chapter sixteen: vetting
Holy smokes, Rey is tired.
She feels it in every cell of her body as she drives the familiar streets out towards the highway, postponing her requisite visit to Navarro Bail Bonds until tomorrow when she has the mental and emotional capacity to deal with Griff. Griff, and the rewards, or punishments, for succeeding in her task. All she wants to do after dropping Han off is go home.
So that's what she does.
The weariness seeps into her very bones, and honestly her heart feels like it's been put through a meat grinder. She doesn't want to think about any of it anymore.
So she banishes from her mind any thoughts about Ben, or her friends. She only has trouble with Han, because regret sits hot and sickly in her gut, making her wish that she had hugged him before they took him away. She'll probably regret that forever. It doesn't matter how much he annoyed her there at the end, there are still all the other days, those good days hanging out with him while she worked on his van. There are the times when he talked to her and she got the peaceful, calm feeling there here is someone who could be the father she's been seeking.
What kind of person is she, to let that go without even a hug?
None of it matters, she tells herself. Seattle was merely a fever dream, and now she is home, waking up into comfortably familiar reality. Back to the only two men whose love she needs.
Finally, after what feels like hours, the little RV park comes into view. There are no travelers staying there, only the three permanent residents. The only change from when she left is that the wide open fields around around it have become crowded with congregations of geese, vast flocks that come every year this time to ride out the winter. Rey can hear them gossiping to one another before she even gets out of the car, and smiles with the fond nostalgia of someone who has been away much longer than a couple weeks. She feels as if she's lived a lifetime away.
As soon as she turns the car off near the old familiar camper, her heart squeezing in her chest at the sight of home, the door bursts open. It flings out so hard it smacks against the side of the camper and immediately swings right back, closing abruptly on the grinning face of Dyn.
It rattles open again and he comes barreling down the steps. Rey barely has time to scramble out of the car before he's hurling himself into her arms.
"Rey!" he squeals. "Rey! Rey! Rey!"
She wraps him into her embrace tightly, so tightly, fitting his little body into her and burying her face into his curls. She laughs effervescently, overflowing with relief and so much love.
"You came back!" Dyn exults. "Rey, you were gone for so long."
"I know," she says, setting him back down again. "I'm sorry, buddy. I didn't mean to take that long."
"Yeah, because I missed you for too many days," he says mournfully. "So that's why you had to hurry."
She grins and gently ruffles his hair. "I missed you too. So much."
A creak on the camper steps draws her attention up and onto the worn but warm face of Mando descending from the trailer and coming towards her.
She straightens, holding herself back from the sudden mad impulse that rises up in her to run hug him. It's not hard. She's well practiced at stifling that particular urge after all these years. Still, she is glad to see him.
He folds his arms over his chest and gives her an appraising once-over. "Well, you seem to be in one piece."
She nods, a half-smile daring to form. "I am."
He mirrors it with one of his own, and her heart thuds with relief. "Welcome home, kid."
Dyn wraps his little arms around her and pushes his face into her stomach. "Don't leave again, Rey. Never ever go away again."
Her arms enfold him again, so natural. When she left, it was with the quest of finding a way to make herself indispensable to this trio. Her absence alone convinced Dyn, but then she's always known she could count on his hopelessly pure love.
"I won't," she promises him softly. And she means it.
"So," says Mando. "Did you come back alone?"
Rey shakes her head. "No. I did it. I dropped him off. It's done."
Mando's expression is impossible to read, as usual. His face is implacable, lined and worn, his jaw working over some opinion or another which she knows he will not voice. She wants to ask if he's pleased or disappointed that she succeeded. Has she passed his test of adulthood? Surely she has. This was a truly gut-wrenching choice to make, between duty and her heart. Mando's people value duty above all else — the whole reason he agreed to take Rey and Dyn was out of a sense of duty — so surely, surely she must have earned his respect in this.
But instead of giving her any insight into what he's thinking, he just nods and says coolly, "Well done."
Rey draws in a deep breath, trying not to be disappointed or frustrated. Not right now, when she's just glad to be back. She doesn't have the emotionally energy to be annoyed by Mando's predictable nature right now.
Dyn tugs on her hand. "Come on! Come inside! Papa made s'ketti! We were waiting for you, and I am so hungry, and we made it just for you, and now you're here, and so come onnnnn. Let's go!"
