My eyes were closed, but I could not sleep. I had been sitting on a plane for what seemed like day's, in actuality it had only been an hour. I had never been so impatient, I had to stop Clare from making a huge mistake. Staring out of the plane window I silently scolded myself, how could I have been such an idiot. Drew's words "you don't deserve Clare, or that baby" kept echoing in my head. As much as I didn't want to admit it, he was right. It had been a long time since I had done anything to deserve Clare, let alone a baby. When I went away to school I was so confident that everything would be easy, but things were harder than I had anticipated. I cracked under the pressure of keeping Clare happy from a distance, and I ruined something so amazing. I spent every day since our break up blaming her for everything, but It was me. I was the one who cheated, lied, and I was the one who couldn't even reply to a simple phone call. I remember my parents telling me that we were moving, I was so angry, I thought my life was over. Then I met Clare, and everything bad that had ever happened to me went away. I swore I would never do anything to hurt her, I swore it. So how was I here on this plane panicking and scrambling to save our relationship, because I cant even get her to answer the phone? I snapped out of my deep thought and noticed I was the only one left on the plane, I had been zoning out like that a lot lately. I grabbed my stuff and headed out of the plane. I turned my phone on and scrolled through my contacts, and then I came across her name. She was the only one of my friends from New York who was actually from there. I had no choice but to call her.
Concern, and surprise dripped from her voice, "Eli? Is everything ok?"
"Lenore. Hey. Yeah, It's fine. Well sort of, I have a favor to ask, and no right to ask it. I'm going to ask though, because I am desperate."
"What is it?" Her voice was hesitant, and small.
"I'm in New York, I'll be here for a few days. As you know the dorms are closed, and I have no where to stay. I would be indebted to you forever if you let me stay at your place, I promise I will stay out of your hair. I'll be out running errands most of the time. It's just, it's just really important."
"Ok. You can stay."
"Really? Thank you so much Lenore, I'm sorry for asking. The way we left things was..."
"Let's not talk about that right now, I'll see you soon." Lenore hung up the phone and I felt a twinge of guilt for asking this of her, but I had no where else to go. Lenore was great, and at one time part of me had thought I could of actually been with her. That was a joke though, one phone call from Clare had me running the other direction, hell one visit had me on a plane back to Canada.
Lenore sent me a drop pin to her place, and I arrived in the estimated time of 20 minutes. My first step was going to be calling every adoption agency in New York, calling Clare again, calling Clare's mom, and even the police if I had to. I would check every restaurant, hotel, and park in the city. I wasn't going to let her go, not without a fight. I walked up Lenore's drive way and knocked on the door, there was no answer. I knocked again, nothing. I was in a hurry to start searching for Clare so I opened the door, otherwise I wouldn't have been so intrusive. The house seemed empty, but I could hear voices talking in a room down the hall. There was a very familiar voice that stood out to me, so I ran down the hall and on impulse I swung the door open. It was Clare, I didn't have to search or call anyone, she was standing in Lenore's room of all people.
"Clare. What, what is this? Lenore? Someone explain to me." My mouth was half open, and I was truly relieved to see her.
Clare looked at me with hate in her eyes, "Well Elijah, since I'll be living in New York I thought It would be best to get to know our friend Lenore here. See, I had to know what It was that made her so irresistible that you just had to cheat on me." Clare's tone was dripping in sarcasm, she was so full of hate, almost unrecognizable.
Lenore gave me a sympathetic look, "I'll be outside if you need anything Eli" she shut the door behind her, leaving me and Clare alone. She started walking towards the door, but I grabbed her arm stopping her in her tracks.
"No, you're not going anywhere. You're going to talk to me, what are you doing here?"
"I could ask you the same thing. That isn't my business though, I could care less. Let go of me."
"No, not until you explain to me what's going on."
Clare gave in, "I came here because I had to know, I had to meet the girl that ruined it all. I came here thinking I had to meet the root of all this mess, but now I see the real problem is, and always has been you. " Her words sliced my wounds open even deeper than before.
