chapter nine: catalyst in broken glass
"You are mega-distracted today," Rose says, picking up the hose clamp Rey has been hunting the last ten minutes.
Rey takes it gratefully. "Thanks. I know. I'm sorry."
"Problems with the roomies?"
"No. They're never a problem." Rey leans into the open hood of the Subaru where she's replacing a melted heater hose.
"Is it…" Rose lowers her voice and looks around conspiratorially, "Is it related to your other job?"
"Yeah," Rey sighs. "It is."
Hunting Han has become a huge problem. And it's entirely because she no longer wants to arrest him. She has gotten way too involved, ignoring Luke's advice to stay away completely. Every day for the last three days since her bizarre lunch with Ben, she's been at Han's shop, working on the Westfalia, talking to him about cars and motorcycles and engines of all kinds, talking about life — always without personal details — and about music and even about smuggling. He's relaxed enough to tell her that he sometimes steals portions of Empire or even Skywalker shipments and sells the pricy electronics at penny value to low-income communities, especially immigrant communities. He says he does other stuff too, but she doesn't need to know the details.
All Rey can feel when she's with him is this overwhelming sense that this is everything she's been wanting in a father. Mando would sometimes talk to her like this, but those moments were rare. Where Han is gregarious and outgoing, Mando is introverted and accustomed to long silences.
Luke told her not to look for a father in Han, but she can't help it. He's likable, and his soul has a familiar feeling. Rey soaks up his approbation like water in the desert. And Chuy is great too — he's aloof but genial, and he enjoys making her laugh when he can. She's become as fond of him as she has Han.
"Is it always this complicated?" Rose asks her.
Rey pulls herself back out of the hood, grabbing a screw driver before diving back in. "No, it's not. I'm making it way harder than it has to be. Usually you'd have a partner. If I did, we'd have grabbed him already because I'd have help dealing with the big guy acting as his bodyguard."
"Ohhh, I see. So because you're solo, you have to proceed in a different way," says Rose. Rey has told her about Mando and his strange religion and their test of adulthood.
"I've made a lot of mistakes with this case," Rey admits into the engine block, carefully setting aside a flare of longing when Rose uses that word which is also a name. "I don't really know if I'm gonna pass this test."
"If you can't do it, would you go home without him?"
"Definitely not. I have to figure out a way to get this done. There's no other option."
Which is maybe why she feels so miserable. At some point, she just has to grit her teeth and put this man she's come to admire into custody.
From the other bay, the other mechanics - most of them boys in their late teens, early twenties - start whistling and shouting loudly to each other. Rey is too far buried in the nose of this car to see what the big deal is, but she doesn't really care. They're like a pack of puppies, she's come to learn, excitable and hyper, getting worked up over everything.
"What are they howling about now?" Rose says in exasperation, moving away to go figure it out.
Rey doesn't stop working until she hears Rose's exclamation of disbelief. She pauses, and then her Rose is at her side again. "Rey, you're not gonna believe what just pulled up."
She extricates herself from the Soob and wipes her hands on a rag, coming around the other side of the car to see what all the fuss is about. And then she sees it. And her heart stutters, almost stopping cold in her chest when she takes in the menacing, glossy black Maserati sitting there outside the open bay like some kind of crouched predator. Its windshield has a large, shattered impact point and big cracks spreading from it in lacy spiderwebbing patterns.
Clearly she can see the problem, but why on earth is he here?
And who did he piss off now? She wonders wryly as Ben gets out of the car and heads straight towards her. He looks like he's just come from work. As always, he is extremely well put together.
"What are you doing here?" she demands.
"And what happened to your gorgeous car?" Rose chimes in.
Ben is stiff and awkward as he glances between them. "A coworker."
"A coworker did this?" Rey glances back at the shattered window, and part of her feels smug that she guessed correctly, but another part of her is annoyed that someone would take out their anger towards him on such a beautiful machine.
He nods once, his mouth hard and unhappy. "Can you fix it?"
