneath trembled dangerously and threw off Ren's fragile balance. He fell only to push himself up again and continue his tortuous way as he had before, with the two Stormtroopers hovering in his vicinity, unsure what to do. Hux rolled his eyes to the skies above them, wondering what he had done to deserve this.
They made it to the transporter just minutes before the whole area caved in. But at least Ren allowed Sergeant Cinaw to inspect his injuries and remained calm even when Cinaw clearly panicked. Apparently, the face wound was his smallest problem. Hux had a strong stomach, but once the medics cut away Ren's tunic and armour, he felt a heavy bout of nausea. Make that a pack of Saffizi-bears! A fist-sized hole was gaping in the left side of Ren's abdomen; his right was cut up from the collarbone down to his hip with – stuff – coming out. The general recognised intestines when he saw them, even if he was a little vague on the other protruding organs. Was this a piece of the man's lungs?!
Finally someone had the good sense to insert a syringe into Ren's arm and put him out, so he could be put onto a stretcher after all and taken to the ship's infirmary.
How would the Supreme Leader take it if Ren died on the operating table? Not at all well, presumably.
"I don't care what it takes, keep him alive at all costs!" he yelled after the disappearing medics.
Sergeant Cinaw looked over his shoulder, "With all due respect, sir, we're not in the miracle business! There's hardly a drop of blood left in him."
"Just remember that if he dies, you will accompany me to inform the Supreme Leader, Sergeant!"
And thus, another miracle was performed that night.
x X x
5.6. BREAKING NEWS: HOPE LOOMS LARGE
HoloVid Transmission, ABY 30/06/02, 01:00 GST
No fairer law in all the land
Than that death-dealers die by what they've planned.
Ovid – Ars Amatoria
"Good morning – and it is a good morning compared to what anybody dared to hope when going to bed last night. Several sources have by now confirmed that at 22:36 GST last night, the planet that had become infamous only yesterday morning as either Starkiller Base or Death Star III has collapsed and exploded after a massive bombardment from the Resistance. There are rumours that General Han Solo, famous veteran of the Wars to Restore the Republic and husband of Resistance leader General Leia Organa Solo, has given his life for the cause, along at least twenty other pilots, but so far, neither of these casualties have officially been corroborated.
As reported, the gigantic planet-sized base of the so-called First Order attacked and destroyed the entire Hosnian system only yesterday morning. The estimated death toll of this unprecedented assault ranges between sixteen and twenty-one billion. The Senate was in session with an attendance rate of 87% when it happened, and approximately 90% of the Republican Navy were eliminated. I'm sure I speak for everyone when saying that our mourning knows no bounds.
It may be cold comfort for the survivors to hear that the Resistance's swift and resolute intervention has spared countless other star systems a similar fate, all the more because the First Order's fleet seems to have escaped the inferno.
For now, back to the studio, Talulah."
x X x
5.7. His Last Home: aboard the Guardian II, ABY 27/03/15
There's no such thing as chance;
And what to us seems merest accident
Springs from the deepest source of destiny.
Friedrich Schiller – Wallenstein
When he had come across the map detailing the way to the first Jedi temple (and thus, in pleasing symmetry, to Luke Skywalker, the very last of the Jedi), Lor had known it'd be his death sentence. He'd been seventy-two by then, so he had accepted his ordained fate without giving it a second thought, but that didn't mean he hadn't taken as many precautions as he could. For a start, he had never taken even one look at the thing, and had strictly forbidden any of his followers to take a peek either. Powerful Sith had means to extract such knowledge. Yes, it was said that the Sith were all gone, but at his age, one tended to believe what one had believed in one's whole life, and not rely on the opinions of others.
He had contemplated passing the map on to the Princess (another habit he couldn't get rid of – let others call her Senator Solo, or General Organa, to him she'd always remain King Bail IV. of Alderaan's young daughter, the brave and beautiful Princess Leia of Alderaan). But he had met her some years ago and she had made it very clear that her brother was dead to her. Back then, there had been no need yet to bring back Luke Skywalker, or give the Princess offence by foisting on her what she wanted to ignore. Lor hadn't had the wisdom then to see that fate wasn't to be denied.
In the meantime, the First Order had risen from the darkness of the Unknown Regions. A ghostly claw had once again reached out for the galaxy to crush it – and Lor was holding, in his small hand, the only hope they had to fight back. He had to protect it by any means.
This was the reason why he had left his comfortable home at the ripe old age of seventy-five, and since then moved from planet to planet. The First Order was looking for him; to know as much, he didn't need the hints and warnings from the many sympathisers and worshippers that the Church of the Force still had all over the galaxy. It pained him to think what a wake of destruction he was inevitably leaving behind every time he moved on. That was why he always chose locations as remote as possible.
They were on the way to Codia when a distant yellow dot suddenly caught his attention. He couldn't describe the feeling this sight caused in him, but by its very oddity, he was convinced not to dismiss it.
"Brother Miipas, what is that star over there?"
Miipas followed the direction of his outstretched finger. "I believe that's not a star, oh venerable one. If I'm not mistaken, that's the planet Jakku."
So far, if he were perfectly honest, Lor hadn't known that planet even existed, and soon after landing he thought he knew why it wasn't more popular. Between the sandstorms, the intolerable heat, the extreme cold at night, the shortage of water, the improbably rich insect world, the daggerworms and the occasional Mosrk'tecks, neither Tuanul nor Jakku in general should have appealed to his palate. Yet he knew with absolute certainty that this was going to be his new home. Even more, he knew that this would be his last home, too. He was going to die on Jakku, he felt it in his bones.
