Part III
In Which Harry Gets his Shit Together (Finally)
Harry couldn't focus. Somewhere and somehow he'd made a mistake. Well he knew he had made a mistake. The slow building of a relationship with Ginny went too fast. And while he was happy Pansy had been right- Ginny was easy. Dates were easy, spending time together was easy- the sex was easy. The worst part was he really hadn't meant to get back with Ginny. Harry was going to take his time, think over Hermione's concerns and then propose to Pansy. Or that was how it would have worked out if he hadn't lost sight of everything.
"How's the Rowe case?" asked Sinclair. Harry looked up from his paperwork and shrugged. Sinclair nodded and walked to his desk- Harry went to the department head. He needed to take a day or a couple. He knocked.
"Come in," said Robards. He looked up surprised from his notes.
"Sir, I'm taking the day. I need to sort some stuff out. I'll be back Monday." Harry told him.
"Is everything okay? Potter?" Robards asked. He was a gruff man, having survived Voldemort's rein, who rarely seemed to care about his employees personal problems. But Harry had rarely taken time off. There had been days when he should have, when it was offered to him but Harry hadn't taken time. He was glad he had saved up sick days.
"Yes," Harry lied. He was going to be a father and he wasn't being allowed to know anything passed that tiny fact. Pansy could be stubborn to the point of frustration at times- this was one of those times.
"Okay, owl Sinclair with your notes. Make sure the case doesn't go cold." Robards warned. He stared at Harry for a few seconds before turning back to his work. Harry was never happier to have a boss who didn't care about people's feelings.
"Will do," Harry said. He left without talking to anyone at their desks like usual. He grabbed his wand; straighten out his desk and left.
He used the ministry floo to get to the Leaky Cauldron. He ordered his usual lunch and was grateful for the peace and quiet. He could think, think about he fucked up. How he'd gotten a picture from Pansy, of their child but nothing else. She had every right to be bitter; he hadn't been fully honest with her. He hadn't been honest with himself. He got to go over every wrong turn, every move that he shouldn't have made as he ate. He tried not to dwell on everything but Harry wanted his kid. Not just because it was his kid but because Harry wanted Pansy, he wanted the loud messy fights, the best make up sex, the emotions that seemed to come alive around her. Harry wanted that life, he was stupid to doubt himself before.
12 Grimmauld Place had changed since the fall of Lord Voldemort. The new color scheme had lightened the house up. Hermione and Ron had helped him really clean the place. They had even planted the place the muggle way. Ron had complained for hours but the labor was worth it. All remaining Black items had been removed. The china set and other things were in the attic in case for some reason Malfoy decided he wanted them. The house was too much space for a single man- Harry had thought of selling the place. Then Ginny had- at first once they had gotten back together- asked if she could move in with him. Harry had said no and Ginny had taken to leaving things behind. Pansy had never asked to move in or try to get a place together. Of course after learning about Pansy and the baby things had change.
Harry wasn't sure what to do with himself. He had made choice- and had to handle it better than before. He loved Ginny it was true but he didn't feel the passion. Ginny made him happy but she didn't make him want to be more. Pansy made him want to prove to her that he was more than his house, family, friends, job. Pansy made Harry want to try things, what he didn't know but he was sure she'd make him try. Harry poured himself some fire whiskey and grabbed a sandwich from the refrigerator. He could think about how to sort this all out after he drank.
"Harry?" Ron called. Harry frowned trying to remember if he had had plans for tonight. He had been avoiding his friends a little, not feeling in the mood. Harry sighed but grabbed his drink and food as he greeted Ron.
"Hey," Harry said. Rin glanced at his drink and frowned before plopping into a chair. Pansy had helped him pick them out, she had liked the blue. At the time he hadn't told her what they were for, Harry thought about filling his glass to the brim.
"I was at the Ministry and they said you'd gone home early. Wanted to know if you were coming out with us?" Ron asked. Harry shrugged, he wasn't in the mood. He was having a baby and no one knew.
"I dunno," he sighed. Ron nodded but didn't say a word.
"How'd the talk with Pansy go?" Ron asked. Harry laughed, only Ron had seemed to not care when they'd started dating. Then again Ron had also been too nervous about asking Luna to marry him to care what was going on in his life. Harry hadn't minded, it was nice to visit a friend would wouldn't constantly ask him why.
