A/N: Well I'm a dumbass. There's one more chapter after this. And because I'm far too excitable to not finish this story today, I'll upload them both! Thanks for your patience and feedback, it makes me want to write more!
Disclaimer: I'm running out of witty material. I think of these bloody jokes first thing in the morning with my uploads so I'm pretty proud I've made it this far. I don't own Harry Potter and I don't make money off this wash.
CHAPTER TWELVE
"How was your trip?" Luna asked as she dunked her tea bag into one of Hermione's gold trimmed teacups. It had been nearly three weeks since Hermione's stay at Grimmauld Place.
"I ended up coming back to London the next day. I spent the four days I was meant to be in Greece at Grimmauld Place. Harry spent New Years with Ron and Romilda. I reread 'Wuthering Heights' by Emily Brontë. I went back to work on January 3 and it's been back to my familiar routine since," Hermione replied as she munched a biscuit. "How was New Years at Pansy's?"
"It was delightful. We chased away Blibbering Humdingers so we should all have a lovely year. Pansy made some delicious spinach puffs and I moved out of the cottage before I went back to work on the 3rd as well."
Hermione stared at her friend for a few moments for any sign of a smile because that had to be some sort of joke. "You moved out? Luna, what happened? I thought everything was great."
"Oh it still is, Hermione! Neville and I will continue to be good friends. I know he doesn't see it now, but he needs space and time to himself." Luna serenely reassured her.
"I'm confused. What happened?" Hermione furrowed her brow, it had only been three weeks since she last saw Luna and Neville and everything had seemed right as rain.
"It's not for me to talk about, but you could ask him. I think later though because he's still quite sad. He could use your company." Luna sighed, "I'm sad too and I miss him very much, but this is for the best, for him. I'll always love him."
"I'm sorry you're hurting, Luna. Neither of you deserve this. Is there anything I can do for you?" Hermione asked, feeling uncomfortable with the gesture but that probably meant she was doing the right thing for her friend.
Luna's eyes lit up in delighted surprise, "Oh yes! I would love for you to come for dinner at Daddy's house again. We had a wonderful time with you. We could go fishing for freshwater Plimpies! We have an excellent recipe for freshwater Plimpy soup."
Hermione squeezed her friend's hand and smiled, "Of course, Luna."
Hermione laid in her bed with a book on her lap reflecting on her day with Luna. She felt sad that Neville and Luna didn't work out as a couple and even worse that Neville was apparently in a bad state. She would Floo over to the cottage once she was off work tomorrow. She privately felt very proud of herself for showing empathy today, despite the discomfort that came with it. Her progress since Grimmauld Place was coming along nicely. She'd have to remember to owl Harry and let him know she was still keeping her side of their bargain, as Harry had changed his post to the local Auror division.
It was half passed two in the morning when Hermione was woken by a man shouting her name from her living room. She grabbed her wand and threw on her silk dressing gown. The living room was empty.
"Hermione! Quickly, come to the cottage!" Neville's panicked voice came from her floo.
Without a second thought, Hermione was in Neville's living room staring at a horrific scene. "What happened?!"
Neville had a bloody blanket pressed to Malfoy's left forearm and was sweating profusely. Malfoy's skin was sprinkled with his own sweat and looked nearly grey, his jaw was slack. He had dozens knife wounds varying in sizes over his chest and biceps. Some were freshly scabbed, others looked red and angry as if on the verge of infection. "Heal him, please! I - I can't. The blood..." Neville barked, who looked close to fainting.
Hermione pushed Neville aside and gently lifted the blanket. There were nearly a dozen grizzly cuts all over his faded Dark Mark, though they looked carefully placed to avoid a lethal cut to the arteries, some were too deep. Hermione swallowed the rising bile in her throat and healed each cut with her wand. "Neville, go get some restorative potions. He's lost too much blood and it looks like he needs… I don't know. Why does he look like that?"
"He's been using too many Dreamless Sleep draughts. He'll have to detox but I can get something to ease that. I'll be a moment, I have to Floo to work. I can't Apparate like this." Neville looked positively green.
