Jaelia Sybaston was in a pickle. Not just any old pickle, either, no. This was a pickle she didn't know how to deal with. One that complicated and altered many things. It would be just another day if this was so simple as physical danger. Even imprisonment of some kind. She'd been through it all. Except this.
This being love. Jaelia Sybaston was in love.
She knew this because she'd never felt this way before. Not for anyone she'd ever known. Passing fancies and crushes had been the half-world of romance that she'd become accustomed to. She had lost faith in her own capability to fall in love when she was just a girl.
But the way she makes me feel…
There was nothing for it. Jaelia would have to find a dark corner of Skyrim and wait for her death.
"Jaelia?" the Breton yelped, jumping about a foot into the air from the unexpected interruption to her thoughts. Jaelia clutched at her chest and focused on the person who'd spoken.
There before her was her companion. Mjoll the Lioness. Mjoll the tall drink of cool water on a summer's day. The woman that Jaelia had so unfortunately fallen in love with. Who, so obviously the Breton thought meekly, was out of her league.
A warm smile of apology softened Mjoll's features, "I'm sorry for startling you. It's just you've been staring at me very intensely."
Right. Of course. Of course she fucking was.
Jaelia turned her entire body away from Mjoll to try and hide the furious blush conquering her face, "Sorry."
"Don't apologize," Mjoll leaned her weight on a hand, bracing against the ruined stone table behind her, "Have I done something to upset you?"
"No!" Jaelia argued more vehemently than really necessary, finding her companion's eyes fiercely, "Of course not. I was just… I was thinking."
Mjoll blinked at the outburst she'd unintentionally caused, but paid no mind to it. Tension that Jaelia only just noticed was now leaving the warrior's shoulders. Huh. Had Mjoll actually been concerned that she'd done anything wrong? As if it was possible for that woman to do any such thing.
"Oh, good," Mjoll glanced at the carved black stone pillars a few feet away, "I'm guessing you were contemplating those then. They really are a puzzle."
"Huh? Oh."
Jaelia kicked at the pillars and shoved them into turning. They were old and dusty and some rubble ground between the rails that let the pillars turn. So it wasn't the easiest in the world.
Once she was satisfied, Jaelia pulled on the lever nearby. A great crack gave way to metal screeching. Mjoll lunged to Jaelia and took her into her arms. The warrior dragged her back, back, back all the way to the front of the room. Far from any possible ranges of ancient booby traps.
"You must be more cautious!" Mjoll scolded, her mouth naturally level with Jaelia's ear from their height difference, "Who knows what these things have in store for trespassers!"
Jaelia could have explained that she'd solved the puzzle several minutes before. She really could have. But why would she want to? Mjoll was holding her quite intimately. Even despite the armor keeping them buffered from each other, it was nice. Jaelia could smell that heady scent only Mjoll carried. The one that reminded her of Skyrim's great forests and the beasts they were host to. Mjoll was warm and strong and smelled like home. Like fire and fir.
"Are you even listening, Jaelia?" Mjoll let go of the woman and turned her around to get a look at her face. Jaelia didn't mind. She followed the direction and smiled up at Mjoll.
"Well no, honestly," Jaelia chuckled at herself nervously, trying to look anywhere but at the warrior, "I was distracted by your hug."
An odd expression overcame Mjoll's face. It was one that Jaelia saw more and more often these days. Mjoll would look like she was about to smile, only to frown instead. Then her right eyebrow and the corners of her lips would twitch quite restlessly. Whatever it was that Jaelia did to prompt such a look, she dearly hoped it wasn't negative.
"This isn't the best time for you to be cute, you know."
Jaelia felt a slow grin spread across her face, "You think I'm cute?"
"Ah-ah," Mjoll held up a finger, "We're currently surrounded by draugr and other horrors, deep underground. Add onto the fact that these old barrows are dilapidated and threatening collapse. We must be focused. No being cute."
The grin remained firmly in place as Jaelia followed Mjoll back toward the formerly closed gate, "I'm not hearing a no!" she sing-songed.
"Jaelia, focus."