Rey laughs and winces. "Uh-oh. Mando cooked? Are you sure it's gonna be any good?"
Mando makes a good-natured grumble of protest as they head inside the camper. Spaghetti is one of the few things he does make fairly well, though it is a rare occasion that can persuade him to do it. Rey tries not to be too touched that he did this in celebration of her return, if Dyn has understood the situation correctly. But she can't help it. She is touched. And her emotions are raw and close to the surface, so her eyes blur with tears when Mando puts a plate down in front of her and Dyn snuggles into her side on the bench.
"We're both glad you're back," Mando explains a little awkwardly as he sits at his own side of the table.
Rey nods, swiftly wiping her eyes.
"Are you okay?" Dyn asks her. "Are you crying?"
"I'm fine," she gives him a reassuring smile. "Sometimes people cry when they're happy. And I'm happy, because I'm home. I missed you guys. That's all."
"My tears only come out when I'm sad," Dyn reflects. "Are you sad, too?"
"I feel a lot of different things, buddy."
He thinks about this, puzzled, then shrugs it off and attacks his plate of food.
Mando clears his throat. "Did you go by Griff's yet? He's going to be incredibly surprised to see you."
"Why incredibly? I was obviously going to come back at some point."
Mando grunts in acknowledgement. "Sure. But this was a big job. Your success will please him."
"I didn't feel like going by tonight. I'll do it tomorrow."
"Mind if we tag along? I need to see the look on his face."
"I don't mind."
The silence that settles over them after that is like an old familiar blanket, a little threadbare and moth-eaten, but warm nonetheless. She feels mostly comforted by it, back in the environment she knows, cocooned in this strange little assembly of people. The silence is full of things that ought to be said, but aren't.
Vaguely Rey wonders if Mando is glad she's back merely for the convenience she brings to his life. She can cook better than he can, she can fix his car or camper when things go wrong, and she takes care of Dyn before and after kindergarten, and any time Mando wants to be away. He probably had to figure out childcare arrangements for him while she was gone, like they used to do when she was in school.
Or did he actually miss her because secretly he really does care?
She doesn't ask. That isn't their style.
Something inside her, almost drowned by her contentment at being home, whispers a dissatisfied note. The silence shouldn't chafe, it says. This disgruntled voice stays with her for the rest of the evening, scraping at some painful place inside her. They fall back into old routines and get ready for bed. Dyn chatters about school and about the afternoons he spent with Cara while Rey was gone. He's his normal self, of course, and so is Mando. Rey isn't, and the more the minutes tick by, the more she feels it.
Why is it so hard to talk to Mando when it was so desperately easy to talk to Ben about all these deep, vulnerable feelings? Mando is the one who needs to hear them, because he's the one who can actually solve the problem. But communication between them always skids to a standstill the moment it has barely begun, and that stings more than normal tonight.
Probably she's just tired and emotionally exhausted from everything that has happened.
Jannah texts Rey late in the night, asking if she got home alright, confessing that the room felt weird and empty without her. Rey replies to reassure her. She lays there in the gloom, listening to Mando read Dyn a book in the bunk beneath her. She usually did that, but apparently her absence has shifted the arrangement. Its weird and a little difficult to hear Mando being so downright fatherly. Her thoughts drift away from that, careful to avoid it, instead flickering images through her mind of the new faces she'd come to value. She tries to sort her feelings into tidy little boxes in her head so that she can put them away, but it's impossible. It's all strewn about in chaotic disarray on the floor of her heart.
xxx
Mando was right. Griff is absolutely astonished the next day when Rey turns up in his office, Mando and Dyn trailing behind. He stares at her like she's a ghost. She doesn't really know what to make of it.
"I thought it was some kind of joke when I got word last night that Solo had been turned in," he confesses, wide-eyed and incredulous.
Like Han was some overdue library book. Rey rolls her eyes. "I'm starting to think I should be really offended that neither of you thought I could do this."
"No, no," Griff hurries to correct. "It isn't that — I'm just — I'm impressed." He pushes back his chair and stands, leaning over the desk to shake her hand. "Well done!"
She smiles now, and it's real, despite everything. "Thanks."