Stopping him by grabbing his hand, Hermione touched Neville's cheek, "It's okay, he'll be okay. You did the right thing, in time. Hurry back."
Neville nodded and disappeared through the Floo.
Hermione allowed herself to look at her ex-lover. She noticed the heavy purple bags under his eyes and his gaunt, hairless cheeks. Merlin, Draco, what have you done? She sadly thought. Taking a few deep breaths, she calmed her heart rate. He will be fine, she reassured herself. She rolled up a clean blanket, placed it under his head and covered him with another.
"Accio cup," she called and filled it with water. Once he was revived he'd need a lot of water. With that thought she cast an Engorgio charm on the cup to hold a litre.
Neville appeared through the Floo with an armful of potions.
"Thank you, Neville. Please sit down and have a cup of water. Place your head between your knees if you feel you might faint."
Neville nodded and Accio'd himself a cup of water and laid on his side on the sofa.
Hermione tilted Malfoy's chin up and poured various potions down his throat and waited for the effects to show. She sat and stared at him for nearly thirty minutes, keeping her fingers on his left wrist to keep track of his pulse. If it started to fade or becAme irregular, she would Apparate them to St. Mungo's.
Neville remained painfully quiet, no doubt fearing his panic had killed his friend.
Hermione watched Malfoy's cheeks plumpen, his skin lost its grey quality and the angry red marks across his naked torso and arms disappeared. She felt as if she could breathe again. She didn't know how she was to handle herself if he died on her. The thought made her eyes prick. He was her friend and despite everything, she cared for him in her own twisted way.
His eyes fluttered open and he shot straight up, nearly colliding heads with Hermione.
"What… Are you real?" Malfoy asked with dazed eyes.
"Yes, you sodding git! You scared us! Why did you cut too deep? I hate you but I don't want you to die! " Hermione yelled angrily, her voice cracking with worry on the last words.
Malfoy grabbed her face and kissed her hard, "Don't let me wake up. Don't let me hurt you." His voice was desperate with anxiety and grief.
"Draco," she whispered, "you're awake. I'm real and you're not going to hurt me. I can knock you on your arse if you try. You're awake."
His eyes rolled into the back of his head and he fainted onto his makeshift pillow.
Hermione heaved a sigh and tilted his head to the side so he didn't swallow his tongue, "Well. I think this will be a long night. Do you mind making a pot of tea?"
Neville nodded and padded into the kitchen.
Neville fiddled with the teacup in his hands as he stared at his unconscious friend. Once again, I'm too much of a coward to do the right thing. That's why you don't have a girlfriend, your dream job and your friend nearly died on you. Because blood scared you, you pathetic bastard. Gran had always been right about you, you're nothing compared to Mum and Dad.
"Neville?" Hermione waved her hand in front of him.
"Hm? What? Sorry," Neville blushed.
"It's alright, I asked how you are fairing. I saw Luna yesterday and she told me she moved out," Hermione looked sympathetic.
"Oh. Um, yeah." Hermione cocked her eyebrow at him. "I've been with Luna since I was nineteen. She was my first everything and it feels so awful being without her. There's just… Something happened, 'Mione and I haven't talked to anyone about it. I don't know who to talk to. I think Luna knew for a while, she said I needed time on my own to figure things out without the pressure of preserving her feelings. I feel so guilty, all the time and now… I feel like I'm going to lose my head." Neville's eyes shined with tears.
Hermione looked as if she was thinking, took a breath and replied, "I'm here to listen, Neville. I want to help you feel better. Whatever you tell me I won't repeat to anyone." She took his hand in hers.
Neville took a deep breath and spoke the words that had been rattling in his head since Luna left, "I cheated on Luna."
Hermione's eyebrows nearly shot through her hairline, "Oh. I wasn't expecting that. Does she know?"
"Yes. I cried the whole time and she just consoled me and told me it was alright." Tears streamed down his cheeks and down his jaw. "How pathetic is that? My girlfriend of over five years telling me what I did is okay because I couldn't man up and keep my emotions in check!" Neville pulled his hand back and hid his face.