"How did you figure out where I work?" Rey deflects, giving him a scrutinizing glare. She still has a lot of complicated feelings about that impromptu lunch from a few days ago — a lunch which Jannah, Finn, and Poe all insist was most definitely a date, but which Zorri cooly says doesn't need a label. Rey isn't that eager to see him again. "And secondly, don't you have a specialized mechanic who handles your luxury car needs? Probably the dealership is a better option than this scuzhole."
He exhales a long, exasperated breath. "You said the name of this place last time we talked. I happened to be listening, believe it or not, and remembered. Secondly, the dealership is half an hour away. I can't see very well to drive, and this place was much closer. It was the safer option. So can you do it or not?"
By now Plutt has heard the commotion and is lumbering out of his office, a walking pile of goo crammed into a jumpsuit, a few wisps of wiry hair still clinging to his pink scalp. His face is always flushed like he's run a marathon, and it flushes even brighter at the sight of Ben's car.
"What's going on here?" he demands, giving Rose and Rey the stink-eye.
"I have a cracked windshield," Ben explains coolly, looking Plutt up and down with unveiled disdain. Rey might bristle at his imperial attitude if she didn't actually feel the same way about her boss. "I need it replaced."
"Right away, Sir, of course," says Plutt in sticky-sweet tones of accommodation. "It'll cost a pretty penny, both for the parts and labor. My boys are good. Their work isn't cheap. But I suspect you know the value of paying for quality, with a fine automobile like that."
Rose clears her throat and turns her head away from Plutt, saying softly under her breath, "Watch out, he'll rob you. He always overcharges by a mile."
Ben doesn't glance at her, but Rey knows he's heard it. His eyes narrow on Plutt.
"I'm well aware of what it should cost."
Plutt's tiny eyes get even tinier when he tries, and fails, to smile pleasantly. "Well I will personally oversee the work so I can guarantee no mistakes are made."
"No, that isn't necessary." The authority in Ben's voice is unmistakeable. It's both intimidating and, for Rey, a little thrilling. He gestures towards Rey and Rose. "In fact, I insist no one touch my car but these two."
The saggy face of their employer turns towards the two women, his non-existent eyebrows arching skeptically. "Them? Why them?"
"We've - we've worked together before," Rey says quickly.
Ben nods once. "I trust her work. If you can't guarantee that no other hand will be laid on my car, I'll take my business elsewhere."
"No, no, no, no," Plutt says hastily, lifting two meaty hands in surrender. "No need for that. You can have the girls. Means nothing to me, so long as you pay your bill at the end of it and I don't get sued."
"I bet it's a fetish thing," one of the teenage boys whispers to the other. "I bet they roleplay this scenario in the bedroom."
"Gross." His friend shoves him.
"Why else would he want just the girls to work on it?"
"I don't care what it is, I'm just sad we don't get to touch it," a third whispers back.
Rey shoots them an icy look and they all quiet down. Rose is busy assuring Plutt that she can handle the paperwork and the billing, that he doesn't need to worry about anything. Ben is paying attention to them, and hopefully has not heard the immature pack of children over there.
Rey tunes back into the actual adults doing business here. "Look up the part number too, Rose. We definitely don't have it in stock. We'll have to send someone to go get it from the dealership."
"I will!" says one of the boys eagerly. "I'll go right now! Mister Plutt, I'm taking the truck. Rose, text me with the part number."
Plutt growls something under his breath and shakes his head. He seems to have given up on all of them, because in short order he's lumbering back to his office. Rey breathes a sigh of relief. Ben glances at her. Rose runs off to the computer to look up the part number and start the paperwork, so Rey turns and faces him fully.
"So I guess you got what you wanted. We're doing this."
He is studying her again, curious and perceptive. The bladed edge of authority is gone now, softened into fascinated observation. "You don't hate it."
"Ben, you car is ridiculously nice. I don't get to work on machines like that very often. Of course I don't hate it."
"It seemed like you wanted to say no." His deep voice carries no reproach, only genuine interest. And it makes her want to throttle him because how can she properly mount a defense against him when he talks to her like that?
"Good," she says a little testily. "Don't want you thinking I'm always going to be a willing participant in your little games."
