Just a reminder it's back to Eli's pov. And I don't own Degrassi and stuff, ya know.

5 years later.

I hit the snooze button on my alarm clock, and I rolled over putting my arm around Lenore's waist. She smelt like apples, and her body was warm. I smiled to myself, I felt lucky that she was by my side. I started to kiss her neck, and she groaned in response.

"Eli, it's early let me sleep!"

"I'm sorry, I just cant help myself sometimes. Forgive me?"

"Of course, now get going. You have to go to work." Lenore was right I was directing my new play, it was going to premier in a few weeks. My dreams had come true, I owned my own school of performing art's in Toronto. After I said goodbye to Clare in New York I was a wreck, I spent a whole year at the bottom of a bottle. It was Lenore who pulled me off the edge, I could never repay her for that. Some day's I still woke up and there was a pain in my chest and a hole in my heart, but I could function. Sometimes at work I wondered what Clare would think about my writing, or if she would even be beside me helping me. Other day's I thought about our son, and I didn't want to even leave the house, but those day's were rare. They were rare because I wouldn't let myself think about them, as long as they were happy that's what mattered. It just hurt too much to think about. I heard Clare stayed in New York, which made since, our sons parents lived there. I thought about flying up there to fight for him so many times, but Lenore always talked me down from doing things like that. She was always so loyal to me, even those first three years that I kept her at arms length. Lenore even moved to Canada to take care of me that first year, I owed her everything. I owed her what she had always wanted, a happily ever after, and my full commitment. That's why today I wasn't really going to work, I was going ring shopping. Lenore had been hinting about marriage for weeks, and I wanted to make her happy. She saved my life.

"You're right, I'm going to be late if I don't go now." I kissed her on the cheek, and got changed. When I went to leave I didn't say bye because I thought she had fallen back asleep, but she called my name before I shut the door.

"Eli, you aren't going to say bye?"

"I'm sorry, I thought you were asleep." I walked over to her and kissed her forehead. "Goodbye Lenore, I'll see tonight at dinner."

She smiled, "I love you Eli." I smiled back at her and there was an awkward silence, I looked at the clock and told her I had to go. I rushed out feeling guilty. This was the only problem in our relationship, I couldn't say I love you back. It had caused many fights and a few break ups, but I couldn't say it. I wasn't even sure if I really felt it, I didn't want to say it unless I was 100% positive. As much as I hated to admit it, I knew what was holding me back. Clare. I felt guilty for being with someone else, and I felt like saying that to someone else was a betrayal. That was a big reason I was going to propose, I wanted Lenore to see that even though I couldn't say I love you, I did care about her, and that I was committed. I went to the Jewelry store and there were so many options, I had no idea what I was supposed to get her.

The women behind the counter noticed I was struggling and came over to me, "Do you need help sir?"

I chuckled, "Yes, I'm looking for an engagement ring for my girlfriend. I'm having a bit of trouble."

"Ahh, I see. That's perfectly normal. Do you have a certain price range in mind?"

"Not really, I just want it be a normal looking size. Something she wont be embarrassed of, but that wont leave me broke."

"Oh I see, then you're going to want to come over to this case." She walked me over to a case of a lot of shiny diamonds that looked the same as the other ones, but what did I know any how. "So, she's the one sir?"

"Uh, yeah. She's the one."

"That's wonderful. That's why I love my job, I love to see people who have found the one. It just gives me such a good feeling inside. Everyone deserves that kind of love." The woman picked up a ring from the case "Ah, look this one is perfect. What do you think?"

I didn't know what I thought about it, it was just a ring, but I wanted Lenore to love it. If the lady said it was a good, then why not. "It's great, I'll take it"

"Oh, wonderful! Right this way sir." She took me to the register to pay, and it had been more than I anticipated but that was alright, I owed Lenore everything. "So, what is this lucky woman's name?"

"It's Lenore." The woman was awfully nosy and it was getting on my nerves, I just wanted to take the ring and go. The receipt finally printed, and I headed out the door. I stopped by work before meeting Lenore for dinner, everything was a disaster. The actors were lounging around eating, and half of them didn't know their lines. This was the biggest show of my life. There was going to be reporters and critics from all over coming to watch it. If all went well I was looking at a real shot to direct and write on Broadway, It was everything I had ever dreamt of. I spent and unplanned four hours making everyone go over their lines, and rewriting parts that didn't fit. I felt bad being late for dinner, but this play was more than a shot at Broadway, it was my life. It was a play based on the pain and tragedy that led me to where I am today. After I left work I rushed over to meet Lenore for dinner. She was at a table in the corner with a long tight fitting red dress, and red heels. She always over dressed. I sat down in front of her with an apologetic look, "Lenore I am so sorry I'm late things got crazy at work."

She looked at me with disapproving eyes and didn't say a word. "Lenore, seriously I'm sorry please don't be upset. You know how important this play is, it could mean Broadway for me. Do you get how huge that is?"

Lenore's face turned from annoyed to angry, "Yes Eli I get it. I really do, but that Isn't what bothers me. It's what this play is about. It's a whole tribute to the great Clare Edwards."

Hearing that name out loud stung me, and I winced. "Lenore, It's not. It's a play about my life, she was apart of it. I cant erase facts just because."

"Eli I'm tired, so tired. I don't want to compete anymore for you, haven't I done enough!"

I panicked, I didn't like to talk about Clare. It was a subject that was off limits. I got down on one knee, pulled out the ring, and just blurted it out. "Will you marry me?"

Lenore through her hands over her mouth nodding her head, "Yes Eli! Yes!" We kissed, she was happy. That's what was important, that she was happy. Lenore deserved that.