Chapter 2: The Morning After
It's hard for Yennefer to look Triss in the eye the next day. She's afraid Triss will be able to see the truth: that Yennefer heard her as she masturbated, that she then spent most of the night after that imagining different scenarios, each one more scintillating and detailed than the last, before she could no longer stand the ache between her own legs. She pleasured herself that night, keeping images of Triss as far from her fantasies as she could, though it made it harder for her to find the relief she craved. Exhausted, she fell asleep, only to dream about her and Triss in a large bed. And when she awoke that morning, her bed was wet from an orgasm she had in her sleep. She ripped the covers from her bed, opened a portal and launched her bed to some unknown destination.
She needed to distract her hands and mind, so after dressing, she comes into the kitchen and starts to prepare breakfast.
"Mmm, it smells wonderful in here," Triss says as she enters the room about twenty minutes later. "Good morning."
"Good morning," Yennefer says, though it's strained. She could almost hear her name coming from her friend's mouth.
Triss comes to stand next to her, peering over her shoulder into the bowl where Yennefer is whipping eggs. "Whatcha making?" Surprised, Yennefer jumps and steps back. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you."
"You didn't," Yennefer lies, adding some grounded herbs to the eggs. "I didn't sleep well last night. I'm just a little jittery. And I'm making omelets for us."
"I'm sorry. Can I do anything for you?"
She sees it from the corner of her eye: Triss reaching out to touch her shoulder. Yennefer wonders if that's the hand that brought her friend pleasure last night or if she used the other. She blushes and turns away, pretending to need more seasoning. Triss' hand falls back to her side.
"I'll feel better after I eat. It should be ready soon if you'd like to freshen up beforehand."
"Yeah, that sounds good," Triss says and leaves the room. Yennefer waits until she hears Triss moving around upstairs, before setting the mixing bowl down and taking a deep breath. Overnight, Vengerberg was buried in about a foot of snow and it was still coming down hard. They would be trapped in here for another day or two at the very least. And while her home was large, she couldn't spend those days trying to avoid her friend.
She tries to convince herself it didn't matter if Triss pleasured herself to the image of Yennefer. Sexual dalliances were common among sorcerers and sorceresses. Yennefer herself had encounters with powerful mages in the past, very nearly marrying a man she loved deeply. And there was that one night with Philippa that both women swore to never recount to another soul.
It wouldn't be a lie to say she thought about Triss in a similar way once or twice before. All of the women of the Lodge were beautiful, breathtaking, captivating, worthy of admiration, both open and secretive. Even when she was with Geralt, Yennefer wondered what it would feel like to lay with Kiera or Margarita or Francesca or Triss. Something told her she would be most sexually compatible with Kiera or Triss, but she never acted on those feelings, fearing it would put her in a vulnerable state that could easily be exploited later. (Which is why she still beats herself up about sleeping with Philippa years ago.)
Now that she was mostly retired, Yennefer didn't have those worries. No one would twist her arm later or force her to act as a political pawn among king and queens. She could just enjoy sex and enjoy whoever she slept with. That's why she was afraid of thinking too hard over last night. Because it wouldn't be simple sex with Triss. They could never have that, not after their past with Geralt. She believed it would be too complicated, too heavy with latent jealousy and anger. Is this what she did with him, they'd both think if they tried to sleep together.
She wished she never heard Triss last night. Wished she didn't know she was part of Triss' sexual fantasies. Wished she wasn't intrigued by the idea of Triss pressing her lips to Yennefer's body as she caressed her. Because she knew this was more than an interest in sex. It was something deeper. It was a chance at no longer feeling lonely and that terrified Yennefer.
She tussles her hair, sighing and tells herself to focus. She turns back to the omelets and pours part of the batter into a deep skillet.
"Triss, breakfast is almost ready," she shouts up the stairs.
"Be there soon."
The other sorceress returns to the kitchen just as Yennefer plates two perfectly cooked omelets. "I didn't know you were a skilled cook," Triss says as she sits at the counter.
"Skilled? No. I have a few recipes that are my go-to. But I expand my repertoire when I have guest."
"Lucky me."
Yennefer pours a glass of apple juice for them and sits across from Triss, sliding the glass across the counter. "Sorry about earlier. Like I said, I struggled to sleep last night."
"Don't apologize. I know I interrupted your routine."
"It's not that." Entirely, she adds mentally. "I sometimes have dreams of past events. It startles me awake occasionally."