"I… I don't know what to say, I don't know the circumstances. You don't have to tell me, but I'm sure there were good reasons if Luna forgave you?" Hermione's statement came out more like a question.
Neville wiped his face and sniffed, "It was Theo. We kissed at Pansy's New Years party."
"Oh. I wasn't expecting that either," Hermione dumbly repeated. "I didn't know you fancied blokes."
"Neither did I. Or do I? I don't know, I've only thought about Theo like that. But I suppose I've been thinking about Theo like that for a while. It got worse when…" Neville let out a long slow breath. "Do you know why I left my job at Hogwarts?"
"No."
"I couldn't stay because everywhere I went in the castle I saw Lavender's body, Fred's body - all of our friends, first years being tortured, that vile snake slithering around… So I started running until my feet would bleed. Which is why I need a cane to walk. Theo asked me to tell him when I'd go so he could come. He's come with me on my runs since Luna left. He stops when he's too tired to go on, which stops me from hurting myself. There were a few times I would fight him to keep going and I'd say foul things to make him leave me to continue. But he never left and I haven't needed a cane since. I made the mistake of going without him, but I didn't hurt myself because I wanted to dance at Malfoy's Yule ball but Theo was still furious. For a while, I didn't run because I was too cowardly to face him. For once my cowardice came in handy."
Hermione immediately swatted at him, "Neville Longbottom! Since you were eleven, you've been brave in your own way. You stood up to Harry, Ron and I, winning Gryffindor the house cup! You cut Nagini's sodding head off and won us the War!" Her yelling caused Draco to groan and roll over. She resumed at a lower volume, "You are one of the best people I know, so don't you dare talk about yourself like that." She took a calming breath and continued, "It sounds like Luna is right though, it sounds like you need to evaluate where you stand with Theo. From my perspective, it sounds like he really cares for you and you for him. So, did you like it when he kissed you?"
Neville blushed deeply and coughed, "Yeah. Merlin, Gran would be rolling in her grave if she could hear me now."
Hermione tsk'd and rolled her eyes, "And Ron will lose his head when he finds out I shagged him," jerking her head towards Draco. "Who cares what others think as long as you're happy."
"Were you happy with him?" Neville asked, watching Draco sleep.
"Yeah, but I'm too broken to be happy with someone else. At least for right now." Hermione sighed.
"He was happy too, y'know. Happier than I've ever seen him. Whatever it was you two were, it seemed to work in both of your favours. Take it from someone who is in a quarter life crisis: don't keep running. It'll get you nowhere but broken hearts and unfair choices."
"Neville?" Draco croaked, causing both of them to jump. They ran over to his side.
"Alright, Draco? You gave us a right scare." Neville knelt down next to him.
"Sorry, I was stupid and angry. I didn't try to off myself. If I wanted to, I would've done it a long time ago. Thanks for your help." He replied, keeping his eyes at the floor under Neville's knees.
"It wasn't me, thank her. Without 'Mione, you'd have been a goner," he jerked his thumb behind him in Hermione's direction.
Draco's eyes flicked up to Hermione's then back to the floor.
Neville grunted as he stood, knees cracking, and said, "I think I'll get some sleep, if you'll be alright, 'Mione?"
She nodded and squeezed his hand.
Once he left the room and Hermione dropped to her knees and took Draco's face between her hands. "Don't you ever do that to me again."
Hermione was bloodied, bruised and naked, floating above his parent's dining table, just as Professor Burbage had. She was crying.
"D-Draco. Please. I love you. Don't."
He felt fury and disgust, "You're nothing to me, you filthy Mudblood."
"You l-love me, I know you do."
"Cruico! Say it again, Mudblood. Tell me how much you love me. Crucio! Keep screaming, you're getting me so bloody hard. Crucio!"
He dropped her floating body onto the table. Her head hit with a crack.
"Don't pass out on me, Mudblood. You'll want to be awake for this." He unzipped his trousers and jumped onto the table.