"Pansy wants me out of her life and out of the baby's. I told her if she wanted a fight I'd fight her for my rights." Harry told him. He ran his hands through his hair; it still left a bitter taste in his mouth.
"Have you tried talking to her or Ginny?" Ron asked. He looked angry and Harry couldn't blame him. Ron might be his best friend but Ginny was his sister.
"Ginny…after she saw the ring I tried to tell her it was for Pansy. That I had doubts about Pansy and I. I…people didn't like Pansy and I together. But Ginny didn't want to hear it. I haven't touched her since we last dated," Harry sighed. Ron cursed and shook his head. Ginny could be stubborn.
"Well you should talk to Ginny. " Ron stated firmly. Harry groaned but he knew he had to; his heart just wasn't in it with Ginny.
"Yeah," Harry agreed. He got up, got the fire whiskey and another glass. He poured himself some more then some for Ron. They stared at the fire.
"How'd you plan to win Pansy back?" Ron asked. If Pansy would take him back was implied. Harry had never hoped for a second chance with a girl until now.
"After I clear everything up with Ginny, I'll start with flowers. Maybe ask Draco for some advice. Whenever we fought we fucked- pretty sure she doesn't want my dick," Harry laughed. Ron laughed too.
"She's how far along?" Ron asked. Harry frowned; she was 15 weeks at the engagement party, almost 18 weeks when they had lunch.
"Almost 20 weeks," Harry shrugged. He was angry he didn't know. Angry she wouldn't let him go to the appointments with her. Angry in general about how little he knew about his kid. Ron sighed and put his glass down though he didn't pour himself anymore.
"You've got another 20 or so to whoo her plus the rest of that kid's life." Ron told him. Harry smiled, he did have the rest of his kid's life- he was his child after all.
"Yeah, until she finds someone else," Harry grunted. He thought of her trying to move on, of her going on dates with their child inside her. Harry took a large gulp of fire whiskey.
"Don't let there be anyone else," Ron shrugged, "I gotta go. Luna is alone and I know she thinks I'm fussing but I want to make sure everything goes okay."
"Right." Harry nodded.
"Hang in there mate," Ron said. He clasped Harry's shoulder before going to the fire. Harry watched Ron leave before pouring himself another glass. Tonight he was going to get plastered then he would deal with Ginny, Draco and then Pansy.
Harry woke to the feeling of his dick melting. It was wet and warm, hard. He wanted to fuck. Harry wanted to bend Pansy over the desk and drill into her until she couldn't walk. He wanted to eat her out until she begged him to take her. He hadn't had sex in so long, he groaned thinking of how tight Pansy was. But he wasn't with Pansy so all he had was his hand. Harry went to stroke himself when he touched hair.
"Pansy?" he asked. He knew it was a long shot but one could always hope. The warmth that had engulfed his cock disappeared with a hiss.
"Really?" Ginny asked. She was angry as she stood between his legs. Her hair was pulled to one side and her face was slowly turning red.
"Ginny," Harry sighed weary. He pushed himself back into his boxers and zipped up his jeans. Harry scooted away from Ginny to give himself and her room. This wasn't going to be pretty. Ginny was never good at hearing the word 'no'.
"Ginny," Harry tried again, "we can't do this."
"Do what Harry? Have sex? Live together? What can't we do?" Ginny asked annoyed. Harry shook his head and ran his hand through his hair. He didn't want to hurt her but they needed to be honest. He needed to be honest with her because this had gone on long enough.
"Get married." Harry told her firmly.
"But you…" Ginny spluttered, "You asked me!"
"No, you found the ring and assumed. I didn't get a word in until after you told everybody." Harry told her angry.
"The ring was right there! You had just broken up with Parkinson! Then you show up drunk at my place, what was a supposed to think when you started going on and on about us?" Ginny asked. Her hands were balled into fist as she stood stiff.
"Ginny we're not those people anymore. I love Pansy." Harry told her calm. He felt ashamed that he had gotten cold feet. Hermione had made some valid points about their relationship that got Harry thinking. Then he had gotten drunk and done something stupid.
"Then why did you come to me?" Ginny asked.