Triss looks down at her plate. "I understand. I dream about Sodden some nights." Yennefer shivers at the mention of that battle and the time after that she spent in complete darkness. She heard Triss had been horrifically burned during the battle and there was still scarring that would never heal. Her vision had been stolen from her before Triss fell and a part of her was glad for it because she didn't want the image of her friend begin consumed in flames to be the last thing she saw before being blinded.
"That's something I'll never miss," Triss says. Yennefer looks at her. "Witnessing the full destructive capabilities of magic."
Yennefer thins her lips into a straight line. "There's a dualism to everything Triss. It helps maintain balance. There's no creation without destruction."
"You sound like Tissaia."
"Arteza drilled some useful information in me."
"Yeah, I guess," Triss says. "But what did we create, Yen? More instability? More uncertainty for the common people? There was certainly more death. I guess…did we do good? I keep asking myself that."
Yennefer reaches across the table and grasps the back of Triss' hand. It's sweaty and trembles, but is unsurprisingly soft. "You helped countless mages escape the horrors of the Church of the Eternal Flame. You helped save Ciri twice when the Wild Hunt was on us. And you always keep poultices and potions for the common people to use. You've done good. You've helped create beauty in this world."
She's shocked by the vulnerability in those blue eyes. "And if you go anywhere near Sodden now," Yennefer continues, "someone will talk to you about the 'Fourteen of the Hill' and the one that rose."
Triss turns her hand over until their palms touch and stretches her fingers touching Yennefer's wrist. "Thank you. Gods this is not how I wanted our reunion to go."
"Really? How did you imagine it?"
They lock eyes and Yennefer's mouth runs dry at the concealed hunger in her friend's eyes. Triss pulls her hand back first, placing it in her lap. A thought crosses her face and she grins.
"I thought we'd drink a lot more wine."
Yennefer laughs. "I guess we can have a bottle with our meal."
They finish the bottle from last night and their meal. Triss convinces Yennefer to let her clear the table and wash the dishes. The older sorceress heads into her study to work. She's in the process of tidying her artifacts and donating some to schools that would make better use of it than she would. Triss pokes her head in, offering to assist, but Yennefer turns down her offer.
"I'm mentally mapping things out for now," she says. "I'll call you when I start moving things around, though it likely won't happen for another day or two."
Triss disappears into the library, leaving Yennefer to work in silence. Yennefer adjusts to another presence in her home easily. She starts to enjoy the faint noises Triss makes, like tossing another log in the fire to keep it alive or humming to herself as she settles on a couch. Sometimes, the younger sorceress pops into the study, asking if Yennefer would like a drink or encouraging her to take a short break to rest her eyes.
Around midday, she enters the room with a tray in her hand. Yennefer doesn't realize she's hungry until the sandwich is placed in front of her.
"Thank you," she says before taking a small bite. Triss smiles and starts to leave. "Aren't you going to join me?"
"You're busy. I'll join you for dinner. I'm cooking of course," she says.
Yennefer nods. "Looking forward to it."
Triss' cheeks turn a light shade of pink and she slips out into the hall. After eating, Yennefer is refreshed and returns to her work with renewed energy. She takes a break after two hours, needing to relieve herself. She decides to wander to the library before going back to her tasks, intending to compliment Triss on the sandwich.
A soft smile graces her lips as she spots the younger woman curled up on the sofa, a book face down across her lap. Her mouth's parted and a soft snore escapes. Strands of red hair covers her face and Yennefer uses a finger to tuck it back behind her ear. A shiver travels through the sleeping woman and Yennefer goes in search of a thick quilt to cover her.
Outside the snow fall has slowed to a few, small flakes. The accumulation reaches the bottom of the window and Yennefer imagines she will have to use force to open the front door. But that's a worry for another day. She returns to the study and her work, consumed by her thoughts of decluttering until she hears the telltale signs of Triss waking and heading to the kitchen.
Yennefer stops her work, swings her legs on top of her wooden desk and rocks in her chair. She starts to think about last night and about Triss. Yennefer wasn't sure what to do. She could pretend she was ignorant to what happened. She was successful in that regard so far. But she was afraid she would slip up, say something that revealed the truth. Then what would she do? How would Triss respond?
It was just a silly fantasy, Yennefer tells herself. A small affair in Triss' mind. She wasn't sure why she was fixated on it? Why she thought it could be more? Why she wanted it to mean more?
Triss knocks on the study's door. "You're still hard at work," she says.
Yennefer shakes her head. "I was preoccupied by something else."
"Well, dinner is ready."
"I'll be there in a moment."
When the door is closed again, Yennefer lowers her head and exhales. "Fuck," she whispers.