But death was inevitable; mourn not those who become one with the Force! And the desert seemed a better place than most for that.
x X x
5.8. Find Him, Part Two: in the Resistance Headquarters on the planet D'Qar, ABY 30/06/02, 01:00 GST
We have scotch'd the snake, not killed it.
Macbeth
It's almost like a dream, as well as a nightmare. Somewhere between co-piloting the famous Millennium Falcon next to Chewbacca, and trying to process the fact that Han Solo is dead, killed by his own freaking son, and landing on D'Qar, which turns out yet another lovely green planet, on an actual Resistance Base, and fearing for poor Finn's life, and meeting the woman that toppled the Empire ('Leia, call me Leia'; even on Jakku they've heard of her before!) and being embraced by her like a long-lost mother, Rey feels all but lost in her own imagination. Some parts of her are giddy with excitement and curiosity, while the rest is in mourning.
Her grief is little compared to Leia's though, even though the old woman is much better in walling it up. All the time people approach her with this and that, she listens to everyone attentively, gives out orders, competently coordinates what is happening next, and only if you observe her closely (which Rey does whenever she's around, completely awed), you notice the simmering despair in her dark, soulful eyes. Her son has murdered her husband, how's that for personal tragedy? Yet all she talks about is the 'devastating loss of the Hosnian system' and the Republican fleet.
In the infirmary, where Finn is treated, Rey overhears people curse the Republican fleet. "It's not like they ever were of much help to us," one nurse gnarls as she's patching up a woman in a grey overall with a terrible cut on her right hand.
"Be fair, Ilona. They couldn't. They were under orders from the Senate –"
"Under orders, under orders! I'm sick of hearing this. Under orders! So's a Stormtrooper! And even those manage to think for themselves now and then. Have you heard of the one who sprang Poe from the Finalizer?"
"Gosh, I'm stationed in repairs, not under a stone, Ilona! Of course I've heard of him, people talk of scarcely anything else!"
"That's him, over there." The nurse beckons into Finn's direction and shoots a swift smile at Rey before returning to focus on her patient. "Poor mite. Got cut up by Kylo Ren."
"Oh shoot. Poor Leia!"
"I think she's got worse to handle," Ilona says darkly. "Anyway, that one will make it. Doctor Kalonia thinks there's even a chance he may walk again."
Between that info, and the warm praise for poor, brave Finn, and the other two women's friendly acknowledgement of her, Rey's heart soars to the skies, and she dares to vacate the bedside for a while in order to sneak back to Leia, who asked her to 'come and see me tonight'.
"There you are, Rey," she greets her as soon as Rey's entered the room, even though her back is turned. "How is your friend?"
"Better and better."
"That is good news. Listen, I meant to talk to you. Our techs are going over the Falcon as we speak, they fathom she's ready by noon. I won't lie and claim she'll be as good as new – that ship ran off the manufacturing belt as a heap of junk. Chewie tells me you can fly her."
"Uh – yeah. Yeah, I can," Rey replies, astonished at her own confidence. She may have learnt flying in a rusty simulator on a tanked star destroyer, but recent experience shows she can pilot the Falcon, doesn't it?
"Excellent. Because we need you and Chewie to go and find Luke. We've analysed the star charts and think we've got a fairly good idea where he is."
Rey is stumped. "Me? But I… Why me?"
"Because you can fly the Falcon, because you're good with the Force, and frankly, because I cannot spare any of our soldiers for a voyage to the Unknown Regions that is going to take days. All-out war is imminent."
"I can fight!"
"Yes, I know, and you will. But you've got special talents that are of more use to our cause when you go and find Luke, bring him back and let him train you properly."
"Train me," Rey echoes, more gobsmacked by the minute.
Leia gives her a big smile. "Yes, train you. To become a Jedi knight."
"What?!"
"Blimey, I didn't even ask you yet, did I? I keep doing that, I just presume… Anyway – don't you want to be a Jedi?"
"I – I haven't given it much thought – any thought, to be honest…"
"I'm sorry. I always automatically assume that any kid good with the Force must dream to become a Jedi. We might not be in this whole mess if I'd realised that fallacy twenty years earlier."
"But General – I mean Leia… I – I don't think I can. I mean… It's nice of you to say I was good with the Force, but honestly, I'm not at all sure I am."
"You beat m- You beat Kylo Ren," Leia retorts, pronouncing the name with obvious distaste.
"Not really! Most of the time he chased me all over the place; I may have landed a good strike or two, but – he was heavily injured, bleeding all over the place in fact. I don't think I'd have stood any chance at all if he hadn't been wounded so badly."
Leia may not like to speak her son's new name, but hearing of his injuries clearly pains her. But before Rey can apologise, the older woman opens her eyes again and puts on a deliberately brave face.
"Next to Snoke, and Luke, hopefully, there is no one in the galaxy remotely as powerful with the Force as he. To stand your ground against him for any time at all proves beyond reasonable doubt that you do have it. Come on, you must have felt it before."
"No, I really didn't," Rey replies unhappily. Oh, she'd love to be so special, she really would. What is more, she'd do anything to comfort that brave, pitiful woman in her despair, but telling a lie won't make it any better, will it?
"Remarkable." Leia shakes her head. "Be that as it may, I don't mean to talk you into doing something you don't want to do. What I will ask you though is to go with Chewie and bring my brother back. Will you do that?"
"Of course! I mean, I will try."
"Great. Tell him we've never needed him more than we do now. Tell him I'm… No. Just tell him the galaxy needs him."
x X x
Author's note: Thank you for reading! If you liked the story so far - or if you didn't - I'd be so happy if you left a review. Thanks!