"I was confused. I was confused about everything with Pansy. While it wasn't fast, it seemed that fast!" Harry told her. He was trying not to yell but it was hard with Ginny getting more and more in his space.
"You said you loved me! That I was the one for you!" Ginny told him fierce.
Harry sighed, "I was drunk Ginny. I was drunk and confused and not in a great place. I love you yes, but I love Pansy more. She makes me want more; I want that life with her. I'm sorry I hurt you and I know being drunk isn't an excuse."
"She won't take you back," Ginny muttered.
"I know but it's worth trying." Harry said. He was going to get her back. He was done being stupid.
"How could you so easily come back to me if you didn't love me Harry?" Ginny asked. She placed his hand on her breast, Harry quickly removed it. He sighed, hadn't she heard him or was she just not listening now.
"I do love you…" Harry began. Ginny made a triumphant noise jumping into the air.
"See! Hermione and I knew you weren't happy. I know I can make you happy!" Ginny pleaded. Harry shook his head and stood.
"You can't. You're not her. I love Pansy more then I love you. It's always gonna be her." Harry said resolutely. Ginny's tears swam in her eyes.
"So…" Ginny began, "When you went to Hermione what was that?"
"I think you should go." Harry sighed, "We should probably give each other space…"
"Harry I love you," Ginny pleaded once more. Her hand reached for his to hold him there.
"Ginny you should go," Harry said ignoring her. He moved out of her reach and to the hallway. He stood in the foyer waiting.
Harry woke hung over. He had, once Ginny left, stripped and fallen face first into bed. He slowly moved to the bathroom and grabbed the pepper up potion before heading to the kitchen. He made toast and eggs for himself. Harry thought over his talk with Ginny; Hermione had some explaining to do. He need and explanation on what Ginny meant by they hadn't thought he was happy. He knew he had himself to blame but if Hermione helped in some way…He needed to form a 'Win Pansy Back' plan. He had four months until the baby was born. If he couldn't win Pansy then he at least had his child. Harry wondered if Ginny told the Weasleys already about them not getting married. He had to pack her things too.
Ginny hadn't really brought that many things. It took Harry all of twenty minutes to pack her clothes and toiletries into a large box. In fact Harry wondered why she hadn't tried to move more things into his home. She had left underwear and bras in his closet, her favorite towel on the hook behind the bathroom door and a toothbrush. She'd also left a few skirts and robes both none of her work gear. He charmed it to be lighter for Hedwig. He hoped no howler would be delivered after she got the package. Harry sighed, it was still early and he could try to see Draco now without causing a fuss. He got dressed.
Harry knew they only let him in because of his name; for one a time he was glad to use it. Malfoy Incorporated had been deemed too large after the war. Draco hadn't seemed to mind being forced to sell part of the family business. He kept the headquarters and made the ministry get new staff. They had quietly sold the business back to Malfoy after that. Harry took the lift to the fourth floor smiled at the receptionist before seeing Hermione looking grim in one of the three chairs. She glanced at Harry with a frown.
"What are you doing here?" Hermione asked after a moment.
"I need to talk to Draco," Harry shrugged.
"Me too, I've be here for the last week and he just ignores me!" Hermione scowled. Harry tried not to laugh; he tried to remember if the company had broken any rules recently.
"So what did Malfoy Incorporated do now? Not pay taxes?" Harry joked. Hermione tensed then shrugged her shoulders.
"It's…ah…more personal…" Hermione trailed off looking behind him.
"How so?" Harry asked. He remembered what he should be asking Hermione but he couldn't. Not yet when it might ruin the trust he had in her.
"Don't worry about it," Hermione dismissed. Harry stared at her- she was tense as her hands fiddled with the cover of her book.
"We should have lunch with Ron," Harry told her, "I owled him about meeting up after later with him and Luna."
"Maybe…" Hermione smiled. She looked tense, Harry chose to ignore it.
"Potter…" Draco drawled. The door to his office opened slowly opened. Harry stood he smiled at Hermione before following Draco into his office.
Draco had a large desk that over looked the view of the park. There were a couple of potted plants that were in various states of dying. There was only one chair facing the desk but a couch further behind it. The large windows before the couch over looked Diagon Alley. Pictures of different wizards signing papers or talking in groups hung around the room.