"I'm not playing games with you, Rey," he says. His gaze drifts over their surroundings and she gauges his reaction to it. Does he judge her for finding meaning and purpose in a little grease pit like this? Does he see something shabby and shameful? Like Rose, does he think she's operating beneath her potential? Why can't she read him? And for that matter, why does she care at all what he thinks?
"The repair will take a couple hours," she says warily.
"That's fine."
"Rose will have you leave your number. We'll call you when it's ready."
His attention returns to her. "Oh. No need. I'm not leaving."
Rey makes a soft scoffing sound, giving him an incredulous look. "You want to wait here for two hours? We don't have a customer lounge. There's nothing but a couple stools in the bays. It's not comfortable."
"It's fine." He smirks.
"You just told Plutt you trusted me to take care of your car. You don't need to stay to supervise."
His expression grows, and she glimpses too easily how much he enjoys making her squirm like this. His delivery is mild when he says, "I don't have any reason to trust you, but from what you told me before I definitely don't want him anywhere near this."
Rey rolls her eyes to the sky. This man. She turns away before he can read anything of what she might be thinking.
"You two, finish the heater hose on the Subaru," she commands the other two boys. To Ben, she says, "I'll need the keys."
He pulls them out of his pocket and drops them into her hand. There is only one key on his keyring besides the car fob. House key, no doubt. Very utilitarian. No key rings, no tassels. They're nothing like Rey's own, which are a jangling mess of mementos and curiosities.
Her glance flicks back to him, and he is watching her in that studious way he wore at their definitely-not-a-date lunch. She flits away with his key and happily climbs into the seat of that glorious car. It's just as nice the second time around - nicer even, with her hands on the steering wheel. She turns the key and it snarls to life, as if it wants revenge for whoever maimed it. Rey shivers with pleasure. This is a good car.
She guides it deftly into the open bay, regretting how brief her chance to drive it was, and hesitating just a moment before getting out. But there's work to be done and Rose is already on her way back for the paperwork for Ben. So Rey climbs out and puts the keys into her own pocket.
"Wanna tell me how it happened?" she asks when Ben wanders into the bay after her.
"Not particularly." He locates a stool and wheels it over, not so close to be in the way. He settles in for the long wait.
Rose presents him the documents allowing them to work on his car, and he signs them. She gives him a knowing grin. "So was it a boss or a subordinate?"
"Neither," says Ben. "We don't work in the same department, but we report to the same director. He is aggressively irritating."
Rey takes a paper from Rose and begins a careful inspection of his car, ready to jot down any previous damage she can find. Her initial walk-around shows nothing, so next she uses her hands, running her fingers over surfaces, feeling for imperfections, careful and probing, worshipful in her ardor, gliding over that sleek glossy finish. She can feel Ben watching her closely, but she doesn't dare turn to him because if she sees the look she knows instinctually that he must be wearing, she's going to blush and he will know that she is indeed thinking of the same thing he is.
"So how did he get your windshield without damaging anything else?" she asks instead, to get them both to think about other things.
"I believe he threw something," Ben says.
"Believe?" Rose laughs. "You weren't there when it happened?"
"I was," Ben admits begrudgingly. "He did throw something."
"Good thing." Rose is cheerful, and Rey is grateful for her. "If he'd gotten to it without you, he might not have just stopped at your windshield."
Ben makes a low sound of agreement.
"Lovely co-workers you have," Rey remarks dryly, straightening and giving the car one last admiring glance. Not a single imperfection to be found, except for the window, of course. "Okay, Rose. I think we can get started."
Rose grins. "Ready, doctor."
"Your coworkers are gems too," Ben observes.
Both women look over to see that the boys in the other bay are not working on the Subaru at all. They're perched around it, ready to pretend they've been working if Plutt comes out again. They're watching the work on the Maserati with eager eyes and bated breath.
"What are you doing?" Rose demands, and they all jump and scatter like birds chased out of a parking lot.
Rey laughs as Rose gives her a wide-eyed glance and shakes her head. They get to work, and it isn't all that exciting at first. Rey gently removes the windshield wipers and sets them aside. She pops the hood so that she can Rose can carefully remove the cowl and other plastic pieces around the windshield. The work slowly and methodically, unwilling to rush, careful not to force anything that does not easily give.