He motions her into a chair, and she sits. Mando drags another over and sits next to her. Dyn plops down on the floor with Mando's phone, just like the last time they were here. Griff resumes his seat too, and spreads his hands inquiringly.
"So, Rey, tell us the story! Did you have to use force to finally snatch this guy?"
"No," she says simply. "He surrendered."
"Voluntarily?" Griff's eyes widen all over again.
Rey laughs. "That is what surrender implies."
Mando makes a low sound beside her, and she glances at him. He's got that look on his face that he wears whenever she's done something to creep him out, like know things she shouldn't know. He hadn't asked about how she'd managed to bring Han in last night, so this revelation has caught him off guard. She smirks.
The piece of her that is still chasing her plan to become his partner in this work wants to point to this moment as evidence for why he should let her. But she doesn't. Because there are other things inside her now than that single-minded goal, and she isn't sure what to do with it.
"Mando said you got a knack for talking people down," Griff says, leaning forward, face alive with interest. "Guess it's a bit more than a knack, huh?"
"I mean, it was a little more complicated than just talking him into it," she hedges.
"Hey, I don't need to know the whole process to see that it works." He shakes his head and chuckles. "I'll have a lot fewer lawsuits on my hands with a silver-tongued sweetheart persuading fugitives to just turn themselves in peacefully."
Mando frowns. "Griff."
"Now, now, don't go getting jealous, Mando," Griff chides, cutting him off. "You still have a job, I'm not replacing you completely. But I am thinking the kid needs to be my new number-one, and you can be her partner to play backup in case things go sour."
Rey shifts in her seat, drawing a measured, careful breath. This is exactly what she wanted — not necessarily to be Griff's number one, but the part about working with Mando — it's all her hard work paying off. So why doesn't she feel the surge of victory she expected?
"So, brass tacks, I can offer you fifteen percent of every bond," Griff explains. "That's way more than my other agents get. But I'm willing, because I want only the best for my pied piper."
"The best? Mando gets twenty-five," Rey observes, lifting a brow.
Griff grumbles and shoots Mando a begrudging glance. "Fine, fine. You drive a hard bargain, but alright. I'm willing to go to eighteen, but that's it. Mando gets ten for anyone he helps you bring in."
He looks at her expectantly, awaiting either further bargaining or her acceptance, no doubt. But Rey doesn't answer. Her gaze drops to the desk, to the grain of the wood. She ought to jump at this opportunity. It would make everything she went through in Seattle worth it. All the heartache. This success was hard-won and exactly what she set out to accomplish. So why does it feel hollow now? Why does her prize seem small and cheap?
It's the promotion you don't need. The biggest advancement in a career you don't want.
Mando glances at her. Her mind his blank. She grabs for the edge of the decision, but she can't find it. She is drowned in the keen sensation that she'd standing in the deep woods on Bainbridge island, staring at a fork in the trail with no map or guide, no idea which way she's supposed to go. Like she can't remember.
"Thank you," she finally struggles to say after a moment. Her voice is soft but sincere. "Griff, thank you for the offer. Will you give me some time to think about it?"
She can't think straight right now. She needs a few more days to come to her senses, to recover from the strange fever dream that was her whole experience in Seattle.
Griff stares at her like she's just asked for a hippopotamus for Christmas. "To...think about it?"
"Yes. Just a few days, that's all."
His eyes narrow and his mouth pulls into a firm frown. "Okay, okay, fine, you got me on the ropes here. Twenty percent. But you're killing me, kid."
"No, it's not—"
Mando interjects when she falters for what she wants to say. "Come on, Griff, a few days isn't a big deal. This is her career we're talking about. You can give her that."
Griff cuts him a sour look. "You have your own motives, Mando, don't pretend otherwise. But fine. A few days. That's it."
Rey nods, trying not to feel too relieved. "Thank you."
"In the meantime, I'll cut you a check for fifteen percent of Solo's bond," he says, arching an eyebrow as if to dare her to argue.
She doesn't, just nods again.
He sighs heavily, muttering a few half-spoken curses under his breath, and cues up his computer. He quickly inputs the necessary information to process her payment. When it's done, he prints it and hands the check over to her.
"Don't take too long, eh, darlin'? I have a lot of people I need brought in, and I could use your special talent in doing it."
Special talent. She does have a knack for talking people down, usually. But nothing that happened in Seattle has anything to do with that. Han's surrender was about his own relationship with his son, not Rey or her persuasiveness.