.
.
.
"NO! NO!" Draco woke and ran to his desk without regard and sliced into his forearm, screaming the whole time. After the eighth slice he felt calmer, but not how he normally did. He looked down at the blood. There was too much, he'd cut too deep.
Smearing blood along his hallway and door frames he stumbled to his Floo, knowing he wouldn't survive an Apparation. Neville would be sober, unlike Theo and would definitely be home, unlike Pansy. He knew he could only make one trip.
He remembered falling face first out of the Floo and Neville thundering into the room before he fell into unconsciousness.
"What happened?" It was Granger. What the fuck was she doing here? She couldn't see him like this. But he didn't have the strength to tell her.
He felt the potions going down his throat but didn't have the strength to push them away. He deserved to suffer. Again, she was taking care of him when she explicitly told him she didn't want to. He'd scared her and made her utilize the self defense techniques she'd shown him.
His eyes opened suddenly after what felt like a lifetime of being closed. He focused on her and instantly became terrified he was stuck in a dream, "What… Are you real?"
"Yes, you sodding git! You scared us! Why did you cut too deep? I hate you, but I don't want you to die!"
She was yelling at him and it made his heart heavy with joy.
He found the strength to protect her, from himself before he couldn't control the dream anymore. He sat up and kissed her because he may never get to again, "Don't let me wake up. Don't let me hurt you."
"Draco," she whispered, "you're awake." His consciousness was fading.
She called me Draco, he thought pleasantly. This must be a dream.
"You're awake."
Darkness swallowed him again.
Draco felt himself come into consciousness and heard voices. All he could remember was that he was at Neville's and the dream. His first dream in months in which he didn't hurt or kill Granger.
"And Ron will lose his head when he finds out I shagged him. Who cares what others think as long as you're happy."
"Were you happy with him?"
"Yeah, but I'm too broken to be happy with someone else. At least for right now."
Granger. Granger was here. Maybe he hadn't been dreaming. But she called him Draco.
"He was happy too, y'know. Happier than I've ever seen him. Whatever it was you two were, it seemed to work in both of your favours. Take it from someone who is in a quarter life crisis: don't keep running. It'll get you nowhere but broken hearts and unfair choices."
Draco felt embarrassed at Neville's observation and wanted to put a stop to it, "Neville?"
"Don't you ever do that to me again."
He could barely bring himself to took at his saviour. He was embarrassed and ashamed but wanted nothing more than to kiss her and disappear in her.
"Why are you here?" He snapped instead. She dropped his face and he felt empty without her touch.
"What, no 'Thank you for saving my life, Granger. Good thing you're not as stubborn as me or else I'd be six feet under'?" She angrily replied in a pisspoor imitation of him.
"Fine. Thank you for not letting me die, it couldn't have been easy for you. Why are you here?" He slowly sat up, his whole body ached. Laying on the wooden floor while dying from blood loss probably didn't help that fact, he thought. He wanted her to leave, he knew she didn't want to be here. But he wanted to smother himself in her warm soothing scent. He wanted to get lost in her.
She scowled at him, but helped him sit straight up against the wall, "Neville called me. All that blood sent him into a spin. Probably a side effect from the War."
Draco swallowed and felt crushing guilt. He should have chanced Pansy's or even his Mother's. Neville was the last person he wanted to hurt. Well, second last.
"Why did you cut so deep?"
He didn't respond.
"Was it a bad dream?"
He looked at her with cold eyes and snapped, "Why suddenly all the questions, Granger? I thought you didn't care. You're not my helper, right?"
She visibly flinched and quietly replied, "I don't want you to die."
"Why?" He held his breath and scolded himself for getting excited at such a mundane proclamation. He didn't want Luna to die, that didn't mean he loved the nutter. But he knew it didn't matter. He clearly couldn't live without this annoying, frustrating swot. He needed her. And Salazar curse him, he loved her.
Granger swore under her breath, "I'm not good at this anymore…"
After a long silence, Draco broke it.