After everything is removed that can be, they each get inside the car and use twin power tools, a sort of blade on the end of a jig, to delicately separate the glass from the frame. They do this even more slowly and carefully. The loud whine of the tools fills the cab of the car and spills out into the bay, but it sounds more alarming than it is. The price of carelessness is enormous, so both women conduct themselves with extreme caution during this tricky part.
When that is done, they carefully, carefully lift the big swath of broken window away.
Throughout it all, Rey can feel Ben watching them. She is hyper aware of his presence, as if every cell of her body not needed for the car keeps reminding her that he is there.
It is easier to talk after the glass is off, so she decides to address her nerves by trying to talk to him.
"Do you even like your job?" she asks as she and Rose begin to strip the old urethane off the pinch weld.
He'd admitted it was draining last time she talked to him, and she got the feeling, with that same mysterious knowing she sometimes had, that he despised his work. But she knew if she called him out on it directly, he'd resist. She'd do the same thing, if the roles were reversed.
"Why wouldn't I?" he asks, watching them scrub the pinch weld clean.
"The company you work for is highly corrupt and universally hated. You're someone else's lapdog," she lists, "and this terrifying enforcer who nobody likes. Also your coworkers annoy you and willfully destroy your property without repercussions. Are you having a good time there at all?"
Ben's mouth draws a hard line but he doesn't reply. Rose glances between them, wisely keeping her thoughts to herself for the moment. Rey is fine to let Ben ruminate on his answer while they finish preparing for the new glass.
The runner returns just in time. All the boys jump in to help him offload it from the truck, and Rey nearly has a heart attack watching them do it. But eventually the new windshield is in the bay and Rose makes everyone leave again so she and Rey can focus. They inspect the new windshield for flaws and then set to pulling off the stickers and washing it clean.
"You enjoy this work a lot," Ben observes.
Rey doesn't look over at him. "Yeah, I do."
"More than the other job."
He doesn't ask the next part, but Rey can feel it unsaid anyway. She is prepared to snap back if he says it aloud, because she's already feeling conflicted enough about her assigned job over the one she enjoys a lot more. If he chooses to poke at that wound again, she will bite.
But he doesn't.
The next hour passes in relative quiet as they apply the new urethane to the pinch weld and attach enormous suction cups to the new glass. When everything is at last ready, the two women lift it and place it on the car, pressing the edges in tight to make sure it bonds well. They remove the cups and apply strong tape to the edges.
"Poor thing," Rose says, stepping back to admire their work. "All bandaged up like that. Kind of takes away some of its menacing aesthetic."
Ben stands up to assess the work. He gives Rose a nod. "She is compromised, yes. But repaired. She looks better than she did when we arrived."
A phone call interrupts them, and Ben glances at his screen. His mouth pulls into a frown and he excuses himself, striding out into the parking lot as he lifts the phone to his ear.
"We did good here," Rose concludes.
"Yeah," Rey agrees. They start re-installing the pieces they took off initially, but Rey goes more slowly than she needs to, glancing out at Ben now and then, trying and failing to not be curious about the phone call.
His body language has completely changed. He's pacing around the lot, his movements stiff and full of barely repressed rage. His face has become a mask of anger, and while she can't hear what he's saying, she can hear that he is shouting, arguing with whoever is on the other end. It sends a shiver down her spine, this evidence of how scary he could have been in that tunnel if he really had meant her harm.
Rose busies herself cleaning up after they finish, but she keeps glancing out at Ben too. "You know, this isn't really how I thought this day would go."
"Me neither," Rey admits. "But that's starting to be the theme whenever he turns up."
A minute later, Ben returns. His fine face is wreathed in wrath, and Rey can almost believe she sees steam sizzling from him in his anger.
"Work?" she guesses.
He nods once, his jaw tightening.
"Looks like it was a pleasant conversation," she assesses wryly.
"The best," he says, glaring at nothing in particular, his voice cruel with sarcasm. She doesn't feel the sting of it, though. It isn't meant for her.