"No, no I'm not. I came here to look for you Clare, I'm here because I love you. I didn't come here to mess around with Lenore, nothing even close. I would never make that mistake again. "
Clare's pale skin turned pink in anger, "Love me? Did you hit your head? We are not in love, we never were, and never will be. You heard I left Canada so now you're coming after me, that's typical Eli for you. I'm not crawling at your feet for forgiveness, so now you love me? What I ever saw in your sick disgusting self, I will never understand. When I said I hated you, I meant it Eli. I hate you more than I have ever hated anyone in my life, the sight of you repulses me. You're a liar. You're here to win me back, but yet you show up at the "other woman's" house? Pathetic."
Her words cut me so deep I had to take a second to compose myself. I let go of her arm, and took her face between my hands cupping her cheeks. "Clare no, that is not what's going on. Look into my eyes, you know me. I needed a place to stay, I had no where else to go. I got on a plane for you, I was going to search all of New York for you, do you not understand, you idiot. I love you, I always have, and I always will. You can say whatever you want, I know you don't mean it. The same way I didn't mean any of the awful things I said to you Clare." For a second I could see Clare's face soften, but in a matter of seconds it hardened again.
"You're a fool, so what? You want to raise Drew's baby, is that really part of your plan Eli?"
"No it isn't, but raising our baby is."
Clare took a step back from me shaking her head. "No. How, who told you that?"
"Imogen, did you think I wouldn't find out Clare? How could you not tell me, how could you make the decision to leave Canada with our child before even talking to me."
"Talk to you? How many times, how many times did I try! I tried so hard, so many times!" Angry tears started to flow down her cheeks.
"I'm sorry I pushed you away, but it was only because I didn't want to get in the way Clare! I thought letting you and Drew raise your baby in peace was what was best. Everything I said or did was because I wanted you happy, I never meant a word of any of that bad stuff I said. Baby look at me, please. I am in love with you and this baby Clare Edwards, don't shut me out. This is our chance to be a family, to be together. Everything we've gone through, it's led to this moment in time right here. I'm ready right here right now to be the guy you deserve. A life without you for me, isn't worth living. Please, just say ok." I finally let my tears go, my face was twisted in pain, I was begging.
"Eli I'm moving here to be closer to our son. I found a family, a really good family. They are a stable couple, they've been together fo-"
"Clare don't. Just stop, are you serious? After all I just said you're still talking about adoption? When Drew told me what you were think I thought you were just scared to raise the baby alone, and that when I told you I wanted to be involved you'd change your mind. You cant really be serious."
"I am. You don't know how painful making this decision is, but it's what's best. Had you not found out the baby was yours, you'd still resent me. I thought we had this great love, but this situation has made it apparent that we don't. When things don't turn out your way, you bail. You always bail. This baby doesn't deserve a dad who bails, or a mom who cant give him a stable home environment. It what's best Eli."
I was shaking, and my words were coming out raspy "No, it isn't . I wont let you do this Clare. This is wrong, so damn wrong."
"You don't have a choice Eli, I have a meeting with the adoptive parents today. Im giving them a final decision in a few days, and right now there is no good reason why I shouldn't give them this baby."
"You have every reason not to Clare, every reason!"
"What a few words you said today? You say these things all the time, they always amount to nothing, nothing but words."
"How can you do this to me, to us?" I sat on the floor with my head in my hands crying, did Clare really have such little faith in me? Was she right?
Clare dropped that act for a moment and bent down beside me, her voice was gentle, "I'm not doing this to spite you, I'm doing this for our son. Goodbye Eli." She kissed the top of my head giving me goose bumps, and then walked away. I brought my knee's to my chest rocking back in forth, I had never experienced such pain before. I felt so alone, so hopeless. Clare said son, It was a boy. I was having a son, and before he was even born he had been stolen from me. I started to moan embarrassingly, but I couldn't control my sobs. I felt a pair of arms wrap tightly around me, It was Lenore.
Don't own a thiiiiiing :-)