Mjoll drew Grimsever from its sheathe and stubbornly tugged on Jaelia to stay behind her. Apparently, Jaelia didn't have her head in the right mindset to fight half-decomposed nord corpses. But again, Jaelia followed willingly. She had never said so aloud, but she adored how protective Mjoll was of her. Whether it was because Jaelia didn't look as intimidating as the taller woman or because she consistently let herself take dangerous situations too lightly, she didn't know. But Mjoll had never let Jaelia think she believed the Dragonborn to be incapable. If anything, she treated Jaelia as an equal. It was nice. Far nicer than having someone bow to her or constantly remind her of her 'status'. Mjoll scolded Jaelia when she was being ridiculous- like now, to be fair- and praised her when she did good deeds or claimed victory in battle. They were friends.
Friends.
The words sent something cold down Jaelia's spine. Like the flow of a chilled river, Jaelia's jovial mood wore down. It gave way to the earlier dark contemplation.
The looming dread of her own feelings brought life back to Jaelia's focus. Mjoll had just stepped on a smooth stone. One raised only barely from the others. Jaelia knew what was about to happen only because she'd seen the same in Bleak Falls Barrow.
"Mjoll!" it was the only sound Jaelia had the time to make. There wasn't enough time to summon magic or draw weapons. There wasn't enough time to do anything but what Jaelia had to. What she felt down to her very bones. Protect her. Protect Mjoll.
Die for her if you have to!
Jaelia grabbed Mjoll's arm and jerked her backward. She turned with the motion so she could follow up by shoving the taller woman with all her might.
In the blink of an eye, a gate covered in dagger-long spikes snapped around the hallway. It slammed into Jaelia so hard that she was torn off of her feet and pinned to the wall.
For a suspended moment, Jaelia was in limbo. Pain didn't register. She didn't hear anything, didn't see anything. Her mind had completely shut down all input to brace for the blow.
And then it all came back. Sound filtered back into Jaelia's awareness as the gate clicked and shuttered. It let up the crushing hold it had her in to reset its position. Jaelia grunted as now she could feel those spikes leaving her body. Two in her side, one in her arm and three more in her legs.
Jaelia failed to catch herself once she slid down the wall and back to the dusty floor. She found she didn't have to. Someone was already there waiting for her, arms outstretched to catch her from falling.
"I've got you," Mjoll's voice was shaking. She carried Jaelia away from the gate's range and gently laid her down. Jaelia gasped for breath, coughing around liquid running up her throat.
Mjoll stared down at Jaelia with such emotion- such fear and worry- that the Breton felt her heart squeeze, "S-sorry. Fo-r pushing y-you."
A teary bark of a laugh jumped from Mjoll as she rifled through her backpack, "Don't speak, please. Just breathe. Please just keep breathing. I will take care of you."
Jaelia smiled up at Mjoll. She would have said something, despite her companion's request. If only to try and lighten the mood. But she couldn't. Her throat closed around that coppery taste rising into her mouth. Her chest was stuttering with the effort to take in air. Jaelia was dying.
And she still hadn't confessed her love to Mjoll.
This isn't the time. Jaelia thought. Mjoll would say so. How would Mjoll feel if she confessed only to die in the next breath? Whether she felt the same or not (which, let's be honest, there was no way she did feel the same). Jaelia wondered how she would feel if their positions were reversed.
I would be panicking. I would be terrified and guilty and worried all at once.
Jaelia saw her thoughts mirrored on Mjoll. The warrior was tearing through her pack with shaking hands. Tears were in her eyes but they hadn't spilled yet. Mjoll was cursing under her breath, putting more force into her movements than she needed to.
Oh, gods, Jaelia thought. She had magic. Not much, given she hadn't been able to rest all day, but some. Maybe enough to stabilize long enough for Mjoll to find a healing potion. She had been saving it for the beasts found in deeper parts of the ruins, but this was admittedly an emergency.
The magic itself came easily enough. Even in her condition, the power was a part of her. Always had been.
Mjoll jumped, pulled from her mad search when Jaelia began glowing. It was a soft glow. Dim and hardly noticeable. But it slowed Jaelia's bleeding. Mjoll's breath hitched and she took Jaelia's face into her hands. She wished with all her might that the Breton would live through this.
It wasn't enough. The glow faded abruptly, just as two of Jaelia's wounds sealed shut.
The realization that came over Mjoll's face almost made Jaelia's heart break. She raised her good arm to cup her dear warrior's cheek, "I c-can't do more," she turned her face and coughed roughly, sending blood and spittle onto the stone floor, "There's a… healing potion in my pack. In- in the side."
Mjoll leaped into action without hesitation. She descended on Jaelia's pack and tore open the side pocket so hard that it tore. Potions of various sizes spilled out and scattered along the blood-stained stone. Mjoll cursed loudly.