"Well," she ventures a little more gently, closing the hood of his car. "The good news is that we're done here. I'll just make the last inspection to document that we didn't damage the car at all, and then you can take it."
Ben affirms this, but Rey isn't sure it's really paying attention. There is clearly a lot on his mind. While he broods, she moves over the car again, repeating her earlier performance of inspecting it carefully again. When the exterior is finished, she pops inside the make sure they didn't damage anything on the interior. Nope. It is still in perfect condition.
Fishing the key out of her pocket again, she once more gets behind the wheel and deftly maneuvers it out of the bay while Rose settles the bill with Ben. She gets back out, and he joins her outside. She puts the keys back in his hand.
"Leave the tape on for two days," she instructs, "and if you have secured covered parking - which you better with valuable equipment like this - leave the windows down about an inch so the urethane cures quicker."
Ben nods. His anger is cooling now, and Rey can see that what it leaves behind is undeniable unhappiness. He doesn't immediately move to get in his car and drive away, so Rey summons her courage and gently touches his hand.
"Hey," she says softly.
His gaze darts to her touch, and then to her face.
She searches his dark eyes, trying to find the comfortable man she met at the fish market. He isn't there. The person in those inky wells is caged and hurting. "Life is too short to be miserable all the time. You don't have to submit yourself to a career you hate just because it offers a lot of money."
His brow furrows and his plump lips pull into a frown. "It's complicated."
"So uncomplicate it. What would you rather be doing with your life?"
His look is so intense, so stormy and uncertain and hungry, that Rey almost takes a step back from him. But she doesn't. She knows instinctually that he needs someone to pull him out of his cage.
"I don't know," he finally admits. "I've never asked myself that question before."
"Well..." Rey thinks, and then says with a small grin, "I'm guessing you have a comfortable investment portfolio, if you can have an animal like this car in your menagerie. If that's the case, why don't you quit Empire and take some time to figure yourself out? Chase happiness, whatever that looks like for you."
"Why do you care?" he asks. It isn't confrontational, but it isn't exactly charming either. "I've been nothing but a nuisance to you. Why the sudden interest if I'm happy in my job or not?"
"Why do you care that I like working on cars more than I do hunting down fugitives?" she returns.
"The obvious answer is that I'd rather you shifted your focus to this instead of hunting my father." But the way he says it makes her think the obvious answer isn't the only answer.
So she takes a moment to ask herself the same question. Why it is they've become interested in seeing each other find better paths to walk in life. As annoying as he has been, as frustrating at his meddling has become, she can't bring herself to wish bad things for him. There's some kind of connection here that she doesn't understand, and she thinks that maybe if he is able to heal the rifts in him, she can heal the ones in hers.
"Everyone deserves a chance at a fulfilling life," she says eventually. "Even if we don't get it right the first time, we always have the opportunity to make new choices."
He studies her for a long time. Then, unexpectedly, he says, "You're right."
"I am?" This startles her. She fully expected him to get all broody and mysterious and leave without ever letting her know if her words had meant anything at all to him.
"I'm not living a fulfilling life. Empire is a hellhole. I should leave it."
"Yes," she says, excitement illuminating her whole being. Her eyes widen. "You absolutely should."
He grimaces. "I say that, but I don't know if I can actually do it."
"Why not? Are your bosses really so scary?"
"More like...persuasive." He frowns. "They're going to make it difficult. Because of who I am, my...family connections, I'm a big asset. They won't like me trying to quit."
"Do you need help? I'll help you." She doesn't know why she offers, but the moment it's out of her mouth, it feels right. She touches his hand again. "You could call me, and I could be in your ear on bluetooth or something. Moral support. Or I could come with you and wait in the lobby. Then you won't be alone."
He draws a shaky, unstable breath and shifts his attention beyond her, out at the city and the bustle of commerce. Looking at him like this, she sees that spark of loneliness she recognizes so well, and suddenly she knows why she offered to help him.
Beneath the carefully constructed mask of imperviousness, she recognizes his vulnerability. His insecurity. And a profound, unidentifiable emotion rolls over his features as he glances down at her again.