Still, she gives him a weary smile. "Got it. You'll hear from me soon."
And she means it. She's confident that as soon as life returns to normal, her old determination will flare back up and she'll be elated at this prospect. Soon.
xxx
Except soon doesn't turn out to be all that soon.
The few days stretch into a full week, and then two weeks, and still nothing inside her resolves. In fact, it only seems to get worse.
Her friends text her daily, keeping in touch with tidbits about their lives, updates about what's going on. They reach out to her unprompted, and she wonders how they can still think of her as part of them when she was only there for such a short time. Their persistent friendship over this long distance burrows down deep into her heart, soothing something within her. Knowing she isn't easily forgotten heals the hurt and makes it worse at the same time. She feels so far away from them.
Finn is worried about finals coming up. Rose says Plutt is an even bigger asshole since she left. He didn't remember that he didn't hire her, and now he's just angry she left. Poe even texts her to tell that Zorri has been moody since Rey left and so will she please come back? Jannah loves her job more every day. She says she officially got a restraining order, that Zorri gave her a folder with all kinds of information, and would Rey please thank her friend for helping out with that?
That last revelation is a punch to the gut, and she leaves Jannah on read for days after.
The person Rey most wants to hear from doesn't text her at all. She knows why, and she doesn't expect it. Still, every time her phone buzzes, she experiences a brief flash of hope. If he was willing to still give the folder to Jannah, maybe...
But she doesn't dare reach out to him. She doesn't have the courage.
Mando is back to his old self with her, a comfortable cohabitant, withholding in his judgements about her life and in his affections also. He doesn't pester her about her decision. She wouldn't expect him to, but what does surprise her is how he steps in to deflect Griff's growing impatience. He seems determined to give her as much time as she needs. Probably he's hoping she'll change her mind, and that alone should make her decision easier. She's always had a penchant for doing the opposite of what he wants her to do.
But it doesn't make her decision easier.
Mando goes to work while Rey shuttles Dyn to and from school. While he's gone and she's alone, she wanders alone through the fields or drives around the city delivering food for quick cash, trying to find whatever part of her is missing.
One day she's lying listlessly on the couch, Dyn quietly coloring at the table, her mind absently flickering over the image of Ben in the coffee shop, scratching that content little cat-loaf behind the ears, when she hears the telltale crunch of tires pulling up outside the trailer. She sits up quickly. Mando isn't supposed to be back until evening, and they never have visitors except for Cara sometimes.
"Who is coming?" Dyn asks, lifting his head from his paper.
"I don't know," Rey mumbles, swiftly moving to the window to peek out.
A Tesla Model X with a small, almost inconspicuous rental sticker on the passenger window sits beside Rey's grungy little car, contrasting so sharply with its surroundings that any onlooker could be forgiven for thinking an alien spaceship had just touched down. A woman is getting out of the front passenger seat.
Rey lunges for the door, quickly carding her fingers through her hair to tame any flyaways and tugging her t-shirt down in a vain attempt to make herself less frumpy. She has no idea who the woman is, but it doesn't take a genius to recognize her as someone Very Important.
"Who is it?" Dyn says, standing up on the bench, reacting to her sudden flurry of movement.
"I don't know!" she says again as she yanks the door open and steps down to outside.
The woman looks around the shabby little RV park with its three whole residents and the vast sea of geese marching around the open fields. She is older, maybe in her fifties or sixties, with well-groomed brown hair now streaked with gray, pulled back into a stylishly loose bun. Her clothes are really nice, though Rey is hopeless at recognizing brands, so she can't begin to guess how nice, exactly. She pulls off her sunglasses and tucks them into her purse, approaching as Rey steps down and out of the trailer.
Her eyes are dark as night, and Rey staggers at the way her heart pounds in recognition.
She already knows who this woman is.
"Are you Rey?" she asks, lifting a brow.
Rey nods.
The woman extends a hand.
"Hello, Rey. It's great to finally meet you. I'm Leia, Han's wife."
Han's wife. Ben's mother. Rey squeaks an incredulous breath as she takes the other woman's hand and tentatively shakes it. "H-hi."
Leia's smile is a cheeky thing, warm but full of some secret amusement, some private knowing. "I've heard a lot about you."