As she tried to sort through the mess, Jaelia gasped for breath and coughed alternately. She hadn't healed enough to clear her lungs of blood apparently.
After what felt like hours Mjoll was back. She heaved Jaelia into her arms like she weighed nothing. She was so impatient to get the Dragonborn to drink the potion she'd found that Jaelia almost choked on it.
Mjoll threw the empty potion away once she'd gotten Jaelia to drink all of it. She kept the brunette in her arms. She held Jaelia close as she watched the breton's wounds stop bleeding.
It wasn't until each injury had closed that Mjoll let go of the breath she'd been holding.
Jaelia took an experimental deep breath. There was an expected heaviness and tingling but no pain. That crazy warrior had probably grabbed the strongest potion Jaelia had.
"I'm okay," Jaelia whispered, "I'm okay."
Mjoll still didn't release her. She dropped her forehead to Jaelia's. For a long few moments, they caught their breath together. Jaelia relaxed against the stronger woman as much as her body and armor allowed.
"Lucky I couldn't talk. I thought of several jokes I could have ruined the moment with," Jaelia meant to lighten the mood. To withdraw from the vulnerability of her own emotions forced on her.
Mjoll pulled back to glare at her companion, revealing the tears that had slipped down her face. Jaelia's breath hitched at the sight. She hadn't realized. Hadn't thought-
"Why do you joke at the worst moments?" Mjoll demanded shakily, "You almost died and-! You sit here and just-. Jaelia, I almost got you killed. I would have lost you in the worst way and you… you just-"
Mjoll gave up on trying to finish. The tears were coming hot and hard now, spilling down her face with abandon. Jaelia regretted what she'd said as soon as she'd let it slip. Now, looking up at Mjoll and seeing her cry for the first time, it was doubly so.
Jaelia took Mjoll into her arms, "I'm sorry, Mjoll. I'm so sorry."
Mjoll didn't answer. She just squeezed Jaelia into the most possessive embrace she could muster. Jaelia swallowed against the lump in her throat and pressed her face to Mjoll's soft hair. The warrior almost seemed to burrow into her when Jaelia raised a hand to hold Mjoll's head to her.
Eventually, they parted. Jaelia tenderly ran her thumbs against the warrior's cheeks to dry them. Mjoll allowed it, blowing out a smile, "You must think I've lost my mind. Just- don't do that again."
Jaelia smiled tenderly, "No, far from it. And if I ever have to choose between our lives again, you know who I will save. There isn't anything you can say that would change that. You would do the same for me."
Mjoll shook her head, "I can't lose you."
"You won't, not for as long as we're together. Well, for as long as you can stand me."
The warrior sighed at Jaelia, "Why do you do that?"
"Do what?"
"You put on an act. All the time," Mjoll uncharacteristically hesitated, "Do you fear opening up to me?"
"Oh. Well," Jaelia grimaced. She should have known Mjoll would see her for what she was. In that moment, staring into Mjoll's shimmering eyes undid her.
Jaelia took a shuddering breath. If anyone deserved the truth, Mjoll did. More than that even, Jaelia was so very tired of lying. It didn't feel as imperative as it had before she almost died.
"Yes. I do." she admitted.
Something like hurt crossed Mjoll's face, "Why?"
"Because I fear losing you," Jaelia looked away as the warrior looked to her in question, "I… have fallen in love with you. Each time I have made a horrible joke at a terrible time, I have said in place of what would have been tender and honest. Perhaps affection, or concern, or even jealousy at times."
Jaelia winced, pulling her arms back. Trying to withdraw and gain back some ground. Not that it would help. She could feel the walls crowding, looming around her. The floor seemed to spin. The air itself was thinning in her lungs.
"I…" Jaelia swallowed. Too late to stop now, she thought. Might as well make this the first and last time she was fully honest, "I love traveling with you, and hearing your stories. I love your humor and your heart and your morals and just… everything about you. Too often, I find myself putting distance between us when all I've wanted is the opposite. My jokes are a shield from my own longings. To… to protect you from discovering my feelings. Though now, that effort has been wasted."
Mjoll curled her fingers around Jaelia's arm, "Like what?"
Confusion had the Breton glancing up through her bangs. Mjoll didn't look angry. "What?"
"What things have you hidden from me?" the nord whispered, voice thick with emotion, "Tell me."