"Come with me."
"Okay," she says immediately, and follows it with a little smile.
"Tomorrow."
"Give me the address, and I'll be there."
He extends his hand. "No, I'll pick you up. Give me your phone."
She does, unlocking it and placing it in his hand. Warmth pinks her cheeks as she watches him add his contact information.
"Text me where you want to meet," he says, and hands his over to her so she can do the same.
She taps her number in and creates the new contact, feeling a little flushed at this unexpected exchange.
When she gives him back his phone, his expression is calmer. A little grin even plays there in subtly. "If you're planning on still being in town tomorrow, does that mean I don't have to monitor your activities when you inevitably go hang out with my father?"
Rey laughs. "Take the night off. Your father is safe for now."
That small grin almost grows into a smile. Almost. Instead he nods and pulls his car door open to finally leave. "Thank you for your help."
"See you tomorrow," she says brightly.
Rey steps back as his mean-but-not-so-scary car growls to life and he pulls away. She turns and heads back into the shop.
Rose pounces on her immediately. "What was that?"
"What was what?"
"You guys talking — it looked like you were actually being nice to each other. And you touched his hand! Twice!"
Rey laughs and turns away so Rose can't see the secret pleasure hidden in her smile right now. But she does admit quietly, "He was so unhappy. I couldn't help it."
Rose grins a cheeky, Cheshire-Cat grin. "Careful now, Rey. He's handsome and very rich and has a weird fascination with you. That's a recipe for catching feelings if I've ever seen one."
Rey laughs again. "Don't worry, it's exceptionally hard for me to catch feelings like that. Besides, I thought you said he was rude?"
"He is. Or was," Rose says, eyes wide. "But when he's not being rude, he's really hot."
Rey laughs this off too, and they finish up the rest of their shift working on decidedly less exciting cars. When she's done, she stops by Millennium Auto to see if the paint they ordered as come in yet, but Han isn't there. Chuy gives her an enthusiastic greeting, explaining that Han had some other business going on and he'd be back tomorrow. Rey promises to stop by again.
She goes back to Poe and Zorri's. Finn and Jannah are getting home from work about the same time. Jannah is a little drained from a difficult day, so Zorri cajoles her into helping her and Poe prepare dinner. Rey jumps in too, and soon the apartment is full of goofy antics and a lot of laughter.
That night, when Rey finally climbs into bed, her heart is almost full. It's only missing two people. If they were here, everything else would be perfect.
She sends a quick text to Mando.
Hey, how's Dyn?
She gets an immediate reply.
MANDO: Good. Misses you.
Rey thinks of his infectious little grin and smiles. It isn't surprising that Mando doesn't follow up his text with a question about how the assignment is going. He probably doesn't want to know. But she feels too good to begrudge him for that right now, so she replies:
I miss him too.
Then, pausing, she adds another.
—I miss both of you.
She exits out of that message and scrolls through her contacts, looking for her newest addition. She taps Ben Solo and composes a brief message:
I'm not going to either work tomorrow, so I'm free whatever time works for you.
She includes the address of Poe and Zorri's at the bottom of the text and sends it away.
A few minutes later she gets a reply:
BEN: I'll be there at nine.
Rey rolls over and sets her phone on the nightstand, grinning into her pillow as she settles in. So the boy wants to get an early jump on his new life, does he? Well, she can appreciate that. Didn't she too immediately set off for Seattle the moment she got her assignment?
Jannah is already deep asleep, her light, faint snores the only sound in the otherwise silent room — until Rey's phone buzzes loudly against the nightstand. She snatches it up lightning fast, something inside her leaping in anticipation that it might be a follow-up text from Ben. But it isn't.
Mando: I miss you too, kid.
Author's Notes: A long chapter ahead! :D And to my guest commenter asking about their perceptions: it's a little of both. They are both deeply intuitive, which means sometimes they can get insights they shouldn't otherwise have, but mostly they connect on this shared sense of loneliness in worlds they shouldn't actually be lonely in. So I'd say it's still a mix.