"From who?" Rey asks, bewildered.
"Everyone, it seems. My brother, my husband—" her eyes flash to Rey's, her mouth curling a little at the corner, "My son. You're a curiously invasive presence in my family, aren't you?"
She doesn't say it like an insult, so Rey doesn't take it that way. She swallows a little too audibly and rubs one of her arms, half in self-consciousness, half in chill. The autumn day is just a little too nippy for a mere t-shirt. "Oh," she says haltingly. "I've—heard about you too."
"Hm, I don't doubt it," Leia hums. She glances at the trailer behind Rey. "And who is this?"
Rey whirls. Dyn stands in the doorway, looking at Leia with wide, curious eyes.
"Oh, um..." Rey stammers.
Dyn is already bouncing down the steps, as if his acknowledgement is an invitation into the conversation. "I'm her brother!" he announces, grabbing Rey's arm and hugging it to him. "Who are you?"
Leia crouches down to his level. "My name is Leia. What's yours?"
"Dyn."
"Nice to meet you Dyn. Are you and your sister going to invite me in?"
He cocks his head to the side, studying her. "Well, we don't really know you. Are you friends with Papa?"
"No," she shakes her head. "I know some of your sisters' friends."
Rey shoves Dyn behind her and clears her throat. "Uh, sorry about him. Do you — will you come inside?"
Leia straightens again and smiles. "Yes, thank you."
Rey turns, cringing a little at the sight of their camper, an embarrassed blush rising in her cheeks. If there were anywhere nicer they could go, she'd take that option in a heartbeat. Inviting a woman as wealthy and famous as Leia into a small house with wheels on it seems like a ludicrous thing to do. But there is no other place. And she still has no idea why Leia is here. So she's helpless.
Dyn holds Rey's hand and swivels his head back to look at Leia. "Is she nice, Rey?" he whispers too loudly.
"Yes," Rey says, even though she doesn't actually know it for certain.
They lead Leia up the steps and into the camper. Her heart trips a nervous rhythm. Has she come here to confront Rey about what she did to her estranged husband? Has she come to serve her with litigation over the matter? If Ben had good lawyers, Leia probably has even better once. And if it's not that, what could she possibly want?
Leia looks around the camper appraisingly, but doesn't offer commentary. Dyn climbs on the couch until Rey shoos him back to the table and offers Leia the couch instead, desperately grateful that today isn't one of those days when Dyn has eaten something crumbly and messy on it.
Leia sits, and Rey hovers nervously until she eventually decides to sit too, perched precariously on the edge, like she's ready to run away if she needs to.
"Rey," Leia says, and her voice is rich and warm. "I wanted to come here because I had to meet you for myself."
There's a beat, and then Rey, incredulous, asked, "You flew in from Washington just to meet me?"
Leia laughs lightly. "No. I came here for Han. Seeing you became a secondary goal."
"Oh." Guilt twists in her belly. Here it comes. Leia's wrath. Her blame.
But the woman is watching her without any hint of anger. Only that same vague amusement sparkles in her achingly familiar eyes. "You're nervous," she assesses.
"No way," says Dyn from the table. "Rey is brave. She's not nervous."
"Hush," Rey hisses at him. To Leia, she says, "I've done a lot you could be really angry at."
Leia nods once, her sly smile returning. "True. But you don't need to be nervous. I'm not angry. Actually, I believe I have a lot to thank you for."
"Thank me?" Rey blurts, startled right out of her anxiety.
Leia nods. "I know that you know the troubles which have plagued my family for many years now. You've heard it from all three of my men, and seen three very different perspectives. I imagine you got some conflicting stories, but they all conclude the same way. We have been in a stalemate for a long time. But now, I believe because of you, the stalemate is broken. We are talking again."
"What did I have to do with that?" Rey ventures cautiously. Her thoughts fly to Ben. She wants to ask about him, but she doesn'. She wants to know if he is included in those that are talking again.
"More than you think," says Leia. "Luke came to me a few weeks ago, all flustered and frustrated that this young girl he'd met at a bar was hanging out with both Han and Ben, and that you kept ignoring his advice to stay away. He said he thought you were maybe some kind of corporate spy. But that you were trying to get Ben to quit Empire, so maybe you weren't our enemy. And anyway what did we want to do about you? Because he had a feeling you weren't just some nobody who started hanging around. You certainly got him all worked up." She chuckles. "But I'm glad. It was the first time Luke and I talked about something other than business in years."