"Ever since we had dinner with you and your Golden boys back in November, my nightmares have come back. I had them every night in my early twenties and I got hooked on Dreamless draughts. I got clean and learned to deal with the dreams by cutting myself. I'd heal them whenever I knew someone would see them or when I stopped feeling guilty from the dream. They came less frequently as time went on," He took a deep breath. "Then you come fucking barrelling into my life and the nightmares came back. Everyday I'd see you or think about you too much, I'd have a nightmare. They started out as my memories of watching people die or you getting tortured. Then they turned into a demented mixture of my memories and fears. Mostly revolving around hurting you. Since Greece, I'd been taking two potions a night to keep them away because I've been thinking about you constantly. But a nightmare got through and…" He swallowed hard, recalling it, "and I couldn't handle it. I got carried away because I was angry the potions didn't work and at myself."
"The cuts on your back?" She asked quietly.
"That was carelessness on my part. I had so many on my body I had forgotten about them. You make me lose my sensibility, apparently," he darkly joked.
Granger stared at him blankly. "When Muggleborns and their parents were being killed before the War started, I Obliviated my parents. I sent them to Australia to be safe. Once the War was over, it was determined it would be too dangerous to try to restore their memories. Now I'll never get them back." She was silent as the words sunk in. She hadn't spoken them outloud before. "I've been pushing people away since. Hannah tried to get through to me but, maybe it was too soon after I found out I couldn't get them back, but I wouldn't let her in. I was cold and cruel to everyone. I thought I could protect myself from getting hurt by people dying or leaving by shutting them out. That's why lovers were perfect for me. That's why I said I didn't care about you because if you died then I wouldn't care. This obviously proves that theory invalid."
"I'm sorry about your parents," he lamely replied, feeling uncomfortable by her very personal admission. But she cared about him. She cared.
She shrugged, seemingly out of habit because her shoulders dropped and she said, "I miss them so much. The hurt never went away." Her eyes started to fill with tears.
Draco, feeling uncharacteristically stricken by the sight and somewhat put off at the outpour of emotion, pat the spot next to him. She scooted her bum next to him and leaned her head on his bicep.
"I'm really trying hard to be the same empathetic, warm person I was. It's so difficult. It's easy to be indifferent and pretend the feelings don't exist. But they're always bubbling away just below the surface." She sniffed and wiped her nose with her dressing gown sleeve.
"Welcome to Slytherin, we're a moody bunch and pretend no one else matters. It's a stupid façade but it makes us the best Dark Witches and Wizards," he teased and poked her ribs. "Besides, the person you were was annoying as shite. I mean you still are annoying, but at least you've got that stick out of your arse. There's nothing wrong with evolving."
She laughed and batted his hand away. Merlin, he missed that sound.
"I'm going to have to detox this shite from my system." Draco said to no one in particular.
"Yeah, that's what Neville said."
"It's not going to be pretty," he shuddered remembering his last detox. "But I'm going to need someone to who can physically restrain me and let me know I'm not going mad." He turned his head to look down at her.
She craned her neck to look back at him, "Are you asking me to be your helper?"
"Do you think you're up to the task? I can pay you for the time you have to take off work, if that's a factor," he offered.
"I'll definitely take your money, I'm not that proud." She sat silently, contemplating the obligation before replying, "Yes, I'll be your orderly. How long does it take?"
"Last time it took a month. But I wasn't double dosing the strong stuff, so I don't know how long it could take this time," he admitted.
She bit her lower lip and thought about it. He wanted to suck on that lip.
"Okay. Where will we be? Your flat?"
"Bollocks, no. That place is filled with intoxicants and blades. My mother gave me the deed to a cottage my father bought for her when they were first married. It's in West Ireland. It'd be a nice vacation for you and a lovely hell hole for me to sweat it out in."
Granger laughed and sighed, "Ireland sounds nice. Can you wait to leave the day after tomorrow? I have to set up a few things at work."
"So do I. Day after tomorrow then," he agreed.
She sighed and settled back onto his arm. She reached for his hand and laced her fingers through his. "You really scared me, you fuck."