"What can I do for you Potter?" Draco asked after he closed the door. He crossed his arms waiting. Harry sighed wondering where to begin. He wondered if Draco would even help him. He wondered if Draco would care or if him being snappy had something to do with Hermione.
"I want to talk about Pansy," Harry told him. Draco stiffened but nodded his head. He didn't uncross his arms but was less stiff then before.
"Really? Shouldn't you be worried about your wedding?" Draco asked. He seemed indifferent but Harry knew better. Pansy and Draco had been friends for a long time. He cared about what was going to happen and what was happening now.
"No, Ginny and I talked. It was a big misunderstand on her part," Harry sighed, "Though it seems as if she thought I was unhappy for some reason."
"Right, so you're talking to me why?" Draco asked.
"I need to talk to Pansy," Harry told him simply. Draco stared at him for a long time.
"And?" Draco replied. Harry wanted to punch the little cunt but he was Pansy's friend. Harry took a deep breath. Draco watched him a smirk on his face. Harry was annoyed but waited. He'd leave, talk with Ron and use work to find Pansy. All his owls had been sent back unopened- he couldn't give up.
"Fine," Harry sighed standing. He moved to the door "But tell her to at least respond to the owls."
"What owls?" Draco asked. He frowned confused. Harry wanted to choke him. He had since the breakup been sending Pansy owls. Usually quickly little notes from lunch break but he was trying.
"The ones I've been sending. For months now she's ignored me. I'm done waiting for her. Let her know, yeah?" Harry said opening the door.
"Are you sure Potter?" Draco asked slowly, "that you've been sending owls?"
"Positive!" Harry told him. Draco nodded but didn't say anymore. Harry felt like something he didn't know had happened. He paused and looked back at Draco who seemed to be thinking the same thing.
"Well...maybe I'll try Potter," Draco shrugged.
Hermione looked between them both, Draco glanced at her before going back into his office. The door closed quietly leaving Hermione and Harry with Draco's receptionist. She smiled at him handing him a note, Ron's reply. Harry had never thought about his mail being tampered with again- the war was over- but for the first time he wondered. Or Pansy was being a massive bitch and threw his owls into the fire without reading them.
"Want to go to lunch?" Harry asked Hermione.
"Okay," Hermione said with one more glance at the door.
They were halfway to the door when Hermione said to the receptionist "I'll be back!"
"Of course, Ms. Granger," the woman replied.
Harry and Hermione walked in a comfortable silence. Ron had picked a place near Weasleys Wizard Wheezes, a nice café. He smiled as they came in; he was still in work robes with a butterbeer in front of him. Harry took the seat next to him, Hermione sat across from Harry.
"How'd it go?" Ron asked. Harry sighed and shook his head. He looked for a waitress before getting into everything. People loved to gossip. Waitress came over shortly and took their drink orders before placing menus in front of them.
"Well I think Ginny understands where I'm coming from. After I explained it to her a couple of times." Harry told them. Ron looked relieved; he smiled giving Harry a clap on the back. Harry was relieved a little to; he could now focus on the real problems.
"Really?" Hermione asked surprised. Harry nodded taking a drink. He remembered what Ginny said and the thought both he and Draco shared while at his office. He hoped it wasn't her. He really hoped it wasn't his best friend who had helped drag all this out.
"Well Ginny was suborn. But I explained my feelings. Now I just have to get Pansy to listen to me," Harry said. Ron snorted, before taking a bite of his sandwich. Hermione looked stunned for a second before she nodded. She didn't look happy.
"Good luck with Pansy. What's your plan then?" Ron asked.
"I dunno, first I need to find out if she'd been getting the owls." Harry sighed. He could go into work on Sunday, hardly anyone would be there. It would be the easiest time to do the search without interruptions.
"You're okay with this?" Hermione asked. She was looking at Ron her face surprised, Ron frowned at her.
"With what?" Ron asked. He popped a couple of chips into his mouth. Harry knew Ron's tactic, Hermione hated seeing full mouths.
"He's basically ditching your sister. You're okay with that?" Hermione asked. She looked hurt, her food was untouched. Harry tried to ignore what could be the end of an friendship. That Ron wasn't putting up more of a fight.