Rey shifts uncomfortably. "I'm sorry about Luke. He was right about me, though. I did have ulterior motives for hanging around."
"Rey, don't apologize," Leia says sternly. "You did what you had to do, and now I'm doing what I have to do. You need to know that Han is being released today."
"What?" Rey cries, her whole body stiffening.
Leia nods once. "Amilyn Holdo one of the best attorneys in the country, and I have her on retainer. She's settled everything. Han will be coming home with me, free of all charges."
Relief so enormous and so overwhelming it actually makes her choke washes over Rey, and she immediately buries her face in her hands so Leia won't see how quickly she wells up in tears.
"Don't be scandalized," Leia chuckles, misunderstanding. "Or, on second thought, be scandalized. That's your choice. It is actually pretty scandalous who completely corrupt the justice system is here. People with the resources I have can get away with just about anything. Isn't really fair, is it?"
But Rey doesn't care about the fairness of the system right now. She's just so desperately glad that Han won't be stuck in a cell anymore because of her. That he gets to go home to start healing his relationship with his son. That her choice did not wreck everyone's chance at happiness forever.
Dyn climbs down off the bench and comes over to her, touching her hand. "Are you okay? What's wrong."
Rey wipes her eyes hastily. "Nothing. I'm okay." She pulls him into her lap and looks at Leia. "Han said you two still loved each other. I can see that's true, if you're willing to get him out after what he's been smuggling."
Leia holds up her hands in an expression of innocence. "I have been very careful to avoid any knowledge of that information, and I would appreciate it if you didn't tell me. That is between Han and Holdo's team. As for me, I've always been ridiculously helpless where that man is concerned. What can I say? He brings out the worst in me."
She laughs. Rey gives the woman a tentative smile. After a moment, she says, "I am glad. That you got him out. I didn't want him in there."
Leia bobs her head once. She pulls her purse around to her lap and rifles through it, withdrawing a little roll of Smarties candy. She extends it to Dyn. "Are you allowed to have sugar?" she asks, and the cheekiness in her face says she knows perfectly well that the question comes too late.
His eyes light up and he snatches it from her hands immediately. "You have candy in your bag?"
"Moms always have snacks in their bags," she says, giving him a wink.
He wriggles happily on Rey's lap and carefully opens the package.
Leia draws a deep breath and levels Rey with another look. "So Han is coming home again and we're all recommitted to mend what is broken. To turn over a new leaf. There's something else I wanted you to know, primarily because I believe you are the one responsible. And that is that Ben has quit his job."
It's like being shocked by a live wire. Her body jolts, sending Dyn's candies flying. He hollars in protest and immediately gets off her lap to gather them up. Rey sinks down onto the floor to help him, her heart gone absolutely still in her chest — or maybe it's flying at an impossible pace. She can't really tell because the words Leia has said are failing to compute.
"What?" she asks breathlessly.
Leia observes the clamor with a private little smile. "He quit the morning after you and Han left town, and came to me immediately afterward."
Rey can't see the smarties anymore. Her eyes have welled with tears again and she feels like such a crybaby. She can't help it though. She puts her head down so Leia won't see.
"We all have a lot of healing to do," Leia explains heavily. "We've all been foolish and selfish. Me most of all. But I think we're ready to start the process."
Dyn shoots Rey an irritated look and skulks off to the table with his handful of recovered candies, leaving her alone in a puddle on the floor.
Ben did it.
"I'm..." she flounders for words, her voice much shakier than she wants it to be. "I'm so..."
Happy. Jealous. Wistful. Longing. Sad.
"I'm glad too," Leia says, supplying her a woefully inadequate word. "I love my son more than he can possibly know, until he has a child of his own one day and can feel that fierce, powerful need to provide and protect. I have always loved him. But I fell into the trap of thinking I could steer him into the best life I could imagine for him. I thought I knew where he would thrive. And when he got angry with me, I thought he needed more space, so I gave it to him. But that was the wrong decision, I think."
Rey finds her way back onto the couch, nodding a little in acknowledgement. It was wrong.
Leia chuckles a little. "We're definitely going to need some type of family therapy."