"Do I recall you calling me, Draco? The last time you called me that I think you were screaming it," he smiled devilishly. His heart felt heavy at her affection.
"Alright, wanker. Don't get used to it. My mum used to call me 'Hermione Jean' when I was in a lot of trouble, so think of it like that. You'll only get called that during times of heightened emotion. Ick," she stuck her tongue out in disgust.
He chuckled and kissed the top of her head. She twisted to peck his lips gently. Draco felt heat surge to all his appendages, completely forgetting his achiness and devoured her mouth. She moaned and flipped onto his lap to straddle him, gripping his hair tightly. Without abandon, he slipped his hands under the hem of her cotton nightgown, grabbed her bum and hoisted them both to a standing position. Draco felt the strain in his quads and slammed her back against the wall to ease his legs.
Granger gasped loudly and held out her wand to the living room doorway, "Muffliato."
"Not into exhibitionism, Granger?" he darkly teased against her lips.
"Bugger off," she growled, impatiently discarding her silk dressing gown.
Draco slid his hand up and down her smooth thighs and fought the urge to buck his hips up into her. Instead, he dove for her jawline and left several lovebites. Her airy moans and fingernails over his skin were driving him. He didn't think she'd ever let him feel her like this again. Draco relished every second of it.
Something feels different, Hermione hazily thought as Malfoy sucked her skin, heaving her higher up the wall to reach her breasts. He felt desperate and hungry for her. The realization sent heat flooding to her already hot center.
"Now, please… Draco," she whispered while pushing down the back of his linen pyjama pants with her heels.
He sighed roughly and attacked her mouth again, shifting down the front of his pants. She held a hand to her belly and muttered the contraception spell.
They shared a breath as he slid into her with ease. Hermione's eyes rolled to the back of her head and moaned longingly. After minutes of his fast pace, she could feel her orgasm approaching by the tingles at the sides of her face. He slowed unexpectedly.
"Look at me," he growled.
Angry at her fleeting orgasm, her flaming honey eyes met his icy greys.
"I won't hurt you," he promised roughly. She was unsure if he was assuring her or himself. Either way, she didn't care at that moment.
"I can best you in a physical and magical fight. I'm not concerned. You interrupted my orgasm," she growled back, squeezing her thighs to further pull him into her.
Draco let out a pained grunt and resumed to shagging her without abandon. Feeling herself peak shortly thereafter, she cried out and dragged her fingernails over his shoulder, careful not to draw any blood.
He groaned into her neck and licked her pulse before dropping her legs and flipping her around so her cheek was pressed against the wall. He pulled her hips back roughly so her bum was off the wall and perpendicular to her torso. He penetrated her and they both moaned loudly. Hermione felt him as he became feral and was plunging in and out of her with a new vigour. She could feel tears prick her eyes as another wave came crashing around her. Her wild yells and groans coaxed his orgasm out of him as his strokes shortened and slowed slightly in pace.
She let her knees buckle under her and slid her slick forehead against the wall, trying to catch her breath.
"I meant it. I won't hurt you," he muttered breathlessly from behind her. He was on his knees and gently caressing her bare shoulder.
"It won't be a pretty couple of months will it?" She suspected his multiple declarations meant he didn't react well to rehab.
He darkly chuckled, "No. If you think I have a bad temper now, just wait two weeks."
She turned to face him, seeing his chest still flushed and heaving, "Perhaps that's best. I need to work on myself and how to handle others' emotions so it's a mutually beneficial relationship."
"There's that optimism I can't stand," he grinned and hooked his elbow around the back of her neck playfully.
She threw her weight forward at him, knocking him onto his back, pulled her neck from his arm and locked his wrists over his head. Suggestively, she straddled his hips and leaned forward to kiss him with heat.
She allowed Malfoy to flip them so she was on her back. He pressed his already hardening bulge into her groin. "There won't be much time for this in Ireland, so we might as well make the most of it while we can," he smirked.
Hermione compiled by throwing her left leg over his shoulder.