"Harry and I talked about this. Harry wasn't happy and didn't know how to fix things with Pansy. Ginny made assumptions based on old dreams. Yeah I'm bummed that Ginny and Harry aren't together but they haven't really been together in years." Ron shrugged. Harry was glad one friend got it.
"Ginny wouldn't be happy in the long run. I can't bring myself to care about her like I care about Pansy." Harry told Hermione. He waited for her to say something; anything but she looked beyond them to the front door.
"It reminded me of us…" Ron told her. Hermione paled before turning pink. Sometimes Harry wondered if Ron marrying Luna was a sore subject from Hermione. She never really went to dinners at their house or tried to spent time with Ron and Luna.
"Pansy is some ugly harpy who probably got pregnant to trap Harry. She needs you Harry, you don't need her." Hermione told them. Ron's mouth fell open in shock.
"Hermione…" Harry warned. He knew she hadn't like Pansy but he had thought she at least tried to get along with her for his sake. It seemed he was wrong.
"No, I watched you with her and she's still that same mean girl. If she loved you or you loved her this wouldn't be happening. You came to me so many times Harry…you always questioned things between the two of you. Ginny never stopped fighting for you. I saw you with Ginny and you were happy. Pansy…she hasn't fought for you! Ginny loves you! And you love her." Hermione paused, "But you…you went around shagging anything that wanted you. Ginny just thought you needed some time before you went back to her. You dropped her like a fly without trying at all. You need Ginny, Harry; she's want you've always wanted. You two belong together!" Hermione ranted. Hermione stiffened and crossed her arms. Harry hadn't wanted to believe it. Ron watched her, a frown on his face.
"What?" Ron said looking shocked. Harry felt as shocked as Ron looked. Hermione had obviously been feeling this way for some time. Harry didn't know where to begin with her.
"You were stopping the owls to Pansy?" Harry asked. He couldn't ignore it any longer.
"No, I helped Ginny," Hermione shrugged.
"So you told her about the ring? And how I was drunk that night?" Harry asked. He was trying not to get angry. Ron however didn't seem to care about that. His arms were crossed against his chest while his eyes narrowed at Hermione.
"Maybe," Hermione shrugged.
"Why would you do that?" Harry asked. He could understand if this was about Ron and Luna, but it wasn't. Harry failed to see how sabotaging his relationship with Pansy helped Hermione and Ron.
"I'm just telling it as it is," Hermione shrugged. They sat in silence; Harry was pretty sure Ron's lunch break had ended but too much needed to be said.
"This is because you thought I didn't give us a chance, isn't it?" Ron asked. Hermione grew tense and sighed.
"It doesn't matter anymore. You chose who you wanted. You're married now," Hermione said bitter. She was looking anywhere but them. Her hands fidgeted as they talked.
"Fuck you," Harry said. Ron looked at him in surprise. Hermione snapped her head to him nervous.
"Harry…I was doing what was best for all of us," Hermione said softly. Harry was too livid to deal with Hermione and her bullshit. He needed to get out of here so he could think. Everything had gone so wrong.
"No, you don't get to tell me who to be happy with. You don't get to push your dreams on me. You were suppose to be a friend Hermione," Harry hissed, "Ron I'll talk to you later, I've got to get out of here." He dropped a couple of gallons on the table.
"Sure," Ron shrugged. Harry smiled, he liked this Ron. Hermione wasn't what Ron had needed. Luna made Ron feel like he could be himself without worry. Ron had needed that more then he needed Hermione and he was glad his friend had realized that too.
"Harry…I…" Hermione began getting up too. But harry stopped her with a glare.
"Right now Hermione I can't be your friend…we should take a break and sort things out later maybe," Harry sighed. Hermione looked hurt but she nodded anyway. She looked to Ron who didn't look at her but started towards the door.
Harry walked through Diagon Alley looking at the shops and thinking about Pansy, Hermione and Ginny. At least he had sorted most of it out. He stopped in a flower shop. Harry remembered that Pansy liked pussy willow and Queen Anne's lace. The shop keeper smiled and Harry knew he was about to drop a fortune on flowers. He stopped when he passed a baby shop. Magical cribs and blankets- he was going to need all that. Harry walked inside.
Sorry it's taken me so long to update! Hope you enjoy!