"I want the best for all of you," Rey says softly. "I know you can heal."
"Ben told me about Han turning himself in, and why he did it. That's when I knew it was time."
The need to see him again swells within her so fiercely and unexpectedly that Rey struggles to contain it. She needs to talk to him. She wants to know what's in his heart, and in his head now.
"So thank you for being the catalyst that forced this change, Rey," Leia says with a sudden effusion of warmth. She takes one of Rey's hands. "None of us knew how to climb over our own obstacles until you gave us a push."
Rey's gaze fall to their hands. "I was just trying to do my job. I don't know how it got all so mixed up along the way. But I am relieved some good came out of it, after all."
"What about you?" Leia asks. "Did any good come of it for you? Are you happy?"
Rey produces a strangled, breathless laugh. "I've been asking myself that question for two weeks. And I don't know the answer."
Leia bobs her head in understanding. She pulls a small business card out of her purse and hands it to Rey. "This has my personal cell on it. If you ever need anything — a job, a letter of recommendation, just advice, anything. However I can help you out, I will."
"Thank you," Rey whispers, touched beyond any other words.
Leia gives her arm a little pat and stands up to make ready to leave. "Ben told me you were the first person to really listen to him. Thank you for being there. For listening."
There's so much more Rey wants to ask, but it all sticks in her throat and she can't speak at all. The cold, aloof, exacting mother Ben painted in his story doesn't jive with the lively, mischievous, warm woman before her. Looking at her, she can see Ben. He is there, in her eyes, in the amused twitch of her lips.
In the end, Rey can only nod helplessly.
Leia moves towards the door. "Goodbye, Dyn!"
Dyn waves at her from where he's sorting his candies. His grin is wide and genuine. "Goodbye — what was your name again?"
"Leia."
"Goodbye, Leia!"
The older woman smiles and turns back to Rey. "I hope we get the opportunity to see you again. Preferably under better circumstances this time."
Rey follows her to the door and opens it for her guest. She steps outside after Leia descends.
A man gets out of the driver's seat, thin and reedy with a sparse scattering of gray hair cut short around his oval head. He says in a nervous English tremolo, "Ms. Holdo just called, Ma'am. She says we may pick up Mister Solo at your earliest convenience."
"Wonderful," says Leia. "Let's go there now."
The man nods and gets back in the car.
Rey experiences a brief moment of panic. She needs to know at least one thing. "Um," she ventures hesitantly. "Ben. Is he...?"
Leia's smile is reserved and again full of knowing. She speaks gently. "Yes, he's good. A little shaken up, I think. But he's finding his footing."
"Is he back at Skywalker with you and Luke?"
"No. I think he'll be forging his own way from now on. As I should have allowed him to do from the beginning." She extends her hand. "Goodbye, Rey. Again, thank you for everything."
Rey looks at the hand, a bold impulse rushing through her. "Actually, I'm more of a hugger. Do you mind?"
Leia laughs lightly and opens her arms instead. Rey dives into them, embracing her tightly, awash in her comforting presence.
When she's gone again, Rey drifts back inside and stares at Dyn for a while, not really seeing him. He demands to know what's wrong. She can't really answer, instead going to climb into her bed, bury her face into her pillow, and burst into overwhelmed tears. Her heart aches, and the decision of what to do about Griff's job offer feels further away than ever. All the pieces of this dispirit family she found in Seattle are coming back together now. Their story is drawing to a close. And she is happy for them. But her story is still a big gaping wound, no closer to resolution than it was before she began. In fact, it is further from it, because at least when she started, she knew what she wanted. It was a clear goal. Now she doesn't even know that much.
No, she know one thing that she wants at least.
She wants to talk to Ben.
But's pretty sure he doesn't want to talk to her.
Still, in a flash of courage, or perhaps foolishness, she pulls out her phone and fires off a quick text.
—I know we can't be friends after what happened, so I understand if you don't want to answer. But if you're willing to talk, I could use some advice.
xx
A/N: Sorry for the minor cliffhanger. Teehee. I'm going out of town today so my next update might be slightly delayed. It'll be Sunday at the latest, but if I can get some downtime hopefully I can have it up on Friday or Saturday.
((Also I haven't proof read this chapter, yet. I just want to throw it up while I get the chance, I'll scour for typos tonight. Sorry if it's messy!))