A bitter smile curled Jaelia's lips, "We would be here for weeks if I were to say everything." Mjoll's breath hitched. "I want to say 'I love you' every time our eyes meet. I want to fuss over your wounds, no matter how minor. I want to hold you and be held by you and just-…" Jaelia's voice gave out as tears began to form in her eyes. The Dragonborn swallowed, trying not to break down. She could see Mjoll leaving her in her mind's eye already, "It doesn't matter. I know you don't feel the way I do. And that's- that's okay. Really. I just want you to- to be happy. And I know traveling did that. That's also why I- gods. That's also why I didn't want to tell you. Traveling with me would be quite impossible."
The tears were crowding Jaelia's eyes now, making it hard to see. She blinked hard, letting them spill if only to try and get the sting out. She wanted to speak- to say more and be done with it. There was so much to say. So much she had held back. She had the opportunity to let loose now, but it was still impossible.
"Hush, now," Mjoll whispered and wrapped Jaelia into a tight embrace. The Dragonborn sniffled pathetically, but let herself fall into the hug. It would be the last time she could feel it. Savor it, she told herself. "You fool," clear and present affection warmed Mjoll's thick voice. She pressed a hand to the back of Jaelia's head, "You wonderful, beautiful fool."
Mjoll pulled back to look Jaelia in the eyes, "I love you too. I have loved you since we ran into each other that day in the rain. To travel again was only the secondary reason for me leaving Riften. I want to be with you, Jaelia. Wherever you are."
Jaelia felt disbelief first. But as Mjoll spoke, it transformed into joy. Pure, earth-shattering joy.
The Breton took Mjoll's face in her hands. Her thumbs brushed away her dear warrior's tears, "Oh." Was all she could manage. Her throat was closed from the emotion. Breathing alone was a chore.
But Mjoll laughed and took Jaelia's lips for her own. It was the feeling of belonging that registered first. Jaelia felt down to her very core that this was exactly where she should be. Tasting the fire that Mjoll smelled of. Trying desperately to tame the whirlwind of emotions that had swept them both away.
Eventually, they had to part for air. Neither woman was willing to part any further, however. Their noses mingled together, lightly nuzzling as their foreheads rested against each other.
"I love you," Jaelia whispered this against Mjoll's lips, earning a bright smile from the warrior.
"I love you too."
And they stayed that way. Existing together on shared breaths for as long as they could. For as long as their awkward positions on the floor- with bodies covered in unyielding armor- afforded them.
When reluctantly they parted, Mjoll took possession of Jaelia's hand. The Breton grinned back, "Thank you."
"For what?"
"Well, everything," Jaelia pressed a kiss to the back of Mjoll's hand, "But this time for confronting me. Thinking of jokes to make when I wasn't in the mood for them got exhausting very quickly."
"No doubt you would have made another one as soon as we got moving again," Mjoll rolled her eyes but the smile stayed, "Speaking of which, I say we turn back. We can return another day, when we have more supplies and you aren't exhausted."
"Agreed, my dear. The sooner we're out of this armor the better."
Mjoll's eyebrow quirked and her eyed narrowed playfully, "Oh? What has you so eager, love?"
A wicked, shameless grin spread across Jaelia's face, "By your leave, I wish to properly embrace you. Armor isn't exactly conducive to showing you my ardor and devotion."
"You know, I was thinking the same thing," Mjoll tugged on Jaelia's hand as they walked to bring her a little closer, "Let's get camp set up and some food in our bellies first. And then you and I are going to have a long talk."
Jaelia groaned, "Haven't we had enough emotional confrontation today?"
Mjoll chuckled. Wishing to comfort her lover, she pressed a kiss to Jaelia's cheek, "Good talking, Lia. I promise. And I will have you in my arms for all of it."
Despite herself, Jaelia's earlier smile was coming back, "Yeah?"
"Mhmm. You have my word."
"Okay. What are we walking so slow for, then? Come on!"
Mjoll laughed heartily, letting the shorter woman tug her to walk faster. She could get used to this honest side of Jaelia. The warmth and the eagerness she saw in her companion's face was utterly beautiful.
"Do you really like my hugs that much?"
"Of course I do. You're so warm and strong and the way you squeeze me makes me feel so damn good. Not to mention the way you smell. It's like home. There's nothing for me to be homesick for when I have you with me."
Yes, Mjoll thought as she grinned and stole a deep kiss from Jaelia. She could most certainly get used to this new honesty.